What Do You REALLY Think About Guests Bringing Food?

[ronandannette]

Ok, I've been loving Jim's Seinfeld thread, not because I was ever a Seinfeld fan but because it's generated some great, evocative posts! Clearly this issue calls for a poll!

Personally, I think it's the guests who are in the wrong when they bring unsolicited food to a dinner party - period. That said, I agree with the people who point out that a gracious hostess makes their guests feel comfortable so I would serve the dish in some way. It would tick me off though - I plan menus very carefully and take a lot of pleasure in spreading a nice table. As a guest, I would never DREAM of imposing a dish on somebody else's meal. So really, there's two sides to this question. (NOTE: We are specifically NOT talking about pot-lucks or group dinners here where it is assumed everyone is pitching in.)

PS: The poll is multiple-choice; you can pick more than one answer!

 

[Susiequsie60]

When I'm invited to someone's house for dinner, I always ask if I can bring something. Because everyone who knows me knows that I love to bake, I'm usually asked to bring to dessert. This is the case 99% of the time.

If someone insisted I bring nothing, I would bring nothing (as far as food.)

If for some reason I couldn't ask the person what to bring, I would also not bring food.

On the other side of the coin, when people come to my house, if they ask what to bring I'll make a suggestion. (NEVER dessert - cause that's my thing!)

I personally hate it when someone brings unsolicited food - obviously, especially dessert. I will, however, always serve it.

 

[JanaDee]

Ok, I've been loving Jim's Seinfeld thread, not because I was ever a Seinfeld fan but because it's generated some great, evocative posts! Clearly this issue calls for a poll!

Personally, I think it's the guests who are in the wrong when they bring unsolicited food to a dinner party - period. That said, I agree with the people who point out that a gracious hostess makes their guests feel comfortable so I would serve the dish in some way. It would tick me off though - I plan menus very carefully and take a lot of pleasure in spreading a nice table. As a guest, I would never DREAM of imposing a dish on somebody else's meal. So really, there's two sides to this question. (NOTE: We are specifically NOT talking about pot-lucks or group dinners here where it is assumed everyone is pitching in.)

PS: The poll is multiple-choice; you can pick more than one answer!

Not an issue for me. If someone brings something, I say thank you and put it on the table. It's called being a gracious host.

 

[pigletgirl]

Ok, I've been loving Jim's Seinfeld thread, not because I was ever a Seinfeld fan but because it's generated some great, evocative posts! Clearly this issue calls for a poll!

Personally, I think it's the guests who are in the wrong when they bring unsolicited food to a dinner party - period. That said, I agree with the people who point out that a gracious hostess makes their guests feel comfortable so I would serve the dish in some way. It would tick me off though - I plan menus very carefully and take a lot of pleasure in spreading a nice table. As a guest, I would never DREAM of imposing a dish on somebody else's meal. So really, there's two sides to this question. (NOTE: We are specifically NOT talking about pot-lucks or group dinners here where it is assumed everyone is pitching in.)

PS: The poll is multiple-choice; you can pick more than one answer!

I find it incredibly gracious when someone brings something. I never question it and we place it on the table.

 

[pryncess527]

Personally, I would not bring unsolicited food to a party. If I did not want to show up empty handed, I might bring a bottle of wine that the hosts could either serve or save for later, because I find that does not create the same pressure as unsolicited food. With my friends, more wine is always welcome

If I were hosting and someone showed up with unsolicited food, I would serve it. I would also kind of assume that person is a picky eater who wanted to ensure I had one dish they enjoyed. As a hostess that my hurt my feelings -- all food I make is obviously awesome -- but as a picky eater, I'd also kind of get it.

 

[smiths02]

I wouldn't bring something unsolicited. I would ask. If they said no, then I would bring a hostess gift or perhaps a bottle of wine (if they drink), but I would not expect that wine to be served AT dinner if it didn't go with the food.

Conversely, I never have had a fancy enough meal with enough people that I wouldn't put out what someone had brought.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

I'm not sure I've ever attended (much less hosted) a gathering where food wouldn't be welcomed. So, I don't really feel any of the poll options fit me.

 

[mindygirl5238]

I wouldn't bring unsolicited food to a party. Whenever we are invited anywhere, I always ask (usually a couple times) if the host/hostess wants me to bring anything. If they say no, then they mean no.

However, as a hostess, IF someone showed up with something after I told them it wasn't necessary to bring anything, I would still find a way to serve it because I believe in being gracious.

It always cracks me up though, I have a couple friends who after we are invited somewhere we ask me, "Do you think we should bring something? I know she said no, but does she mean it? What do you think? I think I'm going to bring something?" NO. They said NO. You don't have to bring anything. Cracks me up.

 

[pigletgirl]

I wouldn't bring unsolicited food to a party. Whenever we are invited anywhere, I always ask (usually a couple times) if the host/hostess wants me to bring anything. If they say no, then they mean no.

However, as a hostess, IF someone showed up with something after I told them it wasn't necessary to bring anything, I would still find a way to serve it because I believe in being gracious.

It always cracks me up though, I have a couple friends who after we are invited somewhere we ask me, "Do you think we should bring something? I know she said no, but does she mean it? What do you think? I think I'm going to bring something?" NO. They said NO. You don't have to bring anything. Cracks me up.

I think for some it feels awkward to show up to someone's home empty handed. I think the best bet is just to know your host. I never mind if someone brings something. Now when I'm headed out to someone else's home I ask.

Just recently DH and I attended a surprise 30th birthday party. The gal who hosted it just finished culinary school and we "knew" that she wouldn't want anyone else to bring food. Well, some friends of ours found a recipe on Pinterest that she just had to make and bring and it brought our host almost to tears. People loved it though and I think that hurt her worse.

 

[MIGrandma]

I never bring unsolicited food to someone's home when invited for dinner. Unless I ask them "what can I bring?" (and I always do) and they say it's okay to bring something, or even ask me to bring a specific dish. But if they say "nothing" then that's what I bring. Nothing.

I prefer my own dinner guests do not bring unsolicited food either unless they ask and I tell them they can bring something, or ask them to bring a specific dish. I usually have my menu planned out and if someone brings something else, then of course I smile and serve it but it's more work. I remember one year at Christmas we invited my cousin and his wife, and since they had a long drive I specifically told her not to bring anything, we had the meal covered. So what does she do? She brings two peach pies, uncut. I graciously took them, of course, and never said a word. But I had to cut them, and find a place for them on the table, and then wash the pie plates for her (I wouldn't send them home with her dirty).

If I feel the need to "bring something" to someone's home when invited for dinner I would bring a "thank you" card with a gift card inside, or a bottle of wine they could have another time, a nice candle (if I know the hostess likes them), something like that. Some non-food item that doesn't have to be dealt with before dinner.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I do think that if one is hosting a dinner party, at their home/expense, for their benefit.. like a personal birthday party, then it would be rude to bring something without having spoken to the host(ess) first. They might have specific plans. In that case, the event is planned with the one person who is reason for the event in mind.

On the other side, I have seen comments, here on the DIS, where it was a general family thing, like Christmas, and the one single person presumed to control the whole holiday family and loved-one's get together. And, to me, THAT is even way, way, way, more rude.

In any case, I say, the more the merrier!!!!!
If somebody brings their special dessert, or nice bottle of wine, what-ever... I say eat-drink-and-be merry. No matter what.
Why should there be ANY negativity involved at all???

Well, I do know why somebody would have a negative reaction to a positive gesture... I will just leave it at that.
Don't want to offend anybody and risk getting flamed, or a warning, or points.

 

[ronandannette]

I think for some it feels awkward to show up to someone's home empty handed. I think the best bet is just to know your host. I never mind if someone brings something. Now when I'm headed out to someone else's home I ask.

Just recently DH and I attended a surprise 30th birthday party. The gal who hosted it just finished culinary school and we "knew" that she wouldn't want anyone else to bring food. Well, some friends of ours found a recipe on Pinterest that she just had to make and bring and it brought our host almost to tears. People loved it though and I think that hurt her worse.

What on earth would the motivation for this have been? In this case I find the guest's actions particularly rude. I also note with interest that one poll response says they bring something even when specifically asked not to. Why do you do that?

 

[Wendy31]

If we're invited somewhere, I'll ask the host or hostess if I can bring anything. If the host tells me, "No, we have everything covered," then the only thing we bring is a small hostess gift.

For NYE, we were invited to DH's brother's house. My SIL texted me to invite us. I texted back & asked if we could bring anything. She replied that they were serving Mexican (tacos & fajitas), so we could bring a side dish & whatever we wanted to drink. I then asked if it would be okay if we brought a layered Mexican casserole because I wanted to be sure she wasn't already planning to serve something similar or that someone else wasn't already planning to bring something similar.

If we are hosting & someone shows up w/ an unsolicited dish, I will go ahead & serve the dish because I wouldn't want to be rude to my guest, but I probably won't be happy about it.

For the people who just show up w/ food, do you not worry that what you're bringing the host is already serving? I mean, what happens if you walk in the door w/ your baked macaroni & cheese & your hostess is just pulling her baked macaroni & cheese out of the oven? The hostess then has to serve both dishes while the other guests are forced to choose whose dish they eat.

Or, like in the other thread, a person came in the door w/ a huge fruit platter, & the hostess already had fruit she planned on serving. It's rude.

 

[pigletgirl]

What on earth would the motivation for this have been? In this case I find the guest's actions particularly rude. I also note with interest that one poll response says they bring something even when specifically asked not to. Why do you do that?

I didn't vote that I bring things when the host says not too. What I said was that if someone brings something, I will graciously put it on the table. I'm not sure who voted that.

And yeah, it may of been rude, but the host's reaction did put a damper on the evening. Thank goodness the guest of honor was too intoxicated to notice.

 

[clarabelle]

One time I was hosting a work event for my husband.
It was catered -paid for by the office. The caterer had plated the desserts in individual servings.

The guest of honor walked in the door and handed me a cheesecake from Sams. Said she just couldn't come to dinner without bringing something. So I had to scramble to find plates for her cheesecake and frankly it didn't look as nice as the rest of the dinner lay out looked.

It was not a big deal -and I would have never said anything to her for bringing it. But it really wasn't welcome. I think flowers or wine would have been better. Or just a nice thank you note later for hosting.

When I dine with friends I usually ask. Many of our gatherings are pot-luck.

 

[ronandannette]

I didn't vote that I bring things when the host says not too. What I said was that if someone brings something, I will graciously put it on the table. I'm not sure who voted that.

And yeah, it may of been rude, but the host's reaction did put a damper on the evening. Thank goodness the guest of honor was too intoxicated to notice.

Didn't mean to imply that it was you, but SOMEBODY voted that way and I'm super-curious as to why they do it. And in the case of your friend's party, if the host ended up being the "bad guy" for an ungracious response, I still blame the boorish, thoughtless guest who caused the whole problem. I suspect the guest had some "need" for attention and special recognition at an event clearly designed to honour somebody else, but I could be wrong. That's why I'd like the person who said they bring stuff against the host's instructions to help me understand why.

 

[pigletgirl]

I think people have the idea that it would take away stress from the host. Well, it doesn't.

I know that this particular gal had no bad intentions and I know she just wanted to help, but it didn't go over well with the host. She was extremely offended.

 

[Dawnlight]

We have religious and other dietary restrictions, so I would not appreciate people bringing food that was unsolicited. We've been placed in uncomfortable situations where people bring things we can't eat and I won't serve, though most who know us well enough to be coming to our home know the food-related issues, so either ask or bring suitable food items.

I always ask if I can bring anything if I'm invited, and if the party involves food which we can't eat, I explain that beforehand and tell the hostess that I do not expect them to supply us with foods appropriate for our needs. If told no, I won't bring anything other than wine (and I don't expect them to serve it).

It does get tricky sometimes due to our food limitations, but I think the best attitude is to not take offense either if food is brought to you or your guests aren't able to eat what's provided.

 

[U2_rocks!]

If I'm bringing food I want to be really sure it will be appreciated, so I don't bring unsolicited food.

However, if someone brought it to my house I'd feel really bad about putting it aside unless it was obvious that they brought it for us personally and not to serve. If there is any doubt I assume they brought it to serve, and I would do so if I could. I guess if there was a real problem with serving the food I'd pull the guest aside and discuss it with them. I wouldn't just not serve it!

 

[ckay87]

This falls into the "life's too short" category for me, I have to say. I only socialize with the most cool, relaxed group of people. Nobody I know gets bent over things like this.