What, if anything, do you have trouble saying “no” to with regards to your child?

[Southernmiss]

Our kids were soccer referees from age 12 until they went to college. That was their spending money. The money saved even lasted into their college years.

They never really asked for anything. We bought clothes-nothing expensive, paid for extra curriculars and did what we could for Christmas gifts.

They have long term memories of listening to Dave Ramsey on the radio with me in the car pick up line and ride home from school. They've mentioned that hearing his opening line has stuck with them. They are all still good with their money.

In college, 2 of our kids worked at a frozen yogurt shop in their town. Was a great part time job that mostly worked around schedules. 2 of our kids have also worked as supplemental instruction leaders on campus as part-time jobs. They all had merit scholarships with $ left to pay for their incidentals and needs even when they moved to off campus apartments. We did pay for cell phones, auto insurance and auto maintenance and break downs as needed.

One of my sons did lament that working at the yogurt shop in his junior/senior year prevented him from spending as much time in the lab as he should have. But we in turn told him he was an adult and should have asked to come off the yogurt shop schedule more. But our kids are loyal to a fault and don't break commitments easily. After some discussions with him and our other 2 science majors, I did come to realize that there are majors that are just too rigorous for part-time jobs.

 

[TCRAIG]

Nothing - luckily for us, she’s always been a great daughter and never really asked for anything extravagant or frivolous (she’s grown now with a family of her own)…

 

[QueenIsabella]

We have four kids who grew up middle class, so they heard "No" a lot. My exceptions are Christmas and birthdays. Since they have to share so much other times, I always tried to make those special for each child (fancy parties, their big "wish" item, within reason--no ponies, etc.).

I've always been a sucker for books--every book fair, I'd buy them any books they wanted, and also buy out the teacher's wish list. Now, my oldest is a teacher, and every August, she posts a "classroom wish list" on Amazon...and then calls me to yell at me for buying everything on it. She teaches English language learners, they're all poor and disadvantaged. They need books, and they need to know that people care.

As to teens/young adults paying their way, at least for "wants"--my kids have/had jobs for this. DD20 works at Starbucks and earns her own spending money. By which I mean, money for fast food, books, and Lego sets. She does occasionally ask to put things on her Target credit card (joint account with me)--she pays for 1 tank of gas a month, we pay any additional (we use the vehicle sometimes). The college kids are also required to pay for books each semester, since that's somewhat cost flexible (you could buy used, or online books, if you wanted to).

 

[kymom99]

One year my son asked for a guitar for Christmas. He wanted an electric one but I said no that’s too much for a first guitar. I might say he was about 10 maybe. Well, I went to a music store to buy one and the salesman actually suggested an electric for a young learner, saying that the thinner strings are easier for small hands. They had a reasonable package deal with a small amp and a few free lessons. So I bought it, wrapped it and put it by the tree on Christmas morning. Santa was a hero that year. My son was so excited.

A number of years later my son wanted to add an acoustic/electric guitar. I told him we would pay half for his birthday. We went to look around one day just for prices. We saw a good deal on a basic fender so I went ahead and bought it. I took a little of his money towards it just to teach a lesson. He still has both guitars today at 24.

 

[luvsvacation]

The thing I can’t say no to is travel! Actually it’s not that I don’t say no, I’m always the one coming up with the idea of travel. I have always felt like travel is the greatest gift I can give my kids. Day to day we live frugally and the kids have followed suit on that. They are both in college and work and struggle to pay their expenses. I want them to know that what that feels like, to budget, to make choices, to not be able to do/get everything they want because they can’t afford it.

I do pay for their college so they will graduate with no debt, but they work to pay their car payments, insurance, phones, clothes, toiletries, food, etc. They live frugally, and are both feeling the effects of not having enough money, and I think that is very good for them! My son was really struggling to make his rent (800 per month) to the point that his working really only covered his fixed expenses of rent, car payment (325) , insurance (150), phone (50) and he had nothing left each month for groceries/food and toiletries. He wanted to start working more, he works 25 hours a week in addition to full time college and additional demands of business school extracurriculars. I didn’t want him to work more so I now pay 350 of his rent per month. I chose to do that instead of giving him spending money, because I still want him to feel responsible for budgeting his spending.

I will continue to drop money on travel for them, I’m taking them both to an all inclusive in Jamaica over Christmas break, I’m taking my daughter for 5 weeks to Europe in the spring to celebrate her getting her masters (in only 4 years, she’s 21, this is her senior year) and paying for my son to study abroad in Italy for a month in the summer. I could easily take all of the trip money and give it to them to let them live very comfortably in their day to day lives but I don’t think that would be good for them, struggling is rewarding!

 

[PollyannaMom]

My weaknesses when DS was little were always books (no regrets!) and stuffed animals (really do wish I'd said no to more of those. )

 

[White Cat]

The first child was told no to about everything. The baby got whatever she wanted. Still does. Even though she’s now a parent. Seems to be usual in many cases.

 

[QueenIsabella]

The thing I can’t say no to is travel! Actually it’s not that I don’t say no, I’m always the one coming up with the idea of travel. I have always felt like travel is the greatest gift I can give my kids. Day to day we live frugally and the kids have followed suit on that. They are both in college and work and struggle to pay their expenses. I want them to know that what that feels like, to budget, to make choices, to not be able to do/get everything they want because they can’t afford it.

I do pay for their college so they will graduate with no debt, but they work to pay their car payments, insurance, phones, clothes, toiletries, food, etc. They live frugally, and are both feeling the effects of not having enough money, and I think that is very good for them! My son was really struggling to make his rent (800 per month) to the point that his working really only covered his fixed expenses of rent, car payment (325) , insurance (150), phone (50) and he had nothing left each month for groceries/food and toiletries. He wanted to start working more, he works 25 hours a week in addition to full time college and additional demands of business school extracurriculars. I didn’t want him to work more so I now pay 350 of his rent per month. I chose to do that instead of giving him spending money, because I still want him to feel responsible for budgeting his spending.

I will continue to drop money on travel for them, I’m taking them both to an all inclusive in Jamaica over Christmas break, I’m taking my daughter for 5 weeks to Europe in the spring to celebrate her getting her masters (in only 4 years, she’s 21, this is her senior year) and paying for my son to study abroad in Italy for a month in the summer. I could easily take all of the trip money and give it to them to let them live very comfortably in their day to day lives but I don’t think that would be good for them, struggling is rewarding!

Yeah, we pay for travel, too--even for DD28, who lives 800 miles away and is independent. We paid for her to fly out to Maui last week--she paid for some meals and souvenirs, but that's it. When we went to Hawaii last year, we paid for her boyfriend, too (she insisted on paying for airfare on that trip, but used miles for the boyfriend). We believe travel is super valuable. DS17 went to France and South Korea last summer (he paid for Korea--World Scout Jamboree), and he's going to Japan next summer. He's majoring in International Studies, not sure why...

My DD20 goes to college locally, but lives on campus. She was mentioning an off-campus apartment for next year, but I told her we won't pay--if she wants to live off-campus, she can live here, 3 miles away. She also can graduate early, but is choosing not to--that's fine, but the Bank of Mom and Dad isn't bottomless, KWIM? She might have to make some tough choices, or severely cut her Lego allowance. Such a shame!

 

[bjscheel]

My weaknesses when DS was little were always books (no regrets!) and stuffed animals (really do wish I'd said no to more of those. )

We went to Build A Bear SO many times, so I guess that is one of the bigger things we had trouble saying "no" to. But in our house the BABs didn't just sit. They had "school", social circles, Facebook pages created in Word, countless ongoing storylines. So I don't regret it!

Younger DD was always wanting to go places and do things. Didn't bother me that much but it drove DH nuts so she got told no a lot in that respect.

They are now in their 20s but they did get me talked into another Disney trip. We were just there a year ago and I asked DH if it was a stupid or fun idea and he said "let's have fun".

 

[soccerdad72]

Recently? Our younger son joined his college's ski club and when they were discussing their annual winter break trip to Colorado, we told him that it would have to be his cost, that we wouldn't be paying for it. Normally, it might be something we would help pay for (as a Christmas present), but we already have a very expensive vacation planned for next May and wasn't going to fund this trip as well.