What to do in Disney when your husband hates Disney....

[morgan98]

So would you sleep in & just assime your 5 yr got dressed, ate an appropriate breakfast & got to school ok?

Not the poster, but I assume she sort of listened with one ear and slept with one eye open. I mean if the kid didn't eat the exact breakfast or wore non matching socks, it would be okay and he would learn for next time.

I do not think she mean she barricaded her door shut and did not emerge until noon hoping the kid got to school. But that she let him fend for herself and did not hover or micromanage the process.

 

[Mizzoufan]

I personally think that to much for a 5 year to deal with if it works for your family then great.

 

[LSUmiss]

Not the poster, but I assume she sort of listened with one ear and slept with one eye open. I mean if the kid didn't eat the exact breakfast or wore non matching socks, it would be okay and he would learn for next time.

I do not think she mean she barricaded her door shut and did not emerge until noon hoping the kid got to school. But that she let him fend for herself and did not hover or micromanage the process.

And my point of asking is it’s still taking care of your child in some capacity even if she’s not making the breakfast. The list I gave that she responded to was list of things a lot of us do for our kids. She said really doesn’t do that. But really she does even if she’s not actually making the food. But she hasn’t answered so maybe she doesn’t check.

 

[jpmom97]

Oh my goodness there is so much going on here. I had no intention of starting any type of debate or for anyone to form any opinions of my relationship with my husband or my children. I only wanted to know what other things there were to do in the Disney area that a hunter and car guy would like. My children like to be with their dad, even though in the warmer months we do a lot as a family, the kids still want dad with them at Disney. They love their dad and have a good time with him. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. No one is going to guilt him or force him into doing anything he doesn't want to do. I am also not looking for a replacement for my dad. I am not asking my husband to step into any of my dad roles. I did enjoy my time with my father when we went to visit him in Florida and when we went to Disney but I don't need my husband to replace any of that.

OP:
Sounds like you've had a pretty rough year! Some non-theme park stuff to consider for your DH:

bowling at Splittsville
parasailing
water skiing
horseback riding at For Wilderness
Gatorland in Orlando
hiking around Orlando - https://theculturetrip.com/north-america/usa/florida/articles/the-10-best-hiking-trails-in-orlando/
there are a few golf places that have 3-day golf lessons around Orlando. up to 8 hr/day of instruction.

Thank you for these suggestions! Exactly what I was looking for.

Even as a Disney fan, I can completely understand why someone wouldn't like to go to Disney parks.

That was a joke, I know why people don't like Disney. I know it's not for everyone.

Sorry for your troubles this year. However I'm not buying what you are trying to sell about your husband suddenly springing on you this trip that he hates Disney. This is what you said in 2012 after your husband had already been to Disney 8 times: "DH, George, soon to be 36. He is not a lover of all things Disney. In fact, everytime we go, I hear "this is the last time for a long time" out of him. I think he secretly likes it. I keep telling him, we come for the kids (and me, I leave that part out), he just has to suffer through it."

Again in 2015 you spoke of your DH's hate for Disney.

My husband was never a fan of Disney no. I have said that. But he spent time with me and the kids choosing restaurants, telling them he was taking them on Everest and Splash Mountain...sounded to them that he wanted to go on this next trip. So when he said I hate Disney I'm not going, yeah he sprung that on us. And I was joking about making him suffer through it. Also, he hasn't been back since 2013. I am giving him his break, I am not asking him to go to the parks. I am not asking him to do anything, I am fine going with just the 2 kids.

First, OP i am sorry about the losses you have recently experienced. That's hard.

Secondly, it sounds like your husband has done more than his fair share of trips to a place he really doesn't like. He's voiced his dislike of Disney Vacations for years and been told to suck it up and you've convinced ourself that he really likes them beucase he has. Personally, I think it would be manipulative to try to guilt him into going for the sakes of older kids who have enjoyed many prior trips to WDW with him.


Third, I think it's reasonable to just ask (once) if he'd be interested in heading to Orlando with the group and having some dinners together outside the parks but otherwise enjoying his own days, or does he not want to go at all. But if you do, please accept his answer. If he says he'd consider going and staying in the DVC unit and doing other things while you're at the parks, then by all means start looking into other things he'd enjoy if he wants input. It's really too bad that you and the older kids are only just now looking for things he'd enjoy on the family vacation that you've done many times all the while knowing he didn't care for it.

No one is manipulating him into going. We go on other vacations, Disney is not our only family vacation. We do plenty of things he likes.

I haven't read all of this exhaustively long thread, but in case no one has suggested it, how about splitting the trip into Disney/Florida? He goes to Florida with you and does his own thing while you visit Disney (there is EXCELLENT hunting in Florida. One of the most popular is tracking wild hog.
They are a nuisance, and thus no special permits are needed. Here is the list of game regs: http://myfwc.com/hunting/by-species/) Then after you and the kids get your Disney fix and he's had his hunting fix, spend some time as a family doing something else, like hanging out together at the beach.

If the kids just want to spend vacation time with their Dad, it shouldn't matter where they do it; just as long as they are together and having fun.

Wild Boar hunting is something he would love! Thank you for the suggestion. You are right, it shouldn't matter where they spend time with their dad. This is not our only vacation.

OP, you have really been through alot and I am sorry for that.
With the added info you have shared I think your dh has really put forth an effort to appease you and the kids love of WDW. I can understand you wanting him with you but I agree with NH, to guilt him into going while knowing he hates it is a little manipulative.
Who knows, maybe a change of scenery would make a difference for you.
If he does decide to go, look into taking an airboat ride. We did that once an it was pretty cool, saw gators up lose and personal.

No one is manipulating him into going. I don't think suggesting to him "hey dad, you can go hunt boar and fish and then meet us at Cape May Cafe for crab legs" is manipulative.

OP!!! I have actual advice!!!



Keep in mind, I'm reading you literally so please disregard if not relevant.

You said you had to tell the kids Dad's not going. Maybe Dad should tell the kids he's not going and why? You know "I love you guys so much and I know how much fun you have at Disney but the [crowds/heat/rides/Dole Whips/whatever] make me not have fun and then I'm not fun to be around. I don't want to ruin Disney for you by being grumpy. You should all go and send me lots of pictures."

Don't feed into the kids' idea of convincing. Instead, encourage Dad to have an honest conversation with them.

Thank you, this is good advice.

They’re married. I’m sure “his” money covers expenses, right? Park tickets, food, gas.

No, I pay for everything. Tickets, food, gas, souvenirs. Thankfully my husband pays for the household expenses so I am able to save for Disney and all the other fun stuff we do throughout the year.

Yup. I was one of those. Separate accounts here. And I’m going on a trip with just DD. I guess i just see it differently than you do. Yea technically “my money” is covering the trip but my SO pays bills in our home which gives me more disposable income.

Plus these are his kids. He’s taken them to Disney 8 Times. There’s more costs to a Disney trip than dvc.

I pay for vacation, he pays for the household expenses. Half a dozen of one, six of the other I guess.

Thank you to everyone who did answer my question and didn't make any assumptions of a selfish husband, selfish children or that I am a manipulative wife.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

No, I pay for everything. Tickets, food, gas, souvenirs. Thankfully my husband pays for the household expenses so I am able to save for Disney and all the other fun stuff we do throughout the year.



I pay for vacation, he pays for the household expenses. Half a dozen of one, six of the other I guess.

That’s a pretty sweet deal. Good luck with whatever you choose !

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Oh my goodness there is so much going on here. I had no intention of starting any type of debate or for anyone to form any opinions of my relationship with my husband or my children. I only wanted to know what other things there were to do in the Disney area that a hunter and car guy would like. My children like to be with their dad, even though in the warmer months we do a lot as a family, the kids still want dad with them at Disney. They love their dad and have a good time with him. I don't think there is anything wrong with that. No one is going to guilt him or force him into doing anything he doesn't want to do. I am also not looking for a replacement for my dad. I am not asking my husband to step into any of my dad roles. I did enjoy my time with my father when we went to visit him in Florida and when we went to Disney but I don't need my husband to replace any of that.



Thank you for these suggestions! Exactly what I was looking for.



That was a joke, I know why people don't like Disney. I know it's not for everyone.



My husband was never a fan of Disney no. I have said that. But he spent time with me and the kids choosing restaurants, telling them he was taking them on Everest and Splash Mountain...sounded to them that he wanted to go on this next trip. So when he said I hate Disney I'm not going, yeah he sprung that on us. And I was joking about making him suffer through it. Also, he hasn't been back since 2013. I am giving him his break, I am not asking him to go to the parks. I am not asking him to do anything, I am fine going with just the 2 kids.



No one is manipulating him into going. We go on other vacations, Disney is not our only family vacation. We do plenty of things he likes.



Wild Boar hunting is something he would love! Thank you for the suggestion. You are right, it shouldn't matter where they spend time with their dad. This is not our only vacation.



No one is manipulating him into going. I don't think suggesting to him "hey dad, you can go hunt boar and fish and then meet us at Cape May Cafe for crab legs" is manipulative.



Thank you, this is good advice.



No, I pay for everything. Tickets, food, gas, souvenirs. Thankfully my husband pays for the household expenses so I am able to save for Disney and all the other fun stuff we do throughout the year.



I pay for vacation, he pays for the household expenses. Half a dozen of one, six of the other I guess.

Thank you to everyone who did answer my question and didn't make any assumptions of a selfish husband, selfish children or that I am a manipulative wife.

No, not manipulative at all - sounds like a pretty great idea, actually. Hunting & fishing all day, then going out for a great meal with my family for dinner sounds really great to me!

 

[VandVsmama]

This website appears to have a lot of info on some cool outdoorsy stuff to do around Orlando.
http://www.visitflorida.com/en-us/things-to-do/outdoors-nature.html

 

[QueenIsabella]

So would you sleep in & just assime your 5 yr got dressed, ate an appropriate breakfast & got to school ok?

Oh, for pity's sake! Not what I said, not what I meant. You really ARE ridiculous! I said I'm always up early. Always, 100% of the time. I'm one of those people who wakes up at 5am without an alarm clock--even on weekends, even on vacations. Drives my family nuts. I'm literally sitting in the kitchen while my kids make their own breakfasts. On any given day, I might be helping with last-minute homework, handing out field trip money, or signing a permission slip. I'm just not making breakfast.

You have a very narrow view of life--you only see the way you do things, there's no room in your view for a different style of parenting. This comes through very clearly in your posts. You truly can't see how others might have a different approach--not necessarily better or worse, just different. It's kind of humorous, actually--kind of like getting parenting advice from a 10yo.

 

[jpmom97]

This website appears to have a lot of info on some cool outdoorsy stuff to do around Orlando.
http://www.visitflorida.com/en-us/things-to-do/outdoors-nature.html

Thank you!!

 

[LSUmiss]

Oh, for pity's sake! Not what I said, not what I meant. You really ARE ridiculous! I said I'm always up early. Always, 100% of the time. I'm one of those people who wakes up at 5am without an alarm clock--even on weekends, even on vacations. Drives my family nuts. I'm literally sitting in the kitchen while my kids make their own breakfasts. On any given day, I might be helping with last-minute homework, handing out field trip money, or signing a permission slip. I'm just not making breakfast.

You have a very narrow view of life--you only see the way you do things, there's no room in your view for a different style of parenting. This comes through very clearly in your posts. You truly can't see how others might have a different approach--not necessarily better or worse, just different. It's kind of humorous, actually--kind of like getting parenting advice from a 10yo.

I think you & others are just so into arguing that ppl are wrong that they can’t even tell when they agree. I simply listed all the things most of us do to take care of our kids that proves that most of our lives do, in fact, revolve around our kids. I just listed some examples. You made a point to respond to tell me that you don’t get up to feed your kids even your young kids. First, it was simply a list of examples that some of us do. Second, you are, in fact, still caring for them in the morning even if you don’t micromanage them & make breakfast. We are doing the same thing & our lives do often revolve around them b/c for the most part they have to. I didn’t once say you were doing it wrong. But, on the hand, you actually made a point to connect about why you thought your kids should make their own breakfast.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

There's an entire world available for vacation. NYC? LA? NO? Chicago? Bermuda? Ireland? Rome?

I mean, if your husband is fine with you going to Disney without him, I guess do that. But why not do something different. Give Disney a break for a few years.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

There's an entire world available for vacation. NYC? LA? NO? Chicago? Bermuda? Ireland? Rome?

I mean, if your husband is fine with you going to Disney without him, I guess do that. But why not do something different. Give Disney a break for a few years.

While I agree in principle, I'm guessing those kinds of suggestions aren't exactly his cup of tea, either

 

[jpmom97]

There's an entire world available for vacation. NYC? LA? NO? Chicago? Bermuda? Ireland? Rome?

I mean, if your husband is fine with you going to Disney without him, I guess do that. But why not do something different. Give Disney a break for a few years.

I do not need suggestions of places to take a vacation. We go on other family vacations together. We have given him a break from Disney for 5 years. We have gone other places and still plan to before this particular Disney vacation. I DO NOT CARE if he comes or not. I repeat THIS IS NOT THE ONLY VACATION WE TAKE AS A FAMILY.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

I think you & others are just so into arguing that ppl are wrong that they can’t even tell when they agree. I simply listed all the things most of us do to take care of our kids that proves that most of our lives do, in fact, revolve around our kids. I just listed some examples. You made a point to respond to tell me that you don’t get up to feed your kids even your young kids. First, it was simply a list of examples that some of us do. Second, you are, in fact, still caring for them in the morning even if you don’t micromanage them & make breakfast. We are doing the same thing & our lives do often revolve around them b/c for the most part they have to. I didn’t once say you were doing it wrong. But, on the hand, you actually made a point to connect about why you thought your kids should make their own breakfast.

Here’s the thing. I can at least speak for myself when I say I am not looking for an argument from you. But you really do seem to be grasping at straws still trying to prove something to us. We’ve all explained ourselves... We all know on another’s opinions and experiences on the subject now. No need to beat a dead horse anymore.

 

[Nancyg56]

My recent responses have no longer been related to the original vacation question. I responded to the OP after she clarified. My recent posts are related to the discussion of kids being the most important thing to their parents. I don’t feel like that includes vacation necessarily. I meant in general.

I saw that. It's funny, because I think that we all really feel the same way but we word our feelings differently.

The most important person to me is my wife. My kids come next. My kids will eventually leave. The person who is still there shouldn’t be 2nd fiddle to anyone.

I will try to re-focus on the OP's situation, and respond to the ongoing conversation after this....
OP, I am trying to be objective and helpful here.
And, I really see absolutely nothing valid about the whole 'who is selfish' thing.
That is not what this is all about!!!!! Not at all !!!!

OP, just to point out the obvious. (NOT ALWAYS WELCOMED OR POPULAR, I KNOW!!!)
You and your family have been to WDW several times.
You have mentioned that your DH did not like Disney, as well.
You must realize that you can't keep claiming that "He just sprung this on us."
You can not really overcome a situation, unless you come to terms with it and understand it, FIRST.

In your last update, once again, you also mentioned how personally meaningful it was to share Disney with your Father... And then you suddenly lost him.
For anyone, that is a LOT of emotional and psychological influence!!!!
This seems to be illustrated by the fact that you have started a pre-trip report months, and now possibly a year, before the scheduled trip.
I do understand that. I am trying to be understanding and helpful. Not necessarily judging at all.

The thing is, you can't keep forcing and 'transferring' all of this onto your DH.
He can not be expected to step in and fill those shoes and those expectations, if he is not really, personally, 'onboard'.
I am quite sure he has his reasons that he is not only NOT a big Disney Freak... But, that Disney just doesn't seem to work for him.
It sounds like he has tried to give it a go and to 'be there', several times over the years.
But, everyone has their own feelings and limitations.

I will venture an assumption that, if you continue to refuse to recognize this, and to force and transfer all of this onto your DH, it could very well make things worse.

I know that I might have problems and issues if being expected to fill my DH's mother's shoes.
And, a DH, by the same token, should not be expected to step in and fill a womans father's shoes.

I am not sure I agree with all of your post in regards to the OP relationship with her DH, but in general I think that you are correct. Relationships are complicated, and it is easy to see that "baggage" could send one partner into attempting to manipulate the other.

Generous how? To “let her go & pay for her own vacation”? She said that it’s her DVC & she pays.

Generous because not all spouses manage to deal with a vacation that does not include the entire family. How many posts have we seen here on the DIS that insist Family vacations mean the ENTIRE family, all or none? Just as we discussed how it was manipulative to guilt a Dad into joining the family trip, we seem to find plenty of reason to discuss how to manipulate a Dad into allowing Mom and kids to travel to Disney when he cannot join them.


My DH and I discuss the relationships our adult children have with their spouses and our DGD. He says that there are different kinds of love, and as family grows and branches out, it is important to recognize that the love between partners is different thatn the love parents have for children. And I may add we see a different love for our DGD. We fully expect that our adult children put their spouses before us, and God knows that our DGD is the most precious gift we have ever experienced. Anyway, DH says it is all about priorities. You do what you need to do in the order of need. Wants never come before need. So if a parent needs you, you go. If an adult child needs you, you go. A close friend or relative needs you? Yes, you go. The couple divides and conquers. But, and this is a huge one in our household because DH family does not recognize anyone who is not "blood", no one comes between the couple. Ever.

All of this discussion about who is the most important in the family is kind of silly IMO. A couple forms a bond that strengthens as the family changes, and it needs to because a growing family and life places a lot of strain on couples. With the exception of my coworker, I don't know any parent who would allow their children to suffer in order to place the wants of a spouse over the kids needs, who would not walk through fire for their children, and who would not give up their own lives to save their children, but this people still have a very separate relationship with their spouse that is not negated for the children. Allowing children to manipulate a parent into anything to prove love can turn into a disaster later in their lives, perhaps teaching them to manipulate their spouse in the same way.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I do not need suggestions of places to take a vacation. We go on other family vacations together. We have given him a break from Disney for 5 years. We have gone other places and still plan to before this particular Disney vacation. I DO NOT CARE if he comes or not. I repeat THIS IS NOT THE ONLY VACATION WE TAKE AS A FAMILY.

Can you tell I didn't read all 16 pages?

 

[DisneyOma]

My husband hates Disney. The kids and I usually just go solo. I have been able to get him to go the last couple of years. I put absolutely no pressure on making him go into the park. I don’t even buy him a ticket. He’s a hotel snob so I book the nicest hotel available and then he can get some work done while we’re in the parks. Last year, I booked a cabana so he could work but still join us at the pool. He had power, WiFi, and food/drinks and loved it. I also over plan so make sure everything from airport transfers to dining are hassle-free.

He's a hotel snob who likes hunting and cars. And he works on vacation. Whack him over the head. Just kidding... maybe...

Wild Boar hunting is something he would love! Thank you for the suggestion. You are right, it shouldn't matter where they spend time with their dad. This is not our only vacation.



No one is manipulating him into going. I don't think suggesting to him "hey dad, you can go hunt boar and fish and then meet us at Cape May Cafe for crab legs" is manipulative.




No, I pay for everything. Tickets, food, gas, souvenirs. Thankfully my husband pays for the household expenses so I am able to save for Disney and all the other fun stuff we do throughout the year.



I pay for vacation, he pays for the household expenses. Half a dozen of one, six of the other I guess.

OK, this bugs me - you're married with separate finances?

Also, he's going off to kill Pumbaa; isn't he going to eat him afterwards, or is it just for the thrill?

 

[2forMe]

So would you sleep in & just assime your 5 yr got dressed, ate an appropriate breakfast & got to school ok?

No where did the poster state any of this. You are making quite the leap. The poster stated that she did not make breakfast for the kids.

 

[2forMe]

He's a hotel snob who likes hunting and cars. And he works on vacation. Whack him over the head. Just kidding... maybe...



OK, this bugs me - you're married with separate finances?

Also, he's going off to kill Pumbaa; isn't he going to eat him afterwards, or is it just for the thrill?

Why would this bug you... It is not your marriage/relationship!

 

[DisneyOma]

Why would this bug you... It is not your marriage/relationship!

Just doesn't sound equal - and I guess I expect a marriage to be equal. Also, if they get divorced, and there's no pre-nup, doesn't he gets screwed because he's been pretty much supporting her, even though she has an income? i mean, why don't they just have their money, not hers and his?