When you are waiting for a family member during surgery, do you want company?

[2letterwords]

My husband had a spinal fusion a few years ago and was in surgery for most of the day. I was so thankful that my friend took the day off to be with me in that busy waiting room. I would have been a mess had I been alone for so long.

 

[E&Cmom]

My husband has hernia surgery last year and due to the Covid restrictions at the time I wasn’t even allowed to stay upstairs in the waiting area. I dropped hi. Off upstairs and called me to pick him up. I stayed downstairs in the coffee shop/ lobby area. I guess it would have been fine if someone was with me but didn’t think of it at all.

 

[LoveSpringsteen]

I prefer company. My in-laws have come to sit during my children’s and husband’s surgeries and I was glad they were there. I was less anxious and it really helped pass the time. My Aunt and Uncle sat with me when my Dad had surgery and I’ll never forget how relieved my Aunt was when the surgeon came out to see us after the surgery.

Best wishes to your husband @mrsstats79

 

[Mango7100]

My husband had a 8 hr open heart at Mayo Clinic. I would have preferred to be alone and text updates to family. But my parents and my in laws all made the trip up to MN and stayed for the week we were there. Then my SIL came to run interference with my in-laws. I felt like I had to chit chat and be “on” as someone else said. And my mom kept saying stuff like “wow it’s taking so long” and “this is major surgery” which wasn’t helpful. I would much rather have been sitting by myself. I did end up taking walks, going to the chapel, going to cafeteria, etc in order to get some separation. At least in ICU I was the only one to be able to visit.

 

[ronandannette]

I prefer to be alone. If people are around, I feel like I have to be "on" for them, strong for them, make them comfortable, feeling guilty that they are taking time to sit with me etc. It makes my anxiety worse I think. I know some take comfort with others around, but I find it can be difficult for me. In those situations, I prefer to keep moving. Take a walk, go sit in the cafeteria, sit in the car for a change of scenery etc.

This is my role also and for that reason, I'd much rather be alone and I can't fathom ever asking anybody to come sit with me. But I know it's not just about me - if someone else felt strongly about wanting to be there because of their own close relationship to the patient, I'd just deal with it.

 

[mrsstats]

Thank you for the good wishes and prayers. Glad to see I am not the only one who prefers to be alone. Will have my phone if I need to talk to anyone.

 

[prairie_girl]

I’d want to be alone.

 

[mumto3girls]

This is my role also and for that reason, I'd much rather be alone and I can't fathom ever asking anybody to come sit with me. But I know it's not just about me - if someone else felt strongly about wanting to be there because of their own close relationship to the patient, I'd just deal with it.

This exactly. I’d want to be alone, but when it came/comes to my parents, I have 3 sisters who deserve to be there and with DH, we have 3 daughters who may want to be there along with his sister. I would never tell any of those people that they needed to stay away (if it was Covid we’d work it out). I am designated as the person to make my dad’s health decisions if he could not, but one of my sisters is an alternate.

 

[Kathryn Merteuil]

I have had more than my share of this. It kind of depends. If it is something minor I would rather be alone so that I can just look at my phone or chill. If it is something major I need others around me.

 

[ronandannette]

This exactly. I’d want to be alone, but when it came/comes to my parents, I have 3 sisters who deserve to be there and with DH, we have 3 daughters who may want to be there along with his sister. I would never tell any of those people that they needed to stay away (if it was Covid we’d work it out). I am designated as the person to make my dad’s health decisions if he could not, but one of my sisters is an alternate.

Yes. I understand the question was about our personal feelings and how we each cope best but I think it’s important to remember these situations don’t happen in a vacuum; many others can be profoundly affected. When DH’s father died, he and his siblings were not permitted to attend at the bedside because the father’s wife and daughter required “privacy”. It caused great heartache and I’d never, ever, do that to anyone, even at the expense of my own comfort.

Every coin has two sides though and I also think that we should all be considerate of one another. For less grave circumstances, I think visitors should be sensitive to just how “welcome” or “needed” their presence is and not add an extra burden to the primary support person. Personally, I’d be very careful about who all I told the exact details of what was happening, to spare the chance of random well-wishers showing up, but that’s just me.

 

[monsterkitty]

Depends on the surgery and who it was on.

Ask the hospital if they have a therapy dog program and if any are scheduled to volunteer while you're waiting. We volunteer at the hospital and the first place we visit is the waiting room. They will also call us if they think a family member might need a hug from a doggo. As we live only 5 minutes from the hospital, we get called a lot and it's totally worth it to comfort a family.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

I also prefer having company. My dad had several surgeries and procedures before he passed away. My mom, sister, brother and I would sit in the waiting room together and chat or just sit quietly. It's also nice to have more than one person when the doctor comes out to ask questions or just digest the information about the surgery and recovery.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I think it would depend on the surgery. I don't know how I would feel about a serious one and I think that one may be what the context of it was. A known situation where I may have had time to understand it (and I think I'd want to be alone more on that one) vs one that I have no clue or a sudden event I think I would take comfort in others being there as well.

For my mom's knee replacement for both of them I was perfectly fine being alone with headphones and my kindle...my family, as they are, decided I needed some company lol but I did have some alone time.

 

[BlueStarryHat]

The first time my Mom had the surgery where they found her cancer it was just me as my sister had to work. I didn't want the company anyway I thought, but when the surgeon came out and told me the news, and I had to call her and others I sure did wish she was there. For My Mom's other surgeries she made sure to be there with me, and it was better. This surprised me, because I'm a loner.