Why are you a single parent?

jmbarnes101

Mouseketeer
Joined
Apr 1, 2016
That sounds awesome! I'd love a co-parenting situation like that.
It took a couple years to get there and there are days that are certainly worse then others but raising the kids is more important to us then being bitter that things didn't work out. For example I'll buy annuals passes to things like the zoo and the science museum and put my ex on it so she can take them if she wants. We all have passes to the local amusement park as well and attend school functions together. It's not ideal and I'll date again someday but for now it works.

The only drawback for me is I have no family where we are other then my kids so I'd love to move but she doesn't want to.
 

Talby

DIS Veteran
Joined
Jul 16, 2016
After 13 years of marriage, my husband proposed an open marriage--which is exactly what it sounds like. Turns out he had been having an affair for 2 years prior to the proposition. He is not very involved with the kids even though we have joint custody. I feel that I am raising them and he babysits. It's an unfortunate situation in that regard. However, I do feel that I am so much better off. He was very controlling and manipulative and truly narcissistic. I can be me now where I was unable to do so within the confines of such an unhealthy and stifling marriage.

It's been about 8 years now and it feels like that was a completely different life. My kids and I are extremely close and I love the dynamic of our little family of 3. I've forgiven and let go of all of it, and am happiest living in the moment. I do vividly recall the feelings of loneliness you expressed and still occasionally feel that way. It's just a different world as a single parent that is hard to relate to unless you have personally experienced it. I will echo the sentiments of other posters that we are here for you!! Time really does heal in this particular situation--I promise. Sending pixie dust your way! And to all the other single parents who have experienced this particular challenge!!
 

ldymcbth

DIS Veteran
Joined
Mar 25, 2009
I have found this thread really uplifting - not that there are so many of us out there, but that so many of you seem happy and okay and living your lives.

My husband left me at the end of May after 12 years of marriage and 2 elementary aged kids - I had no idea he was thinking of leaving. He had been having an affair with a coworker 15 years younger than us, which I didn't immediately know - instead he told me how unhappy I'd made him, all of things I didn't do right, etc etc as his explanation for leaving. After internalizing all of that and blaming myself, I discovered evidence of the affair and he finally admitted to it.

We took the kids to Disney frequently and one of my big worries about my new single parent life is whether I'll ever be able to afford that again. I have been a stay at home mom for 10 years and am now going to have to head back into the workforce, etc. It's a lot of change for us in a small amount of time, so it's dumb to fret about Disney amongst all that but I just wish from some happiness again, you know?

I still have a huge road ahead of me - we have to establish a separation agreement, set custody arrangements, etc. I just wish for a fastforward button most days.

Anyway, thanks to each of you for sharing your stories. I feel so sorry for those of you whose lovely spouses passed away. Sometimes life is not fair.
 
  • Talby

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Jul 16, 2016
    I have found this thread really uplifting - not that there are so many of us out there, but that so many of you seem happy and okay and living your lives.

    My husband left me at the end of May after 12 years of marriage and 2 elementary aged kids - I had no idea he was thinking of leaving. He had been having an affair with a coworker 15 years younger than us, which I didn't immediately know - instead he told me how unhappy I'd made him, all of things I didn't do right, etc etc as his explanation for leaving. After internalizing all of that and blaming myself, I discovered evidence of the affair and he finally admitted to it.

    We took the kids to Disney frequently and one of my big worries about my new single parent life is whether I'll ever be able to afford that again. I have been a stay at home mom for 10 years and am now going to have to head back into the workforce, etc. It's a lot of change for us in a small amount of time, so it's dumb to fret about Disney amongst all that but I just wish from some happiness again, you know?

    I still have a huge road ahead of me - we have to establish a separation agreement, set custody arrangements, etc. I just wish for a fastforward button most days.

    Anyway, thanks to each of you for sharing your stories. I feel so sorry for those of you whose lovely spouses passed away. Sometimes life is not fair.
    .
     
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    SomDayMyPrnceWillCom

    Wants to be a mermaid when she grows up
    Joined
    Oct 5, 2007
    I had my DD21 while her father and I were dating and planning to get married. After she was born, we broke up when she was around 6 months old before marriage. He died when she was 14, and we were great friends. Even his wife and I got along great. I wanted another child and it just didn't look like marriage was anywhere in my future (come close several times) but I didn't expect to get pregnant at 41, have the father insist I get an abortion and he wanted nothing to do with the child when born. He even said he'd sign over his parental rights. I've never contacted him again and my son is now 3.5 and we're doing fantastic. A couple of boyfriends later and a lot of single life, we still go to Disney and I plan to while he continues to grow up as much as I can afford it. And that's the rest of the story.
     

    Cody Beight

    Disney Dad
    Joined
    May 27, 2017
    I am a recently single dad. My wife passed away a few weeks ago from an unexpected surgical complication. She was the love of my life for 20 years and we were married for 11 years. High school sweethearts and i am 34 now with twin two year olds and an adopted daughter who we adopted prior to getting pregnant who is 6 months older than the twins. She made me promise I would never cancel the trip no matter what happened so we are going to Disney the week before Thanksgiving and I am terrified. I would love any advice possible. My sister is going with us as well as her father who is Poppy to the kids. I am grieving but I now we need this trip for some Disney magic in this dark time. Thanks for everyone's support and I would appreciate any advice.
     

    Kirk

    AKA Papa
    Joined
    Jun 9, 2002
    I am a recently single dad. My wife passed away a few weeks ago from an unexpected surgical complication. She was the love of my life for 20 years and we were married for 11 years. High school sweethearts and i am 34 now with twin two year olds and an adopted daughter who we adopted prior to getting pregnant who is 6 months older than the twins. She made me promise I would never cancel the trip no matter what happened so we are going to Disney the week before Thanksgiving and I am terrified. I would love any advice possible. My sister is going with us as well as her father who is Poppy to the kids. I am grieving but I now we need this trip for some Disney magic in this dark time. Thanks for everyone's support and I would appreciate any advice.
    So sorry for your loss! No words can help. My daughter was 8 when my wife passed and we too had plans for WDW that I wanted to cancel. My therapist told me to 1) take some time off and 2) make a few new traditions. WDW and Snow Skiing became a yearly thing for us. My daughter is 30 now and she has been itching to go skiing. Haven't been in 10 years but we still do WDW with her husband and 3 kids just about every year. That really helped the first 4 or 5 years. Now my grandkids are my life. Watching them enjoy life makes my day!

    Glad you have some support in your sister! My thoughts and prayers go out to you!
     
  • Cody Beight

    Disney Dad
    Joined
    May 27, 2017
    So sorry for your loss! No words can help. My daughter was 8 when my wife passed and we too had plans for WDW that I wanted to cancel. My therapist told me to 1) take some time off and 2) make a few new traditions. WDW and Snow Skiing became a yearly thing for us. My daughter is 30 now and she has been itching to go skiing. Haven't been in 10 years but we still do WDW with her husband and 3 kids just about every year. That really helped the first 4 or 5 years. Now my grandkids are my life. Watching them enjoy life makes my day!

    Glad you have some support in your sister! My thoughts and prayers go out to you!
    Thanks for the support!!
    I know its going to be hard but she would want me to move forward and take care of her babies!
    I have a crazy career, and I am trying to navigate being a single dad to three toddlers and a busy physician!
    I appreciate the kind words and advice!
     

    Bellesadventure

    Earning My Ears
    Joined
    Oct 23, 2017
    I'm sorry for your loss Cody. I can't imagine how devastated you must be. I just joined today to be able to respond to you. I'm planning a quick trip to disney in January for my daughter and I. We both love disney, this will be her 5th trip to disney and she's just turned 4! So I have quite a bit of experience doing disney with a toddler. It's great that you will have help with the kids. Be prepared to split up if necessary. One child may need to go back to the room while the other two are still having fun. Have you been to disney before? Are you staying on property? With three toddlers, I wouldn't plan full park days. Maybe plan on spending 4 or 5 hours at the parks. Go in the morning to the parks and hit your fastpasses, maybe pick one or two more things to do or see, then back to the resort for nap time and just hang by the pool in the afternoon. At this age, they may or may not like the characters, same with the rides. Just try to enjoy whatever they do like, even if that is running around a park bench or staring at glitter in the concrete lol. The highs match the lows, your kids will have the most magical experience of their lives, they also might melt down on main street. Just try to keep in good humor.

    I lost a spouse to divorce, not death, so it's no comparison really. But the first time at disney post divorce, it was hard for me to see happy families together, especially fathers with daughters the same age as my daughter. I don't know that there's anything you can do to prepare for that but I guess just be aware that you will probably have similar feelings. I'm sure this trip will be difficult while grieving, I hope that you are able to find moments of joy.
     

    WonderlandisReality

    Mouseketeer
    Joined
    Oct 23, 2016
    I am another single choice mom. I adopted my eldest daughter from Bulgaria when she was 2. She had been home with me for just 5 months when I was sent the file of another girl who was shockingly similar. I had considered a sibling just not that soon. Ultimately that little girl joined our family within a year. And we discovered that my daughters are biological cousins several months later. They have been Disney fans forever. Mickey and Donald were painted on the orphanage walls.
     

    MrsCobraBubbles

    Life's too short to wear pants all the time
    Joined
    Jul 24, 2013
    After 13 years of marriage, my husband proposed an open marriage--which is exactly what it sounds like. Turns out he had been having an affair for 2 years prior to the proposition. He is not very involved with the kids even though we have joint custody. I feel that I am raising them and he babysits. It's an unfortunate situation in that regard. However, I do feel that I am so much better off. He was very controlling and manipulative and truly narcissistic. I can be me now where I was unable to do so within the confines of such an unhealthy and stifling marriage.

    It's been about 8 years now and it feels like that was a completely different life. My kids and I are extremely close and I love the dynamic of our little family of 3. I've forgiven and let go of all of it, and am happiest living in the moment. I do vividly recall the feelings of loneliness you expressed and still occasionally feel that way. It's just a different world as a single parent that is hard to relate to unless you have personally experienced it. I will echo the sentiments of other posters that we are here for you!! Time really does heal in this particular situation--I promise. Sending pixie dust your way! And to all the other single parents who have experienced this particular challenge!!

    Wow, I relate to your situation so much. I'm sorry about what happened to you, but I wanted to let you know your post gave me hope that my kids and I will be ok. Thank you for that!

    my situation is very similar, but my husband has diagnosed mental illness and eventually became violent with our son, that is why I left. But he was controlling and manipulative for our entire marriage and I am just now learning to be comfortable in my own skin. We were married for almost 15 years before we separated, and during our marriage I was never allowed to have my own thoughts or feelings, everything was about him. I know that people who have never experienced that kind of situation can't understand how that is possible, but I'm sure you can. In this last year and a half of separation I have learned so much about myself, and that I am stronger than I ever thought I could be. There are so many regrets though; I regret getting married so young, I regret allowing him to control me for all those years, I'm sorry that it took me so long to grow a backbone, and I wish I could have found the courage to leave him years ago. I hope that someday I will be able to look back on all of this and be able to say, like you did in your post, that I have forgiven and let go. Wishing you and your family all the best!
     
  • jodistar

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    May 2, 2004
    I'm a single parent because my husband had passed away very suddenly 3 years ago; at the time my son was about to turn 2 and my daughter was 5 (she had just started Kindergarten).
     

    Kirk

    AKA Papa
    Joined
    Jun 9, 2002
    I'm a single parent because my husband had passed away very suddenly 3 years ago; at the time my son was about to turn 2 and my daughter was 5 (she had just started Kindergarten).
    Sorry for your loss jodistar. Thoughts, prayers and pixie dust for you and your children!
     

    RollTideinMD

    Earning My Ears
    Joined
    Aug 13, 2018
    I am a single parent through divorce, my children are 9 and 5.
    Nothing tragic, just two people who married too young and grew into different people. We coparent very well and split parenting time equally.
     

    mommafett89

    ~!Disney Darlings*~
    Joined
    Feb 21, 2019
    Single mom from the get go. I got pregnant by a guy I had been with twice, we were just "friendly" if you get what I mean. I told him from the beginning that if he didn't want to be involved, he didn't have to be. I didn't even know much about this dude, honestly. I was 23 when I had her. I am 29 now. He waited 6 months to even bother getting DNA test (that HE wanted btw), and was there and present and doing SO good for awhile...and then the past 2 1/2 years or so just gets worse and worse. He just abandoned her, a child he say almost every weekend for at least a year.....how heartbreaking for her. He's currently not seen her over 6 months, and I no longer am allowing him to walk in and out of her life. It's rough, but even when he was "involved" I was a single mother anyways.
     

    JK World

    Just me and my lil' man loving life!
    Joined
    Apr 4, 2017
    He's currently not seen her over 6 months, and I no longer am allowing him to walk in and out of her life. It's rough, but even when he was "involved" I was a single mother anyways.
    That sucks. My son's "father" has never been involved and never even met him (his choice). I'm glad, in that I'd rather my situation than having to deal with wishy washy in and out parenting. Good thing she's got you!
     

    NikkiDis16

    Earning My Ears
    Joined
    Dec 11, 2014
    Hi, I'm new to this group and new both to motherhood and single motherhood. My LO is currently 9 months old and will hopefully be going on her first trip to Disney in 2.5 months for her 1st birthday.

    I did not expect to be a single mother 2.5 months after the birth of my daughter. My LO is my savior. She made me realize what I was going through. I am the survivor of domestic violence. My soon to be ex husband was mentally, verbally, and physically abusive. When he attacked me with my LO in my arms, I knew I needed to get out for her, if not for myself. I am currently deeply in the trenches of divorce and custody. I will admit that I have good days and bad. My parents are helping pay for the trip to Disney, as they feel getting away is something we all need right now, despite the cost of divorce, especially divorcing an abusive narcissist. We should know soon whether or not our trip can become a reality.

    And it won't let me edit my signature. It was years ago that I logged on last. :(
     
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    mommafett89

    ~!Disney Darlings*~
    Joined
    Feb 21, 2019
    That sucks. My son's "father" has never been involved and never even met him (his choice). I'm glad, in that I'd rather my situation than having to deal with wishy washy in and out parenting. Good thing she's got you!
    Thanks so much, that's sweet! And I totally agree, I would rather just have him not around. Messed up thing is I legit gave him that option from the get go, said if he can't handle it that it's ok I would do it alone.
     

    mumto4terrors

    Earning My Ears
    Joined
    Apr 14, 2019
    I'm a single parent due to my husband dying suddenly 18 months ago. I have 3 boys (20,18 & 14) and my daughter (12)
     

    Kirk

    AKA Papa
    Joined
    Jun 9, 2002
    I'm a single parent due to my husband dying suddenly 18 months ago. I have 3 boys (20,18 & 14) and my daughter (12)
    So sorry for your loss! Been 23 years for me. The pain is still there but it has become more tolerable. In fact, once in a while I still catch a glimpse of my late wife out of the corner of my eye in something that our daughter says or does. At first it stings a little. But then a joy seems to grow out of that as I remember Paula in the expression of her daughter. May the Lord bless you similarly!
     



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