I didn't have time to read everything so I may be off base or redundant.
Having dealt with complaint letters, both writing and having to read them, I have to agree that the letter is way too long.
You have to tell what you want and explain why you deserve it with no more than three very short paragraphs or less.
The people reading these letters don't have the time to read a long letter. It is initially a quick scan. Long letters will be put aside and more than likely lost in the shuffle. The brutal fact is your letter will be one of many. I stopped reading your letter after the second paragraph.
The letter should go something like this
I had a very unpleasant experience during my stay from date to date at the (place stayed) and expect (tell them what you want.)
During my stay the following happened to spoil my stay. (explain what happened.)
Name
address to be contacted
phone number to be called at
Short and simple. Try to make it half a page, no more than one.
Another suggestion. Write this letter three times. Write it and put it down for awhile and then pick it up, reread it and write it again. You will be surprised how much better the letter will get.
Having dealt with complaint letters, both writing and having to read them, I have to agree that the letter is way too long.
You have to tell what you want and explain why you deserve it with no more than three very short paragraphs or less.
The people reading these letters don't have the time to read a long letter. It is initially a quick scan. Long letters will be put aside and more than likely lost in the shuffle. The brutal fact is your letter will be one of many. I stopped reading your letter after the second paragraph.
The letter should go something like this
I had a very unpleasant experience during my stay from date to date at the (place stayed) and expect (tell them what you want.)
During my stay the following happened to spoil my stay. (explain what happened.)
Name
address to be contacted
phone number to be called at
Short and simple. Try to make it half a page, no more than one.
Another suggestion. Write this letter three times. Write it and put it down for awhile and then pick it up, reread it and write it again. You will be surprised how much better the letter will get.