Worried about DS10 placement for next school year

[Minnie M6]

I have posted here before, but it's been several months ago. I suspect that my DS10 has Asperger's, although we do not yet have a formal diagnosis. A friend who is a psychologist and who volunteers at DS school part time did a parental screening with me. She feels that he probably does have Asperger's and is helping guide me through the process of getting a diagnosis. We have been so blessed because DS has made 3 close friends during his years at school. I have always worried about him socially- before I had any idea about Asperger's- it has always been an issue. These 3 kids have similar interests, they accept his quirks, they are all in the gifted program together.....it's been such a relief to me that he has them. They are the only people he socializes with outside of school- in fact, he is going to camp with one of them for a week.

Here is my problem- we found out on the last day of school that DS has been placed in a different classroom next year from ANY of his friends. The 3 of them were placed together, and he is in a different room. I know that one of the other parents had specifically requested that her DD be in the same class with DS, because they are so close, and she was told that they would be together. One of the other kids' moms has offered to go with me to the school to try and talk to them about changing his placement. (She is the psychologist who did the informal screening with me...her son is one of my son's close friends). The day I found out about the room assignments (last Friday), I went straight to the school and spoke with his classroom teacher, who is responsible for placement, as well as his gifted teacher. I explained to them that I am very concerned about him being separated from all 3 of his close friends because he is somewhat socially awkward and has really bonded with these 3- they spend every lunch and recess together, etc. They were nice and receptive, but basically said that we will have to have an SAT meeting in August to make any decision. I did not tell them about my suspicion about Asperger's, but did relay my concerns about his social deficits. His classroom teacher said he gets along with everyone and she had no idea it was a concern- well, it hasn't been because he has had this close knit group as a support system. I tried calling yesterday to speak with the school counselor, as I would be comfortable sharing things with her that I did not want to share with the teachers yet. The counselor is gone for the year, so I guess I have to wait until August to address this.

Would classroom placement be considered an accommodation if he were diagnosed with Asperger's? I want to be prepared for this meeting in August, and it is really important to me that he gets to stay with his friends. More important than teacher fit, because he does well academically. This is his last year in elementary school and I want him to maintain these friendships before starting middle school. Any suggestions?

 

[kirbydog48]

First of all, I really empathize with you. My ds9 has NLD/Asperger's along with multiple learning challenges and I totally understand about the social stuff. If they're all in the same grade, won't they still be having lunch and recess together? In the meantime, you can always try to work with the school to change his placement. In our school once it's done it's done, and they want the children to try to branch out socially, which isn't always easy for our kids. In the meantime, I would focus on getting him evaluated so he gets a diagnosis, that way he can get services started in the fall of next year by trying to have him qualify for either an IEP or a 504. If you get him tested this summer and give school the report when school begins, they have to set up a meeting with you within 10 school days. He may need speech therapy to deal with perspective taking (I'm sure his actual speech/vocabulary are superior), and they can implement a social skills program to help him with peer relationships. I know first hand how nerve-wracking this time of year is!! Good luck!! Please PM me if you have any questions.

Liz

 

[1stluvispooh]

Boy this sounds sooooo familiar!! DD who just turn 9 last month and has autism was not in the same class as her BFF's ! I could write forever on what happened this year but I won't bore you with the detail. In answer to your question no a diagnosis won't guarantee that your DS will be in the same class as his friends. My suggestion from someone whose been there done that is:Go in with your friend to the principals office and if you can round up any other parents of his friends. There is strength in numbers. Now from a hind sight perspective if they try and give you the line that they will have lunch or recess together ask them how many times in a year do they have indoor recess. Our school district doesn't let the kids outside if it's 20 degrees or lower plus any rain days. Hello we live in Ohio it's going to be below 20 degrees most of January and February. I swear they have more indoor than outdoor recess. We had the issue that the other kids aren't patience enough for DD to make the decision on what to play. Her BFF's are. They let DD be DD oh and they are a set of twins to boot. I love watching the 3 of them together! Good luck!

 

[Minnie M6]

Thanks so much to both of you for your responses, it helps to know I am not alone. It is not likely that he will see his friends often for recess, and they are required to sit with their class at lunch, so the classroom placement is pretty important. I have never requested a specific teacher or for either of my kids to be moved, so i really hope they will take my concern seriously when we meet in August. I let the teacher know that I really appreciated the factors she considered when placing the kids, I just don't think she was aware of the social issues. Like I said, they perceive him as being okay socially, but I attribute that to him finding this group of kids who like and care about him. His friend who is a girl, in particular, helps him out with social situations. But when the teacher suggested that I schedule play dates for him this summer with some new kids, I thought that was a little silly. They're going into 5th grade! I know he needs to branch out, and he is actually at summer camp this week, but play dates for 10 year old kids who have been in school together since Kindergarten and have not yet connected? I thought that was a strange recommendation.

Thanks again for sharing your stories, ,I love these boards!

 

[BeckyScott]

My first thought was that depending on the school it could also backfire on you.

For example. Our oldest DS we are also in process of getting a diagnosis for. He will be starting middle school next year, which is a whole different thing than elementary. Anyway, my understanding of it is, that around here the kids that are IEP'ed go into a "class within a class" type situation. And as such, there isn't much choice for us as far as whose class he is in or what time he has certain classes.

It was just a thought. It's one thing to say please put my kid in with his friends because of his social skills. But when you throw in a definate diagnosis, it can possibly swing toward the school saying oh, if he's got an IEP he needs to go with this teacher or this schedule, which could definately put him away from his friends, and using the Aspie as a reason to get him with them would in fact put him away from them. Unless they *happen* to have already landed in the right class in the first place. If that makes any sense.

 

[Minnie M6]

My first thought was that depending on the school it could also backfire on you.

For example. Our oldest DS we are also in process of getting a diagnosis for. He will be starting middle school next year, which is a whole different thing than elementary. Anyway, my understanding of it is, that around here the kids that are IEP'ed go into a "class within a class" type situation. And as such, there isn't much choice for us as far as whose class he is in or what time he has certain classes.

It was just a thought. It's one thing to say please put my kid in with his friends because of his social skills. But when you throw in a definate diagnosis, it can possibly swing toward the school saying oh, if he's got an IEP he needs to go with this teacher or this schedule, which could definately put him away from his friends, and using the Aspie as a reason to get him with them would in fact put him away from them. Unless they *happen* to have already landed in the right class in the first place. If that makes any sense.

I think this is one of the reasons I have been hesitant about getting a diagnosis. He functions really well at school, but I know some of his problems which we have managed in elementary school will become worse in middle school, so we may need to have a diagnosis at that point. (homework battles, organization problems, hard time with changing tasks, etc).

This is his 6th year at this school, and I have never once asked for a specific teacher or classroom. I am hoping they will understand this is important, and honor the request without any discussion about diagnosis. The only person I am considering even talking to about it is the counselor, at this point. I know it sounds a little over the top to ask for your kid to be placed with his friends, but given his social deficits i feel like it's reasonable.

Good luck with middle school, and thanks for your input!

 

[mdsouth]

I think this is one of the reasons I have been hesitant about getting a diagnosis. He functions really well at school, but I know some of his problems which we have managed in elementary school will become worse in middle school, so we may need to have a diagnosis at that point. (homework battles, organization problems, hard time with changing tasks, etc).

This is his 6th year at this school, and I have never once asked for a specific teacher or classroom. I am hoping they will understand this is important, and honor the request without any discussion about diagnosis. The only person I am considering even talking to about it is the counselor, at this point. I know it sounds a little over the top to ask for your kid to be placed with his friends, but given his social deficits i feel like it's reasonable.

Good luck with middle school, and thanks for your input!

You should definitely go in and talk with the counselor, perhaps even the principal about getting your son's room assignment changed. Make sure you state how you have never made a request before for any of your children, but you feel that your son really needs the placement to help him succeed.

I totally understand your situation. It sounds almost identical to ours two years ago. My son is 12, almost 13. We did make a request like yours and it was successful. I am so glad I pushed the issue.

Up until now, my son has done great in school, except for social situations and some minor organization problems. His teachers over the past two years have commented on some attention problems. However, he has earned all A's and B's in all his courses with no modifications to assignments. I think much of the attention problem can be attributed to the fact that people with Asperger's often have difficulty making eye contact. I also think part of his success is due to his great teachers and that there are lots of extra hands in the classroom. He goes to a public school that is close to two universities with education programs. Because of this, the school has lots of college interns (education program) that assist in the classroom. The interns have helped him over the year one-on-one or perhaps in small-groups. This along with his weekly speech therapy sessions has allowed him to be successful in school without an IEP or 504 in place.

We did not get a final diagnosis until this summer. First of all, my son's first pediatrician was one that always wanted to take the wait and see approach. Second, the school did an outstanding job of meeting all my son's needs without any formal diagnosis. Third, we had him seen by a psychologist (on our own without the pediatrician's recommendation). We thought that the psychologist might recommend testing, especially since he specializes in working with child with school issues, etc. We also provided him with all the teacher letters and school records. Once we saw that the sessions were leading to nowhere we stopped the sessions. Instead, I switched pediatricians and his new pediatrician referred him to a specialist.
The pediatric neurologist diagnosed him with Asperger's Syndrome just this summer. We have not shared the findings with his school yet. I guess we will. The areas that we feel we need an 504 for is to be allowed extended time on tests, especially standardized tests, and continued speech therapy sessions. The sessions are actually group sessions that focus on social situations.

The school really has great standardized test scores and now that he is in junior high these are playing a bigger role.

Wow, I can't believe I wrote for so long and so much. Sorry, if I hijacked your thread!

 

[mousygirl]

I am a teacher who has taught in both the middle and high school. Please, please, please get your child diagnosed and documented. I am a language teacher and I taught at the HS level, but started the middle school program. There was one class that I had from the 7 - 12 grade.

One student had Aspbergers, but his parents refused to have him classified. The missing homeworks, not reading/following directions, and other social behaviors became worse for the child as he got older. Where I could give second chances on reading directions, homework in middle school, it just is not possible in HS. This poor child had a hard time at the HS and a lot of the other teachers were not as sympathetic as I was to his situation. He was very, very bright but his grades slipped because teachers stopped giving him extra chances. His social skills were horrible and he was often teased by other students. I tried to help him as much as I could, but it always comes down to the IEP. Without an IEP, there is only so much a teacher can do.

Teachers would much rather have the IEP, so the student gets the help he/she needs. There is no judgement and I think it is worse if the child feels that the parents are hiding his condition. Come to terms with it and do what is best for your child. Also, remember that friends seem to change quite a bit in middle school,so there is no guarantee that he will remain friends with the kids he is BFF's with now. If you get him help, he can work on relating to his peers and will be able to make friends on his own and act appropriately in social situations.
It is a tough decision, but I really think it is better to deal with a problem head on, rather than skirt around it. I think you would be surprised how many kids have 504's and IEP's.Ask around and you might find out that the special ed. dept. is the biggest dept in the middle and high schools.
Good luck!!

 

[bookwormde]

One thing that I always remind parents (and educators) is that while many Aspergers children often can “keep up” due to there intellectual abilities, it does not mean that they are “meeting there potential” and that without an IEP they are missing out on the intensive not academic curriculum support and skills development (social skills, TOM and EF) that are so important to help them be able to make practical choices as to “how to fit into society”, not to mention how much easier it makes school for them and keeps anxiety level in healthy levels so maladaptive co morbidities do not become an issue.

It also amazes me how many in the educational community do not do the evaluation requests when they know there are indicators of potential issues, even though it is required of every educator by law.

bookwormde

 

[Schmeck]

Yes, get your child evaluated, get him with his friends, but also realize that he needs to learn to deal with not having his friends with him at all times. Families move away, kids change schools, friends just plain old grow apart. The girl that helps him deal with social situations may not want to do that in middle school. Expecting a peer group to guide your child is putting an unfair burden on those kids.

 

[Minnie M6]

My son did get moved into the classroom with his friends. I met with the counselor last week, and she called me Monday to tell me they had decided to honor my request, and that an SAT meeting would not be necessary. This was such good news. I feel like our school really cares about DS and wants him to have a good year. I also felt such relief talking to the counselor; she is now aware of our concerns and I think she will be a big help with the diagnostic process. Yesterday was the first day of school, and DS and DD both came home excited and bursting with news about their days- hope that continues! Thanks for the information and support