WWYD? Neighbor smoking weed

[ronandannette]

I’m with you, the second it starts to affect your family, it becomes your business.

I’d mention it but in a super casual way like you said..hey, could you ask your son to smoke somewhere else because it’s coming in our windows. Or, when you know the son is out there wander over and say hi and ask him to consider moving to the back lane or something.

I have neighbours on both sides of me that smoke and I only smell it for a minute or two. It would have to be a ton of people smoking to have a smell that lingers longer than that.

You might be surprised how long you can smell it if it gets into textiles, like maybe the drapes and bedspreads, etc. When I had an incident similar to the OP's in our parkade (having left my car windows open of course ), if you weren't desensitized to it, it could be smelled for a week at least.

Well, only recreational is illegal in Illinois, medical marijuana is legal. So what would you do when you confront him and he shows you his medical card. (PS, anyone can get one for $300, so he probably has one.)

What would you do if a congenial neighbour politely asked you to try and compromise with you on solving a problem? Oh, never mind - I read further down the thread...

and if it were me, I'd be clear in my expectation to tell you to 1) take a hike and 2) shut your window. Its legal for me.

I guess you're the kind of neighbour this next poster is afraid of approaching. I'm with @kimblebee , who wondered up-thread why people are so afraid of normal, human interactions these days. Personally, I'd not hesitate to ask, nor would I necessarily take it any further action if they balked, but honestly, I'd at least expect a reasonable discourse.

It's easy to close a window.
Taking the risk of long term unpleasant neighbor disputes/difficulties is not something I would do lightly. I'd control what I can control first.

See above. I find it a little humorous that while everybody insists they themselves are always perfectly nice and reasonable, they also don't seem to trust that anybody around them ever will be.

 

[gotomu212]

I had something similar except it was a guy who smoked a nightly cigar for an hour on his back deck outside my bedroom window. Honestly I just shut my window while he smoked and then used a fan when he was done since cigar smoke can really linger.

The guy didn’t have other options since he wasn’t going to smoke in his house and I didn’t think it was fair to tell a neighbor what he could do in his own backyard. I think smells and normal noises (not music blaring at midnight) are just sort of the neighbor roulette that everyone plays and you find ways to mitigate it even though it’s really annoying.

 

[Disneylover99]

Talk to the neighbor, not in an accusatory tone or anything, but let him know that smoke and other smells waft into your child's bedroom and see if they can limit the smoking outdoors in a different area in the evening.

Yes. I agree with this. I would just be polite but direct with the neighbour and tell him your concerns.

 

[anniemae]

I think honesty is best here. You don't even need to bring up that it's weed. I would just say that your dd let you know smoke is drifting into her room when his son is smoking in the garage. Keep it friendly and light maybe say she has the window open now that it's nice out.

 

[disykat]

if no one has talked to the guy he may not realize it's bothering anyone. LOTS of people don't permit smoking or vaping of any type in their homes (myself included) so people go outside or in the garage-he may think the smell is contained within the garage or at worst dissipating before it leaves the property.

i don't get from what the op has posted that there's any reason to assume-

the guy is ignoring the discomfort of others,

doing it purposefully,

going to have an over the top, revenge creating reaction.

sounds like there's a decent preexisting neighborly relationship (op's family does stuff for the neighbor's house, neighbor makes the effort to keep their tree that hangs over op's fence in check) so i think it's sad to immediately assume the worst in what may be perfectly reasonable, nice people.

??? I agree with you. I've been firmly on the "talk to your neighbor" side of this debate.
I was responding to the poster who felt they had to "up the ante" by lying about asthma.

 

[ols386]

Tell them they have to go to Disney before May 1?

LOL

 

[Queen of the WDW Scene]

I've minded my own business for 5 years. The business is now mine to mind, since I now know it's coming into my 14 year old's bedroom window.

but thanks.

So why are you seeking opinions?
Do what you want.

 

[kaytieeldr]

So are you saying that when it comes right in your window, it still isn't your business?

Is the smoke coming in, or the smell? Where, exactly, is the weed being smoked in relation to the window? Are they on the same level of is the bedroom adjacent but on a different floor?

 

[LongLiveRafiki]

I would definitely say something. If it had only happened once, I'd let it go, but this seems to be an ongoing issue. A child should be able to go to sleep at night without smelling weed.

Personally, I'd wait until it was happening again. Have your DD let you know when she smells it again and tell you right away. Then I'd immediately go next door and say something. You'd then be able to see if the garage door is open or if he's standing close to her window, which should be issues that could fairly easily be resolved. Explain the situation, and if he seems to doubt that it's going up to her room, invite the dad to go up to her room while his son is smoking so he can smell it. Then simply state that you don't think your DD should have to go to bed with pot smoke wafting into her bedroom and see what he says.

If it continues to happen, I'd consider giving a second warning (since maybe he switched spots but it's still an issue, etc), but after that I'd notify the police.

 

[ronandannette]

if no one has talked to the guy he may not realize it's bothering anyone. LOTS of people don't permit smoking or vaping of any type in their homes (myself included) so people go outside or in the garage-he may think the smell is contained within the garage or at worst dissipating before it leaves the property.

i don't get from what the op has posted that there's any reason to assume-

the guy is ignoring the discomfort of others,

doing it purposefully,

going to have an over the top, revenge creating reaction.

sounds like there's a decent preexisting neighborly relationship (op's family does stuff for the neighbor's house, neighbor makes the effort to keep their tree that hangs over op's fence in check) so i think it's sad to immediately assume the worst in what may be perfectly reasonable, nice people.

It's very possible the guy has no idea and would be petrified of offending @MrsCobraBubbles for fear she would retaliate in some super-scary way. (JK ) Seriously, I think you make a really, really good point. There is a chance he doesn't know and if he did know, would want to be a good neighbour. Wouldn't we all?

 

[Cheetie]

We had the same type of relationship with our former neighbors , friendly enough but not friends. They had three dogs that they let out every morning at 6 and let back in the house at 7. One of the dogs stood in a corner of the yard and barked incessantly that entire time. A few summers ago, my husband finally asked them if they could take the dog in earlier since it was waking us all up. They stopped talking to us, sent my husband a nasty email at work, and ignored us to the point of crossing the street to avoid us. (It actually got kind of funny when Mr Neighbor would leave his lawn mower in the middle of his front lawn to avoid being out at the same time as my husband)

My point being, be prepared for an over-reaction. We live cheek by jowl with our neighbors, and everyone a fire pit. I hate the smell of smoke in the house. I close the windows until the smoke is gone. I can control smoke coming in the house, noise, not so much.

 

[gwynne]

See above. I find it a little humorous that while everybody insists they themselves are always perfectly nice and reasonable, they also don't seem to trust that anybody around them ever will be.

I'm replying here-
I would close the window first, because I don't care to escalate situations unnecessarily. I like to leave more options open. I'm a one step at a time person. And I will use the least confrontational approach if possible.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

Is the smoke coming in, or the smell? Where, exactly, is the weed being smoked in relation to the window? Are they on the same level of is the bedroom adjacent but on a different floor?

If either one were coming in my window, it would in fact be my business.

 

[aprilgail]

I would personally mind my own business.

Ditto.

I can't imagine the smoke from one joint smoked in a neighbors yard is going to give your daughter a "contact high"- close the window when he is smoking a joint and open it when he is done.

 

[ronandannette]

I'm replying here-
I would close the window first, because I don't care to escalate situations unnecessarily. I like to leave more options open. I'm a one step at a time person. And I will use the least confrontational approach if possible.

I guess we just see this differently. Why would you assume it would "escalate" a situation in a negative way? For me, I genuinely desire to be a good neighbour and an easy-to-get-along-with person in general. I would greatly prefer being told I'm a nuisance as I certainly wouldn't do it knowingly. If the issue was something I really couldn't or wouldn't be willing to change, at the very least I would never resent the person who brought it up.

 

[Disneylover99]

I guess we just see this differently. Why would you assume it would "escalate" a situation in a negative way? For me, I genuinely desire to be a good neighbour and an easy-to-get-along-with person in general. I would greatly prefer being told I'm a nuisance as I certainly wouldn't do it knowingly. If the issue was something I really couldn't or wouldn't be willing to change, at the very least I would never resent the person who brought it up.

Same with me. If I (or someone from my family) was doing something that bothered a neighbour, I’d want to know about it.

 

[anniemae]

We had the same type of relationship with our former neighbors , friendly enough but not friends. They had three dogs that they let out every morning at 6 and let back in the house at 7. One of the dogs stood in a corner of the yard and barked incessantly that entire time. A few summers ago, my husband finally asked them if they could take the dog in earlier since it was waking us all up. They stopped talking to us, sent my husband a nasty email at work, and ignored us to the point of crossing the street to avoid us. (It actually got kind of funny when Mr Neighbor would leave his lawn mower in the middle of his front lawn to avoid being out at the same time as my husband)

OMG What a diva

 

[FlightlessDuck]

 

[goofy4tink]

I'm curious....this is still illegal in your state. The guy is doing something illegal that is impacting your child. Why would you be the one who has to make changes. Perhaps this young man could close HIS window!!! It's pretty obvious that he isn't allowed to smoke in the house! So, he's out in the garage. I have no issues with pot. I just hate the smell! My adult dd lives in my finished basement, but is moving the end of this month. She smokes...a lot!!! I don't care. But, the smell comes up through the floors and the walls. That's where I have an issue. Not to mention the deep cleaning I'm going to have to do once she leaves. And yes, it is legal in my state.
So, I would probably call the man next door and explain my issue. Just say that your dd is having issues at night due to his son's smoke coming into her bedroom. Could he possibly close the garage window/door? I don't think it's fair for your dd to have to close her window or put in a fan! Why do the needs of the man next door outweigh your dd's needs.

 

[sam_gordon]

Why do the needs of the man next door outweigh your dd's needs.

Simply IMHO of course, but I feel there is some stuff neighbors do that we really have no control over. Mowing the lawn at 7am, having a firepit and the smoke/smell going onto our property, playing music at a reasonable level, but being able to hear it next door b/c of small lot & poor insulation. Granted, all of this is legal, but we don't know if the OP's neighbor has a medical card to make his smoking legal.

Not pot, but I know if someone is having a bonfire in our neighborhood, we can smell it around the neighborhood, you don't have to be right next door. So I guess, based on responses here, we could go across the neighborhood and ask those burning brush to put the fire out?