WWYD - Neighbor's Fence/Kids in our Yard (super irritated)

[MrsDuck]

Last October the neighbor's fence fell. It divides our backyards. I am 1000% positive it is not our fence as I've checked our property documents.

It sat in between our yards until this past week when the hurricane came and the neighbor asked my husband to help her move it because her husband was out of town. Fine, no prob - we want it gone, too!

Now, their children are CONSTANTLY playing in our side yard and have opened our side gate so frequently that it has broken off the hinges. It needed replaced anyways but SERIOUSLY?! I just went over to see their parents - no answer. The 4 kids came by and said only their auntie was home. I told them they needed to stop playing in our yard because the gate was dangerous and off hinges now. They said "when it's fixed, can we keep playing back there?"

HOA says they cannot make anyone put up a fence - I get it. My plan is to go over to see their parents tonight to tell them that the kids need to stay out of our side yard because the gate is broken and we don't want anyone hurt - not accusing anyone of anything.

But I have HAD it. I do not want these kids in my yard. I cannot see a solution around this aside from buying and installing our own fence. Anyone else? Anything else we can do that costs less but will work? Based on the interactions I've had with these neighbors, they aren't going to install their own fence nor are they going to enforce their children not playing in our backyard if it's wide open to them...

 

[NHdisneylover]

Last October the neighbor's fence fell. It divides our backyards. I am 1000% positive it is not our fence as I've checked our property documents.

It sat in between our yards until this past week when the hurricane came and the neighbor asked my husband to help her move it because her husband was out of town. Fine, no prob - we want it gone, too!

Now, their children are CONSTANTLY playing in our side yard and have opened our side gate so frequently that it has broken off the hinges. It needed replaced anyways but SERIOUSLY?! I just went over to see their parents - no answer. The 4 kids came by and said only their auntie was home. I told them they needed to stop playing in our yard because the gate was dangerous and off hinges now. They said "when it's fixed, can we keep playing back there?"

HOA says they cannot make anyone put up a fence - I get it. My plan is to go over to see their parents tonight to tell them that the kids need to stay out of our side yard because the gate is broken and we don't want anyone hurt - not accusing anyone of anything.

But I have HAD it. I do not want these kids in my yard. I cannot see a solution around this aside from buying and installing our own fence. Anyone else? Anything else we can do that costs less but will work? Based on the interactions I've had with these neighbors, they aren't going to install their own fence nor are they going to enforce their children not playing in our backyard if it's wide open to them...

Why did you tell the kids the issue was the gate? Just tell them that you do not want them in your yard beucase you prefer not to have children in your yard. be nice, but firm. If you dono't want the kids in your yard at all, then be up front about that from the get go---the less you allow it to become the norm, the easier it will be to put a stop to it.

 

[disykat]

When they asked if they could play in your yard I hope you said no!? Gate or no gate, they should not be in your yard without your permission - and you don't have to give them permission.

IMO, the only reason the neighbor children should be in your yard is if a ball crosses the boundary and they need to quickly retrieve it.

 

[MrsDuck]

I told them they need to stay in their yard! I don't think they got the message.

 

[sonnyjane]

Why did you tell the kids the issue was the gate? Just tell them that you do not want them in your yard beucase you prefer not to have children in your yard. be nice, but firm. If you dono't want the kids in your yard at all, then be up front about that from the get go---the less you allow it to become the norm, the easier it will be to put a stop to it.

I agree. Don't lie. If you don't want them there EVER, say so. And in my case, I'd probably start saving up for a fence. Good fences make good neighbors.

 

[AquamarineSteph]

In our neighborhood, the kids seem to think that every yard is their yard. I have had to go out multiple times and tell kids to please not play in our yard. One was compliant. The rest aren't. I really do not want to put up a fence, but I have very few other options. Their parents shrug their shoulders.

 

[2disneywego]

Sorry about this. Based upon what you've said, I'd say suck up the expense and install a new fence. I can almost guarantee that is the only solution. Kids view your property as theirs and it will only get worse.

If you can afford it, get a survey, and put up the fence where it belongs.

Firm believer in good fences make good neighbours, especially when they haven't shown much consideration for you or your property!

 

[disykat]

I told them they need to stay in their yard! I don't think they got the message.

I'm still unclear as to whether you answered their question about the gate. The original message they got was that the broken gate was the reason to not be in the yard. Kids don't get nuances.

 

[MrsDuck]

I'm still unclear as to whether you answered their question about the gate. The original message they got was that the broken gate was the reason to not be in the yard. Kids don't get nuances.

After being asked if they could play back there when we got the gate fixed, I said they need to stay in their yard.

They are very young and while I was not sugar coating, I'm still not convinced this registered with them.

 

[Mermaid02]

Put up a fence. It will be worth it in the long run.

 

[2disneywego]

All the more reason your fence. Hard to misinterpret that!

 

[NHdisneylover]

After being asked if they could play back there when we got the gate fixed, I said they need to stay in their yard.

They are very young and while I was not sugar coating, I'm still not convinced this registered with them.

young kids need to hear things multiple times and consistently.
You say they have been in your yard a lot since the fence went down---so thus far what they have experience with is that being in your yard is OK---you let that precedent be set. Now you'll need to work on changing that by consistently telling them (politely but firmly) that they are not to play in your yard every time it happens. It's possible they will never learn and you'll have to get a fence.
Their parents ought to have taught them not to tresspass unless invited
BUT, what you can control is telling them every time they show up and you see it that they need to go home---odds are decently good that if you stay on it for a couple of months they'll get the message and you can avoid the expense of a new fence

 

[Nohal]

I'd put up a fence and a new gate with a lock.

 

[Shanti]

Last October the neighbor's fence fell. It divides our backyards. I am 1000% positive it is not our fence as I've checked our property documents.

It sat in between our yards until this past week when the hurricane came and the neighbor asked my husband to help her move it because her husband was out of town. Fine, no prob - we want it gone, too!

Now, their children are CONSTANTLY playing in our side yard and have opened our side gate so frequently that it has broken off the hinges. It needed replaced anyways but SERIOUSLY?! I just went over to see their parents - no answer. The 4 kids came by and said only their auntie was home. I told them they needed to stop playing in our yard because the gate was dangerous and off hinges now. They said "when it's fixed, can we keep playing back there?"

HOA says they cannot make anyone put up a fence - I get it. My plan is to go over to see their parents tonight to tell them that the kids need to stay out of our side yard because the gate is broken and we don't want anyone hurt - not accusing anyone of anything.

But I have HAD it. I do not want these kids in my yard. I cannot see a solution around this aside from buying and installing our own fence. Anyone else? Anything else we can do that costs less but will work? Based on the interactions I've had with these neighbors, they aren't going to install their own fence nor are they going to enforce their children not playing in our backyard if it's wide open to them...

Build a fence. Good fences make good neighbors.

 

[Mizzoufan]

Put up a fence problem solved.

You shouldn't have said anything to the kids especially if they are young. I'd wait for the parents to be home.

 

[2disneywego]

And, unfortunately, many times, the "adults" are worse than the kids. Sadly true.

 

[Realfoodfans]

I've always taken the hit on fencing costs due to keeping my dog & children safe - the fact their parents don't feel that need implies to me they are happy with them wandering on your property. I'd take the hit and fence it - perhaps ask if they will contribute? We did that with one side and they were happy to as long as we organised it.

 

[Mermaid02]

Put up a fence problem solved.

You shouldn't have said anything to the kids especially if they are young. I'd wait for the parents to be home.

Curious why you said she shouldn't have spoken to the kids? I would be telling them firmly, but kindly to get out of my yard every time they were in it. I would also follow up with the parents, but I think it was perfectly ok to tell kids who are playing unsupervised to stay out of her yard.

 

[MrsDuck]

Put up a fence problem solved.

You shouldn't have said anything to the kids especially if they are young. I'd wait for the parents to be home.

To be fair, I am genuinely concerned that if they continue to try to open the gate it will fall and hurt them. Me approaching them today was simply to tell them to not be back there/opening the gate because it was dangerous. Certainly not untrue.

Them getting hurt on my property would open a whole new can of worms.

 

[Allison]

My plan is to go over to see their parents tonight to tell them that the kids need to stay out of our side yard because the gate is broken and we don't want anyone hurt - not accusing anyone of anything.

Don't say that. Tell them you don't want them in your yard if that is the core of the issue.