Would you let your 4th grader go?

[SLK1]

And this is why I haven't been on these boards in so long...here come the insults!! My goodness, the OP was simply presenting her situation and asking for advice. We have ALL questioned whether or not something was right...and that does not warrant the label of "helicopter parent". How about "concerned parent", or "unsure parent"? Please...I find people these days are so darned judgmental. OP asked for what YOU would do, not to be ridiculed or labeled. Had she said she DID follow the bus, was planning to follow the bus, wasn't going to let her child go, or, God forbid, start threatening lawsuits, questioning principals, etc., THEN, you can call her names. Otherwise, it's unfair. OP - I hope you'll do what you feel is best, given so many of the well-intended advice and situations on your thread.

 

[Elmo888]

I just wanted to make two more points...

Since you have until December, I would spend time purposely seeking out the parents who are going and cultivating relationships with one or two (or three) of them as well as your DD's teacher (volunteer at school, etc.) You might find that you feel more comfortable and find an adult or two that will feel invested in your child, at least through the relationship through you. (In any case, I would expect the teacher to feel invested by December.) If you still feel this uncomfortable by December, maybe there is a reason and you shouldn't send her. Right now, it seems like you feel blindsided. In addition, since your DD has only been at the school for two years (this being the second year, right?), you just might feel like you are hanging out the wind since you don't know the parents, etc. By December, things could change.

My other point is that it sounds like there are 60 kids and 12 adults (9 parents plus 3 teachers). Posters have indicated that this doesn't seem like enough adults, but if one does the math, this is one adult per five kids. I would definitely ask and have things clarified, but at my DD's school, the kids are broken up into small groups of 4 or 5 kids with one adult. It isn't difficult for one adult to keep track of 5 4th graders.

You have some time to decide, and people have made some good points to consider. As I said in an earlier post, my DD did the same trip to Austin last year, and by that, I could tell that she was really ready for a sleep away camp, which she did and loved this past summer.

Good luck!

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I'm sorry if she doesn't like it but if she doesn't let her child go on this trip she is exactly fitting the definition of a helicopter parent. She is hovering and not letting her child grow up and do anything on her own, she thinks no other adult is as capable as she is. She even said as much in her first post.

a 9 yr old is old enough to take care of themselves for a day in a structured setting with other adults there plain and simple. Heck by 9 my DD had several unaccompanied flights under her belt.

Yeah you are totally right.
Not letting your 9 year old travel two hours away with a bunch of adults that you don't even know is totally a helicopter Mom.
Let me fuel up my chopper now because even my DH would not let our kids go.
Why be so insulting about it? The OP was asking what others would do. She didn't ask to be called names. That is great that your child flies all over unaccompanied. That works for you. It is not the norm for many people and would not work for their families. That doesn't mean you should insult them. What if someone said that you'd leave your kid with anyone anywhere because you can't be bothered? Now I am not saying you would but that is the exact opposite of being called a Helicopter Mom. It is just rude. Everyone makes their own choices. The OP was asking what others would do and what their reasons were so she could make an informed decision.

OP- I do think though that you need to figure out why things like a change in the setup of the cafeteria upset your child so much. Maybe talk to your ped about it. Good luck with your decision.

 

[jodifla]

Using the term "Helicopter Mom" is nothing more than mean spirited toward the OP who does not want to put her child in harm's way. I live in the DC area and in no way would want my kids in the DC area without my supervision.

Here is something for you to think about: If Natalie Holloway's mom had been a "Helicopter Mom", Natalie Holloway more than likely would not be dead.

Natalie Holloway was on her high school graduation trip. She was an adult...how can you possibly compare the two?

 

[mrsbornkuntry]

My DS was in the same situation, 9yo, 4th grade field trip. They drove 3 hours away on a charter bus. DS asked me to chaperone, but I was unable to go, he went anyway. He had a great time. I had to fill out a form ahead of time with emergency contact numbers and the number for the school's automated system to call when the bus was almost there so we could be there to pick him up.

I did not hesitate to let him go.

 

[Hannathy]

Here is something for you to think about: If Natalie Holloway's mom had been a "Helicopter Mom", Natalie Holloway more than likely would not be dead.

Actually there is a better probability that she WAS a helicopter Mom and that is why Natalie made such poor choices. She probably never had the opportunity to learn how to make good choices when the stakes were not so high. She never should have left her group but if she didn't have practice knowing that she probably didn't grasp how dangerous it was. Notice all the other girls that went with her stayed together and came back home OK?

Kids need to practice and learn how to make choices when they aren't life and death.

 

[ILoveMyGirls]

She was not an adult, she was a teenager. There were chaperon's who were suppose to be watching out for her.

If one thinks that chaperon's can possibly be sure that nothing happens to all of the kids on a trip, think again.

Natalie Holloway was on her high school graduation trip. She was an adult...how can you possibly compare the two?

 

[Allison]

Of course I would let them go.

 

[ILoveMyGirls]

Natalie made poor choices because the chaperon's let them go to that trashy bar (I know it is trashy as we were in Aruba and when we drove up to it and saw all of the trash and drunks outside we left) and the chaperon's let them drink when they were underage. The rest of the story can be found in the news.

Actually there is a better probability that she WAS a helicopter Mom and that is why Natalie made such poor choices. She probably never had the opportunity to learn how to make good choices when the stakes were not so high. She never should have left her group but if she didn't have practice knowing that she probably didn't grasp how dangerous it was. Notice all the other girls that went with her stayed together and came back home OK?

Kids need to practice and learn how to make choices when they aren't life and death.

 

[Hannathy]

I didn't know they were on a chaperoned trip?

Anyway when teens are on a trip like that they are not with chaperons constantly. When my DD went to Italy they went off on their own in groups all the time for hours and even all day and evenings. They were expected to behave and make good choices, just like Natalie's group I imagine. and like I said like the other girls in her group did. They came home she made a bad choice and didn't.

 

[ILoveMyGirls]

Yep and the chaperon's failed. The reason chaperon's are needed is because kids/teens can make bad choices which Natalie did. A chaperon should have stopped her from drinking as she is not of age to drink in the U.S. and should have stopped her from getting in that car. Chaperons are not always on alert like they should be.

Now, back to the child going on this long trip. I have two girls ages 6 and 7, in no way would I even let them go in to D.C. without my me or my husband being on the trip as we know all too well how bad D.C. actually is. I would not trust my kids to anyone there.

I've let my daughter's go on Pumpkin Patch trips with their classes but the trip to D.C. is too long, the fact that they have been forewarned not to follow is nothing more than a red flag, I would not let her go.

I didn't know they were on a chaperoned trip?

Anyway when teens are on a trip like that they are not with chaperons constantly. When my DD went to Italy they went off on their own in groups all the time for hours and even all day and evenings. They were expected to behave and make good choices, just like Natalie's group I imagine. and like I said like the other girls in her group did. They came home she made a bad choice and didn't.

 

[NMAmy]

Now, back to the child going on this long trip. I have two girls ages 6 and 7, in no way would I even let them go in to D.C. without my me or my husband being on the trip as we know all too well how bad D.C. actually is. I would not trust my kids to anyone there.

I've let my daughter's go on Pumpkin Patch trips with their classes but the trip to D.C. is too long, the fact that they have been forewarned not to follow is nothing more than a red flag, I would not let her go.

Just curious--why are you bringing up Washington, DC? The OP lives in Texas. I assumed they were going to Austin, not DC.

 

[brergnat]

OP, have you talked to your Pediatrician about your DD's problems with change and the thing you mentioned abut her not understanding that you just can't fix things.? Freaking out about table positions seems like an extreme reaction don't you think? More that just not being able to go with the flow.

After reading everything you've said about her, this doesn't seem like an issue with a long field trip, but more of an issue with your dd's inability to deal with common problems. Maybe there is something more going on.

I can't believe only ONE person brought this up. I was about to post the same thing. This is the type of thing that my son with Autism would do...freak out about something as simple as table positions in the cafeteria changing.

The inability of a child to cope with some (minor) changes in environment, routine, schedule, etc. as well as her apparent anxiety and insistence that you "fix" something that she perceives as "wrong" are HUGE red flags for a more serious issue that needs to be dealt with.

If in fact your child has an underlying issue causing all this, I'd totally understand your concern and hesitation with this whole situation. As mentioned, I have two sons on the Autism spectrum. My oldest is 6. I'd be pretty hesitant to allow him on this type of field trip in only 3 years, unless there is SIGNIFICANT improvement in his behaviors and ability to cope with things.

I think you need to be looking below the surface. Your daughter's behaviors are not typical.

 

[Hannathy]

Yep and the chaperon's failed. The reason chaperon's are needed is because kids/teens can make bad choices which Natalie did. A chaperon should have stopped her from drinking as she is not of age to drink in the U.S. and should have stopped her from getting in that car. Chaperons are not always on alert like they should be.

Now, back to the child going on this long trip. I have two girls ages 6 and 7, in no way would I even let them go in to D.C. without my me or my husband being on the trip as we know all too well how bad D.C. actually is. I would not trust my kids to anyone there.

I've let my daughter's go on Pumpkin Patch trips with their classes but the trip to D.C. is too long, the fact that they have been forewarned not to follow is nothing more than a red flag, I would not let her go.

How do you know the chaperon's failed they only one I know for sure who failed was Natalie. Like I pointed out on teen trips the chaperons are NOT with the kids constantly, they are on their own. It isn't 3rd grade they don't stay with the adults they stay with each other which is what she didn't do. If she had she would still be alive. This is why kids should go on trips like this when they are young so they learn these things.

 

[ILoveMyGirls]

Beth Holloway made a comment something to be effect "where were the chaperon's?" After all, if they were not going to watch out for the teen's safety, what was there point in being there.

What you are pointing out about chaperon's not being with teens on trips is very disheartening.

Given that Natalie was majorette, I know that they go on lots of trips so I'm confident in saying that she did go on previous trips.

How do you know the chaperon's failed they only one I know for sure who failed was Natalie. Like I pointed out on teen trips the chaperons are NOT with the kids constantly, they are on their own. It isn't 3rd grade they don't stay with the adults they stay with each other which is what she didn't do. If she had she would still be alive. This is why kids should go on trips like this when they are young so they learn these things.

 

[ILoveMyGirls]

LOL, you got me on this one. When I hear Capital, I automatically think of our Nation's Capital, Washington, D.C.

Just curious--why are you bringing up Washington, DC? The OP lives in Texas. I assumed they were going to Austin, not DC.

 

[Hannathy]

Beth Holloway made a comment something to be effect "where were the chaperon's?" After all, if they were not going to watch out for the teen's safety, what was there point in being there.

What you are pointing out about chaperon's not being with teens on trips is very disheartening.

Given that Natalie was majorette, I know that they go on lots of trips so I'm confident in saying that she did go on previous trips.

Why would they be with them every moment ? Kids this age go out alone! When the bands go to Disney they don't go with chaperon every second. Most just check in once or twice a day with a stationed chaperone. Same with when they go on day trips in high school. When my DD's middle school goes to the water park they go off on their own and meet for lunch. Same thing when they go to amusement parks. Kids grow up and need independence and most have been slowly gaining it if the parents let go and let them.

I'm sure her Mom is looking to any one to blame but in this case the majority of the blame lies on Natalie and her bad choice (before anyone says it of course he shouldn't have murdered her bad choice or not but if she had stayed in the group-first thing taught on field trips-she more than likely would be ok)

 

[princessmom29]

Using the term "Helicopter Mom" is nothing more than mean spirited toward the OP who does not want to put her child in harm's way. I live in the DC area and in no way would want my kids in the DC area without my supervision.

Here is something for you to think about: If Natalie Holloway's mom had been a "Helicopter Mom", Natalie Holloway more than likely would not be dead.

I am from Alabama, and have followed the Holloway story for the beginning. I find it in horribly bad taste to make this kind of comment about Ms. Holloway. That poor girl is NOT dead because her mom didn't hover enough. She is dead because she happened into the path of what has been proven to be a serial killer. I would not have expected the chaperones to stay with them every minute. Ours never did on my high school trips. We were given free run most evenings with a time to be back at the hotel. No matter anyone's opinion here, the fact remains that the teens on that trip were legally adults with the excetion of a few that missed it by a couple of months. I spent 4 weeks in Paris at that age, and no one was holding my hand or following me around 24-7. We had classes in the morining, and were responsible for ourselves the rest of the day and evening. No bed checks ect. We were adults and expected to be responsible for ourselves. We send students from my high school to Europe every year. This year we sent a group to China. They are not expected to stay with a chaperone at all times. They are big enough to handle a few hours of freedom. Yes, bad things can happen, but they happen anywhere, even in YOUR town. We cannot be with our kids at alltimes os we need to teach them how to be aware and street smart. Holding thier hand on every field trip does nothing to further that.

 

[Mkrop]

Calling someone a helicopter parent is rude but certain posters around here like to throw that term around. Guess it makes them feel like a superior parent. I see parents all the time who take the opposite extreme with their children in the name of NOT being a helicopter parent and sometimes their decisions sound downright neglectful.

IT IS ALL ABOUT BALANCE PEOPLE!


The OP was asking for advice plain and simple. This experience is new for her and her DD so there is no harm asking. She should investigate, ask questions and make an informed decision.

Should she have her DD go on the trip, my advice was YES. Even with a DD who is anxious, kids do need to learn to cope and deal with their anxiety. Kids need to deal with things, even things like something accidental happening. Kids need to learn to trust those in charge. You can not be there 24/7, so if something should go wrong, kids need to learn to listen and follow instructions for those in charge.

And to the posters who said that these people are a bunch of strangers, I dont get that. Your kids are with strangers everyday, you dont really know the teachers well or the other staff. If something goes wrong, it is this staff of people who will be taking care of your child. You may not be able to get to them in a true emergency even if you are just across town.

You cant live your life in a bubble but you can ask the proper questions and be well informed about the trip. I think the OP got some excellent advice about getting to know more parents, this issue is bound to come up again. Talk the teacher about your concerns but dont expect her to just allow you to come either.

I hope the OP's DD is allowed to go on the trip and has fun but ultimately she needs to decide what works for her family and no one should be made fun of for that.

 

[KathyK]

My kids are going into 2nd and 3rd grade, and I'd be fine with them going. They go on overnight trips with their Brownie troops, so why not a day trip with school?