How old is too old for DD's to go with DH in the men's room?

[Hannathy]

I'll say this again...but of course it will be ignored again. Boys under the age of 15 are legally allowed to be in a womens room.

You keep spouting this and expecting us to believe it. Where is this from? Where is this written in the Disney rules. I have never seen this. Heck Disney could be 7 since that is how old you have to be to ride alone.

Disney is a private property they can set there own rules, there are some federal laws they have to follow but I don't remember seeing this in the constitution or the amendments.

So I ask again where are you getting the 15?

 

[Mommy2Jameson]

Well, here's my issue: I'm a single mom with a 5 year old boy. I have NO problem sending him into the men's room alone at Disney when he has to go. He knows to do his business, wash his hands and come right back out. I wait right by the door, and he's never had a problem.

My problem is when I have to go. Haha! I don't trust to leave him alone outside the bathroom. I just don't feel like you should leave a 5 y/o sitting alone in a busy public place like that for any amount of time. So when I need to go, he comes in the restroom with me, and he knows that he is to stand right in front of my stall where I can see his shoes, and he doesn't mess around in there. We've never had an issue and I've never had anyone have a problem with it.

 

[Hannathy]

Well, here's my issue: I'm a single mom with a 5 year old boy. I have NO problem sending him into the men's room alone at Disney when he has to go. He knows to do his business, wash his hands and come right back out. I wait right by the door, and he's never had a problem.

My problem is when I have to go. Haha! I don't trust to leave him alone outside the bathroom. I just don't feel like you should leave a 5 y/o sitting alone in a busy public place like that for any amount of time. So when I need to go, he comes in the restroom with me, and he knows that he is to stand right in front of my stall where I can see his shoes, and he doesn't mess around in there. We've never had an issue and I've never had anyone have a problem with it.

And you won't at 5. 5 isn't the age we are talking about. Because at 5 he is a little guy and you could take him in the stall with you if it was a dangerous place.

And you send him into the mens room not the ladies room alone.

 

[leebee]

You keep spouting this and expecting us to believe it. Where is this from? Where is this written in the Disney rules. I have never seen this. Heck Disney could be 7 since that is how old you have to be to ride alone.

Disney is a private property they can set there own rules, there are some federal laws they have to follow but I don't remember seeing this in the constitution or the amendments.

So I ask again where are you getting the 15?

Good question! I have just spent over an hour searching the internet, and nowhere did I find a statute of any kind stating that a person under the age of 15 is allowed to use whichever public bathroom he/she desires. What I learned is that the regulations change from state to state and even among towns within a state. Imthatgirl, exactly where did you find this "law" you keep repeating?

 

[maxiesmom]

Why should the girl who belongs in there wait? She is in the right place not the boy. If it makes any person that belongs in there uncomfortable then the offending party should leave not the person who belongs there.

If a 7 yr old (2nd- 3rd grade, end of 1rst in some cases) can't follow directions to stay in one spot and NOT wander off then the Mother has more problems than the absolutely minuscule chance of the boogie man kidnapping them in Disneyworld.

And if she thinks, empahasis on thinks, there is a real risk to him waiting outside for her then it is simple bring him in and take him in her stall. Problem solved. If she doesn't want him in with her while she goes no one else does either.

But the truth is altho I think 7 is to old, I could even deal with a few 7 yr olds if that were the upper extreme but if you read on here they want to be able to bring 8,9,10, heck even 11 yr olds!! (who are mostly taller than I am) in also.
I mean really where does it stop?

I couldn't agree more with everything you have said.

 

[luvmy3]

And you won't at 5. 5 isn't the age we are talking about. Because at 5 he is a little guy and you could take him in the stall with you if it was a dangerous place.

And you send him into the mens room not the ladies room alone.

What about when he is 7? You seem to have a big issue with a 7 year old in the women's room and not a 5 year old, and I'm sorry but there isn't a huge difference there. And yes I have a 7 year old so I do know exactly what I'm talking about. For someone who thinks a 29 year old man groping a 13 year old is the same as a college student being groped a college party, that really perplexes me. Seriously, if you can explain to your child that its no big deal that he was groped by a strange man, surely you can explain to your child that its no big deal to see a 7 year old boy in the bathroom

 

[mjkacmom]

What about when he is 7? You seem to have a big issue with a 7 year old in the women's room and not a 5 year old, and I'm sorry but there isn't a huge difference there. And yes I have a 7 year old so I do know exactly what I'm talking about.

Well, I have an 8 year old, and it's been years since I brought him into the ladies room (except for some scary rest stops when his dad or brother wasn't with me). I do see a difference. Just curious, at what age do you think a boy should use his designated restroom?

 

[princessmom29]

What about when he is 7? You seem to have a big issue with a 7 year old in the women's room and not a 5 year old, and I'm sorry but there isn't a huge difference there. And yes I have a 7 year old so I do know exactly what I'm talking about. For someone who thinks a 29 year old man groping a 13 year old is the same as a college student being groped a college party, that really perplexes me. Seriously, if you can explain to your child that its no big deal that he was groped by a strange man, surely you can explain to your child that its no big deal to see a 7 year old boy in the bathroom

Actually there is a huge difference between 5 and 7. The maturity level SHOULD skyrocket once they go to real school. My DD is WORLDS different as a 2nd grader than she was in K. She is SO much more mature and responsible. At 5, she still looked acted and sounded a bit like a preschooler. Not now. If there is not a big difference in a 2nd grader and a child in K, then there is some kind of problem there.

 

[Mkrop]

Then as I said the Mother has a serious discipline problem on their hands. Because the average 7 yr old knows to stay put if told to stay put, it really isn't a very complex direction, especially if given by their parent.

My kid can do it but the majority of the boys and girls could not. Esp if there was more than one of them, they would get into mischief and disrupt others. I was constantly reminding them to go back and sit on the bench and wait for the group. I have an 8 year old so I am not that far away from observing the maturity level (or lack thereof) of this group.

What about when he is 7? You seem to have a big issue with a 7 year old in the women's room and not a 5 year old, and I'm sorry but there isn't a huge difference there. And yes I have a 7 year old so I do know exactly what I'm talking about. For someone who thinks a 29 year old man groping a 13 year old is the same as a college student being groped a college party, that really perplexes me. Seriously, if you can explain to your child that its no big deal that he was groped by a strange man, surely you can explain to your child that its no big deal to see a 7 year old boy in the bathroom

Seriuosly I still dont understand that comparison!

Like I said maybe becasue I grew up with much younger brothers, a boy in the bathroom did not phase me as a young girl, and as a grown woman it does not make me blink an eye either. Although I dont know what bathrooms you are all going into bc I dont see tweens or teens in there and I dont see young boys making messes or peeking in stalls. And I didnt know ANY 10 year olds that we taller than me, and I am only 5'2". They all got taller than me once they reach 7th grade! So once again I would be explaining to my DD, if I had one that most of the moms are bringing in their young boys for assitance and safety and that her brief moment of embarrasnment could possibly be saving a young child's life.

Once again for my family it is non issue bc in WDW DH is usually with us or I can send both boys in together. We also make many pit stops and all go, so that if DH and DS13 are on a roller coaster that DS8 does not want to ride (like RNR), that I do no have to send him in unattended. Or I dont have to leave him on a bench unattended bc although he knows to stay put I dont feel comfortable doing that, so we adjust what we need to do as a family.

I also am amazed that you all have kids at such dangerous schools, at our school the kids all go together as a group, with a teacher or aide standing outside. Then if they need to go other times, they have to go in pairs and the teacher will leave her classroom door open so to hear them. These are the K-3rd grade kids. The older kids go independently. And our school has pretty strict security, so not just anyone can roam the halls. So I am not sure why you would say they are safer at WDW than school.

 

[WantToGoNow]

If you choose to take your son in the ladies room with you then take them into the STALL with you. If you/they are embarassed for him to be in there with you then he is too old to be in the women's restroom. I have a dd7 and I can promise you if I tell her to sit on a bench and wait for me, her little behind will be on that bench until I come back - be it 2 minutes or 20 because knows the consequence for misbehavior. I wouldn't even propose to ds10 that he go into a women's room with me - he hasn't seen the inside of a women's restroom in that last 4 years and I'm pretty sure he rather wet himself and walk around like that than go in there.

My dh said that dd7 is way too old to be in the men's room even though she wouldn't see anything if she did. He said it would not be right to make the men in there uncomfortable by bringing her in. If he were alone with her, she would be sent to the ladies room and told to wait outside of the door for him if she got out first.

 

[nchulka]

The other day I was reading an article entitled In 1979 a first grader could....
There was a book that came out in 1979 called Your 6 Year Old, it was part of a series and was all about what a 6 year old child was like. It had a checklist of what your child should be able to do before entering first grade. One of the things on the list was can your child travel in your neighborhood (4-8 blocks) to store, school, playground, a friend's home. Just 30 years ago it was expected that 6 years olds entering 1st grade could navigate their community and handle themselves on their own in public, and now we seem to think they can't even handle instructions like sit on a bench and wait 3 minutes for me!

 

[maxiesmom]

If you choose to take your son in the ladies room with you then take them into the STALL with you. If you/they are embarassed for him to be in there with you then he is too old to be in the women's restroom.

I agree with you, and I don't get why more parents can't comprehend this. Unless, they really just care about themselves and their privacy, and don't give a fig about anyone else's.

 

[luvmy3]

Well, I have an 8 year old, and it's been years since I brought him into the ladies room (except for some scary rest stops when his dad or brother wasn't with me). I do see a difference. Just curious, at what age do you think a boy should use his designated restroom?

My 7 year old does not go into the rest room with me, I have no idea what age we stopped doing that probably around 5. I don't really care what age other people decide is right for their kids.

Actually there is a huge difference between 5 and 7. The maturity level SHOULD skyrocket once they go to real school. My DD is WORLDS different as a 2nd grader than she was in K. She is SO much more mature and responsible. At 5, she still looked acted and sounded a bit like a preschooler. Not now. If there is not a big difference in a 2nd grader and a child in K, then there is some kind of problem there.

My post wasn't about the majority level of a 5 and 7 year old, and besides what does that have to do with going in the bathroom with your mother? What do you all think that more mature 7 year old is going to do in there, start sexually harrassing the little girls and ladies? That just ridiculous and, as paranoid and irrational as you (maybe not you personally) are claiming other parents as being. However, that is not what I was addressing when I quoted the pp, a poster who said they would tell their kid that it was no big deal that they were groped by a strange adult yet that same poster seems to have quite an issue with a 7 year old in the women's restroom. Sorry, I can't wrap my brain around that logic (or lack there of).

So to answer the OP, I don't care what other people do when it comes to this subject, if you want to bring your 7 year old in the women's room with you, or you want to send them in without you, I don't really care. I am not going to be scarred for life by seeing a male child in there, my 13 year old dd isn't either. It wouldn't even come close to effecting her, say the way a strange man groping her would

 

[leebee]

If you choose to take your son in the ladies room with you then take them into the STALL with you. If you/they are embarassed for him to be in there with you then he is too old to be in the women's restroom. I have a dd7 and I can promise you if I tell her to sit on a bench and wait for me, her little behind will be on that bench until I come back - be it 2 minutes or 20 because knows the consequence for misbehavior. I wouldn't even propose to ds10 that he go into a women's room with me - he hasn't seen the inside of a women's restroom in that last 4 years and I'm pretty sure he rather wet himself and walk around like that than go in there.

My dh said that dd7 is way too old to be in the men's room even though she wouldn't see anything if she did. He said it would not be right to make the men in there uncomfortable by bringing her in. If he were alone with her, she would be sent to the ladies room and told to wait outside of the door for him if she got out first.

I could not agree more. My DD has always known that what mom and dad say is the rule, and she'd better follow it. I realize that not all kids are like mine, who was crushed if we scowled at her (so time out happened rarely at our house), but I work in a school and see far too many kids whose parents haven't taken the reins and taught them to behave like civilized beings. I know there will be flames for this, but children have parents to teach them how to grow and show them the way, not simply to stand by and let them do as they please because it lets them "express" themselves. Too many kids doing too much expressing without any control!! NOT that I would have left my petite child alone on a bench at age 4, but if I had told her to sit there and not move, she would still have been there when I came out of the bathroom... yes, even at Disney, even with a group of other kids. I was very lucky in having a child who wanted to do as she was asked (and FYI she's now a mature, responsible, outgoing, happy college freshman!); I realize that's not always the case.

You have to do what you think will keep your kid safe, but you also need to weigh in reality: IS this really a dangerous place or am I just scared of the WHAT IF's? However, I still don't get why imthatgirl will send her young son alone into a woman's room but not a men's room. Are women intrinsically safer around kids?

My issue with young kids alone in a bathroom isn't even safety or if they can "do their stuff." It's more of a hygiene thing. Our bathrooms at school (I work in a preK-8 school) have smaller, lower toilets and sinks for the younger kids, so of course a 6 or 7 (or even younger) year old can do their own thing successfully. However, that's not the case in a public restroom, and the idea of anyone's kid crawling up onto the seat, putting their hands on it, sliding around on/off it, etc., turns my stomach. Fortunately for boys, if they need to pee, this isn't an issue- unless, of course, their mom has sent them alone into the ladies room!!

 

[princessmom29]

My 7 year old does not go into the rest room with me, I have no idea what age we stopped doing that probably around 5. I don't really care what age other people decide is right for their kids.



My post wasn't about the majority level of a 5 and 7 year old, and besides what does that have to do with going in the bathroom with your mother? What do you all think that more mature 7 year old is going to do in there, start sexually harrassing the little girls and ladies? That just ridiculous and, as paranoid and irrational as you (maybe not you personally) are claiming other parents as being. However, that is not what I was addressing when I quoted the pp, a poster who said they would tell their kid that it was no big deal that they were groped by a strange adult yet that same poster seems to have quite an issue with a 7 year old in the women's restroom. Sorry, I can't wrap my brain around that logic (or lack there of).

So to answer the OP, I don't care what other people do when it comes to this subject, if you want to bring your 7 year old in the women's room with you, or you want to send them in without you, I don't really care. I am not going to be scarred for life by seeing a male child in there, my 13 year old dd isn't either. It wouldn't even come close to effecting her, say the way a strange man groping her would

No, no one I have see is taling aobut harassing anyone, just making them feel uncomfortable. A 7 year old child SHOULD be able to go into the porper restroom on thier or own, and wait to meet up with thier group outside the restroom. There is no reasojn for a 7 year old boy to be in the ladies room except his mom's irrational fears. There is an expectation of privacy inside a restroom, and a 7 year old is WAY too old to justify violating that becuase you cannot let go enough to allow them to go to the bathroom independently or to sit ouside the restroom while you go. There is simply NO reason to bring a 7 year old boy into the ladies room. I have been peeked at in the restroom and so has DD. It does happen, but that is not my main problem with it. The way stalls in many restrooms are set up, it is also easy to get an eyefull without even trying. So no, I don't think 7 year old boys belong in the ladies's room. The idea that a boy her age would see he going to the restroom, even without meaning to, bothers DD, and I think it should. There is NO valid reason for them to be in there in the first place.

 

[luvmy3]

No, no one I have see is taling aobut harassing anyone, just making them feel uncomfortable. A 7 year old child SHOULD be able to go into the porper restroom on thier or own, and wait to meet up with thier group outside the restroom. There is no reasojn for a 7 year old boy to be in the ladies room except his mom's irrational fears. There is an expectation of privacy inside a restroom, and a 7 year old is WAY too old to justify violating that becuase you cannot let go enough to allow them to go to the bathroom independently or to sit ouside the restroom while you go. There is simply NO reason to bring a 7 year old boy into the ladies room. I have been peeked at in the restroom and so has DD. It does happen, but that is not my main problem with it. The way stalls in many restrooms are set up, it is also easy to get an eyefull without even trying. So no, I don't think 7 year old boys belong in the ladies's room. The idea that a boy her age would see he going to the restroom, even without meaning to, bothers DD, and I think it should. There is NO valid reason for them to be in there in the first place.

Just as you think your dd's, and your family's comfort is a valid reason why a 7 year old boy shouldn't be in there, another familiy's comfort is a valid reason why they think they should.

 

[Bonniec]

double post

 

[Bonniec]

I really don't care what everyone else does with their own kids.


One thing I will add though.....I've seen a lot of comments on this thread about how it's okay if the child has special needs. Just as a curiosity, how does a special needs child qualify in your mind? How do you KNOW what needs a child has? My child has medical issues with his stomach that cause him to still need a lot of help at age 5. I expect this will continue for many more years to come. You would never know he has any issues just by looking at him.

So let's say a mother brings in an 8 year old boy into a girl's restroom. How do you know what issues this child may have? You just assume it's an over protective mother or does the child have to have a physical look about them?

This is why I will never judge because I know what my own kid goes through yet he looks and acts normal beyond his toilet troubles. People can do whatever they want with their own kids. As long as they aren't bothering me, I don't care. If someone bothers me, Im not shy about speaking up.





And yes, I do know they have companion bathrooms. But I've gone to Disney since I was a kid and only just now learned of them. In fact, we were there yesterday and I couldn't find any so we still had to use the regular bathrooms. Im actually off now to research them and add the locations to my pphone. So yes, Disney has special bathrooms for kids with needs. But I doubt a lot of people even know about them. Someone with a severe handicap might. But they arent exactly common knowledge.



ETA:

Just as you think your dd's, and your family's comfort is a valid reason why a 7 year old boy shouldn't be in there, another familiy's comfort is a valid reason why they think they should.

Agreed

 

[maxiesmom]

Just as you think your dd's, and your family's comfort is a valid reason why a 7 year old boy shouldn't be in there, another familiy's comfort is a valid reason why they think they should.

Not comparable. A woman and her daughter belong in a female restroom. A son belongs in a male restroom. They are seperated by gender for a reason. A valid reason is not "just becasue it makes me feel better". Which is what it is about, after the child is old enough to go to school by themselves. There is not a need for it, calming a parent's paranoia is not a need.

At some point mom and dad need to cut the strings, and let their child do things that may feel a bit uncomfortable at first. After a while, the parent then becomes comfortable with the freedom they have given. It is called letting your child grow up, and mature, and helping them be ready to deal with life without having to have someone hold their hand all of the time.

 

[Mkrop]

Just as you think your dd's, and your family's comfort is a valid reason why a 7 year old boy shouldn't be in there, another familiy's comfort is a valid reason why they think they should.

The one thing that bothers me the most about the DIS, is that some people think that IF my child can do it so can yours. And I hate to break it to people that kids are humans not robots. Kids will vary in maturity levels even at that MAGICAL age of 7. In a room full of 7 years olds, you will have every level of maturity happening amongst the boys and the girls but usually boys fall on the lower end of maturity. So you will find kids who are quite capable of sitting on a bench and there will will kids who cant handle that whether it is anxiety or maybe ADHD. You will have kids who can handle the independence of going into the men's room, whether it is hygiene or zipping up pants, or dealing with a stranger.

There are many people who think since my kid can ride his bike to school by himself that everyone should have that level of independence, not every neighborhood is set up for that.

I have two boys who are as different as night and day. I thought I was the perfect parent with DS13 bc he was so independent, so confident, so smart etc. Then I had DS8 and he had many physical delays that made dresssing a challenge, it still is but he has improved greatly but he is not on par with all of his classmates. Most people have no clue looking at him. He is also my anxious kid, quite a shock after having DS13. He is a very well behaved 8 year old so he would stay on that bench but the anxiety he would feel would be detrimental to all that we have worked towards. Will he get there eventually, yes, but I am not about to have his progress derailed bc of some other parents who think that he should be doing A, B and C by age 8.

And for the record, he rarely goes into the bathroom with me anymore, we started the process last year, and even when he does(very rare) or did, he went in the stall with me.

Last year, we had a black pickup truck cruising around the middle schools, trying to lure kids into his truck. All schools were made aware and all parents notified. I took this time to go over DS8 (7 at the time) what to do, I thought he knew since I have been drilling it into him, yet he seemed clueless, so we went over it AGAIN.

Then that weekend at flag football, standing on the sidelines with a bunch of other 7 year old moms and dads, we discussed the maturity level of our kids. They were all over the board. One interesting observation I made was by a no nonsense mom who had an DD12, and twins girl DD7 and a boy DS7. She said that both of her girls would know exactly what to do, but her son, who was one of the most popular kids in the school, she said had not an ounce of common sense, and would probably take off with anyone who said cmon I will toss a football with you. I just found it interesting bc she is very about having independent kids but she knew that her son was not at the same level as her DDs.