How old is too old for DD's to go with DH in the men's room?

[maxiesmom]

You know, if everyone could just use a little bit of common sense instead of arguing about every word someone uses this dicussion would not be necessary. There IS an expectation of privacy in the restroom. Many legal cases have established that so it is fact. I can expect NOT to be on display to members of the opposite sex while there. Common sense would dictate that a small child who is not yet aware of the differences in male and female and the connotations that those differences carry would not be a violation of that privacy while and older child who is very well aware of and curious of those differences certianly would. We all know that this point comes for the vast majority of children about the time they enter elemantary school. We know that at this point they should be toileting on thier own and capable of going into the appropiate restroom to do so. It is the irrational fear of the boogey man and nothing more that leads us to force them into a place they should never be. Why not just let go of that irrational fear and allow kids to do what we all know by rights they should be doing?

Because some parents fail to let their commons sense dictate what they do, and instead give in to that fear.

As far as the photo taking creap goes, how would you(in general) prevent them from taking pictures of your child if you were in one stall, and the child in another? There is no way your son is any safer in the womens restroom than the mens unless you have them with you all of the time. That pervert proves the point unless your child is in the stall with you bad things can still happen. Just taking your child into the general restroom area with you, and then going into seperate stalls, helps nothing.

 

[mjkacmom]

Hi everyone,

This is the OP here.

I'm not sure if anyone else saw this on the news, but I saw a clip on the preview for the news a couuple of days ago about someone taking photos of children in a toys r us restroom! This is exactly the kind of thing I want to protect my children from.

I do think that DD7 is getting to the age now that she can't really go with DH in the restroom unless there are extenuating circumstances. Last year I do think it was still ok.

This year when we're on our Orlando trip, if we are all together, I will take DD7 and DH will take DD4. DD7 is very independent in the bathroom, but there are still occasions when she can't reach the soap or towels, etc. She is pretty short

If DH and DD7 have split off together and either DH or DD7 need to go to the bathroom and their is no family washroom around (btw does anyone know if sea world or universal have them??), then I'm sorry but DH will be bringing her in. I don't feel comfortable in a busy bustling place for her to go in alone yet. Partially on the small chance she needs help, partially on the small chance she'll get lost, and partially on the small chance she may be taken advantage of. However small those chances are, I'm not willing to take them yet.

When it comes to DH needing to go, we are not comfortable leaving DD7 in a busy place, where we cannot see her at all times. Nor, would she be comfortable with that either. So, unfortunately she would have to go in with him. DH would hustle her over to a stall and it isn't like men have things hanging all around anyways, nor would DD care to look.

As for women's washrooms, my DD's have never been embarrased or uncomfortable seeing a boy in there, and they understand that sometimes boys go in with their mothers, just like they go in with their dad sometimes.

Also, I have never once been uncomfortable about my privacy in a public washrom. Yes there are tiny gaps in between the stalls, but I have never seen anyone peeking in, even small children. That isn't really an issue.

Thanks for all the advice everyone, I didn't mean for things to get so heated!

Why does your DH take your 4 year old into the mens room? Ever since they were all potty trained, I take the 3 girls, and DH takes the 2 boys. When my girls were little, we all just went into the same stall (well, dd15 has 5 years on the next youngest girl, so I'm guessing she went alone). There is no way DH would've taken them - he thinks the sanitary conditions in there aren't fit for a little girl. I wouldn't think twice about having a 7 year old go into the ladies room without me, or sit on a bench. Having brothers, my girls have enough knowledge of the male anatomy to sketch very accurate diagrams, but I still wouldn't want them in the mens room.

 

[princessmom29]

Hi everyone,

This is the OP here.

I'm not sure if anyone else saw this on the news, but I saw a clip on the preview for the news a couuple of days ago about someone taking photos of children in a toys r us restroom! This is exactly the kind of thing I want to protect my children from.

I do think that DD7 is getting to the age now that she can't really go with DH in the restroom unless there are extenuating circumstances. Last year I do think it was still ok.

This year when we're on our Orlando trip, if we are all together, I will take DD7 and DH will take DD4. DD7 is very independent in the bathroom, but there are still occasions when she can't reach the soap or towels, etc. She is pretty short

If DH and DD7 have split off together and either DH or DD7 need to go to the bathroom and their is no family washroom around (btw does anyone know if sea world or universal have them??), then I'm sorry but DH will be bringing her in. I don't feel comfortable in a busy bustling place for her to go in alone yet. Partially on the small chance she needs help, partially on the small chance she'll get lost, and partially on the small chance she may be taken advantage of. However small those chances are, I'm not willing to take them yet.

When it comes to DH needing to go, we are not comfortable leaving DD7 in a busy place, where we cannot see her at all times. Nor, would she be comfortable with that either. So, unfortunately she would have to go in with him. DH would hustle her over to a stall and it isn't like men have things hanging all around anyways, nor would DD care to look.

As for women's washrooms, my DD's have never been embarrased or uncomfortable seeing a boy in there, and they understand that sometimes boys go in with their mothers, just like they go in with their dad sometimes.

Also, I have never once been uncomfortable about my privacy in a public washrom. Yes there are tiny gaps in between the stalls, but I have never seen anyone peeking in, even small children. That isn't really an issue.

Thanks for all the advice everyone, I didn't mean for things to get so heated!

1. YOu cannot protect her from vreeps taking pictures in the ladies room unless you are in the stall with her. I know I don't do that with my 7 year old girl. Most people don't.

2. She won't "have" to go in with your DH, you are making a choice to send her in. You DO have a choice. You could teach her there is nothing to be afraid of and move on. That is the choice that I have made, so saying there is no other choice really bothers me.

ETA: It seems that privacy in the restroom actually is an issue for you as you don't want someone taking photos in there. I don't want someone looking at me. As for you never having seen anyone peeking, trust me, in many places they can see in from acrosss the room. They don't need to have their eye pressed to the crack. It happens a lot of the time without the person being peeked at knowing it.

 

[proud_canadian]

I know there are women perverts as well, which is why I don't want either of my DD's out of my sight at all when we are in a busy public place like Disney, and especially in washrooms!

Which is why DD7 would go in the mens with DH rather than go into the women's alone!

 

[princessmom29]

I know there are women perverts as well, which is why I don't want either of my DD's out of my sight at all when we are in a busy public place like Disney, and especially in washrooms!

Which is why DD7 would go in the mens with DH rather than go into the women's alone!

There are perverts everywhere we go. FYI, there is a lot more likely to be someone trying to catch a glimpse of your DD in the mens room than the ladies room nad your DH can't do anything to stop them looking or control thier thoughts.

I refuse to let fear of them rule my life. There is a one in a million chance that a pervert would ever actually do anything to affect my child, and I know that i cannot control thier thoughts so we take an appropiate level of caution and allow DD an appropiate level of indpendence. She is perfectly capable of using the restroom by herself. Any 7 year old should be. She can go to the counter in a restaurant and gether own soda refill. I don't need to see her every second of every day. I just cannot live my life in constant fear that something will happen if I let her out of my sight. That is not really living at all, and not allowing her to live.

Why are we so much more afraid of this than the million other bad things that could happen to our kids? Why does fear of the perv in the shadows dominate the actions of so many parents??

 

[DuckMom]

I have not read the entire thread, so excuse me if I repeat, but I wanted to share a story that happened to a man from my church. He took his three children (two boys 10 & 7) and a girl to BW3s in town. The restaurant is near a movie theatre, in an entertainment complex, and very family friendly. They were there on a Saturday afternoon. The two boys had to go to the bathroom and the dad allowed them to go alone. The boys came back out, acting weird and said there was someone strange in the bathroom. The Dad asked again and all the older boy would say was something wasn't right and there was a strange man in the bathroom. The Dad went in and found a fully grown man completely naked and obviously aroused. The Father alerted the restaurant's manager and the police were called. Turns out the guy was a registered sex offender. Both boys swear nothing happened, thank goodness, but still, what a scare.

After that, I started taking my 6-year-old son into the bathroom with me again. I recently read the book "The Pact" by Jodi Piccoult and, in that book, there is an incident in a public restroom that bothers a girl into her teen years and is cause for great concern with her. Yes, I realize this is fiction, but those two things coupled together make me worry. If my husband is with us, I let him take my sons to the bathroom, but if we are alone, I take them both with me. We try to go in the handicapped stall and all of us are in there together. There are times I will stand outside a bathroom door and wait for my older son, but sometimes I think that weirds out the men more than a little boy washing his hands bothers the women.

I think this is a very personal choice for each parent. There could be extenuating circumstances or parents could just be paranoid (like me). Whatever happens though, I don't think we should judge one another. Everyone does what is best for their family and their children. Respect each parent's decision and leave it at that.

 

[robinb]

Why are we so much more afraid of this than the million other bad things that could happen to our kids? Why does fear of the perv in the shadows dominate the actions of so many parents??

This is my opinion on why the perv fear is so prevalent. Parents are overwhelmed by our world of instant media coverage of all the things that can wrong with our children. At the same time, we are obsessed with the likes of Nancy Grace whose career is based on bad things happening to innocent people. Add to that the internet which makes research of past events easy (think Elizabeth Smart, JonBenet Ramsey, Jaycee Dugard, Matthew Cecchi) and you have a perfect storm that feeds into parents' natural fears for their children's safety and well being.

People also have a natural need to control their environment (some people's need to be in control is greater than others) and where your school-aged son potties is one of them. It's easy to bring your son into the ladies room and feel that you are protecting him from some possibly awful event. Even though the odds of something happening to him in a WDW mens room or waiting outside the ladies room for his mom to get out is astronomically high, this is one thing you can control. It makes you feel better because you cannot control the "million other bad things" that can happen to your child.

 

[robinb]

I recently read the book "The Pact" by Jodi Piccoult and, in that book, there is an incident in a public restroom that bothers a girl into her teen years and is cause for great concern with her. Yes, I realize this is fiction, but those two things coupled together make me worry.

I would recommend the non-fiction book "Protecting the Gift" by Gavin de Becker for who to protect your children without smothering them.

 

[Hannathy]

I think this is a very personal choice for each parent. There could be extenuating circumstances or parents could just be paranoid (like me). Whatever happens though, I don't think we should judge one another. Everyone does what is best for their family and their children. Respect each parent's decision and leave it at that.

Sorry not when your paranoia interferes with my DD. Seriously looking at it your way then I am doing what is best for MY FAMILY and that means no older boys in the girls room. Why does your paranoia over rule my concern for my DD? Sorry but it doesn't so that is when you fall back on societal norms and societal norms assign sexes to their own bathrooms.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I went today and a couple of times found the companion bathrooms. They were great. I would look up the location of these before your trip.

Companion bathrooms are supposed to be for people with special needs.

 

[princessmom29]

Companion bathrooms are supposed to be for people with special needs.

This has been argued into the ground. Disney's position is that they are for anyone who needs assistance using the toilet. That would include small children who cannot do this alone.

 

[princessmom29]

Sorry not when your paranoia interferes with my DD. Seriously looking at it your way then I am doing what is best for MY FAMILY and that means no older boys in the girls room. Why does your paranoia over rule my concern for my DD? Sorry but it doesn't so that is when you fall back on societal norms and societal norms assign sexes to their own bathrooms.

Exactly. I personally don't think it is appropiate for older boys to ne in the women's restroom, and what is best for my DD is that they NOT be there. Societial norms say that males use the male restroom nad females use the female restroom. Until about 20 years ago, you never saw women taking thier sons into the ladies room with them. The media has frightened us to the point that many now feel it necessary to do so. The danger level is actually lower than it was 20 years ago, but people see boogie men around every corner. Crime stats say that crimes agianst children by stangers are actually on the decline, but suddenly we are not safe anymore???

 

[FlightlessDuck]

This has been argued into the ground. Disney's position is that they are for anyone who needs assistance using the toilet. That would include small children who cannot do this alone.

OK, fine.

In this case, since Mom is coming along, and is capable of taking her daughters into the women's room, why should they use a companion room when it should be set aside for someone who truly needs it?

 

[princessmom29]

OK, fine.

In this case, since Mom is coming along, and is capable of taking her daughters into the women's room, why should they use a companion room when it should be set aside for someone who truly needs it?

they shouldn't. She should thake the girls into the women's room or dad should send them in alone. Isn't that what i have been saying? I have no problem with a dad taking a lttle grils who is not capable of using the toilet alone into the companion restroom, however. That is part of what they are for.

 

[DuckMom]

Sorry not when your paranoia interferes with my DD. Seriously looking at it your way then I am doing what is best for MY FAMILY and that means no older boys in the girls room. Why does your paranoia over rule my concern for my DD? Sorry but it doesn't so that is when you fall back on societal norms and societal norms assign sexes to their own bathrooms.

What kind of world do you live in that a 6-year-old boy is going to be looking at your daughter in any inappropriate way? My son is disgusted by kissing on Phineas and Ferb and isn't going to be doing anything but going into the stall, washing his hand and leaving. He will be supervised the entire time.

Societal norms are different across the country and the world. In some parts of the world, and even our country, children are getting married at 13. In other parts of the world, people wear far less clothes than I am comfortable with. Heck, my son can probably see more walking by Victoria's Secret today at the mall than he will in a women's bathroom. I would be more concerned about what might happen on the playground than what is going to take place in a public restroom with parents in view.

I am not advocating a 13-year-old boy coming into the bathroom unless there are issues, but so what if he does. Live and let live. An older child of the opposite gender does not cause issues for your family ... it's a public restroom with doors and locks. Don't we all have more important things to worry about? That's all I'm saying. Why does everyone on a Disney family board think they need to judge everyone's parenting skills and moral character?

I am far from a helicopter parent and am fairly relaxed, but everyone has their own issues. We all try to be the best parents we can be and everyone doubts their abilities and choices at different times. No reason strangers on a message board need to add to the anxiety. The OP was simply asking for age ranges/thoughts. Not sure why everything has to turn into a huge argument.

I hope I have removed most of my sarcasm from this post, but if I haven't, I apologize. I just don't get why everyone thinks they can judge/insult others. I would think on a Disney board, of all places, people should be helpful, caring and keep nasty thoughts to themselves. I guess I should be thankful that something like this is the biggest annoyance I have today.

 

[Bonniec]

Quite aware of that and said so (regarding companion restrooms). In my case, I would say my son qualifies for them and so did the information desk when i asked about them. However, we only use them when they are not busy and no one waiting. He's much more comfortable and less fearful in those than he is in the bigger restrooms. But he can use the others when he has to.

In the OPs case she is welcome to ask the information desk as well and I'm sure they likely tell her the same. The are not handicap restrooms....they as well as the normal restrooms all have handicapped capabilities. They are companion restrooms for people who need help. I think a little common sense comes into play there. Should every mother and child use them? No. But in the OPs case where the father doesn't want to bring DD in, mother is not there, and DD afraid to go alone, I'm sure it's fine.


OP feel free to discuss with a cast member or info desk prior to know what is or is not allowed.


Until Disney wants to change the rules, those who have issues with these things are SOL. You will have to take your issues up with them.

 

[Bonniec]

OK, fine.

In this case, since Mom is coming along, and is capable of taking her daughters into the women's room, why should they use a companion room when it should be set aside for someone who truly needs it?

I believe the OP originally stated she wouldn't be there. Her question was in regard to what should she do if her husband and daughter go off alone.

 

[maxiesmom]

I am not advocating a 13-year-old boy coming into the bathroom unless there are issues, but so what if he does. Live and let live. An older child of the opposite gender does not cause issues for your family ... it's a public restroom with doors and locks. Don't we all have more important things to worry about? That's all I'm saying. Why does everyone on a Disney family board think they need to judge everyone's parenting skills and moral character?

So what if he does? Following that line of thought, so what if an 18 year old boy does? Where do we draw the line and say no, you need to be in the bathroom meant for you? You know, the one that matches your gender! The line that makes the most sense is once that child needs no help.

I mean, we are not talking about solid walls in those bathrooms. Most of the stalls have pretty big gaps between the frame and the door. It is not like you are totally out of view in those stalls. And when make decisions that affect others, then the rest of us have a right to judge what you are doing. I'm all about live and let live, but not when those actions have a negative affect on others.

 

[DuckMom]

So what if he does? Following that line of thought, so what if an 18 year old boy does? Where do we draw the line and say no, you need to be in the bathroom meant for you? You know, the one that matches your gender! The line that makes the most sense is once that child needs no help.

I think we have to let individual parents make that choice. Again, live and let live and trust other parents to know what is best for their children. I used to work with autistic students at a local middle school ... they came to my office and did clerical work to change things up and give them real-life experience. One of the boys was 18-years-old and looking at him, you would not know there was a problem. But, he was autistic and needed help with all things, including in the bathroom. Should his Mom put a sign on him that he has special needs when she takes him out in public so no one thinks he is a pervert in the women's bathroom? All I'm saying is you never know what is going on with another family. Children can have anxiety issues, they can be afraid of new places, they can have trouble with snaps and zips. Just because your five-year-old child can handle something doesn't mean that everyone can.

I guess I'm also not sure how a kindergarten boy in the bathroom stall with his mother has a negative impact on anyone else. It's a pain for me, because those things are small, but that's about it.

My older son (6) goes in the bathroom with me at times, goes with my husband at times and goes by himself at times. As he gets older, I will stop making him come in the bathroom with me, but it probably will happen at times. There are times I'm not comfortable leaving him outside of the bathroom when I have to go (busy airports come to mind) and I am a stay-at-home Mom with a husband who travels a lot for work, so there are times I have no choice. Feel free to judge me, but I would ask that you not. That's my big beef with this whole thing, the judging and thinking everyone knows what is best for other people's children.

 

[Leajess99]

I can't imagine not being able to trust my 7 year old to sit on a bench! Seriously! Maybe I might be worried that a 3 year old would wander off, but a 7 year old! Do you (imthatgirl) have any idea what a 7 year old boy is capable of! You should since you have one! When my son had just turned 7 (the week before) we were at Blizzard Beach and the rest of us wanted to go down a slide he was too short for. I told him he could go down one of the mat slides and we would come and get him after our slide (the downhill double dipper). He went off to get in line for his slide while the rest of us got in line for ours. I instructed him to wait at the bottom of his and that it may take us a while. It ended up taking about a half hour (the line was longer than I thought). When we went to get him, there he was waiting at the bottom of the mat slide. So the idea that a 7 year old can't sit on a bench or go in the men's room is seriously laughable

This is a great post. Heck my 7 year old went off with a couple of adults (strangers that she had only met that day) and a bunch of other kids (again she had only met them that day and they ranged in age from 6 to 14 or 15) to perform in the middle of the field at Brown Stadium in Cincinnati during a Bengals' football game. Was I worried?? Of course but holding her back also hinders her chances at once in a lifetime experiences. My 7 year took 2nd place in her division for the Bengals' Team Championship Round of the NFL's Punt, Pass, and Kick competition. Can you imagine taking that chance away out of my fear??

My daughter and all the other kids did great and the adults with them even had them go the bathroom before they headed out onto the field. Imagine 6 and 7 year old boys and girls actually going to the bathroom without adults. Oh wait, here they do it at school all the time.