Smidgy, that was a really funny chapter! You're going to give Nebo a run for the money.
Well, you know what I have to say about that? Huh? Huh? It's "Oh Yeah!" There, that should show you who's funny or not.
Ok, time to get this show on the road I guess.
As you have recently noticed,,, it's not just Florida trips that bad things can happen and that I can be stupid, ; they can happen here at home in Illinois,,,
or any other state I am reasonably certain of.
Yes, I am trying to state in a stately manner that All States can come into play once i've stated my desire to visit another state,and no, I try to avoid states with farms.
As for being an idjut,,, ,,
This Monday, at Epcot, was no exception!
Let's start with saying our thanks to Stephanie,,, she probavly kept the damage to a minimum. Oh,,, she is AKA Nowells.
I may end up referringto myself in the third person this chapter, if so, please, it's not a vanity issue, more than likely , it's just what I thought moved the story along better,,, remember,, I haven't done this in a while. Besides,,, whenf I use the pronoun "I", when describing something really stupid I did, well, it can get embarrassing, to even me. However, if I say "Nebo" it's more disconnected, and I can sit here and write about it thinking, "Boy, this Nebo dude is a real idiot!"
And so, we were pretty much set up before the trip to meet Stephanie and her fam Damily, (sorry,, a childish slang I hadn't thought of or used in many a year), over at Teppanedo for a very early lunch.
We got to Epcot that day, and before it was time to meet up,you know what we did that morning?
No?
Well, neither do I!
All I know is it'sDecember, but can'tremember in the slightest what we did that morning before lunch. Doesn't matter anyway, I was just looking forward to meeting Nowells and getting a fillet from the Dining plan.
I love Teppanedo, like the food and always seem to just have fun there, even if the chefs don'[t ever want to see me step foot in there again.
It's kind of odd that I do like this place since I'm mostly a meat and potatos guy, not bamboo shoots and waiter chestnuts.
Water chestnuts,,,,,,never tried,,,,,,,,"Oy Vey".
And so, we had this meeting planned befor we left hkome, and Stephanie met us outside on the balcony when we trudged up. Inside we met her family,,, daughter Jaime, SIL Garret, and of course ,, little Jackson,,, the cutest little kid I have EVER, met. (I'm pretty sure his name was Garrett, if not,,, a thousand apologies.)
At the podium, a little Japanese girl was whispering instructions to our group, which I couldn't hear, so I just wandered around, checking out the walls, looking at the statues and paintings, you know, , justa "Lookin at It", then I followed them all into a room.
I suppose a "re-cap" is in order here now:
We have eaten here approximately 3 or 4 times before,,, and even though it's one of my favorite eateries,,,, well,, I guesss you could say the feeling is not mutuel.
Our first time there when it was still Teppanyaki,,, we found out that our free dining plan had gotten messed up tw nights before ,,only didn't know about it until our last day at Teppanyaki. Needless to say,,, went 5 rounds with the Japan Pavilion management. I also managed to tick off the chef by questioning his heritage,,,, I had heard all employees in World Showcase are from their countries. This big guy who was our chef only had a little accent, and I told him he sounded like he was from Texas.
Big mistake.
He eventually under cross examination finally admitted he was raised in Houston. I got luckyk guessing on that one, but it ticked him off all the same.
Next time there I was pre-occupied with the chef at the table behind us, who was much more flamboyant than our own.
And I got caught watching him by our own chef,,, just as if I had been cheating and checking out other girls. Well, our chef stopped right in the middle of his presentation till I turned around and faced the front of the class.
Then I said the worst thing you can possibley say to a chef in the Japan pavillion;
I tried to explain why I was watching the other guy instead of you.
Words of warning,,,,,
Never, EVER, tell a Japanese chef somebody else has a bigger Volacano then he has! Remember who's holding the knives!
And I think it was the last time there,,, I tried to get creative:
Those little trays of sause each person gets that are useless,,, well,, " Ones for beef and veggies, one's for chicken, and the other is for rice."
Rigfht,,, they are about an eighth of an inch deep,,, and now ok, go ahead,,, pick up one rice kernal at a time with your chopsticks and dunk it into your dipping sauce,
lunch would last 46 years!
And I love the dish they give you the rice in,,, looks like a snow cone, doesn't it? Hey,,, why not just pour the sauce on the snow cone FIRST? But you can't do it when the tray of sauces is given to you now,,, it'[s then a threesome. I havewatched people try to pour out just one of the little shallow trays,,, and only make a mess which also peeves off the chefs'. But I never did that!
I thought I could get really clever last time, I took my bendy straw from my Coke, and when he wasn't looking I worked on siphoning some of the sauce into my cup of rice snow cone.
Yes,, it was work but I was making some progress, even though it reminded me of of the time my Mustang ran out of gas and nobody had any money,,, but a guy DID have a short hose, for emergencies just like this. Boy, that will make you gag for a half hour! Well, I almost started gagging trying to get a good siphon from the soy sauce sauce,,,,hmmm looks redundant,,,, ok,,, one more,,, sauce,,,
Well, as I was siphoning my sauce into my rice, suddenly the table got real quiet,,, then the giggles started and looking up I see the chef glowering at me. After a couple of quick signals to a henchman of his, a bowl of sauce was brought over to me, with a soup LADEL! THis was supposed to totally embarrass me,,, but instead it only succeeded in making all the other table patrons jealous.
C'mon,,, Nebo,,,, Embarrassed?
I was charging 3 bucks a spoonful that day,,, and everybody thought it was a steal! Ok, that part did make me a bit embarrassed since it didn't cost me a thing.
So, that's all I can recollect for the time being,, but since I am meeting up with Stephanie,,, I am planning on being on my best behavior today.
Oh yeah, the Stephanie clan,,, I must have a pic or two of them:
http://i111.photobucket.com/albums/n126/nebo100/UniandCbr/100_2354.jpg
Ok, once agian Photo bucket has changed how they do the llinks and postings so I don't know if this is going to work now until I post it. But let us carry on, shall we? And please Mike, No Kansas re-do's, ok?
Almost every other tme we have eaten here, I somehow always end up sitting at either the head, or the foot of the table, not today though. Here's our seating arrangement:
The chef has the one entire long side to himself, of course, and to his right, the head of the table, sits Steph's son in law, Garret, and next ti him is Jackson.
Around the corner on my side sits Jamie, next to her is Stephanie, followed by me, Smidgy, and then 4 other strangers that have absolutely no contributions to be made in this story.
So, I guess, if Garret is the "Head" and strangers are the "Foot" of the table,,, that would place me right about the "Rectom". Moving right along,, waitress brings us menus,, and,,,
A really hot washcloth.
I always forget about this part,,,what? we aren't smart enought to wash our hands before dinner?
Now this is just the kind of thing that I should not be tempted with,,,,and Smidgy knows it as well.
Just as I was starting to wash behind my ears and break out into my favorite shower song, "This Magic Moment" I got as far as my left ear and "This",,,,, before the lethal Smidgy elbow made contact with the sixth Nebo rib, starboard side.
"UNGH!"
Man, she really needs a concealed carry permit for those elbows of hers!
I then found myself both trying to chat with Jackson, and then with Steph, who asked my what I was going to order.
"that'[s easy, " I told her, "We're on the dining plan,, it's "Fillet all the way". I had picked up the menu to make sure they still had it, then I put it back down a minute later, don't need it, I know what I want, and I shoved it out of the way.
Now,,, did those last 8 words of the previous sentance set off any internal alarms with anybody out there? If not, don't feel bad, it didn't when I did it at the time either, except back then I didn't have the benefit of a moron narrator describing the idiocy as it unfolds like is being done for you now.
Now, while I am sitting there talking to Stephanie, I notice her glancing at the big grill repeatedly, in a nervous fashion.
She finally says to me, "Do you think that's wise?"
I had no idea what she was referring to;
"What's wise?" I responded.
"Putting the menu on the hot grill" she told me.
"Huh, you mean the grill is on?" And before she could say a word, this moron reaches over and taps the grill with his finger. It was just a reactionary movement, with obviously no thought involved at all. One minute I'm sitting there minding my own business, next moment I can't get my finger in my mouth fast enough.
YOW! She wasn't kiddding.
Apparently, these were the instructions I missed when I was wandering about in the lobby, the center grill is ALWAYS on!
With lightning like reflexes, my finger shot into my mouth. '
As I am sucking it, it's time to look around to see if anybody else noticed this bonehead move. It doesn'[t matter how badly you are hurt, you still have to see if anybody saw you. This is not bull. I heard that Jayne Mansfield when she was decapitated in a car wreck,, her head was sitting on the hood , just looking around to see who saw what happened. '
And who was going to pay the toll.
So, as far as my group goes?
It wasn't good.
Stephanie has her head down, slowly shaking it back and forth.
Jamie is doing the same thing, Garrett too. It was like a new Olympic event, "synchronized disbelief and disgust".
But not Jackson.
' He is looking right at me, his blue eyes big as saucers and his mouth open. If there had been a cartoonist passing by, he would have drawn in a thought balloon over Jackson's head that said,,, "Are you really that freakin stupid?"
So, now that I'm totally found out, I have to try to save face someway, somehow.
Yes, it's time to call on that clever wit to come through when I need it most, something funny to make people forget how dumb I can be. Only problem is, my gun is empty, nothing on the shelves either and just one sock left in the drawer.
In other words,,,
I got nuttin'.
Now, all four of them are looking at me, and Diane is now wondering why they are all looking at me, and "why do you have your finger in your mouth?"
So, as time was running out, I called up a reserve I believe I'[ve used in the past, but it was all I had.
A Robert Duvall line:
" I love the smell of burned flesh in the morning."
But none of this hasmade the original problem go away.
What originally concerned Stephanie was the menu I carelessly tossed in front of me, that is now sitting on the grill.
A plastic, laminated menu, that I'm now seeing whisps of smoke rising from.
Ruh roh,, this is not good, flesh be damned, I had to get this off the grill, and quickly too!
I grabbed for it, grasped a corner,,,,,,
and it would not budge!
The menu and the grill had become one with nature, you could almost hear them going "Ommmm".
Ok, c'mon think, have to do something, no silverware here yet to pry it off with.
I tried a chopstick to get under it,,, no luck, chopstick almost burst in flames.
Then I pulled out my keys,,, and going around the edges, I was able to free it up. By now there is a gloopy glob of melted plastic both on the menu and on the grill.
With the incendiary menu in hand, I tried to blow out the smoldering embers.
Bad idea, this just proved to make it angry.
Stephanie and her daughter are sliding away towards the exit, while Jackson is going, "Check please."
Eventually with help from the water glass I was able to put the menu out, but there is nothing I can do about the mostly invisible glob melted into the grill right in front of me. Once again, my relationship with a new chef is doomed before it even starts.
They then took our orders, brought the rest of the condiments we need and even brought me new chopsticks:
"Honest, that's the way they came, I don't know what happenede to them," and then the chef showed up.
So far, he hasn't recognized me from the "Least Wanted" poster out in the lobby.
"Tuley tuley loo,,,, wah, wah wah"
But I know now that it's just a matter of time, I WILL be found out and persecuted, and I suppose rightly so.
then the chef started his routine, and a chill went up my spine.
He used a bottle of some mysterious liquid in it and went around the grill splashing it all over, including on my melted terminal moraine sitting right in front of me.
(Have you ever seen Moraine? Comin' down, from Sunny D)
But frightening part was he then took out a butcher knife the size of a guillotine and in hypersonic mode started scraping down the grill.
This worked great for 90 % of the grill, but I was terrified what would happen when he hit my invisible "Speed Bump" in front of me! I thought this might be a great time to hit the rest room, but he was too fast.
Well his Lizzy Borden knife hit the glob, even with a look of shock he still managed to hang on to it though, I had visions of it flying directly at mey throat!
He stopped what he was doing, leaned forward to inspect what he was up against and after making the correct surmizations, realized what happened, and said out loud,
"Did somebody leave a menu on the grill surface?" But he was looking directly at me when he said it.
I then looked around waiting to see if the guilty culprit would show themselves, the coward. He went back to work and soon he was cooking real food and not that plastic stuff again.
Stephanie patted me on the shoulder,, ' You got off easy, Nebo, nice work."
I am curious to know if that menu is still in circulation.
On to dinner,, the entree was just great,, my filet was done perfect, Diane loved her Sirloin and shrimp, the chef didn't ask me to break in his new Hari Kiri knife, and this time I even gave up on correct protocol and asked for a spoon for the dipping sauces. This was funny,, first everybody sneered at me for bucking the culture,,,,then they were all begging to borrow my spoon,, "jess fer a second".
Desserts here are very limited, you're lucky if you get a fortune cookie, or even an Oreo.
I usually end up with a little snow cone of vanilla icecream, served in the same bowl the rice comes in,, and believe me, I wish I could put them next to each other,, the had to look almost identical, with the rice cup a little bit out of focus compared to the "I scream you scream we all scream for Ice cream"
If I had to make any complaints about Teppanedo, it would be the lack of any bread type offerings, before, or during dinner. Yes, Nebo like bread, all kinds of bread,,, and Nebo likes butter, lots of butter spread on bread.
Or even crackers,,, nope, no crackers here either.
Or breadsticks. I miss the Rye Krisp you would get in the basket at a family restaurant, or these other weird things sometimes call Euphrates,but with butter spread on them,,, it's alllllll goooood!
I know, I'm a gluten for punishment.
After lunch we said our goodbyes to the Floridians, I wanted to take Jackson with us but that was veto'd. But waht a wonderful family to get to meet from the Dis again. So far, on all the Dis meets, and that would take a while to figure out how many of you Dissers we have met in person,,, but batting average wise, we are still batting a thousand! though we haven't met Ponzi yet,,, so that could bring the numbers back to Earth a bit.
Ok, 90 percent of the story you just read at Teppenedo,, the scariest part is that I don't have to exaggerate, but it was still a lotta fun eating with the Steph caucus. Hmm, that looks like an infection doesn't it? No, really she was great,,, and we nevver did , excepts a bit from Smidgy, have to talk to those interlopers at the other "Foot" end of the table.
Hope you enjoyed this most painful chapter to write, you know where to drop off the painkillers.hugs and kisses to all, now to see if it posts under Nebo, or the great Smidgy.
goodnight, and may God bless
And with that I guess we'll wrap this fiasco up.
Great chapter Smidgy! Although I think Nebo might have plagiarised you a bit.
No really, as soon as you laid that menu down, I leaned over to Jamie and said "Is that thing on?" Time kindof stood still and I'm not sure how long it was before the smoke started up! 
The man has met us live, on stage, in person, in the flesh, apporated right before his very eyes, beamed right down in front of him from the Starship Enterprise, rode in the seat right next to me on Expedition Everest; and he calls us invisible? Well I guess to Nebo, we're all slowly becoming invisible. 
We didn't realize that they made a note of where each party was seated and that's how they knew which bill went to which party. Mass confusion, rivaling (possibly) the Great Nebo Dining Credit Fiasco. I promise- we'll stay put next time!
