Tantrums

[clambert1273]

Nope, not true - so you're saying some of us are liars, right? I've known plenty that do not allow their children to throw tantrums - happy kids too. Raised three, and they all had different personalities - two were very strong willed, but we didn't tolerate tantrums. Doesn't matter if you believe it or not, doesn't change what we and many others have experienced.

If that is how you want to take it then sure... say what you will and try to be perfect but all kids have had them whether you "allowed" it or not...

Trying to make other people feel like they aren't good parents seems to be more important than just advice ... so I don't argue (it isn't my thing) believe what you will... but my advice still stands to the OP

 

[OZMom]

Doesn't matter if you are a child development specialist, or how many books written/read on the subject, none of it matters when it comes down to applying it to your own child.



Agree 100%! It 'can' and has been done by numerous parents.



Teaching, and consistency are the very important things to remember.



Nope, don't need to beat them - you just nip them in the bud 'very early' and don't allow them to get started. It 'does' work, but takes work.



Nope, not true - so you're saying some of us are liars, right? I've known plenty that do not allow their children to throw tantrums - happy kids too. Raised three, and they all had different personalities - two were very strong willed, but we didn't tolerate tantrums. Doesn't matter if you believe it or not, doesn't change what we and many others have experienced.

I'd really like to know your miracle cure that "nipped it in the bud" from day 1 because you "don't tolerate" tantrums? It seems you don't really offer any specifics other than the idea that it just NEVER happened with your kids and I'm sure lots of us would love to know the technique you used to accomplish this superior parenting?

 

[ebradley23]

My 2.5 YO DS didn't have a tantrum while in disney, but he lost his mind in the airport on the way home. He hates being strapped into his stroller, so we strapped him in and faced him towards a wall for a timeout. People walking by stared, but who cares. I'm not going to compromise when a fit is thrown. I feel it teaches him he can get what he wants if he throws a fit in public. After he calmed down, we even took the opportunity to explain that he wasn't going to get what he was wanting because he decided to have a fit instead of asking for it properly. My philosophy is that I could care less if I'm being judged by others. I'm going to raise my child to be a respectful and (mostly) well-behaved person. If they don't like my parenting style, they can keep walking. I was willing and prepared to go out of restaurants or shows to keep him from disturbing others. We didn't have issues with him waiting in lines because disney lines are so interactive/distracting. You could bring bubbles. They work wonders for additional distraction.

 

[Lupeix]

I think the hard thing to accept is that sometimes kids just need to cry. Especially if they're over stimulated. I know my son isn't receptive to discipline when he's in a meltdown, he's not really coherent. Once we're in a calm place I think I'll have better luck dealing with him, hopefully.

I agree with you. Just wanted to apologize if some of my comments started an off-topic debate.

Getting back on topic, WDW can be exhausting and overstimulating. Everyone gets cranky if sleeping less than usual and hungry, toddlers just have a harder time coping. You know your kid best, so make sure he has enough rest and food.
One more thing I found that helps is smart use of fastpass and some sort of lines app. Toddlers have limited patience, so I used them both to make sure we never ended in a line longer than 20 minutes. I had a touring plan, but I adjusted it while on the park to make sure we never waited too long. Getting to the park early is a good way to make sure waits are not too long.

This also helped DH, who hates lines and crowds and heat (we went over the 4th of july weekend last time). Even then he had an epic meltdown. I very much enjoy reminding him of it, LOL.
I've seen as many adults loose it in the parks as children.

 

[clambert1273]

I agree with you. Just wanted to apologize if some of my comments started an off-topic debate.

Getting back on topic, WDW can be exhausting and overstimulating. Everyone gets cranky if sleeping less than usual and hungry, toddlers just have a harder time coping. You know your kid best, so make sure he has enough rest and food.
One more thing I found that helps is smart use of fastpass and some sort of lines app. Toddlers have limited patience, so I used them both to make sure we never ended in a line longer than 20 minutes. I had a touring plan, but I adjusted it while on the park to make sure we never waited too long. Getting to the park early is a good way to make sure waits are not too long.

This also helped DH, who hates lines and crowds and heat (we went over the 4th of july weekend last time). Even then he had an epic meltdown. I very much enjoy reminding him of it, LOL.
I've seen as many adults loose it in the parks as children.

I had to laugh at this because I have to plan EVERYTHING around my husband and son... My son having ADHD, ODD and OCD and then on my right side... the DH with Anxiety Disorder, ADD and OCD .. I even switched our dates because I knew that if the crowds became too much then it was going to become less than enjoyable...

I have seen many adult tantrums.. from my own adults

 

[ponyboy]

Wow. My kids are 22, 20, 12, and 11. Call me old fashioned but a swift pop on the butt works the best. I don't recall my kids every having a full out tantrum in public or private like I see other kids having.

Kids act that way because they think it's a way to get what they want. When kids are little you kind of have to train them like dogs and let them know who is in charge. If you don't get your bluff in on them early then you'll pay for it later on.

I made sure to let me kids know at an early age a few things:

1. I'm your parent, not your friend.
2. I don't care if you get mad at me because I don't let you do everything you want.
3. I don't care if you cry because you're mad at me.
4. Ultimately I will get what I want so it's easier for you to just do it the easy way.
5. Nothing you can do will make me change my mind.
6. Throwing a fit will only make your life harder.

Once they realize that they don't always get everything that they want and that no amount of crying or acting out will benefit them in any way, they'll quit because they know it's a waste of their time and energy. Kids are smart and can be very manipulative if you let them. Enforcing the rules is better for everyone, especially when they're little, and everyone will be much happier in the end for it.

My kids are great. I spoil them more than I should and I'm pretty lenient on them but they know that there's a line that they do not cross. Their mom lets them get away with a little more than I do and occasionally I have to remind them, "I'm not your mother".

 

[nugov2]

Doesn't matter if you are a child development specialist, or how many books written/read on the subject, none of it matters when it comes down to applying it to your own child.



Agree 100%! It 'can' and has been done by numerous parents.



Teaching, and consistency are the very important things to remember.



Nope, don't need to beat them - you just nip them in the bud 'very early' and don't allow them to get started. It 'does' work, but takes work.



Nope, not true - so you're saying some of us are liars, right? I've known plenty that do not allow their children to throw tantrums - happy kids too. Raised three, and they all had different personalities - two were very strong willed, but we didn't tolerate tantrums. Doesn't matter if you believe it or not, doesn't change what we and many others have experienced.

I wouldn't say you are a liar, because I believe that you believe it happened. Raising a child is similar to childbirth and we conveniently forget some of the really bad things.

If you truly never had a tantrum than you should write a book you are sitting on a goldmine with this magic nip it in the bud technique. I for one am all ears on how you nip it in the bud and don't allow tantrums. I just told my child who was throwing a tantrum that I was nipping it the bud right now and they are no longer allowed, but oddly he didn't listen...what am I doing wrong?

I have 3 kids and all three are different with what will work and what won't. My oldest and youngest were bigger offenders while my middle guy hardly ever threw tantrums and when he did it was easy to calm him down quick. I have through trial and error found what works and doesn't for each child. Exhaustion and poor eating can contribute to the problem so I try to control those outside factors when I can. When we went to WDW the last time we planned a lot of downtime for this reason. I'd rather have less park days, but ones that are more enjoyable than drag a crabby kid around for more days.

 

[clambert1273]

and while on the topic (not advice for you OP)... We went to Dland in August. My 7yo princess (diva) HAD to meet Elsa... that meant we got to park at open and Daddy barrels through the park to get in line... STILL a 2 hour 20 min wait ...

She stood there and never complained... BUT in the line were 2 little girls probably her age or just a tad younger that were complaining.. their mother (and if you are on this board then I SOOOOO give you Kudos lol) went off on the BEST tangent...

"This is Disneyland and you will LIKE it! It is part of being in here.. waiting in line. You will wait your turn and be happy about it!" ... it was so fabulous and I laughed so hard.. totally made my day lol

 

[Airship Ariadne]

I would say DD (now 13) was a very good toddler. We had strict rules, strict expectations, and we never gave in...but she still had occasional melt-downs. I do believe that any parent that claims their child never acted out or threw a tantrum is either lying, or...nope, no "or", they are lying.

I have a strong opinion on throwing tantrums, and hitting people because you are frustrated and angry...toddlers do it, and I can forgive them because they don't know any better or haven't developed self-control...adults? They should know better.

 

[pjacobi]

For techniques to deal with tantrum, I highly recommend "1,2,3 Magic!".

http://www.123magic.com/


-Paul

 

[North of Mouse]

I would say DD (now 13) was a very good toddler. We had strict rules, strict expectations, and we never gave in...but she still had occasional melt-downs. I do believe that any parent that claims their child never acted out or threw a tantrum is either lying, or...nope, no "or", they are lying.

I have a strong opinion on throwing tantrums, and hitting people because you are frustrated and angry...toddlers do it, and I can forgive them because they don't know any better or haven't developed self-control...adults? They should know better.

Will not bother to address the past several posters, but again, believe what you want - like I said we're not the only ones that didn't allow tantrums - could easily give you names of others that knew us as well, but of course won't, so all of you can enjoy your parenting as we did ours.

As for your post, very ironic - your last sentence - They should know better (adults, that is) and then in your first paragraph flat out call someone you never met a liar - not what I'd teach my children either. I never called anyone a bad parent as some said, but if it makes y'all feel better to act childish as you are acting, enjoy your day.

I don't have to know you, or communicate further here, was just commenting on the OP of how we handled our children (which is sort of what the Dis is all about). Can't see as how anyone else has been shy about doing so either - just because you disagree.

 

[slzer0]

I'd really like to know your miracle cure that "nipped it in the bud" from day 1 because you "don't tolerate" tantrums? It seems you don't really offer any specifics other than the idea that it just NEVER happened with your kids and I'm sure lots of us would love to know the technique you used to accomplish this superior parenting?

Indeed. I always see/hear about "nipping in the bud" but never specifics.

 

[Lupeix]

I have seen many adult tantrums.. from my own adults

We should start a thread documenting adult meltdowns at WDW, it will sure be hilarious! I crack up remember in the 4th of July incident last year, it wasn't pretty when it happened, but the full description will bring anyone to tears it's so funny

I am planning our trip for next year, and I am applying all the "toddler" tips on how to avoid tantrums to actually plan for DH, DS at least got some genes from me, LOL!

Even then DS, just like his dad, lives by the motto "get what you want or try and try and try even harder to get what you want, and then try some more", whoever thinks that "they eventually will give up" has never met my son or my husband (that motto makes for an extremely successful adult BTW)

So the best way to have a nice vacation is to take preventative measures to make sure everyone is mostly happy and comfortable. Have a plan and some agreed upon rules (or just rules for the toddler) and If tantrums happen remove the individual from the situation towards a calmer place and let them chill out on their own.

I had to get DH out of MK last year. It would had been much faster if DH fit in the stroller LOL.

 

[jeni16]

Mini M&M's are our best friend. They provide an easy distraction & since they are small I can give him just a few & he's good to go and not hyped up on sugar. I think about 4 of them equal the size of one regular M&M. I buy them in the tubes & usually find them with the theater boxed candy or in the check out lanes. I've got of tube of them everywhere, in my purse, in the diaper bag... The empty tubes work great for the tub & the sandbox too.

 

[Airship Ariadne]

Indeed. I always see/hear about "nipping in the bud" bug never specifics.

Because if they gave specifics, it would prove them wrong that their kids never acted out or had a tantrum...with their own words.

 

[nugov2]

Will not bother to address the past several posters, but again, believe what you want - like I said we're not the only ones that didn't allow tantrums - could easily give you names of others that knew us as well, but of course won't, so all of you can enjoy your parenting as we did ours.

As for your post, very ironic - your last sentence - They should know better (adults, that is) and then in your first paragraph flat out call someone you never met a liar - not what I'd teach my children either. I never called anyone a bad parent as some said, but if it makes y'all feel better to act childish as you are acting, enjoy your day.

I don't have to know you, or communicate further here, was just commenting on the OP of how we handled our children (which is sort of what the Dis is all about). Can't see as how anyone else has been shy about doing so either - just because you disagree.

I guess I just don't get why you won't share what the strategy is. How exactly do you not allow a child to throw a tantrum. I am truly curious what this great method is, as I have tried many many different ways with my 3 kids over the years and while I have had success with how long they last, how to redirect (which can work most of the time) to avoid one all together and worked on different strategies to help express anger frustration in acceptable ways...I have yet to stumble across a method that completely eradicates tantrums. Sometimes the frustration level is too high or the conditions to difficult for the child to manage and they explode. I would love to make my house tantrum free.

 

[slzer0]

Mini M&M's are our best friend. They provide an easy distraction & since they are small I can give him just a few & he's good to go and not hyped up on sugar. I think about 4 of them equal the size of one regular M&M. I buy them in the tubes & usually find them with the theater boxed candy or in the check out lanes. I've got of tube of them everywhere, in my purse, in the diaper bag... The empty tubes work great for the tub & the sandbox too.

This sounds like a great idea. DD18 and I love mini mms! We can sneak into the bathroom to eat them while DH deals with the tantrum!

Whatever happens in the restroom, stays in the restroom.
(Pretty sure this is going to be our inside joke the whole trip, lol!)

 

[Lolsmum]

I guess I just don't get why you won't share what the strategy is. How exactly do you not allow a child to throw a tantrum. I am truly curious what this great method is, as I have tried many many different ways with my 3 kids over the years and while I have had success with how long they last, how to redirect (which can work most of the time) to avoid one all together and worked on different strategies to help express anger frustration in acceptable ways...I have yet to stumble across a method that completely eradicates tantrums. Sometimes the frustration level is too high or the conditions to difficult for the child to manage and they explode. I would love to make my house tantrum free.

Agreed completely.

My daughter was just born the way she is. Literally from the day she was born she never fussed when she was hungry, she screamed her head off. The midwives told me she was one of the loudest newborns they had ever heard, despite only being 6 lbs 6 oz. She has also never been easy to calm down once she was upset. She is my second, and it was a bit of a shock. Once I figured out how to anticipate her a little better, she was a dream baby, as long as she didn't go 1 second too long without feeding. Seriously. As a toddler, the tantrums did set in and honestly, nothing worked. She had to be left alone to wear herself out. If I had tried to "nip it in the bud" with this fantastic never actually explained technique, I would have had to start before birth because those toddler tantrums really were just an extension of the infant screaming.


For the OP, how do you feel about technology? A few easy iphone games have worked wonders at some tricky points. There are loads designed for toddlers. I usually carried snacks, a drink, a lovey and a distraction in the form of a book or toy for each child with me wherever we went when I had 2 toddlers on my hands. The iPhone was still a fantastic distraction for the older one and could sometimes divert a tantrum from my daughter.

 

[MandiC]

What's a tantrum??

Every child is so different. My second child has literally never had a tantrum in her life. She is a very easy going kid (which I am so thankful for because she was a colicky, acid reflux baby), always has been and I have parented her the same way as my other 3. My almost-as-easy-going 4 year old does have an occasional tantrum but they are pretty rare. My strong-willed 10 and 3 year olds?? Tantrums almost daily though I will say my 10 year old (then 9) didn't have any tantrums at Disney. Nothing will stop those two and I am the kind of parent who WILL leave somewhere, no matter where, if someone starts with a tantrum (store with a shopping cart full of groceries, zoo with a long walk back to the entrance, ect...I have picked up my 10 year old and carried her to her room to finish her tantrum there despite her being over half my size). Spanking an already screaming kid just creates more screaming in my experience and provides no lesson so I don't go that route (and I'm not opposed to spanking in the right circumstances). One thing I've learned by spending a lot of time with kids and having 4 of my own, many of the most perfect parents are only perfect parents because of the children they were dealt In all seriousness though, my 10 year old wouldn't throw a fit out of the house and her tantrums at home are usually pretty short lived. My 3 year old I can get to stop pretty quickly as well but he does throw them, and quite frequently.

As for the OP, I wouldn't hesitate to leave whatever park we were in if a child of mine started tantruming. Would I go all the way back to our room? If necessary I would. First I would try a 'break' outside the gates of the park or at least a break somewhere off the beaten path of the park...no rides, no fun. The first 'break' would be a warning and I would let them know that the next time...we were done for the day. I have found 1, 2, 3 Magic does work really well *most of the time* for controlling that type of behavior quickly. You have to be consistent and you have to say what you mean and mean what you say, but for tough kids those are necessary things anyways.

 

[Airship Ariadne]

And I have to say, every time someone posts "nip it in the bud" all I can think of is this classic TV scene:
Andy: Barney, these are just boys you're talkin' about. They're only about 8 years old.
Barney: yeah, well today's 8-year olds are tomorrow's teenagers. I say this calls for action and now. Nip it in the bud. First sign of youngsters goin' wrong you got to nip it in the bud!
Andy: I'm gonna have a talk with 'em. Now what more do you want me to do?
Barney: Well, just don't mollycoddle 'em.
Andy: I won't.
Barney: Nip it! You go read any book you want on the subject of child discipline and you'll find that every one of them is in favor of bud-nippin'.
Andy: I'll take care of it.
Barney: Only one way to take care of it.
Andy: Nip it.
Barney: In the bud.