Personally, once they were in school (K4), I would say " find something you want on the menu, or choose not to eat. You WILL behave while we are here, and we will pick up something for you when we leave. Choose not to do that, and there will be consequences." If they didn't sit still, be respectful, ect they would lose something of value to them ( iPod, TV privileges, ect) for a few days. Kids can and should behave in a restaurant and allow others to eat. If hey don't like the food, fine, but that shouldn't dictate what everyone else in the family eats. I am not going to purposely choose restaurants someone doesn't like over and over, but everyone in the family gets to pick a place or 2 they really want. It's not fair to cross a place off the list forever because one family member doesn't like it. I don't like hamburgers, but we do that sometimes, so sometimes we do what I want. It's all about balance and give and take.