Did you help with your child's wedding? How much did you spend?

[dish rag]

Wife's parents spent $10K many years ago. Married in central NJ; divorced in Fl.

But, I drove into NYC to get the rings and saved $$$$ at the Diamond District.

I feel like I need a shower after walking through the Diamond District. Just don't like that place. That said. My wife just purchased a pink diamond there last week. Thinks she got a good deal.

 

[aprilgail]

As far as I am concerned my job is to get her through school- I will pay for college but her wedding she is on her own! I tell her all the time to either elope or have a small justice of the peace type wedding and not to waste the money- most people I know hate going to weddings anyway so why torture everyone with having to go to them.

 

[jrmasm]

Am I the only one here who thinks if you are mature enough and stable enough to get married you should pay for the wedding yourselves? I believe lavish weddings are a huge waste of $$ and that couples often spend more time thinking about the wedding than thinking about the actual marriage. I might buy the dress or give a gift of $$ after the nuptials, but no- not putting a large contribution towards a wedding.

You’re not the only one. I’m not paying for my daughters’ weddings. I think they are a ridiculous waste of money. I’m sure we will give them a cash wedding gift but I have no idea how much.

 

[Mrs. W]

My husband and I got married 2 years ago in Las Vegas. My parents gave us $800, and my sisters gifted us $300. I used that money to purchase my wedding dress. We spent a total of just under $3500 on our wedding, dinner, and 5 day "mini moon" in Las Vegas; we only invited our families.

Neither of our parents had the means to pay for our wedding, even at $3500, so we were very surprised, but grateful, for the $1100 we did receive.

 

[lovin'fl]

I got married 22 years ago in the NE. My parents paid and it was about $5000. In laws paid for rehearsal dinner and one thing at our wedding (I want to say the open bar). We had 100 guests and did wedding on a holiday weekend so as to get discount at banquet hall.

SIL got married 16 years ago and had a top notch wedding for about 150 guests. All was paid for by MIL and FIL and the groom was from out of the country so none of his family could come. I want to say it was a $20K wedding.

So I am figuring $20K for each of my two DDs. As tradition goes, we will pay for what's expected of a groom's family for DS. Rehearsal dinner and what all else. They are all in college right now and 2/3 are not dating anyone so we have some time.

 

[ronandannette]

We got married 13 years ago, we went thirds with our parents so about $7k each.
We haven’t decided yet the amount we will give, but we do know that when the first one ets married we will have all 3 for a discussion. This is the amount you are all getting, it can be used on the wedding, honeymoon, house deposit up to you.
I am just not sure if inflation should be considered. My brother got married 10 years after I did is it “fair” to give him the same amount when costs have gone up?

When faced with the same conundrum we "covered" the exact same set of expenses, which seemed like the right thing to do.

Am I the only one here who thinks if you are mature enough and stable enough to get married you should pay for the wedding yourselves? I believe lavish weddings are a huge waste of $$ and that couples often spend more time thinking about the wedding than thinking about the actual marriage. I might buy the dress or give a gift of $$ after the nuptials, but no- not putting a large contribution towards a wedding.

If you believe they're mature enough to make adult decisions, why not let them decide what is or is not a worthy expenditure? What other conditions are you going to put on the money you give them?

 

[dish rag]

I don't understand people wanting others to pay for their weddings.

 

[Action City]

We're paying for their college. Wedding is their responsibility.

 

[Mermaid02]

When faced with the same conundrum we "covered" the exact same set of expenses, which seemed like the right thing to do.

If you believe they're mature enough to make adult decisions, why not let them decide what is or is not a worthy expenditure? What other conditions are you going to put on the money you give them?

They are mature enough to make that decision themselves- but I'm not footing the bill. Conditions on the money I give them after they are wed? Where did I say that?

 

[ronandannette]

They are mature enough to make that decision themselves- but I'm not footing the bill. Conditions on the money I give them after they are wed? Where did I say that?

You didn't, but you mention giving it to them after the wedding to specifically prevent them from spending it on the wedding. Why, if it's something that really means a lot to them?

 

[msmayor]

My daughter is getting married in Oct...she lives in the DC/MD/VA area but is getting married at a resort in PA about an hour away. We are traditionalists and are happy to cover the wedding of our daughter and have been prepared to pay 100%. The groom's family automatically took charge of the rehearsal dinner and generously offered to cover all the flowers and décor (separate contract, so easy for them to control...they are professional gardeners and horticulturists so this is completely in their wheelhouse).

We have budgeted $40k for 150 guests, soup to nuts (including dress, accessories, dj, photography, etc). The kids know that whatever doesn't get spent on their wedding they will get in a check as their gift...so they are choosing options very wisely.

 

[barkley]

The title pretty much says it all. My oldest daughter will graduate from graduate school in May and is getting married in November. I'm curious about how much money parents spent on or towards the cost of a wedding for their child. If you don't mind, please state what part of the US you are in and what type of wedding venue (country club, barn, hotel, etc).

I think the amount the parents who choose to contribute varies wildly based on their own held beliefs, and (I would hope) what they can reasonably afford.

as far as the cost-it can vary greatly not only from region to region, venue to venue but also WITHIN an individual venue. I worked for a wedding venue in sales and let me tell you-we could read people very well and despite having printed price sheets we were well versed in making subtle (and not so subtle) suggestions to up expenses if we saw the potential. we were making money the payee had no idea about (we required specific vendors be used-for sound equipment, lighting, food, cake, equipment.......we got a cut of what they were paid). so while you might get a rough idea of what people paid for their kids weddings it's always very individualized on costs.

Am I the only one here who thinks if you are mature enough and stable enough to get married you should pay for the wedding yourselves? I believe lavish weddings are a huge waste of $$ and that couples often spend more time thinking about the wedding than thinking about the actual marriage. I might buy the dress or give a gift of $$ after the nuptials, but no- not putting a large contribution towards a wedding.

i'm with you. dh and I told our parents from day one that we were paying for our own wedding. we were living on our own so we didn't feel it was on our parents to pay for it. we had a lovely day (evening actually) at a price probably less than we could afford. the nice thing about it was since we didn't overspend the cash gifts we received weren't needed to pay for anything and we ended up with enough such that between it and what we were able to save on our own over the next few months we were able to make a down payment on our first starter home.

we've talked to our dd about wedding costs but it's not anywhere on her radar right now-but she knows when the time comes we will give her gift of some money (tbd) which she can choose to use for a wedding or whatever else she chooses (knowing her- student loans or towards a down payment).

 

[Marchand63]

My DS & DIL, her 2nd wanted Bbq. We paid, it was our backyard. 1acre, pool & bbq pit and fire pit cost about 10k. We live on a beach so ceremony sunset at beach.

 

[runwad]

Ugh, in the mist of college for 2 and another one in a year, I can't even fathom being able to save for weddings. None of them are dating seriously, so I hope they all graduate, get good jobs and make oodles of money and can afford their own weddings. I'm sure we'll help somewhere but I don't see being able to come up with more than 3k-5k.

 

[Mermaid02]

You didn't, but you mention giving it to them after the wedding to specifically prevent them from spending it on the wedding. Why, if it's something that really means a lot to them?

Why would I give them a wedding gift before they get married?

This is all moot because my daughter and her husband got married on her lunch break from work in the HR department at her place of employment. She thought they might do a fancy ceremony later and then decided it was a waste of $$.

My first husband and I had a traditional wedding, paid for it ourselves. I think the entire thing was less thank 3k about 25 years ago. My new husband and I are very comfortable and our wedding cost less than $500 including dress, flowers, lunch for our 4 friends and the officiant fee. We could have afforded a lot more- but we think the day was perfect as it was.

 

[ronandannette]

Why would I give them a wedding gift before they get married?

This is all moot because my daughter and her husband got married on her lunch break from work in the HR department at her place of employment. She thought they might do a fancy ceremony later and then decided it was a waste of $$.

My first husband and I had a traditional wedding, paid for it ourselves. I think the entire thing was less thank 3k about 25 years ago. My new husband and I are very comfortable and our wedding cost less than $500 including dress, flowers, lunch for our 4 friends and the officiant fee. We could have afforded a lot more- but we think the day was perfect as it was.

That's all that really matters for any couple.

 

[luvsJack]

It’s tradition for the parents of the bride to pay for the wedding. We have always known that we would pay for dd’s wedding.

Her brothers’ wives’ families weren’t able to contribute a lot to their wedding/reception so we started the process with ods and then did the reception for yds. Luckily with so many friends and family pitching in, the costs get cut quite a bit. Here in the south that happens a lot.

As far as I know, dd and bf haven’t seen a venue yet that required certain vendors. And there are only two that were “all inclusive”. One very expensive, one more affordable.

The cheapest venue has been $3300 but as it’s brand new, only includes seating for the ceremony, tables chairs and linens for the reception. We would have to provide everything else.

The most expensive is $6200 but includes all set up and break down for both ceremony and reception, most if not all things needed for decorating, all china and silverware, linens, a wedding coordinator, venue staff who will help direct, direct parking, clear tables, help serve, clean up, etc. Also includes use of antique vehicles and a firework show. Just the venue and coordinator are normally more than that price. We would provide food, bouquets, etc, DJ, alcohol and the cake.

The venue visiting is on hold for awhile so not sure what other options may be out there.

For some the wedding is very important and for others it’s a waste of money. Just as in any other event in people’s lives, it’s really up to them and neither opinion is wrong.

 

[pigletto]

I think we will likely offer dd about $10,000. She can use it for a wedding, or she can use towards a down payment on a home. It’s her choice and a gift. That’s a large amount of money to us, but it’s what we feel we should give to our daughter... and FWIW, it’s what we will offer our son as well.

 

[barkley]

We would provide food

if you go with a place where you can provide the food the consider looking into an (in my experience) untapped option-if there are restaurants you like in the venue area with food that is suited to what you want, even if they don't advertise catering-ASK. we saved a small fortune on food at our wedding all b/c I had been to several community theatre opening night fundraising events that had fantastic food. I found out from the organizers who they used and it ended up being a small restaurant that NEVER advertised any type of catering but would do it upon request. I paid a fraction of the cost for them to provide the food (they delivered it and set up in chafing dishes I rented) and they were much more receptive to customizing a menu to our tastes (we had allot of vegetarians and allot of small kids-we didn't want either group to feel like they were an afterthought in the menu planning).

 

[QueenIsabella]

We're likely to give each of our four children the same amount towards their wedding. Or towards life, if they choose to go cheap on the wedding. Our oldest is 22 and not seriously dating at this time, so it's all supposition.I could see her having a destination wedding, but not a fancy one--more like Macchu Pichu at sunset, because it's meaningful to her. She loves to travel, so I could also see her spending more on a honeymoon--backpacking through Europe or some such--rather than a fancy dress and big party. But, that's just based on my DD's personality. If my younger DD one day wants a fancy wedding with all the trimmings, that's okay, too--but we're not paying for everything, just putting money towards whatever is important to her. We'll give the same amount to our sons, too.