Open Relationships?!?

[NHdisneylover]

I do wonder about the people who become involved with people who are in “open” relationships. Are the “open” ones being as honest with them as they are with their spouses/SO’s so as not to lead them on?

In a healthy and honest open relationhip they would be---otherwise, it would be cheating on the newer relationship, right?

 

[tvguy]

I have been in a closed relationship for 38 years. One person is enough work thank you.

 

[nd5056]

Keep wondering who & why came up with this idea? Perhaps because of this:

 

[FutureDisneyEventPlanner]

I have been in a closed relationship for 38 years. One person is enough work thank you.

Haha my exact thoughts!

 

[sam_gordon]

My response to the “why not” would be that it never seems to work out long-term.

Few "closed" relationships seem to work out long term.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Is this something people actually do? I was born in the 90s so maybe it is just more of a thing for my generation or younger people

I was first introduced to the idea of polyamory (as opposed to bigamy, which, I guess, is sort of the same thing) by a Gen-Xer a year older than I am.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I was first introduced to the idea of polyamory (as opposed to bigamy, which, I guess, is sort of the same thing) by a Gen-Xer a year older than I am.

I was first introduced to the idea when I started reading Heinlein books when I was in junior high in the 80s. The books were written at least a generation prior.

 

[Disneylover99]

I would think an open relationship becomes my business when I start to date someone in an open relationship. Hopefully they'll be upfront about it before feelings start to develop.

 

[FutureDisneyEventPlanner]

This is one of those things to me that it is something that consenting adults could agree to. In theory, I could see how it could work.

The issue, in my opinion, is that it is easy to say that the other relationship is "only physical" or that there is no emotional component to it, until one of the parties starts to want more. This is very often what happens and what leads to issues for all involved.

I feel like I would develop feelings if I was in that situation. Usually at least one person in a “just physical” relationship starts to develop some kind of feelings.

 

[tzolkin]

Few "closed" relationships seem to work out long term.

The divorce rate for first marriages is less than 30%, so I would argue that more than “a few” work out long term.
(For college educated who marry after age 25, it drops to under 20%)

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

The divorce rate for first marriages is less than 30%, so I would argue that more than “a few” work out long term.
(For college educated who marry after age 25, it drops to under 20%)

I think they meant closed as in doesn't communicate and isn't open(emotionally) with their partner.

 

[Pacolovestacos]

The divorce rate for first marriages is less than 30%, so I would argue that more than “a few” work out long term.
(For college educated who marry after age 25, it drops to under 20%)

The divorce rate only tells a part of the story. What is the % of people that stay unhappily married? I would guess quite a lot. They do so for the kids or for religious reasons or simply because they don't want to start over.

 

[amberpi]

I know a number of people in open and very loving relationships. I prefer monogamy long term for myself but as I've had terrible luck in love and if whatever works for others that makes them happy, who am I to judge? I can only hope my current thing goes the distance this time. I can't worry about other people. I certainly would never see an open thing as cheating as long as everyone is informed.

 

[gillep]

As long as everyone in the relationship is aware and informed of the circumstances and is consenting I see no issue with it. I, myself, would not be happy in an open relationship, but that doesn't mean that there aren't people that they don't work well for.

 

[RedAngie]

I first heard about it in the early 1970's during an episode of "All in the Family" when Edith found a "swingers" magazine that someone left on the subway. She didn't understand and innocently answered a personal ad inviting another couple to her home for a "fun" evening.

Soon after, I overheard a neighbor lady gossiping to my mother that a couple down the street had an open relationship. I was about 12, but old enough to understand.

Heck, there were movies made in the 1940's set in the early 1900's about married couples with open relationships.

 

[Jennasis]

Not my monkey, not my circus. I don't have any problem if someone else wants to do it and I have friends who have this arrangement but it would not work for me.

 

[usnuzuloose]

All of it is cheating, and will destroy a relationship at some point.

 

[tzolkin]

I think they meant closed as in doesn't communicate and isn't open(emotionally) with their partner.

Perhaps that is what he meant. I didn’t read it that way because he had quoted my previous post and I never used the term “closed”

I read it as “well, most relationships don’t work out long term anyway, so that’s not a reason to avoid an open relationship”

 

[sam_gordon]

Perhaps that is what he meant. I didn’t read it that way because he had quoted my previous post and I never used the term “closed”

I read it as “well, most relationships don’t work out long term anyway, so that’s not a reason to avoid an open relationship”

You read it right. I was going by the "most marriages end in divorce" mantra. Apparently that's not correct.

 

[NHdisneylover]

The divorce rate only tells a part of the story. What is the % of people that stay unhappily married? I would guess quite a lot. They do so for the kids or for religious reasons or simply because they don't want to start over.

and on the flip side, there are those couples who never legally tie the knot but live together as a happy and loving couple (or in an open relationship or whatnot) for decades, until one passes away.

I always wonder what awful relationship experience you have had when you post on these types of threads---I'm sorry your experiences have been so negative. There are poorly chosen matches out there, but there are lots that last forever and are loving all along----I hope you get to experience the latter someday if not for yourself, at least with close friends or family. It's ´nice to be a part of or even to witness.