Dads in the Ladies' Room?

[Shanti]

If modest women knew men were accessing the same restroom, they'd know not to take off their clothes in the open areas, and use a stall.

And then the crazy lines for women's restrooms would be even longer, with people also changing their clothes in the stalls as well as just going to the bathroom...

 

[neverlandsky]

I personally would love more unisex stalled bathrooms. Family restrooms are just ok. They are only 1 toilet so there’s a long waiting period. A family restroom didn’t come about until my kids were older. They were mostly in high-end malls first. Loved the kids Kindergarten classes because there were 2 unisex closet bathrooms right there in the classsroom.

Since the terminology of unisex is not widely accepted, would love to see more family/blended restrooms setup like traditional restrooms and the traditional mens/womens segregation downsized.

To me people need to divert their energy elsewhere and not pass judgment on a dad who brings both their boy/girl children into the womens.

As parents to a boy and girl we’ve been in the restroom pickle of only one parent present. It’s do I or DH leave our priceless child outside the restroom alone without any supervision? Do we bring them in to keep our eyes on them? Do I let them go alone despite the 1% horror stories? When it’s your child that 1% horror stories is way too much.

So ultimately we always chose the restroom of which child had to go and went together.

 

[Kellykins1218]

There is no reason for a man to be in the ladies room with his daughter. Take her in the mens room or find a companion restroom.

 

[CarolAnn856]

I have a pretty simple and set opinion on this.
A grown adult should not be in the other genders restroom.
The very young children are just that, too young to even know, think, or care.
If a child is old enough, then they should also be old enough to go into to restroom for their own gender.

No way should an adult man (who is presenting as a male) be in the ladies room.
And, in the same way, no way should an adult woman be walking into the men's room.

A grown woman should be able to set aside their personal discomfort at something so minor for the sake of a child. And for your information, there are plenty of children old enough to know the difference in restrooms who still need assistance using the toilet, especially girls for whom the seat is often a bit too high to manage it themselves.

It's absurd that adult women are freaking out over a dad in a women's bathroom where everything private is behind closed doors, yet they expect a dad to use his possibly full hands to try to blindfold his daughters walking by men at urinals.

 

[cinnaminny]

I think if I saw a man in the restroom with his daughter I would be okay with it, totally different than a changing/locker room imo. Mens restrooms, as I imagine them, are frighteningly dirty lol (I don't know how they actually are, but I feel they must be really gross lol)

 

[Shanti]

A grown woman should be able to set aside their personal discomfort at something so minor for the sake of a child.

Why do you assume that all of the females using the women's restroom are grown women? There are plenty of little girls & teen girls in there, too, some of whom could be disturbed by a man being present, especially if they are coping with period problems.

 

[luvsJack]

A grown woman should be able to set aside their personal discomfort at something so minor for the sake of a child. And for your information, there are plenty of children old enough to know the difference in restrooms who still need assistance using the toilet, especially girls for whom the seat is often a bit too high to manage it themselves.

It's absurd that adult women are freaking out over a dad in a women's bathroom where everything private is behind closed doors, yet they expect a dad to use his possibly full hands to try to blindfold his daughters walking by men at urinals.

Exactly! It’s like the little girl’s comfort doesn’t matter!

The dad in the OP went in the stall with his child. He wasn’t standing around outside trying to stalk other stalls!

And the whole dad guarding the door so no other man could come in the men’s room is crazy! What if a man came running in sick or having a bathroom emergency?? Just going to growl at him and make him stay out?

 

[ronandannette]

It would take me a second to adjust to a guy being in the womens washroom but after that I wouldn’t care. It’s not like there’s an announcement ‘the pee you are hearing is coming from stall number seven’

As far as the pervert part, women can be perverts too. Plus, when you’re in a stall, the worst someone is going to see is that you’re sitting down.

I'm pretty modest and can honestly say I don't feel any more comfortable using the washroom with other women present than I would with men. I just find the whole thing awkward and I do my best to speedily exit the scene without dwelling on who else is in there. Even being as uptight as I am, the scenario the OP described seems fine to me and as others have said, it's a situation with no perfect solution.

Couldn't you say the same thing going the other way?

Who cares if a male see a ******? Why do we make it such a horrible thing to just see one? Half of our species have one, and to see a bit of one through a crack in the door frame shouldn't be the traumatic event we try to turn it in to, should it?

I completely agree with your point although it's totally hypothetical. I'm trying to think of a possible scenario where full-on lady parts could be observed through the gap in a stall door at an errant glance. I simply can't imagine how that would happen, given the "location" of the part we're talking about and the mechanics of what goes on in a washroom stall.

It’s an interesting issue, and I find myself agreeing with some of both sides while reading this thread.
I think what makes it tough is that everyone has a different comfort zone with what is and isn’t acceptable. Some just want and expect a certain level of privacy when dealing with private bodily functions to avoid embarrassment. And keep in mind that women and girls may have other hygiene issues to deal with in a public restroom. I’ll be blunt-- imagine how a 10-yr-old girl on her period would feel if she’s in a stall changing a maxipad and hears a man walk in.

Single-use/family bathrooms are really the best answer. Gender-neutral bathrooms could work too but would take some getting used to here in the US, and would probably need some modifications to make stalls more private.

Incidentally, many residence halls at universities have gender-neutral bathrooms, including showers. I personally wouldn’t like it, but know many students of both genders who don’t mind.

I understand you're trying to make a point here but seriously, how does one "hear" a man walk in? It's totally impossible unless he loudly announces himself and this is a pretty absurd assertion.

 

[gotomu212]

I remember several years ago being in line for a women’s room and a man with a wheelchair bound wife came in and apologizing profusely said my wife needs assistance using the restroom and there aren’t any single use family restrooms here. He looked so embarrassed and a few women in line were giving him the eye. I almost never speak up but I said please dont be embarrassed, I hope all of us have someone as caring as you in our life to help us if ever needed. It’s a real shame if anyone makes you feel wrong for helping your wife.

I really don’t think we should shame men who are trying to caregive for their wives and daughters especially since the only cost to us is having a man hear us pee, which honestly he’s probably so preoccupied with his daughter/spouse he’s not paying any attention to us.

 

[kimblebee]

I'm pretty modest and can honestly say I don't feel any more comfortable using the washroom with other women present than I would with men. I just find the whole thing awkward and I do my best to speedily exit the scene without dwelling on who else is in there. Even being as uptight as I am, the scenario the OP described seems fine to me and as others have said, it's a situation with no perfect solution.

I completely agree with your point although it's totally hypothetical. I'm trying to think of a possible scenario where full-on lady parts could be observed through the gap in a stall door at an errant glance. I simply can't imagine how that would happen, given the "location" of the part we're talking about.

I understand you're trying to make a point here but seriously, how does one "hear" a man walk in? It's totally impossible unless he loudly announces himself and this is a pretty absurd assertion.

Plus, why does a woman hearing a pad package being opened (loudest sound in the world btw) make it any less embarrassing for a girl? Honestly, a guy wouldn’t know what the sound was and bathrooms are usually loud anyway.

 

[ronandannette]

I remember several years ago being in line for a women’s room and a man with a wheelchair bound wife came in and apologizing profusely said my wife needs assistance using the restroom and there aren’t any single use family restrooms here. He looked so embarrassed and a few women in line were giving him the eye. I almost never speak up but I said please dont be embarrassed, I hope all of us have someone as caring as you in our life to help us if ever needed. It’s a real shame if anyone makes you feel wrong for helping your wife.

I really don’t think we should shame men who are trying to caregive for their wives and daughters especially since the only cost to us is having a man hear us pee, which honestly he’s probably so preoccupied with his daughter/spouse he’s not paying any attention to us.

Anybody who would prioritize their own pearl-clutching sensibilities over what this great guy was doing should be shamed indeed!

 

[AppleDumpling]

I understand you're trying to make a point here but seriously, how does one "hear" a man walk in? It's totally impossible unless he loudly announces himself and this is a pretty absurd assertion.

I don’t think it’s absurd. You might hear a man’s voice talking to his child/ren as they enter the room or later on. I hear moms in restrooms chatting with their little kids all the time, telling them what to do and saying things like, “Don’t touch anything!”, LOL.

However, the same would apply to seeing a man, if a girl saw him before or after going into the stall, or catching a glimpse of him through the door crack. The point is, either way, it could make a girl very uncomfortable. And again, some women/girls wouldn’t care while others might if they are more modest.

 

[ronandannette]

I don’t think it’s absurd. You might hear a man’s voice talking to his child/ren as they enter the room or later on. I hear moms in restrooms chatting with their little kids all the time, telling them what to do and saying things like, “Don’t touch anything!”, LOL.

And the same would apply to seeing a man, if a girl saw him before or after going into the stall, or catching a glimpse of him through the door crack. Either way, it could make a girl very uncomfortable. Not saying it happens all the time and again, some women/girls wouldn’t care while others might if they are more modest.

Still a stretch and too slim a possibility to trump the needs of a little girl to be assisted in the washroom, IMO.

 

[Wendy31]

For the second time a Meijer grocery store in my area had a peeper in the womens restroom. At this one, the guy was shoving his cell phone under the stall doors. So yeah, some people do like to peep. They just arrested the guy so it happened in the last week.

Right, but the Meijer peeper probably didn't have a little girl w/ him.

I think there's a difference between some random lone guy in the women's restroom & a dad w/ his little girl in the women's restroom.

Regarding the gaps, realistically, unless someone is standing right there at the gap or peering over the stall or under the stall or shoving their cell phone camera under the stall, what can a person actually see? At the most, you can tell a person is in the stall, but you can't really see the person and any private parts.

I do get that many women would be very uncomfortable w/ a man in the women's restroom though. Like I said in my earlier post, I haven't encountered it yet. I'm sure I'd be a bit taken aback at first, but, I think, if I saw the man had a little girl w/ him, I'd be okay w/ it.

And I also agree that a random restroom in a shopping department is much different than a restroom or locker room at some place like a gym or a pool where one could expect to encounter women changing clothes or showering.

All this said, our daughter is 18, & DH never had to take her into either the men's OR the women's restroom when she was a little girl. I, however, did need to bring our sons into the women's restroom when they were little.

A little bathroom story -

I like to think most people are good & kind & don't mean any harm. DH says I'm too trusting. A couple of years ago, we were traveling & out of town. We stopped at a grocery story, & our daughter (who was about 16 at the time) & I went into the grocery story. I needed to use the restroom. She didn't, so she waited for me just outside the restroom by the newspaper racks. In the short time I was in the restroom, an older man approached her & tried to engage her in conversation, asking her questions like "Where are you from?". In her words, he made her feel "weird" & she felt like he was too close to her "personal space," so she moved away to the customer service desk. I told her that he was probably just one of those people who like to chat & will talk to anyone. But, again, you have to trust your instincts.

DD was around 16. I couldn't imagine leaving a younger child outside of the restroom to wait.

 

[maxiesmom]

Exactly! It’s like the little girl’s comfort doesn’t matter!

The dad in the OP went in the stall with his child. He wasn’t standing around outside trying to stalk other stalls!

And the whole dad guarding the door so no other man could come in the men’s room is crazy! What if a man came running in sick or having a bathroom emergency?? Just going to growl at him and make him stay out?

What about the comfort of the other little girls already in the bathroom? Or don't they matter?

 

[luvsJack]

What about the comfort of the other little girls already in the bathroom? Or don't they matter?

There were no other children in the op. The man went in a stall with his child. Besides if other little girls are in their stall, why would it bother them? They probably wouldn’t even know!

One man in a bathroom stall with his child vs a little girl having to go in a men’s room with a bunch of men who likely aren’t in a stall. Seems simple to me.

 

[AppleDumpling]

Still a stretch and too slim a possibility to trump the needs of a little girl to be assisted in the washroom, IMO.

I don’t necessarily disagree, as I’ve said in previous posts.

Yet I still believe that if it says “women” (or some other female designation) on the door, that women and girls should have a reasonable expectation of privacy. The presence of a man should be a rare exception.

And more public places should provide facilities to accommodate these types of special circumstances (eg: father with young daughter, man with disabled wife, etc.)

 

[powellrj]

I remember several years ago being in line for a women’s room and a man with a wheelchair bound wife came in and apologizing profusely said my wife needs assistance using the restroom and there aren’t any single use family restrooms here. He looked so embarrassed and a few women in line were giving him the eye. I almost never speak up but I said please dont be embarrassed, I hope all of us have someone as caring as you in our life to help us if ever needed. It’s a real shame if anyone makes you feel wrong for helping your wife.

I really don’t think we should shame men who are trying to caregive for their wives and daughters especially since the only cost to us is having a man hear us pee, which honestly he’s probably so preoccupied with his daughter/spouse he’s not paying any attention to us.

DH and I have that problem. I always try to find the companion restroom. In fact we will go to places we know have companion restrooms. DH really doesn’t like Chuys, but we will eat there because they have a wonderful companion restroom. We were at the hospital last week for some tests. They had no companion restroom, so DH asked the receptionist if someone could check the woman’s restroom so he could take me. One of the volunteers checked it for us and when it was empty she waited while we used the restroom. I wish every restroom would at least have the push button so I can get in and out when I am on my scooter. Dh only has to go in to help when I am in my wheelchair.

 

[luvsJack]

I don’t necessarily disagree, as I’ve said in previous posts.

Yet I still believe that if it says “women” (or some other female designation) on the door, that women and girls should have a reasonable expectation of privacy. The presence of a man should be a rare exception.

And more public places should provide facilities to accommodate these types of special circumstances (eg: father with young daughter, man with disabled wife, etc.)

Is it more than rare in your area? Even if a dad takes his child or a husband has to help his wife, it is still a fairly rare exception.

 

[Skippyboo]

I am a woman with short hair and because of radiation treatment I lost part of my hair on the top of my head so I wear a red Mickey Mouse baseball hat. I have never been a girly girl and dress tomboyish. Yesterday I was exiting the women’s restroom at my local target. A girl about 6 or 7 entering with her mom said as I passed there’s a boy in the restroom. It’s always amazes me how they never see my d sized breasts because I am wearing a hat or have short hair.

The dad just wants to help his little girl go to the bathroom. It’s easier to do this in the woman’s restroom where there more stalls. No one freaks out when a mom takes a little boy in the woman’s restroom. It’s should be the same for dad’s.