Do You Consider Yourself a Feminist?

[pahoben]

You are cherry picking your own statistics. It's 20 couples for every healthy, white child in PRIVATE adoption. It is not 20 couples for every baby available for adoption within social services.

Social services has a hard time placing these children. Even as babies. Statistics are it's mostly white couples who choose to adopt. Most of them do not want black, Hispanic, or mixed race children. Most do not want children who have special needs. Most do not want children who have been born addicted or exposed to drugs or alcohol in utero.

There are very few infants available for adoption through social services because it takes years to terminate the biological parents parental rights. It's not as easy as saying, "we are taking your baby and giving it to this lovely couple. Have a nice day!"

The biological parents are given multiple chances, years worth of chances, to get themselves together. Meanwhile, the child bounces around in multiple placements. Research "reactive attachment disorder." These kids have a life of psychological issues because of this early, chaotic environment.

How many at risk, special needs, or unwanted children have you taken into your home? Why not?

How many mothers with unwanted pregnancies have you helped? And then helped them bear the burden of raising a child they are ill equipped to raise? How many of these mothers were drug addicts? How many of these babies have you walked the floor with all night while they screamed in withdrawal? Do you have any idea how much these addicted babies cost to treat? Not just the immediate 1-2 months they spend in the NICU. The lifetime of psychiatric, medical, and educational support they need?

It's hypocritical to say you will make exceptions in certain cases to allow abortion. Either you believe life starts at conception or you don't. Who are you to decide who's life is more worthy? According to you life is life? Why should it matter how that life is conceived? A child conceived in rape could grow up to be a great philanthropist. A child conc5in incest could, too. You can't accuse people of playing God and then do it yourself.

Also, it's hypocritical to call yourself pro-life and support the death penalty. Life is life. Again, you are playing God. Who are you to decide who's life has value. Even Ted Bundy's life had value to his mother.

You gave a long personal anecdote about your friend who had the miracle baby who was told the baby would never survive and the mother wouldn't either and they both were peachy.

There have been many, actual, documented cases of people convicted of murder, rape, pedophilia who were, in fact, not guilty. How many do you think have actually gone to their deaths?

Sorry but this struck me as funny-not wanting to upset Ted Bundy’s mother as an argument against the death penalty. Sorry about this because I know you are sincere. You need to live in the third world for a while to have a broader perspective about the value of a human life. After another doubling of global population the estimation of this value will certainly change. Humans can out procreate the limits of any system that provides to them food for sustenance. The current fertility rates in the Middle East are astronomical and other places remain extremely high. Opposition to birth control due to religious beliefs really complicated matters. Could anyone actually believe the carrying capacity of the world for people is essentially infinite.

 

[jalapeno_pretzel]

We have twin 6 year old girls and had them in Ju Jitsu for a year. They didn’t really like it and so my wife and I decided to stop lessons until they are 9 or 10. Last week I had them on the playground. I looked up and some younger boy was hitting one of them repeatedly in the back of the head. I told him to stop and that boys don’t hit girls and then took my daughter aside and asked why he was hitting her. She replied-because I was there. I told her she shouldn’t have allowed it and she should have punched him in the nose hard. No response. If anyone knows how I can impress upon my girls to respond aggressively when someone is aggressive towards them I would appreciate any advice. They are very pretty and we live outside the US so I want them to be able to defend themselves. I hope maybe when a bit older they will be more accommodating of self defense training but at this point just a hope.

When they are a little older and you want to re-enroll them in martial arts, you and your wife should consider taking it as well! It's great exercise, it's a lot of fun, and having the parents involved rather than just sitting on the side playing their phone or working really helps keep the kids more engaged. It's really been a wonderful family activity for us.

 

[pahoben]

When they are a little older and you want to re-enroll them in martial arts, you and your wife should consider taking it as well! It's great exercise, it's a lot of fun, and having the parents involved rather than just sitting on the side playing their phone or working really helps keep the kids more engaged. It's really been a wonderful family activity for us.

Thanks for this and now that I think about it I am sure it will help them to stay involved. It was funny at the start when it was new and fun I asked one of them what she had learned and she almost put me down. I am a big guy and she is a normal sized six year old but if I hadn’t expected something I think I would have gone down.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

When it comes to Life , being a man sucks. Statistics from the Kaiser Family Foundation, using data pulled from the CDC shown than for 2017 the number of deaths per 100K by gender was 864.5 for Male and 619.7 for female. If it is broken down by state you still see that in ALL 50 STATES it is higher for men than women. Men are more likely to be in employment that is more physically dangerous ( which also contributes to the "pay gap" ), and 3.53X more likely to die by suicide (Wikipedia). He may never die in childbirth, but he is still more likely to be dead. Last time I checked, death lasts more than nine months. And then at the end we'll die 6 to 8 years younger than you.

And the "poor, heartbroken man" comment - Really ?!? And the blame it on biology? Ok, let's follow that logic. Outside of Rape and forced sex, Women are the Gatekeepers of Sex. The female decides if it's going to occur or not. Females also have a far greater choice available for birth control (WomensHealth.gov) : female condom, diaphragms, sponge, cervical cap, pill, mini pills, patch, shot, vaginal ring, intrauterine devices, hormonal implants, female tubal ligation or occlusion, and Natural rhythm methods. 13 choices, only one of which is permanent. For males : male vasectomy, condoms. Two choices, one of which is permanent. They are working towards a male "pill" but it's far easier to prevent one embryo from attaching to the uterine wall than to prevent the production of millions of sperm ( that "biology" thing you were referring to earlier ). And - believe me - many of us males WANT another option.

I know we've all had our heartstrings tugged by some of the experiences and stories shared in this thread. However, they are the exception and not the rule. The average person is just that - average. He/She goes through life just trying to make it through each day, hopefully finding someone to share this life journey with, and generally just trying to be a decent person. Yet there seems to be this skewed "reality" : that huge swaths of the population are trying to oppress other persons / classes / sexes. To those people, here's a truth bomb for you - you're not that important. Most people are so busy just living their day-to-day life that they don't have the time, inclination, or effort to care whether they lift you up or put you down. As a decent person I will try to help those that need and ask for help, show kindness and respect to all, and try in my small ways to leave the world maybe a little better after I am gone. I will treat you as fairly as you treat me.

Wow, it sounds like there are a lot of issues men are struggling with. Perhaps they should focus on finding solutions for those problems instead of spending their time trying to legislate women’s healthcare.

 

[MrsPete]

Why, though? Except for actually giving birth and recovery, men can take time off to care for children or other family members. Men can divide their lives between family and work.

Yes, they can, but that isn't the pattern we see in our society.

I have known couples that would divide the family duties. Like for a sick child, he would take off one time and her the next.

We had a pretty good sick-kid policy at our house when our kids were small:
- Dad was in charge of emergency pick-ups at school. Why? Because I'm a teacher, and I couldn't leave my classroom until a sub could be called in, whereas he could get to the school and deal with the emergency faster.
- I was in charge of day-after-emergency /missing a whole day of school stuff. Why? Because he'd already done his part by dealing with the emergency stuff, and knowing ahead of time gave me time to put together sub plans.
- I did all the scheduled doctor /dentist /orthodontist /etc. appointments -- not because I'm a woman /it's my job ... but because I leave work mid-afternoon, making it easier for me to manage that stream of never-ending appointments.
- We were both allowed to write "Not Me" on the calendar for days when we absolutely could not leave work /deal with a sick kid. For me, it'd be the first week of school, exam week, and a few other days in between ... for him it was days when he was presenting to groups. Thing is, over the course of two decades, we never once had a sick kid on a "Not Me" day.

As for my comment on how a woman could hide a surgery, the conversation at the time was about a wife getting her tubes tied not an abortion. If I mixed up a comment from you with that of another poster, pregnancy/abortion wasn’t what I meant to be talking about.

I'm still not sure how the topic of consent for a sterilization surgery morphed into "hiding" that surgery.

Regardless, I had some girl-y surgery a few years ago, and the doctor wouldn't do that particular surgery unless I also agreed to a tubal ligation. Reasoning: The doc said with the surgery + my age, I would be very, very, very UNlikely to ever become pregnant again ... but, if I did, it would be life-threatening, and she would not do the surgery UNLESS we removed that slim chance by also doing a tubal ligation.

I'm coming to the point now: Only after she cut me open did she realize that one of my Fallopian tubes was not normal. She was unable to "do that side" in the usual way ... she had to give me a second incision through the abdomen, and that was visible /more painful than the first side. The moral: When you have surgery, you don't always know the outcome. Anyone who was trying to "hide" a surgery could research and plan ... and could still end up with "more than expected" in the long run. Any individual's outcome may or may not turn out to be textbook.

Besides what needs to be fought for is for every woman to have access to free birth control. Not just those with insurance.

Random thoughts:
- In theory, with the advent of ACA, everyone has insurance.
- I totally support the idea of choosing "high deductible insurance only"; that is, insurance that leaves you paying for birth control /small illnesses like Strep Throat out of pocket ... but is there for you if you're in an accident /have a catastrophic illness. We had a high deductible policy for years, and by NOT paying high premiums, we "won" for 8-9 years ... until my husband became Diabetic, and we realized it was time to return to a more traditional policy. I totally support the idea of CHOICES in the amount of coverage a person opts to buy.
- When you say "birth control", I think you mean pills; however, if insurance /money is an obstacle, common sense would say, Consider all your options. While birth control pills seem to be the most popular choice, they're high maintenance in that they require a doctor's visit every year /must be taken at the same time each day /don't work if you need an antibiotic. If money is an issue, other options may be better: Quite a number of my students have the arm-implants, which last five years. I think moms like them because they don't have to wonder whether teens are complying with the medication's "rules" or not -- it's automatic. I personally had a Diaphragm for more than a decade, and it only cost one doctor visit.

When I was in school the only women in the Nuclear Engineering program were from Iran and wore traditional Muslim clothes. Now you know where they received their training.

First thought: my husand's degree is in Mechanical Engineering, but he worked a whole career in Nuclear. A degree does not necessarily equate to where the person works.

Second thought: What? Are you saying they were trained here in American colleges and went back home to work?

 

[luvsJack]

We have twin 6 year old girls and had them in Ju Jitsu for a year. They didn’t really like it and so my wife and I decided to stop lessons until they are 9 or 10. Last week I had them on the playground. I looked up and some younger boy was hitting one of them repeatedly in the back of the head. I told him to stop and that boys don’t hit girls and then took my daughter aside and asked why he was hitting her. She replied-because I was there. I told her she shouldn’t have allowed it and she should have punched him in the nose hard. No response. If anyone knows how I can impress upon my girls to respond aggressively when someone is aggressive towards them I would appreciate any advice. They are very pretty and we live outside the US so I want them to be able to defend themselves. I hope maybe when a bit older they will be more accommodating of self defense training but at this point just a hope.

My granddaughter take Ju Jitsu. She loves it. And Dd took Judo. She didn’t like it as much but it gave her some of the skills she needs in what she is doing now.

As to your question. We always told Dd she had the right to defend herself. Always. And she always has. I am not sure what steps we would have taken if she hadn’t though. And she was open to self defense classes.

I would perhaps try different types of martial arts. They may like karate or judo more.

 

[luvsJack]

Yes, they can, but that isn't the pattern we see in our society.
We had a pretty good sick-kid policy at our house when our kids were small:
- Dad was in charge of emergency pick-ups at school. Why? Because I'm a teacher, and I couldn't leave my classroom until a sub could be called in, whereas he could get to the school and deal with the emergency faster.
- I was in charge of day-after-emergency /missing a whole day of school stuff. Why? Because he'd already done his part by dealing with the emergency stuff, and knowing ahead of time gave me time to put together sub plans.
- I did all the scheduled doctor /dentist /orthodontist /etc. appointments -- not because I'm a woman /it's my job ... but because I leave work mid-afternoon, making it easier for me to manage that stream of never-ending appointments.
- We were both allowed to write "Not Me" on the calendar for days when we absolutely could not leave work /deal with a sick kid. For me, it'd be the first week of school, exam week, and a few other days in between ... for him it was days when he was presenting to groups. Thing is, over the course of two decades, we never once had a sick kid on a "Not Me" day.
I'm still not sure how the topic of consent for a sterilization surgery morphed into "hiding" that surgery.

Regardless, I had some girl-y surgery a few years ago, and the doctor wouldn't do that particular surgery unless I also agreed to a tubal ligation. Reasoning: The doc said with the surgery + my age, I would be very, very, very UNlikely to ever become pregnant again ... but, if I did, it would be life-threatening, and she would not do the surgery UNLESS we removed that slim chance by also doing a tubal ligation.

I'm coming to the point now: Only after she cut me open did she realize that one of my Fallopian tubes was not normal. She was unable to "do that side" in the usual way ... she had to give me a second incision through the abdomen, and that was visible /more painful than the first side. The moral: When you have surgery, you don't always know the outcome. Anyone who was trying to "hide" a surgery could research and plan ... and could still end up with "more than expected" in the long run. Any individual's outcome may or may not turn out to be textbook.
Random thoughts:
- In theory, with the advent of ACA, everyone has insurance.
- When you say "birth control", I think you mean pills; however, if insurance /money is an obstacle, common sense would say, Consider all your options. While birth control pills seem to be the most popular choice, they're high maintenance in that they require a doctor's visit every year /must be taken at the same time each day /don't work if you need an antibiotic. If money is an issue, other options may be better: Quite a number of my students have the arm-implants, which last five years. I think moms like them because they don't have to wonder whether teens are complying with the medication's "rules" or not -- it's automatic. I personally had a Diaphragm for more than a decade, and it only cost one doctor visit.
First thought: my husand's degree is in Mechanical Engineering, but he worked a whole career in Nuclear. A degree does not necessarily equate to where the person works.

Second thought: What? Are you saying they were trained here in American colleges and went back home to work?

In theory. Exactly! Not everyone has it. They still can’t necessarily afford it.

But yeah, the pill usually comes to mind. But whatever one chooses to use, they need access to it.

Dd had a friend that had the arm implants and her hair fell out. I have no idea if it was a side effect of the implants or something else but apparently what she or somebody decided the implants caused it. That sort of scared dd’s peers off of that

 

[luvsJack]

Wow, it sounds like there are a lot of issues men are struggling with. Perhaps they should focus on finding solutions for those problems instead of spending their time trying to legislate women’s healthcare.

Sounds as if you blame all men for legislation you don’t like?

 

[luvsJack]

Wow, it sounds like there are a lot of issues men are struggling with. Perhaps they should focus on finding solutions for those problems instead of spending their time trying to legislate women’s healthcare.

Sounds as if you blame all men for legislation you don’t like?

 

[pahoben]

Yes, they can, but that isn't the pattern we see in our society.
We had a pretty good sick-kid policy at our house when our kids were small:
- Dad was in charge of emergency pick-ups at school. Why? Because I'm a teacher, and I couldn't leave my classroom until a sub could be called in, whereas he could get to the school and deal with the emergency faster.
- I was in charge of day-after-emergency /missing a whole day of school stuff. Why? Because he'd already done his part by dealing with the emergency stuff, and knowing ahead of time gave me time to put together sub plans.
- I did all the scheduled doctor /dentist /orthodontist /etc. appointments -- not because I'm a woman /it's my job ... but because I leave work mid-afternoon, making it easier for me to manage that stream of never-ending appointments.
- We were both allowed to write "Not Me" on the calendar for days when we absolutely could not leave work /deal with a sick kid. For me, it'd be the first week of school, exam week, and a few other days in between ... for him it was days when he was presenting to groups. Thing is, over the course of two decades, we never once had a sick kid on a "Not Me" day.
I'm still not sure how the topic of consent for a sterilization surgery morphed into "hiding" that surgery.

Regardless, I had some girl-y surgery a few years ago, and the doctor wouldn't do that particular surgery unless I also agreed to a tubal ligation. Reasoning: The doc said with the surgery + my age, I would be very, very, very UNlikely to ever become pregnant again ... but, if I did, it would be life-threatening, and she would not do the surgery UNLESS we removed that slim chance by also doing a tubal ligation.

I'm coming to the point now: Only after she cut me open did she realize that one of my Fallopian tubes was not normal. She was unable to "do that side" in the usual way ... she had to give me a second incision through the abdomen, and that was visible /more painful than the first side. The moral: When you have surgery, you don't always know the outcome. Anyone who was trying to "hide" a surgery could research and plan ... and could still end up with "more than expected" in the long run. Any individual's outcome may or may not turn out to be textbook.
Random thoughts:
- In theory, with the advent of ACA, everyone has insurance.
- When you say "birth control", I think you mean pills; however, if insurance /money is an obstacle, common sense would say, Consider all your options. While birth control pills seem to be the most popular choice, they're high maintenance in that they require a doctor's visit every year /must be taken at the same time each day /don't work if you need an antibiotic. If money is an issue, other options may be better: Quite a number of my students have the arm-implants, which last five years. I think moms like them because they don't have to wonder whether teens are complying with the medication's "rules" or not -- it's automatic. I personally had a Diaphragm for more than a decade, and it only cost one doctor visit.
First thought: my husand's degree is in Mechanical Engineering, but he worked a whole career in Nuclear. A degree does not necessarily equate to where the person works.

Second thought: What? Are you saying they were trained here in American colleges and went back home to work?

Mechanical, Electrical, Chemical are broader engineering disciplines and some do become more specialized Engineers in Nuclear, Petroleum, ceramics etc. My experience in Petroleum was that these crossover engineers were hired only when their were insufficient graduating Petroleum engineers and it took them a long time to catch up and so they were kind of behind and then they left the industry. Petroleum is very cyclical with staff cuts when oil price falls and so very bad to be playing catch up. Most nuclear engineers that I met had served on nuclear subs in the Navy and then went to school for an nuclear engineering degree but I have only known like three.

Yes they went back to Iran to work.

 

[pahoben]

My granddaughter take Ju Jitsu. She loves it. And Dd took Judo. She didn’t like it as much but it gave her some of the skills she needs in what she is doing now.

As to your question. We always told Dd she had the right to defend herself. Always. And she always has. I am not sure what steps we would have taken if she hadn’t though. And she was open to self defense classes.

I would perhaps try different types of martial arts. They may like karate or judo more.

Thanks for this. What age did she start? I didn’t think Karate would be good because they need to spar and with all the studies about traumatic brain injuries I didn’t want them taking blows to the head routinely but maybe I overestimated the risk.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

Sounds as if you blame all men for legislation you don’t like?

The PP gave me a laundry list of problems men are dealing with and I suggested they might want to start focusing their energies on those issues instead of continuously trying to overturn the already-settled-by-the-Supreme-Court issue of abortion, and you twisted that into me blaming all men for something? That’s quite a leap, especially as ALL men don’t support that legislation in the first place. Plenty of men are pro-choice.

 

[YCCS]

Sorry but this struck me as funny-not wanting to upset Ted Bundy’s mother as an argument against the death penalty. Sorry about this because I know you are sincere. You need to live in the third world for a while to have a broader perspective about the value of a human life. After another doubling of global population the estimation of this value will certainly change. Humans can out procreate the limits of any system that provides to them food for sustenance. The current fertility rates in the Middle East are astronomical and other places remain extremely high. Opposition to birth control due to religious beliefs really complicated matters. Could anyone actually believe the carrying capacity of the world for people is essentially infinite.

Actually, that was my point. Honestly, I couldn't care less about Ted Bundy's mother's feelings. My point was you can't cry, "life begins a conception! All lives are valuable! All lives should be saved! and then say, "oh, except for...." (though I am anti-death penalty, TBH) It is ridiculous. Either life begins at conception and you don't have the right to take it, or it doesn't.

I am very familiar with the 3rd world and Sharia law. Although, with the climate of this particular website, and the fallout I will, probably receive, I will admit that I am married to a Middle Eastern, Muslim man. I understand, very well, the subjugation of women in these countries and their lack of choice over their own lives and their bodies, which is why I choose to set the American bar way above Sharia law.

The funny thing is, there are many people who will cry and damn Sharia law and it's treatment of women based on a theocracy (as well they should) but when those same laws are now being applied in the United States they back them wholeheartedly. Abortion ban is based on religious beliefs. It isn't scientific. Life begins at conception is a religious belief, not a scientific one.

My point here, is that people are using personal anecdotes that are extreme outliers instead of actual statistics and the statistics they are trying to use are half-truths. If you want to include outliers such as the 1 in I-don't know-how-many cases where the doctor was completely wrong to justify the overturning of a law, there are just as many on the other side, such as people wrongly convicted of crimes.

We, as a world, are woefully overpopulated. We, as a nation, have too many children already, who were unwanted and who had parents who were or are unwilling or unable to care for them. It is a huge burden on our society in many ways. Unfortunately, these issues are cyclical, so the children born of theses parents never learn parenting skills and, in turn, grow up to become the exact, same thing.

I work in the mental health field. I have for many years. Though, I personally, only work with adults, many of these adults end up in the system (which is, also, woefully broken, but that;s a whole new topic) They also end up in the criminal justice system. (also, horribly broken)

My belief is that we make birth control free and easy to get, particularly long term and permanent forms such as IUD, Nexplanon, tubal ligation, and vasectomies. If we educate people and make reproductive health easy to access and affordable then we will reduce the overall number of unwanted pregnancies.

Women who are mentally ill, addicted, who are transient, and, probably not thinking clearly aren't going to buy condoms, or pills or remember to take them or use them. So many studies have shown that when people are educated early on and given access without judgment to birth control and reproductive health and education the rate of unwanted pregnancy and abortion drops. Unfortunately, the people who are banning women's access to abortion are also banning their access to affordable health care. Some states have only 1 or very few Planned Parenthood or free clinics where women can access healthcare. This is because there has been a push by certain interest groups to portray these providers as abortion factories, where, in truth, abortions count for less than 3% of the services provided.

If a woman cannot afford to buy birth control, she cannot afford to travel 3 hours to get it for free. If she is uninsured and can't afford and annual exam, she, probably, also, can't afford to travel for hours to get it. Same with prenatal care. Because of the restricted access to quality, affordable health care for women the maternal death rate in the United States is rising. It is the highest of any developed nation on the globe, and in some states it is higher than in some 3rd world countries.


There has been an attitude that, "If it isn't my experience, it didn't happen."

 

[pahoben]

Actually, that was my point. Honestly, I couldn't care less about Ted Bundy's mother's feelings. My point was you can't cry, "life begins a conception! All lives are valuable! All lives should be saved! and then say, "oh, except for...." (though I am anti-death penalty, TBH) It is ridiculous. Either life begins at conception and you don't have the right to take it, or it doesn't.

I am very familiar with the 3rd world and Sharia law. Although, with the climate of this particular website, and the fallout I will, probably receive, I will admit that I am married to a Middle Eastern, Muslim man. I understand, very well, the subjugation of women in these countries and their lack of choice over their own lives and their bodies, which is why I choose to set the American bar way above Sharia law.

The funny thing is, there are many people who will cry and damn Sharia law and it's treatment of women based on a theocracy (as well they should) but when those same laws are now being applied in the United States they back them wholeheartedly. Abortion ban is based on religious beliefs. It isn't scientific. Life begins at conception is a religious belief, not a scientific one.

My point here, is that people are using personal anecdotes that are extreme outliers instead of actual statistics and the statistics they are trying to use are half-truths. If you want to include outliers such as the 1 in I-don't know-how-many cases where the doctor was completely wrong to justify the overturning of a law, there are just as many on the other side, such as people wrongly convicted of crimes.

We, as a world, are woefully overpopulated. We, as a nation, have too many children already, who were unwanted and who had parents who were or are unwilling or unable to care for them. It is a huge burden on our society in many ways. Unfortunately, these issues are cyclical, so the children born of theses parents never learn parenting skills and, in turn, grow up to become the exact, same thing.

I work in the mental health field. I have for many years. Though, I personally, only work with adults, many of these adults end up in the system (which is, also, woefully broken, but that;s a whole new topic) They also end up in the criminal justice system. (also, horribly broken)

My belief is that we make birth control free and easy to get, particularly long term and permanent forms such as IUD, Nexplanon, tubal ligation, and vasectomies. If we educate people and make reproductive health easy to access and affordable then we will reduce the overall number of unwanted pregnancies.

Women who are mentally ill, addicted, who are transient, and, probably not thinking clearly aren't going to buy condoms, or pills or remember to take them or use them. So many studies have shown that when people are educated early on and given access without judgment to birth control and reproductive health and education the rate of unwanted pregnancy and abortion drops. Unfortunately, the people who are banning women's access to abortion are also banning their access to affordable health care. Some states have only 1 or very few Planned Parenthood or free clinics where women can access healthcare. This is because there has been a push by certain interest groups to portray these providers as abortion factories, where, in truth, abortions count for less than 3% of the services provided.

If a woman cannot afford to buy birth control, she cannot afford to travel 3 hours to get it for free. If she is uninsured and can't afford and annual exam, she, probably, also, can't afford to travel for hours to get it. Same with prenatal care. Because of the restricted access to quality, affordable health care for women the maternal death rate in the United States is rising. It is the highest of any developed nation on the globe, and in some states it is higher than in some 3rd world countries.


There has been an attitude that, "If it isn't my experience, it didn't happen."

Sorry that I misunderstood the intent of your original post. I vaguely remember a story a bout the Gates Foundation vaccine program in Africa I believe. The rumor started I believe that the vaccines were sterilizing recipients and it then became very dangerous for the people administering the vaccines.

Very long duration birth control would be great if you could convince sufficient numbers to use them.

 

[Prince_Hawkins]

When it comes to reproduction, being a woman sucks. Having to deal with periods, cramps, PMS, the cost and inconvenience of feminine hygiene products, birth control, Pap smears.... The woman is the sole one who must carry a pregnancy and take on 100% of those ugly symptoms and side effects. She has to labor and deliver the baby, then deal with recovery and hormones and possibly postpartum depression/anxiety, while doing 100% of the breastfeeding, of course. And she’ll do it over and over again — periods to pregnancy back to periods and again pregnancy— however many times until she finally hits menopause and then has to deal with that crap, too. The majority of her life will be beholden to her reproductive organs.

A man will never have to do any of this. He will never deal with the recurring annoyance and pain of a menstrual cycle. He will never have his body put through the immense physical strain of pregnancy. He will never have his health risked by gestational diabetes or preeclampsia. He will never endure the excruciating pain of labor and delivery. He will never die in childbirth.

Really not fair, is it? But, thanks to biology, it’s just the way it is.

So when I hear people argue on behalf of the poor, heartbroken man who wants to keep a baby but can’t stop a woman from aborting, well, I feel sorry for him, actually. I do think it’s sad that it can’t always be an equal decision, but almost everything is unfair when it comes to reproduction and this is just one of the few ways it’s unfair to the man instead of the woman for a change. Blame it on biology.

Your attitude is operating under the turnabout-is-fair-play model, which is why neofeminism has become so toxic.

You are trying to make an apples-to-apples comparison of female anatomy vs. male anatomy. This is a losing proposition for you. Males can never know what it feels like to be female, and vice versa. So such theoretical comparison is a nonstarter.

Now I definitely agree with you that since women have the biological burdens of pregnancy that men don't have, the pregnant woman should always be the sole decider over what happens to her body before a fetus is carried to term. But I frame it in terms of bodily sovereignty, not gender exceptionalism.

What happens after the pregnancy needs to be determined by principles of equality.

 

[Prince_Hawkins]

No, barring abuse or neglect, children belong with and do best with their biological parents. The father (or mother, if she is not the custodial parent) just needs to pay up.

Children are not entitlements or commodities to be reassigned at will. It’s telling and disturbing that a hopeful adoptive parent would argue otherwise. Fortunately, adoption agencies and inspectors are very very good at weeding out people like this.

I would argue that forcing a child to be caught in the middle of two unmarried biological parents who are in a constant battle of resentment and legal squabbling is FAR LESS HEALTHY for a young child than being placed with a loving adoptive couple.

Once a child is born, the best interest of the child needs to be viewed in a holistic manner...not based on one biological parent's whims.

 

[HeatherC]

I hate the word feminist. I have a son and two daughters and we have tried to raise them all as equals as much as we could. I am 53 and never let being a woman hold me back or accomplish anything I ever wanted to.

I also think a lot of self proclaimed “feminists” like to whine and complain about how things are unfair. Yes, they are, but life is unfair. I prefer to enjoy it as much as I can and keep moving forward. I hope we have instilled that in our kids as well.

 

[Prince_Hawkins]

I hate the word feminist. I have a son and two daughters and we have tried to raise them all as equals as much as we could. I am 53 and never let being a woman hold me back or accomplish anything I ever wanted to.

I also think a lot of self proclaimed “feminists” like to whine and complain about how things are unfair. Yes, they are, but life is unfair. I prefer to enjoy it as much as I can and keep moving forward. I hope we have instilled that in our kids as well.

Agreed with your perspective, mostly.

I always say:

When you find that life is unfair...how are you going to take back your power?

Unfortunately, caustic virtue-signaling on social media and Internet boards seems to be the "trendy" solution for many.

 

[SantaDuffy]

I would argue that forcing a child to be caught in the middle of two unmarried biological parents who are in a constant battle of resentment and legal squabbling is FAR LESS HEALTHY for a young child than being placed with a loving adoptive couple.

Once a child is born, the best interest of the child needs to be viewed in a holistic manner...not based on one biological parent's whims.

Fortunately, this is not how the world works and agencies would screen people who think this way out after one conversation.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

Your attitude is operating under the turnabout-is-fair-play model, which is why neofeminism has become so toxic.

You are trying to make an apples-to-apples comparison of female anatomy vs. male anatomy. This is a losing proposition for you. Males can never know what it feels like to be female, and vice versa. So such theoretical comparison is a nonstarter.

Now I definitely agree with you that since women have the biological burdens of pregnancy that men don't have, the pregnant woman should always be the sole decider over what happens to her body before a fetus is carried to term. But I frame it in terms of bodily sovereignty, not gender exceptionalism.

What happens after the pregnancy needs to be determined by principles of equality.

I’m operating under the model that biological differences mean things won’t always be perfectly equal or “fair” for men or women when it comes to reproductive issues. For men, that might mean not having equal or final say in whether their embryo/fetus is carried to term. Since, you know, they have to rely on someone else to carry it.