Welcome back. Glad to see you two could make it. Where was I? At EPCOT – yeah, I remember now. Amazing how quickly I forget what happened just a few days ago.
TIP: Ginko Bilabo (not to be confused with Rocky Balboa) evidently does NOT help mental acuity based on my rigorous clinical trial of taking it for a couple days and still not being able to remember my wife’s birthday.
It had been at least several minutes since we’d been on a ride, so the kids were anxious to do something other than walk and DW didn’t like my idea of putting pennies on the monorail track. The boys wanted to go on Ellen’s Energy Encounter (sponsored by BP). I honestly have no idea why they enjoy this ride so much as it is the antithesis of Mission Space for the probability of removing your lunch from your stomach. This ride is less exciting than sleeping on the sofa bed. It is slower than the parking lot trams. It is slower than the lady in the electric
scooter who is blocking the entire path as she tries to parallel park and is yelling at her husband to warn her if she is about to hit the curb.
TIP: A random tip based on my experiences pushing a stroller through Disney: You know those metal spike looking things truckers put on the wheels that warn “Don’t come too close to me or your tires will be shredded wheat”? Who ever invents those for strollers will make a fortune. I get 10% OK?
(Parts of the following paragraph were blatantly plagiarized from Wikipedia, because my 1967 Britannica Encyclopedia inexplicably had nothing on EPCOT). In this attraction, you get to ride along with Ellen DeGeneres after she falls asleep and dreams that she is in an energy-themed version of Jeopardy!, playing against an old rival Judy Peterson (portrayed by Jamie Lee Curtis) and Albert Einstein (portrayed by Mark Twain). Bill Nye the Science Guy helps Ellen learn about evolution and how renewable energy is not the answer to our problems, and sings a little tune about filling up your Humvee at the local BP.
About the only good part of this attraction is seeing Jamie Lee Curtis – Ellen’s not the only one dreaming. And I love Bill Nye and Ellen too, although, DW and I know all their lines by heart, as we’ve ridden this so many times.
When we get to the ride, we learn the wait is going to be 10 minutes before we get into the pre-show area. This family of zero patience spends the next 20 minutes debating what we should do instead. A by debating, I mean argue. Time for some tequila, but alas, it is not to be.
Spaceship Earth is close by, so we go there even if there is no bar inside – because we decided to be semi-responsible adults (most of the time). This attraction is much like Ellen’s in that there is hardly ever a long line unless it is 3:00 pm in July when temperatures near that of the sun and everyone is riding just to have a little nap in air-conditioned space.
TIP to DISNEY for increasing profits: Turn up the temperature in the attractions to 90 degrees and down to 70 in the gift shops. I get 10% of the increase in profits, OK?
This ride is inside the giant golf ball which is why it is so appealing to first time visitors. They are thinking “there must be the best ride ever inside that giant golf ball” and they purposely skip breakfast and take motion sickness pills before riding. However, they are usually disappointed because at no time during the attraction does Jamie Lee Curtis make an appearance. No, really, because the ride is not like space mountain or test track and is more like People Mover in 3 dimensions, although not that fast. The ride system takes you up into the giant golf ball where you view scenes from the past that represent important times in the history of communications – such as tin cans and string, twitter, and my favorite – the Mr. Microphone – “Hey good lookin….”
Yes, I even have a link to the commercial for those who don’t know what a Mr. Microphone is.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lF4ny7KivzA
TIP: This proves how cool the 80s were.
Recently, the attraction has been updated with M from Bond (or Jean from As Time Goes By for you BBC/PBS liberals) narrating the scenes. Also, each ride vehicle has an interactive touch screen so you can watch funny cat videos on youtube. Well, not really - first your photo is taken, then during the boring parts of the ride, you are asked questions about your interests, like do you recycle your plastic six pack holders or do you kill dolphins (an easy answer for me because I don't drink canned beer). Finally, at the end of the ride you get to see a little video of you and your seat mate in cartoon doing activities based on your answers.
I don’t exactly get how this part is communication related, but whatever – it keeps the kids occupied while DW and I “nap” in the next vehicle.
Here is a snapshot of the resulting video. Evidently in the future, I have lost part of my mind. Probably because it looks like I've become a vegetarian.
The first question you are asked via the video screen is “where do you live?”, and you answer by touching a spot on a map. After you have gotten off the ride and entered the interactive area, there is a giant world map displayed and it shows a dot where everyone is from (over the course of the day I suspect). Central Florida is covered with dots which means Disney needs to limit the amount of Florida Resident passes they sell. Those darn Florida residents ruin it for all of us. Hmmmmm.
From there, we headed to Club Cool (sponsored by Pepsi) where you can try a variety of Coke a Cola products from around the world. There are several soda stations that dispense about 7 or 8 coke products with descriptions of which country they are from and what they are “supposed” to taste like – emphasis mine. The cups you use are about the size of thimbles, but it is free, so you can’t complain too much – plus we bring our empty 2 liter bottles with us. If only they had this in Mexico dispensing free Tequila – but that would be an entirely different park.
Most all of the sodas are very good except for the one from Italy called Beverly. It used to be fun to hang around and watch people’s faces as they try it. But now because of web sites like this one, everyone seems to know to avoid it so you have to switch the labels and then sit back and enjoy.
TIP: Beverly is a good substitute for castor oil and can be used to remove your most stubborn stains. It is also a good contraceptive – just have your date drink some and there will be no need to worry.
We were all getting hungry since we did not have breakfast at the AKL because you just can not watch wart hogs from the balcony and then eat bacon. We still had a couple hundred dollars left in our pockets so decided to go to France for a quick bite at Les Halles Boulangerie & Patisserie (that’s what she said). This place is great for a quick lunch and we love all the sandwiches on hard French rolls – well except for DS10 who decided just this minute that he hates sandwiches and all parents who force their kids to eat them. We acknowledge that he is not our favorite son, and then order several sandwiches including: Jambon Fromage - Ham, Cheese, Bechamel on a croissant, Brie Aux Pommes - brie, apples, cranberries in a multi grain bread, Roule Lard & Fromage - bacon and cheese roll, Croque Monsieur - toasted ham and cheese and the Soupe De Potiron – Pumpkin Soup. And some wine too, of course.
Random Photo: Mary Poppins topiary
I had posted on Facebook that we were at EPCOT so a friend asked me if we could buy a small rice bowl in Japan to replace the one her daughter broke. I texted her back that it was no problem since I was headed to Japan since there was sake to be found in Japan. I found the bowl, texted her a photo to make sure it was the correct one, and purchased it to make a 6 year old very happy. Now, time to make a 40 something very happy. At the Sake bar, DW and I ordered a non filtered cold sake (No clue which one) and spent the next several minutes enjoying it while ignoring our whining kids as they complained that there were no thrill rides anywhere near this part of the park. I also purchased a couple bags of freeze dried fiddler crabs which is among many of the odd snacks sold there. They make great gifts for any occasion or as a treat in my son’s lunch if he’s been particularly rude. They go really well with Beverly.
The next logical thing to do would be continue around the different countries, so we take the boat back to Future World and head toward The Land. Once there, we decide to ride The Land boat ride. It is getting crowded and this pavilion is not laid out for easy traffic flow. You first have to go up a ramp to enter the building, but all the main attractions are downstairs, so then you have to go back down - and the escalators are narrow.
On the land ride, you get into a boat much like It’s a Small World and pass by some dinosaur and farming scenes. I’m not sure why, but Disney loves to put Dinosaurs in almost every ride. The next part of the ride takes you through a giant greenhouse where Disney is growing a variety of fruits and vegetables – all of which seem to be on steroids as they are so large. Using hydroponics, Disney has perfected growing plants so large that several people a year are killed picking Mickey shaped pumpkins from hanging vines.
We wake up the kids and exit the ride. Next up – Soarin using our FP+. DW bets me that our Magic Bands are not going to work. They do, I win the bet (but not really - you married folks know what I mean) and we get into the line. The wait is only about 10 minutes and then we watch the pre-show video. The kids love the guy who narrates the pre-show. It’s the same guy that voices Kronk in The Emperor's New Groove. I have to convince DW that he is NOT Mr. Big from Sex and the City, but I can't wipe the smile from her face. BTW, his nickname was Mr. Big because he was a BIG jerk - not for any other reason. We get put in the second row – not our favorite as it means our flight above California will include dangling feet.
On this ride, you are lifted up by a mechanical lift system and held in front of a giant convex (or concave, does anyone ever know which is which? Its like stalagmites and stalactites – no one knows for sure and, does it really matter) screen where a video of a flight over California is shown. Technically speaking, this is not a cutting edge ride and is not what one would consider a thrill ride (compared to Harry Potter at that other theme park), but if you are afraid of heights, you might want to watch this one at home when it comes out on DVD. Still, a good attraction, but we are very glad we had FP and would not wait more than 15 minutes for it.
Speaking of Fast Pass, do you ever feel guilty flying by all the people in the standby line? This is a terribly wonderful feeling, isn’t it? Admit it.
TIP: If you don’t know what FP is, or how it works, don’t worry – you are not meant to use it. Just head to Disney and wander aimlessly around while we enjoy the park.
TIP: If you do know about FP+, bring a smart phone because when we were there, the lines for the interactive FP+ stations were long. Hopefully they are adding more stations.
It was now time to say goodbye to the land , "goodbye", as we were done and DW and I had a craving for tequila.
Yeah right - you with kids know the routine – we have to detour to Imagination first. There is no wait, despite it being a FP+ choice, so we walk on. The only – ONLY – reason I agree to this ride before tequila is because it has Eric Idle, and if you don’t know who he his, then you are much too young.
This ride is so bad, that I don’t want to review it. Eric Idle – how can you stoop so low. Honestly, I can not get off this ride fast enough. What a waste of Disney space. I am ashamed I ever wanted to be an Imagineer. This is as bad as the Stich ride at MK.
So off we went to Mexico - far across the park to the opposite side of Imagination. We promised the kids that if they let mommy and daddy have a few minutes in the tequila bar that we would ride the boat ride there. We don't really know the official names to many of the rides even though we have been to Disney countless times. Sure, I could use the Internet to look up the official names like I did for the French cafe where we had lunch, but then you'll never learn to help yourself if I keep doing all the work for you.
FACT: I still have my original 1978 Atari 2600. I modified it to work with modern TVs. So when my kids asked for an X-Box one, I brought out the Atari and we played Pac Man until they beat me unconscious with the joysticks.
Sorry – I forgot to take my ADD medication. I’m all better now and will get back to the trip report – I promise – ha ha ha.
I'll never forget the first time we realized they had added the Tequila bar in the Mexico pavilion. It was like the first time I saw the monorail go through the Contemporary when I was 8 years old. It must have been soon after it first opened or during a slow day because there was plenty of seating. We sent the kids off on an around the world tour while we explored our new favorite attraction (second only to the sake bar, with it being second place because there is no seating).
We then rode the boat ride as promised. In this ride, you pass various film clip scenes that depict what Mexico is like if you are a tourist. You also learn some of the many great advancements Mexicans have made to civilization such as the “swim up pool bar”. It has been updated in the past few years to include Cheech and Chong in a shootout with drug lords – well, not really. It includes Donald Duck and some other animated water fowl. Once past this science you are teleported to the Mexican part of Its a Small World (does “ITS” have an apostrophe or not?). Then you pass the final scene of Donald and his hijinx in a Mexican market place. Before the update, this used to be my favorite part - where sellers in the market would follow and harass you trying to sell their goods. Whenever DW would get the urge to go back to Cancun, I would just take her on this ride – saved a fortune.
Now it was time for some tequila. We let the kids ride the boat ride again by their selves, while we headed back to the tequila bar and tried something different than the first time. Eventually, the kids came back and begged to go on the Norway ride.
TIP: The Mexico boat ride is really short. Plan to have your kids ride it several times.
The wait for the Norway boat ride was 40 minutes, so we skipped it and went right to China where we saw the 360 degree circle vision film all about how every product in Wal-Mart is made there. Its actually a good film to see, but is showing its age.
Once out of China, we headed to Norway, but the wait was now 50 minutes ( or $160 USD), so even the kids decided that was too long even though DW and I said we would wait for them in Mexico at the Tequila Bar if they wanted to go together.
So it was time to head home, but not before one last ride. I tried the old “Lets ride the Odyssey” trick, but it did not work. The kids lobbied for The Ellen Ride, but DW came up with a brilliant alternative – Single Rider Test Track. Everyone agreed and so that is what we did. The boys each got to ride with some unsuspecting family that would not take them home after the ride. DW and I also rode with strangers. TT is a very fun ride - especially the high speed bit.
So now it is really time to head home. But wait - I know what you are screaming - "Didn't you stay for Illuminations?????" Ah - we've seen it many times and it has lost some of its charm for us. First, it is difficult finding a good spot to see it all clearly, and second, we want to beat the crowds.
So ends our day at EPCOT.
....and your wife sounds like me
Love your report, it is the only one I actually look at to see if it has been updated. Hope you get a chance to add more soon!
I could just picture my family doing the same thing! I've always wondered what my husband was "thinking"........and now I probably know! Can't wait until the next update.
