Adoption transparency measure passes hurdle in NYS Senate

[aprilgail]

My birth mother is not willing to accept my presence (it is her prerogative) and it saddens me. However, the issue is hers and I’m accepting that. I can only assume she has so much shame and fear that it’s debilitating her judgement. If she would only have a conversation with me, she could understand I’m not out to ruin her life/reputation. For myself, it has been a life long dream to look into the eyes of the woman who gave me life.

The only one that knew about me was my bio moms husband- they were married with 2 little kids at the time I was conceived but had separated briefly and she met someone and got pregnant. He walked away and she and her husband got back together and then gave me up for adoption when I was born. When she got the letter I sent her in the mail she promptly contacted her kids and came clean. By the time I met her 3 weeks later she had told all her siblings and family about me. Her husband is one of the finest men I know. He was totally accepting of me and treats my daughter just like any of his other grandchildren and she loves him. My bio mom passed last year and next week he will be flying to the east coast to my sisters and I will be visiting him there-he is a really great man. When I first flew to their state to meet her I was so apprehensive about meeting him because I was afraid he would not be happy about me dragging up the past but the funny thing is he was apprehensive because he thought I would not be happy and blame him for her giving me up- neither was true. In fact he had told her years before that to try to find me and he was fine with it.

 

[mom2rtk]

I totally get why some would be in favor of this. But I think it’s terribly wrong to unseal those records without permission after they were sealed in good faith. Seriously wrong. Birth parents already made the very difficult decision to give life and not abort. The privacy of those records was part of that equation. Just because some are getting the info in other ways now should not mean we just open them all up.

It’s very possible that opening records will now push some toward abortion if they can’t have anonymity after giving birth.

 

[maddiel]

Why is it their rights/wishes are more important than an adoptees?

I don't think it's that the birth parent's right's wishes are more important, but I think it should be the case that, whichever of the birth parent(s) or adoptee has a higher desire for privacy, that desire should be respected. It just happens that it is more often the birth parent that desires more privacy. I know many people were happy to connect with a birth parent or a child that was given up for adoption, but I also know at least one adoptee who would be adamantly against it.

I don't think most people realize the that the information they make public when they do DNA tests also publicizes much of their near relatives' DNA.

M.

 

[ashley0139]

I'm torn about this. I can totally understand the desire for adoptees to know their birth families, but not every situation came about because the parents were 16 and loved but couldn't care for the baby they put up for adoption. There are cases of rape, incest, and other traumatic events that result in a child. I can totally understand the bio parents wanting to keep that door to a traumatic past closed. If they know that in 18 years they are going to have to revisit it, would they make the same choice?

 

[aprilgail]

I totally get why some would be in favor of this. But I think it’s terribly wrong to unseal those records without permission after they were sealed in good faith. Seriously wrong. Birth parents already made the very difficult decision to give life and not abort. The privacy of those records was part of that equation. Just because some are getting the info in other ways now should not mean we just open them all up.

It’s very possible that opening records will now push some toward abortion if they can’t have anonymity after giving birth.

There is no such thing as anonymity now for them anyway. They have to know that they are giving away part of their own DNA and eventually that DNA will be used to track them. Even "anonymous" egg/sperm donors are no longer anonymous- found my daughters very easily.

 

[Hikergirl]

Why is it their rights/wishes are more important than an adoptees? I’m hopeful as my generation ages, we’ll have more compassion and empathy.

And also these adoptee rights/opening of information shouldn’t be made until adulthood

Because the fact is that adoption is a legal transaction and those who signed those legal documents involved have rights. Why is it suddenly OK to strip those rights away from those birth parents?

You bring up compassion and empathy, but what about a mother like the pp mentioned? What if a birth occurred because that girl was raped by a family member? Where is the compassion and empathy for her?

I can understand adoptions going forward, then birth parents can make the decision to give their child up for adoption knowing that some day that child will have the right to know their names.
I don't think it is fair for those parents who believed they had the right of privacy. EDIT- who had the right of privacy-I understand that with modern DNA tests there is no guarantee of that privacy, however I am talking about the right of privacy promised to them from the government by whatever laws were in place at the time of the adoption. Now the government is stripping it away and IMO it is wrong.

While I understand when it benefits you (general), one day you may find yourself on the side who has their rights taken away. I wonder if you would be OK with it then?
(that is not directed specifically to you, it is more a general thought).

 

[Moliphino]

I don't think most people realize the that the information they make public when they do DNA tests also publicizes much of their near relatives' DNA.

I realize it, but their skeletons are not mine.

 

[Hikergirl]

There is no such thing as anonymity now for them anyway. They have to know that they are giving away part of their own DNA and eventually that DNA will be used to track them. Even "anonymous" egg/sperm donors are no longer anonymous- found my daughters very easily.

Isn't there a difference though- when their privacy is being protected by the laws in place and suddenly the government decides that the laws no longer apply to you?

 

[mom2rtk]

There is no such thing as anonymity now for them anyway. They have to know that they are giving away part of their own DNA and eventually that DNA will be used to track them. Even "anonymous" egg/sperm donors are no longer anonymous- found my daughters very easily.

If that is such a sure thing for revealing the info then there’s no need to unseal anything, right?

Bottom line is that nobody promised to seal DNA records. If it comes out that way, it comes out. At least it didn’t happen as a result of a broken promise.

 

[piccolopat]

I understand why people who were adopted would want to find their birth parents, but I think it is wrong to violate a person's right to privacy for a closed adoption done years ago. If this law was changing things on a going forward basis, that would be one thing. I wouldn't be surprised if there was a challenge to this law that would ultimately go to the Supreme Court.

 

[aprilgail]

If that is such a sure thing for revealing the info then there’s no need to unseal anything, right?

The only thing this would do is give the adoptees something they have every right to- their original birth certificate. 9 other states already have this in effect- little by little adoptees are getting the rights they have been denied for so long.

 

[aprilgail]

I understand why people who were adopted would want to find their birth parents, but I think it is wrong to violate a person's right to privacy for a closed adoption done years ago. If this law was changing things on a going forward basis, that would be one thing. I wouldn't be surprised if there was a challenge to this law that would ultimately go to the Supreme Court.

9 other states already have this in effect- this is not something new, just took NY a while to catch up!

 

[mom2rtk]

The only thing this would do is give the adoptees something they have every right to- their original birth certificate. 7 other states already have this in effect- little by little adoptees are getting the rights they have been denied for so long.

I don’t care how many states are doing it. I think it’s terribly wrong. I’m pretty sure there are other things plenty of states are doing that many here would disagree with and would hope to have challenged in court.

 

[aprilgail]

I don't think it is fair for those parents who believed they had the right of privacy. EDIT- who had the right of privacy-I understand that with modern DNA tests there is no guarantee of that privacy, however I am talking about the right of privacy promised to them from the government by whatever laws were in place at the time of the adoption. Now the government is stripping it away and IMO it is wrong.

The child NEVER had a say in this arrangement- they did not agree to this. Why do their rights matter yet ours do not.

 

[verleniahall]

As someone who has infertility and looking into adoption - I can see both ways.

BUT - If i HAD been someone who gave up a child and asked for sealed records, I would expect them to stay that way.

 

[Hikergirl]

The child NEVER had a say in this arrangement- they did not agree to this. Why do their rights matter yet ours do not.

Simple truth- they had no rights at the time of the adoption, legally it was the birth parents with the rights being protected. Their right to privacy.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I think meeting in the middle (as described by @ronandannette ) is a good idea that respects all parties' rights.

I think both sides have to realize, though, that there may be people who do not want contact, and that should be respected.

 

[Wendy31]

The child NEVER had a say in this arrangement- they did not agree to this. Why do their rights matter yet ours do not.

You're right. The child doesn't get a say.

Currently, in most states, unborn babies do not have a say or any rights in whatever arrangement their parents decide upon at the time the mother discovers she's pregnant. In most states, the birth mother's rights trump the child's rights.

Adoption, Abortion, Type of Adoption... it's up to the birth parents.

Edited to Add - Your birth mother chose adoption. She could have chosen abortion. Some birth mothers, upon learning that their child's adoption records can be unsealed, may now choose abortion.

 

[Hikergirl]

In States where the child's rights have been put before the mother's they are being challenged.

In this case there is an easy solution- allow it from this point forward (or when it is signed into law).
Let any adoption that was done prior with a sealed record remain sealed.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

Currently, in most states, unborn babies do not have a say or any rights in whatever arrangement their parents decide upon at the time the mother discovers she's pregnant. In most states, the birth mother's rights trump the child's rights.

Adoption, Abortion, Type of Adoption... it's up to the birth parents.

I think we don't want to confuse the issue, though.

These babies given up for adoption are born.

But even though they are born, because they are not legal adults or anywhere near the stage where they could potentially make decions for themselves, legally, parents must make decisions for them, just as they do for an illness or congenital birth defect, etc.