Amy's New Start : Comments Welcome!

[Amy&Dan]

For the past month or so, I have been toying with starting up a new journal. My old one (Amy's Journal) has gotten pages long and to be honest, I am not the same person I was when that journal began! I wish I could say I am not the same because I lost my weight and that my new journal is about maintainence and staying healthy. Instead I am changed because in the span of that journal, I lost my mom to cancer (she had Alzheimers too). It was a seven year family struggle of watching her fight two diseases, being her caregiver (along with my stepdad) and then having her pass away last January and now my subsequent grief process. For the past 12 months (my mom died January 12th), I have been in a fog. My mother was really the most key person in my life. After my dad died when I was 7, she and I became inseparable. We had lots of adventures together, particularly after my older siblings moved away. Even after my mom remarried when I was 23 and then when I married a few years later, we had this huge, very special bond. Even now as I type this, I am crying, thinking about how sad I am that is over for me. But they are happy tears too. Having a parent is special. Having one like my mom is a gift only God could have given me. So I have that for the rest of my life and now its time to give myself a gift. Getting healthy! I think its a really good tribute to my mom to get myself in a better place. The one issue my mom and I had was around my weight! It drove her nuts and at times she tried to help but in her 1950's fashion often made it worse. I spent a lot of years blaming my mom that I was fat, and she spent a lot of years telling me I was too pretty to be fat. The one good thing about her Alzheimers is that she sort of forgot I was fat! Seriously, the last year or two of her life, she would tell me all the time "you are so beautiful". I used to laugh thinking of all the times she said and indicated otherwise! It was nice to have that battle just done and over between us I must say. And now, I can't sit around and blame her for feeding me too much fried chicken and bananna pie the whole time I was growing up! And I think she came to realize that making me often feel second best to my skinny sister wasn't the best way to handle things. So it was good we both learned a little together before she was gone.

So here I am, 44 years old, happily married to Dan for 16+ years now. I have two beautiful kids, ds who is 14 and dd who is 12. I have a beagle named Daisy who is my most treasured little friend and who I think came into my life to bring me some fresh air and laughter when I needed it most! And I have a mutt named Shelby who looks like an alien but is very sweet and I love her dearly too! I currently weigh 244 pounds (hmm, 244 at 44 would be catchy if that "2" was a "1"). I rejoined Weight Watchers for literally about the 15th time yesterday and am excited about that. In spite of my frequent attempts and failings at Weight Watchers (I once said they should give me a Frequent Failure discount), I believe in the program and I have been successful at times. In 1998 I lost 30 pounds and kept some of that off for several years. But when my mom got sick in 2001, I let the stress of that derail my efforts. Then in 2006, I rejoined WW (by this time I had gained back my 30 pounds plus 20 more) and lost 33 pounds that year and into 2007. I began to Wish and made lots of friends here, learned a lot but again, let the stress of my mom's now two illnesses plus other family stress get to me and I have now gained back all but about three pounds of that 33 pound loss. Clearly I am a stress eater of the worst variety!

I am so extremely tired of being in physical pain. I think its safe to say that carrying around an extra 100 pounds is not easy on the body. I huff and puff, walk like an 80 year old arthritic and often have heartburn and stomach woes. The good news is that my cholestrol and blood pressure are both good and other than being morbidly obese, I am in perfect health!

So I am excited for 2009 and my new journey! For my old Wish Buddies, welcome to the new me and for anybody new reading this, I look forward to getting to know you and hope my journal won't be too boring!

 

[lovinaz]

I found you!! I like the new journal, I think it's great that you started one. New book at WW, new journal here, it all makes sense!

You are going to do great this year, I know it! Focus on the positive and don't look back. Only worry about things you can control and surround yourself with people who make you feel good.

 

[Goofydiane]

Amy - New Year, New Journal, New Successes and a New You!

 

[goldcupmom]

I've been thinking about a new journal, too, Amy! Great minds think alike!!

Yes, we must do this together. We are both major stress eaters, but we have got to STOP. Somehow!!!! I love your idea of a WW 'frequent failure' discount! Sign me up!!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Thanks Amy, Diane and Julie. My new Wish journal looks like "home" already now that you all have come in to visit!

Yesterday (Saturday): I journaled what I ate and drank my water, but I used up 12 flex points by the time it was all said and done and I didn't exercise. But I am okay with all of that because after basically not being on program for two months, Rome won't be built in a day! I had my last holiday party to attend and that was part of the problem, too much good food that was so hard to resist. Although I did pretty well considering. I didn't take my veggie tray, we had a snow and ice storm here yesterday and I didn't feel like going all the way out to Sams Club to get one. And I didn't feel like cutting up all the veggies myself (can we say lazy?). So I took cheese and crackers instead, way easier. I had one very small plate of food at the party, a diet coke and only one piece of candy. No cookies or cake and my friend brought homemade peanut butter cups dipped in dark chocolate and I knew if I ate one, I'd be sunk. So I ate some store bought piece of candy instead that was tasty but not enough to make me want another one but it did get me over my sweet craving which I had been fight all day long.

Some of you asked me about the new program. I like it. To me its a combo of Flex and Core with a lot of emphasis on eating right, not just eating within points. Which I think is a good thing.

Today I plan to make a healthy dinner. We are seeing a movie and I am budgeting in some points for popcorn. Normally, this early in the game, I'd be saying no to popcorn. But the bottom line is that this is the rest of my life I am embarking on, its not feasible to never eat movie popcorn again, so I might as well learn how to eat a normal amount without fake butter on it right now! And that should keep me from feeling deprived.

Hope everyone is having a great weekend, I will post my food later!

 

[lovinaz]

Great idea budgeting popcorn into your points. There is nothing wrong with that, it is all about planning to succeed. And if you indulge in popcorn, just make sure you are spot on for the rest of the day. You can't live life without treats!

You had me salivating at the thought of those homemade pb cups. Great job resisting those!!

Do the kids go back to school tomorrow? I'm sure you can get into a more normal exercise routine once things are back on a regular schedule.

 

[toystoryduo]

Hi Amy,

I love the new journal! I think I'm going to start a new one myself. I like the idea of starting all over in the New Year!

I know that 2009 is going to be your year! I love your enthusiasm! You CAN do this, Amy!

I hope you have a great evening!

 

[traceycooper]

Happy New Year Amy
I cant believe it has almost been a yr since you lost your mom
I cryed too when i read your 1st post!!! but i feel you have reached the last marker - the 1st christmas, birthday & now the 1st anniversary, by no means will life suddenly be easier to bear but hopefully you can now start to move forward & you are remembering good times now.
Good luck on the WW programme, i know when your ready & focused you will do what you have done in the past - watch those lb's melt away

 

[Amy&Dan]

Thanks Tracy, I saw your new journal, we are on the same wavelength!

Tracey! I talked witha friend on Saturday night who lost her mom many years ago. She said that once all the "firsts" are over, it gets easier because you know you can get through the special occasions. I plan to just stay by home on the 12th and then go to bed knowing I made it through that first year.

Amy: Resisting those pb cups was really hard. But I am so glad I did, I know they were deadly with fat and calories.

Here is my food for yesterday:

Breakfast: Slim Fast: 3
Lunch: Veggie and bean quesedilla with cheese and whole wheat tortilla: 6
Snack: Lots of popcorn!: 10
Dinner: Taco Soup (5) and 1/4 of a cheese quesedilla (2)

Total for the day: 26

So I came in under but I was feeling bloated after that popcorn. Got in three servings of veggies so that was something. No exercise again. But I am okay with that because I feel like I am getting my food in order. I plan to walk today for a half hour and then go to the rec center tomorrow for a longer walk.

Thanks for reading!

 

[lovinaz]

It's perfectly understandable to focus on getting your food right. Believe me, I know that food is the key! I exercise quite a bit, but get NO results if my food isn't in check. Heck, usually I get no results even if my food is in check, but that's a different story...

You are doing great with planning ahead, which is the key to success. How was the movie?

 

[Amy&Dan]

Amy, the movie was great. We saw Marley and Me and omg I just loved it. We had actually seen it last week and all loved it so much we wanted to see it again. What else do you do when its 19 degrees for a high temp???

I am really working on the planning ahead with food. I spent more time going over cookbooks today, getting some recipes together and entered into the WW recipe builder. I also have decided to calculate my points for dinner each morning. So that I know exactly how many points I have to work with during the day. I am forever running out of points for dinner and I think this will help.

My only problem today is that I am literally starving. I am just dying to eat, eat, and eat. So I am trying to eat as filling of foods as possible. Clearly my body is adjusting to the lesser amount of food I am eating.

No exercise yet but I am hopeful to at least get in 20 minutes on the treadmill.

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

Amy, I like the new journal! I thought about doing one but decided to stick with the one I have since my goals are still similar... weight loss by my Master's.

I'm sorry to hear this has been such a tough couple of years for you. It's always hard to face a loved one's illness and death. It's hard to take care of yourself when you are taking care of others. I'm glad you have decided to give at another go.

I'm glad you like the Momentum Plan. I am loving it so far, it's got the best of both worlds (or Flore, as my leader calls it!) Good luck!

 

[toystoryduo]

Great job on food yesterday, Amy! Keep up the good work!

I'm glad that you liked the movie. Is the movie appropriate for children? My girls want to see the movie because the dog is so cute, but I've heard that it's not really for kids. What do you think?

I hope you have a good evening and a great day tomorrow!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Thanks Jessi, the last couple of years have been hard but they are behind me now and its time to make my goals a reality!

Tracy, I pm'd you about Marley and Me.

So food yesterday was okay, but oh did I struggle and I ate a lot! I was hungry and feeling tired all day. Clearly, I am in that adjustment mode. I pretty much ate like a pig for two solid months so coming off my binge is not easy. I did use up some flex points but I am okay with that.

Food for Monday:

Breakfast: 1/2 bagle w/ 1t butter: 3
Snack: sugar free/ff cocoa: 1
Snack #2: ff refried beans w/ 1tb cheese: 2
Lunch: Lean Cuisine w/ 1 t olive oil: 8
Snack #3: Wheat thins: 3
Snack #4 (are we seeing a pattern here?): yogurt: 2
Dinner: Pasta with chicken, spaghetti sauce and parmesan: 12
Snack #5: Bagle Crisps: 4
Points for the day: 35
Used 4 flex points.

Clearly due to my high number on the scale, I get a lot of points. And clearly I was really struggling with hunger yesterday! Had I been of a normal weight, I would have been out of points before I ever got to dinner and Snack #5! I had that high point Lean Cuisine because I thought it would fill me up more (it was the squash ravioli one very yummy but high in points). It didn't. I added the olive oil thinking that would help satiate me. It didn't. Oh well, for now, I have 30 points a day and I have flex points so I'll stick with that. It just seems hard to believe I am going to be able to lose weight if I keep eating this much! But then again, I frequently eat under points (did that on Sunday which may explain yesterday) and end up going off program. So that's not working either. I guess if WW says I get 31 points a day, I get 31 points a day. Maybe I'll follow the program and see what happens for a change of pace!

Today I HAVE to get to the store and get some more veggies. I need the bulk! I did get in three veggies yesterday but no fruit. Eating more of that should help me stay fuller. And maybe more water, I only drank 60 oz yesterday.

Today I walk no excuses.

 

[goldcupmom]

Looks like you're getting on track fast, Amy!

Try the ff rf beans on hard taco shells. Better than tortilla chips as they are about 1 pt/shell. Break them up add the beans, heat & dip in salsa. low points & filling! one of my favs!!

Hope today is going good! Stay warm!!!

 

[lovinaz]

Ahh, looks like a good ole fashioned carb fest! My guess is TOM is lurking... Sometimes no matter what you do, your body just wants to eat and eat and eat, hopefully you get out of the transition mode quickly!

Biggest Loser starts tonight, DD9 is so into that show! She has been talking about it ever since the last one ended. She cracks me up, she always knows everyone's name and does her own little 9 year old analysis after each episode.

Did you get your walk in???

 

[toystoryduo]

Thanks for both of your PM's, Amy.

Were you able to get your walk in? I still need to workout at some point today. We can do this!

Hope you have a great evening and a wonderful day tomorrow!

 

[traceycooper]

My mum did WW a while ago & lost loads & she said she had never eaten so much food!! so i say go for those points your allowed
(she did put it back on when she stopped going - didnt stick to it, so make sure you stick too )

 

[Amy&Dan]

Thanks all!

Amy: I thought about TOM but since I am going through peri menopause, my periods only happen about every 4-6 months and I just had one last month. So I think its just my piggish appetite!

Tracey: You do get a lot of food on WW. I am going to stick with it this time if it kills me!

Tracy: Always happy to be help in the Owen Wilson Movie Department!

Julie: So far so good. I am keeping my fingers crossed this isn't another false alarm in the getting fit contest I keep NOT finishing!

I walked today! It was only for 20 minutes but it was something and right now I'll take anything. I think one of the reasons I have been really off on exericse is because I am trying to buddy system with dh. Given his schedule, its been hard. Too often (as in several times a week) he promises to leave early so we can walk then doesn't. I of course have no problem waiting around for him and then using the excuse "oh well, not my fault" when he can't make it. Today, I was all set to go to the rec center, dh calls and says, today I am leaving at 4:00 and we will walk. I make him promise and he actually did leave. However, by the time he got home, it was windy (we have 70 mph winds around here this evening) and cold. Like 33 degrees with high winds. I just didn't feel like it so I made him treadmill and me too. He really grouched, dh hates the treadmill. After some whining I told him to get his butt on there and not get off until I said so. He did a half hour, I did 20 minutes and I told him that right now, when its getting dark so early and cold, he needs to treadmill and I need to rec center. We can buddy up in the spring. I explained that I have to do this for myself and we have to support each other but also each be responsible for our own workout. He listened intently, we'll see! If I bully him he'll do it. And I need to do it too otherwise how can I yell at him when I don't walk the walk myself? I also miss the rec center walking track. I enjoy walking outside when its warm, dead of winter, not so much! I just need to be smart and do what I know I will stick with.

I watched Dietribe on Lifetime. It was a good show. Nobody gets voted off and the trainer is very cute! Its also only one hour. I recorded it and watched it this evening before Biggest Loser. Amy, my whole family is hooked on BL, did you watch tonight? I was really pulling for all of those people, the young kid who was over 400 pounds broke my heart.

Food today was better. We had Del Taco but I held my own. I added a big green salad to go with it. Tuesday is 3 tacos for 99 cents and its a nice break for me from cooking. As long as we put a salad with it and skip the fries and fried stuff I am okay with this.

I came in at 31 points on the dot today. And I got in three veggies one fruit plus 80 oz. of water. So I am pretty happy with today's results. My food all around was better and I didn't feel as hungry. I am starting to get excited to see if I have taken off a couple of pounds by Friday. If not, well, then I'll have to rethink things. But for now I am going to keep my 31 points a day, try to walk and slam the water. We'll see!

 

[DisDee]

Hey Amy, I found your new journal. I was wondering why you hadn't posted recently. (silly me) I wish all the best to you in the new year. You have been very supportive of me and always know just what to say when you post on my journal. Thank you for being a friend!

Much success to you on the new WW program. I know that you have the strength to make 2009 your best year ever!