An Inconvenient Truth: happyhaunt Style! (New... pg. 113!)

[celerystalker]

The answer is :





42

Tee hee! Do you think she got it? We know she's weird, but is she a nerd too? Hmmm. Do Canadians like British humour? Since they spell it that way, they must, right?

So, were I a 2-3 year old that would be a really scary threat. As it turns out I am somewhere in the later thirties (but not too late, I like the sound of mid-thirties instead), so I could pretty readily call a cab, or something. Considering that I probably would not get into your stink-van willingly (unless you had some awesome ancient coin you were bribing me with (mmm denarius-a-licious)), I'd assume that the only time I'd ever get in a vehicle with you would be if you were in WDW. So you'd have a rental and could not had yet converted the interior into your natural vehicular habitat of a swampland. And then I'd bring H. along. So your plan would be foiled since you'd have to dump both of us and we'd just laugh, grab a bus, and I'd start furiously writing in my notebook about the crazy Canadian lady who insisted on giving us a ride in her weird smelling car and then dumped us in a parking lot, cackling wildly, and saying something about ducks and poop, which would ultimately make a great trip report entry, and then we would hop on a bus and go to Epcot, and smile since, hey, we were in Epcot.

This is so funny. Like the funniest thing I've read in awhile. Because it's soo true. TFI.
One of you should say it really happened and put it in a trip report.
Oh! I know! Do a fake trip report where the sillis and the haunts are at the world at the same time and this happens! In both reports! That would be sweet.

 

[burly]

Just finished the whole thing. Thank you sir may i have another! Great, and lovely and silly stupid and inspiring. Laughed cried and spewed, maybe not on that order.

Waiting patiently.....

 

[Mr. Silly]

One of you should say it really happened and put it in a trip report.
Oh! I know! Do a fake trip report where the sillis and the haunts are at the world at the same time and this happens! In both reports! That would be sweet.

I think that what we should do is write a trip report about the trials and tribulations of writing a trip report about the sillys and the haunts being at WDW at the same time with the stink-van episode coming up. And then write a trip report about writing that. And keep recursing until there is a co(s)mic stack overflow. Which would not take too long... It might have already happened.

 

[Grammyof2]

 

[1000thhappyhaunt]

Ok.

Time to add a lil sumpin. Sumpin. To this.

Tripe.

'Cause I just realized that I've been writing this. On and off. Mostly OFF. For about a YEAR now.

And we've got another trip comin' up pretty soon.

I'm going to try to finish it. Beforehand.

And... pull myself outta this posting slump.

Which, I'm SURE will make ZZUB happy. OR not.

MY GRUMP! MY GRUMP! My lovely Bama GRUMP!!!


Ok.


It was GO TIME!!!

Mission SINISE!!!!


I was ready to RIDE. Errrrr... THE RIDE.

I was pumped.


MY PUMP'd! MY PUMP'd! MY lovely lady PUMP'd!!!!


I'm ALSO pumped to write this installment.


Especially because... since I started writing this dog.... I've actually MET Gary Sinise.

In the flesh.

I got to see him and the Lt. Dan Band at Casino Rama last summer. And, also, recently in Niagara Falls.

I got to dance on the stage to "Lady Marmalade". Right BESIDE Gary.


In very kick-butt boots.

And... when the song was over... he grabbed my hand. Pulled me very close. And whispered in my ear, "Be careful on the STAIRS, Honey!"!!!!!


Oh yeah.


It was awesome!!!!


I immediately fell down all of them... into a happyhaunt heap of blond hair, ripped jeans, vintage 70's clothing and too much eyeliner.


Or did I?


NO.


Didn't fall. I couldn't have. I was literally FLOATING!!!! Like the head in the crystal ball. Haunted Mansion style.

But... with better colouring. And less creepy... D. TFI.


Word.


So... I was off to face my Capcom. With Calvin.


We ran. There was no line. So to speak of.

And were ushered into the Pre-Show room. To stand on our dots on the floor. Facing the screen and the Mission Space Suits. At the front of the room.

There were two people in front of us.

A woman and a man.

They were middle-aged. And the woman looked really nervous. She kept turning around to talk to her husband(?). With that really tight face. That I immediately took for butterflies in the stomach.

Or Teppanyaki ginger sauce.

I was hoping she'd make it through the whole ride. Without having to make a dash for Canada.

(I'd insert a catchy tune which might or might not have the word "dump" in it. But... I'm tryin' to be tasteful(ish)-like here. For a change.)

That's right.

Quickly both Calvin and I realized that both the woman and the man did NOT speak Canadian. English.

It was because I started talking to them about the ride being really fun. And that we'd been on it PLENTY of times. Without feeling sick.

I also added that sometimes Calvin just threatens to throw up. But... that's just for effect. Just to ramp up the FUN FACTOR for the other members of our Mars Team.

They stared blankly at Me(l).

And said something in Russian.

I think.


NO MATTER!!!!

To the happyhaunts.


Because:


We IGNORE LANGUAGE BARRIERS!!!


So... we kept talking.


They started nodding. And darting glances at each other.

I'm trying to say this: We all BONDED. In the Pre-Show.

I think.

Then Gary came on. In his tight jacket and black turtle neck. Dressed very similar to My General. But he looked really GOOD!!!


And I squealed. A little.

Like Mellyman.


NOMellyman.


Then we headed out for our capsule. Just the four of us.

NOT TWO... FOUR.

There was FOUR of us. Going.

They were still with Calvin and I.


We waited to load up.


The woman kept saying something important to her husband. Grabbing his arm. And looking all stressed out.

I'm sure it was because she was scared.

Of US.


Heh heh.


More than likely she was nervous about riding Mission Sinise.


Which is, I'm sure, how she NOW believes everyone in America pronounces "Mission Space". In english.


Then.


And this wasn't very nice.


Her husband grabbed HER ARM. And harshly barked something back at her.


She clammed up. And got ready to ride.


Nice. Guy.


I called him Alexei Baldwin. In my head. For the remainder of our ride.


I also called our group: Voshhod 3.


And Calvin and I: Belka and Strelka. After the space dogs.


We entered our shuttle(ish) thingie.


Calvin was the engineer. I was next... the Commander. Then the Alexei who was the pilot. Then his nervous wife... our navigator.

We started. The ride.

And... the lift off. Which stirs something in me. Just like New Orleans does.


It stirs my heart. And makes me really excited. Happy! And I feel really alive.


Alexei... I suddenly sensed... was FREAKED OUT.


Because he seemed frozen. Unable to push his buttons. When called upon!!!!


There was NO WAY Calvin and I wanted Manual Override. To hamper our mission.


We... errrr I... yelled "PUSH YOUR BUTTON!!!! PUSH YOUR BUTTON!!!! PROMDATE!!!!"

To Alexei.

Who did NOTHING.

Except yell to his wife that he wasn't feeling well. NOCalvin.

Heh heh.


What goes around, comes around. My dear middle son.


At least...I figured that's what he was yelling to her.


I screamed, "NYET!!!! NYET!!! You're NOT gonna BLOW!!!!"


In the meantime... during all this... I got to perform first stage separation and then manual flight control sleepmode.

While... Alexei did NOTHIN'!!!!


MY CHUMP! MY CHUMP!!! My lovely promdate CHUMP!!!!


His wife was fine.


BTW.


And, in the end, so was our mission.


Despite his one manual override.


Yep.


Just one.

ONE.


Because I did this on the second: I reached over and pressed his freakin' button. For him.

Yep.


I backseat drove. Our freakin' shuttle.


Just like I help Mellyman drive. Our car. Our boat. And, sometimes, even... his bike.


I would have also cut his food. Given half a chance.


I think.


But... in the end... our Mission to Mars was successful. No thanks to Alexei.


My promdate.


We exited with the rest of the space crews.


I congratulated Mrs. Alexei on her performance.


I smiled and winked at Alexei.


And told him that we'd be back to ride this, again, in about a half an hour. If they wanted to join us.


NYET.



Was the response. I believe.



Cheers, Melly.


Roll Tide!!!!

 

[OhMari]

I sort of understood this last post and needed a laugh, cause I have to go tackle a "Worst vacation trip report".

 

[Frickles]

Melalicious!

You got me love drunk off your slump!!!

Despite his one manual override.


Yep.


Just one.

ONE.


Because I did this on the second: I reached over and pressed his freakin' button. For him.

Yep.


I backseat drove. Our freakin' shuttle.


Just like I help Mellyman drive. Our car. Our boat. And, sometimes, even... his bike.

This made made made me scream, made me scream, made me scream!

 

[nicolemarie]

Until last week, I'd never ridden Mission Sinise.

But with my folks around, DH and I could ride it while they stayed with the kids. Even though we still did the wimpy version because I was totally like Mrs. Alexei.

I thought of you the whole time. And I gotta say, I see the Gary thing. As my DH said, "Yeah, he is a stud."

Yep. That pretty much covers it.

Great installment, Commander.

NM

 

[HaleyB]

First
The Sillies and the Haunts were in WDW at the same time
If I am not mistaken
Last Fall
But
Sadly
not together
Or perhaps
luckily
Because we all would have gotten kicked out
I think.
Which some of Sillies ancestors find funny and I think the gene for that kicks in around the mid-30's(ish)
And Also I do not think Mr Silly has made it to day 7 yet in his TR. Yet.i.
Just sayin'
'Cause I am sweet like that.

 

[1000thhappyhaunt]

OH MARI!!!! Posted to my TRIPE!!!!

Someone else sad "slut" on their trippie.

Just like Me(l).

NM just agreed that GARY is a "stud".


So did her husband.

DED.


Fonzarella said ~ :d!!!!

Whoa!!!

Fonzie!!! I'm hoping that meant: Sit on it!

Roll tide, mean it!

AND...AND: Frick is REALLY flirting with me!!!

Again.


Life couldn't be BETTER!!!! I say.


And...THEN: I read "Disney:Worst Vacation Ever."...


I'm said. Again.


And... off to kick some butt.


I think.


Cheers, Mel.





Hi HALEY!!!!!!

 

[MommyPoppins]

Great report. Thanks for sharing.

 

[burly]

more please. can't ever get enough of gary. loving the report.

 

[ZZUB]

And... when the song was over... he grabbed my hand. Pulled me very close. And whispered in my ear, "Be careful on the STAIRS, Honey!"!!!!!

I believe this happened about as much as I believe the claims that Rogaine will help re-grow hair.

and too much eyeliner

This, however, I completely believe.

We IGNORE LANGUAGE BARRIERS!!!

Also: common decency, rules of grammar, physical boundaries, Disboard guidelines, the Church of England, rules of the road, rules of Monopoly and restraining orders in three jurisdictions.

I called him Alexei Baldwin. In my head. For the remainder of our ride.

Then you were remarkably psychic since your trip took place a year before we learned of Mr. Baldwin's anger issues.

Glad you've decided to continue writing this. It works wonders when I don't have any ginger on hand to, you know, clean house.

 

[1000thhappyhaunt]

I believe this happened about as much as I believe the claims that Rogaine will help re-grow hair.

This, however, I completely believe.

Also: common decency, rules of grammar, physical boundaries, Disboard guidelines, the Church of England, rules of the road, rules of Monopoly and restraining orders in three jurisdictions.

Then you were remarkably psychic since your trip took place a year before we learned of Mr. Baldwin's anger issues.

Glad you've decided to continue writing this. It works wonders when I don't have any ginger on hand to, you know, clean house.

Well, ZZUB, I don't know.

Perhaps. Perhaps. I've been workin' on this so long. Even I'M sick of it now.

But, then again, I've had to bump your everlasting tripe a couple of times back from the Stone Age.

Or... was that bump it TO the Stone Age?!!

No matter.

Because I'm thinking about this gentlemen's agreement. Between us BFFs. What say: If I jump the shark... then we BOTH jump the shark?!

Together!

I know. I know.


You're DED.


Yada blah.

Anywho... that's how Frank and Sammy would roll it. I think.

Ok.

Now... don't be goin' all BALDWIN on Me(l)! Just because you've had a few... thousand... bad Rogaine experiences. 'Cause the Gary Incident is 100% true. I got to go Sista, flow Sista... with HIM!!! Word. I swear it's true... my balding-but-not-yet-bald friend.

And I may ignore some small things in this life. Just like you said. Except for the board games. I never cheat at board games. TFI. But not the IMPORTANT stuff.

I should probably ignore you. But I don't. I can't. And, apparently, I ALSO ignore my own better judgement.

Quick! Add it to your list.

I knew as I was writing this trippie chapter that you would IMMEDIATELY pounce on me for the Baldwin thingie. I did. And, you're RIGHT!!!

But... I was tryin' to be sweet and sensitive. For a change. Since I actually referred to my inept, girly, tafetta-wrapped PROMDATE as: Comrade ZZUBski.


RT, Mel.

 

[celerystalker]

I rode Mission Sinise last week. They put Tammy and I with a guy who also did not know Canadian.
Which did not matter to Tammy. She just kept talking to him about how great the ride is.
While I stared nervously at the numbers on the floor. He was sitting in the hypersleep spot.
How would we survive our three month journey to Mars without hypersleep?!?!?!?! Maybe when he saw the that the buttons were lighting up he would push them.
So Tammy kept talking to him.
And he got scared and sat at the end to put space between him and her.
So I pushed all the buttons and flipped all the switches so he would see how it was done.
And waited.
He did not push a thing. But I did not know about the automatic override. So we got to sleep anyway.
Whew. That was close.

 

[kpk89]

Jes kidding, Melly. I totally believe you. About 99% of this. The other 1% is reserved for the "funnying it up" as you say, as well as the Nostradamus-like predictions about Alec(xei) Baldwin's 16th nervous breakdown.

This is the feel-good trippie of the year.

 

[LaLa]

I immediately fell down all of them... into a happyhaunt heap of blond hair, ripped jeans, vintage 70's clothing and too much eyeliner.

I can totally see this happening.

Or can I?

I also added that sometimes Calvin just threatens to throw up. But... that's just for effect. Just to ramp up the FUN FACTOR for the other members of our Mars Team.

They stared blankly at Me(l).

And said something in Russian.

They were asking you if you had a fanny pack on hand. Just in case. I bet. Or else I'm totally making that up. Shhh. Don't tell Kimmie.

I also called our group: Voshhod 3.


And Calvin and I: Belka and Strelka. After the space dogs.

DED. And you're an idiot. A funny, nice, and pretty one. But still.

And... the lift off. Which stirs something in me. Just like New Orleans does.

See, this is the reason I've never ridden Mission Sinise. The only thing that liftoff would stir in me would be my lunch. NOAlexei.

Loved it, Melly Mel. This whole installment left me DED. And oddly, has made me want to see From Russia With Love. I don't know why.

Keep bringin' it, chick. Just like you've been doing for the last YEAR.

 

[Alysa]

Thrilled to find this after my extended absence from the Disboards!
Thanks for sharing all your memories.

And since I am just caught up now, this is for all those who understand why we drink tea at the Grand Floridian. Why tea time is perhaps the greatest invention of all time, including the wheel.

"No," he said, "look, it's very, very simple ... all I want ... is a cup of tea. You are going to make one for me. Keep quiet and listen."
And he sat. He told the Nutri-Matic about India, he told it about China, he told it about Ceylon. He told it about broad leaves drying in the sun. He told it about silver teapots. He told it about summer afternoons on the lawn. He told it about putting in the milk before the tea so it wouldn't get scalded. He even told it (briefly) about the history of the East India Company.
"So that's it, is it?" said the Nutri-Matic when he had finished.
"Yes," said Arthur, "that is what I want."
"You want the taste of dried leaves in boiled water?"
"Er, yes. With milk."
"Squirted out of a cow?"
"Well, in a manner of speaking I suppose ..."

 

[1000thhappyhaunt]

Thrilled to find this after my extended absence from the Disboards!
Thanks for sharing all your memories.

And since I am just caught up now, this is for all those who understand why we drink tea at the Grand Floridian. Why tea time is perhaps the greatest invention of all time, including the wheel.

"No," he said, "look, it's very, very simple ... all I want ... is a cup of tea. You are going to make one for me. Keep quiet and listen."
And he sat. He told the Nutri-Matic about India, he told it about China, he told it about Ceylon. He told it about broad leaves drying in the sun. He told it about silver teapots. He told it about summer afternoons on the lawn. He told it about putting in the milk before the tea so it wouldn't get scalded. He even told it (briefly) about the history of the East India Company.
"So that's it, is it?" said the Nutri-Matic when he had finished.
"Yes," said Arthur, "that is what I want."
"You want the taste of dried leaves in boiled water?"
"Er, yes. With milk."
"Squirted out of a cow?"
"Well, in a manner of speaking I suppose ..."

ALYSA!!!!


I haven't seen you IN AGES!!!!

Good to see ya again!!!!


I KNEW you were somewhere out there, under the same sky!!!!


Thanks for reading again,

Cheers, Melly

 

[Tanya90210]

I didn't realize how long it's been since I checked in on this report.. .but now I am caught up and boy oh boy did you have me rolling in some of the parts... making me think maybe we should check beingarten out this time... but have to figure out if I can make it fit...

TTFN