This is going to sound crazy but one of the best things to happen to us was to become suddenly financially devastated. We were at an age that was young enough to turn it around but also old enough for it to be a very “come to Jesus” realization. I will never go there again if I can help it. The consequences of becoming a “saver” (no worries, I enjoy life too) is that the people I mentioned above think I’m tight fisted and stingy. I get the distinct impression that I’m expected to come to the rescue eventually. It sounds awful but that’s never going to happen. I will not let stepmom go homeless and I helped take care of BIL’s remains (could not stand the thought of that not happening) but I’ll be damned if I give up my own financial security. Harsh, I know but I can’t support other people if I hope to not have my kids have to support me in the future.my dad died when i was 19-about 2 years into his retirement. he and mom were savers, we never did any opulent vacations but i remember the simple ones we did fondly. what i remember more so is that my mom was kind of the odd man out among her group of widowed lady friends-all of whom were widowed in their mid 50's from men who had worked pretty comparable earning (then) middle income jobs-mom was the only one who didn't have to scramble to get a job to meet her needs. mom lived a full 31 years after dad's death. she met her needs but could also do some of the trips she and dad never would have considered doing during his 'earning years' (they wanted to travel a little after he retired). mom never had to approach any of her kids for help with home repair costs, medical bill costs.......anything. they/we kids growing up never did without but choices were made based on their priorities-one being having money to get them through the remainder of their lives.
people have to make their own choices. some folks who i know for a fact are shortchanging their retirement savings by choosing to pay all their kid's college education. they don't want their kids 'saddled with debt for 30 years' but i suspect they are just deferring the debt their kids will incur b/c the likelihood is those kids won't want to see mom/dad living hand to mouth in retirement so they will be subsidizing them for the final decades of the parent's lives. those kids then have no means to save for their own retirement and don't have a choice of even so much as helping (if they want) their own kids w/college.
the decisions we make today impact not only ourselves but our kids (if you've got that kind of familial relationship/habit of helping) and subsequently the future generations of the family. i'm all for making great memories while i'm able/around but i tend to think that those will be easily forgotten if i've put my kids between a rock and hard place financially for the majority of their adulthood.
In my dad’s case, he didn’t have a spouse & my sister & I are financially independent & were in our late 30s. He was very frugal & denied himself many things “just in case”. When he was dying, he talked about some of the things he never got to do not about how much was in his bank account. That didn’t matter. There is a balance for sure, but we think it’s also important to live life to the fullest.
my dad died when i was 19-about 2 years into his retirement. he and mom were savers, we never did any opulent vacations but i remember the simple ones we did fondly. what i remember more so is that my mom was kind of the odd man out among her group of widowed lady friends-all of whom were widowed in their mid 50's from men who had worked pretty comparable earning (then) middle income jobs-mom was the only one who didn't have to scramble to get a job to meet her needs. mom lived a full 31 years after dad's death. she met her needs but could also do some of the trips she and dad never would have considered doing during his 'earning years' (they wanted to travel a little after he retired). mom never had to approach any of her kids for help with home repair costs, medical bill costs.......anything. they/we kids growing up never did without but choices were made based on their priorities-one being having money to get them through the remainder of their lives.
people have to make their own choices. some folks who i know for a fact are shortchanging their retirement savings by choosing to pay all their kid's college education. they don't want their kids 'saddled with debt for 30 years' but i suspect they are just deferring the debt their kids will incur b/c the likelihood is those kids won't want to see mom/dad living hand to mouth in retirement so they will be subsidizing them for the final decades of the parent's lives. those kids then have no means to save for their own retirement and don't have a choice of even so much as helping (if they want) their own kids w/college.
the decisions we make today impact not only ourselves but our kids (if you've got that kind of familial relationship/habit of helping) and subsequently the future generations of the family. i'm all for making great memories while i'm able/around but i tend to think that those will be easily forgotten if i've put my kids between a rock and hard place financially for the majority of their adulthood.
Great post!
Isn't strange how women were able to stay home "back in the day" and tend to the children and house. And then, like your mom, be financially set for the rest of their lives. My grandmother was like this. A homemaker. She loved it and thrived. Amazing baker and cook. Made us the most beautiful dresses. We were at her house constantly. Just sitting in her kitchen with her. I could cry thinking about that comforting time in my life.
My Grandfather died in his 60s. But her life was untouched. House was paid off. Pension was flowing. And like your mother, she then started to travel. She never remarried. But lived a great life.
Great post!
Isn't strange how women were able to stay home "back in the day" and tend to the children and house. And then, like your mom, be financially set for the rest of their lives. My grandmother was like this. A homemaker. She loved it and thrived. Amazing baker and cook. Made us the most beautiful dresses. We were at her house constantly. Just sitting in her kitchen with her. I could cry thinking about that comforting time in my life.
My Grandfather died in his 60s. But her life was untouched. House was paid off. Pension was flowing. And like your mother, she then started to travel. She never remarried. But lived a great life.
She never remarried
Great post!
Isn't strange how women were able to stay home "back in the day" and tend to the children and house. And then, like your mom, be financially set for the rest of their lives. My grandmother was like this. A homemaker. She loved it and thrived. Amazing baker and cook. Made us the most beautiful dresses. We were at her house constantly. Just sitting in her kitchen with her. I could cry thinking about that comforting time in my life.
My Grandfather died in his 60s. But her life was untouched. House was paid off. Pension was flowing. And like your mother, she then started to travel. She never remarried. But lived a great life.
This is one of the reasons why I'm not on social media like Facebook or Instagram. How can I be jealous of someone's trip/home/car if I don't know about it. I instead focus on what's important to my family.
I agree with your attitude about not caring what others are doing, but regarding the OP... I don't think the majority of people are bragging about saving for retirement on social media.
I'm actually curious what their friends or peers talk about that the OP feels retirement savings would fall under "keeping up with the Joneses". Maybe it's the norm in their circle, but most people I know avoid discussion about saving or financial planning. Heck, DH and I worked in financial education/planning for a time and it was often like pulling teeth even talking to people who invited you into their lives. Many spouses were not even on the same page (totally unaware of the other's debts, savings, insurance policies, etc.)
Good point. No one really talks about this stuff.
I have some really close friend/coworkers and we are all about in the same age bracket. All of us are either within 1-8 years of retiring. We've started discussing how much we have in our 401Ks and if we think it's going to be enough. There's never a sense like anyone is bragging. But I guess if you're hanging with a bunch of "savers" and they get into a discussion, you may suddenly realize that you aren't saving enough.
I'm all for spending some of my money and not being miserly with it. Experiences are important. But I'm sensing the OP knows he/she has really let that area suffer. And if you have really shortchanged financial planning and admit to going on "several" vacations a year, it might be a good idea to maybe scale down if they the "several" vacations are pricey.
Nope.
Before the suburban flight, neighborhoods had folks from a large variety of occupations. The income difference between labor and college educated was much smaller. And homes in general were also smaller.
We got to this place by spending far more than folks did in the past.
Also, our parents had very high inflation with high interest rate mortgages. But what happened was that inflation and rates came down, so they could refinance and pretty much pay off their homes much faster then we can. My parents bought their home for $40k in the 60s and had it paid off before their 40s.
Our economics is just different.
40K in the 60's?!? That was a heck of a lot of money back then.
Who's taking their investment income? Ours is rolled right back in to investments.True.
When folks talk about multiple WDW vacations each year, my mind is blown.
If you have saved, your investment income by the time you reach your 40s should be able to cover a vacation. If not, then you probably haven’t saved enough.
Who's taking their investment income? Ours is rolled right back in to investments.