At what age is it no longer appropriate for kids to be pantless when company is over?

[disykat]

There's a point when people are just flat out being mean. This thread has crossed that line quite a few times IMO. I get it. Many of you disagree about the need for pants. Fine. Many of you think the OP was out of line and are defending her sister. Fine. However, the sister isn't even here. The only person we "know" in this thread is the OP. She is a member of our community. A community that I like to feel is supportive. Why not give her some slack? Why can't we have some feeling of sympathy and understanding while disagreeing. Good grief, people!

When people (trying not to quote specific posters) are unable to come up with ANY kind of remote feeling of understanding for the OP despite disagreeing, why even discuss it other than to browbeat the OP? SAD.

 

[BLAZEY]

But a I would think the sister was pretty upset with her sister trying to undermine her and cause a fight between her and her husband, the husband was probably pretty pissed off and the kid was likely pretty confused.
All avoided if the OP had minded her own business.

She wasn't super upset and the was not fight between her and BIL. People can have a difference of opinion with it being a fight. Dinner went along just fine.

Interestingly enough, I posed the question to DSIL (DH's Brother wife) last night as it was a family birthday, would she be upset I or DH requested one of her kids to put pants/ skirt for dinner? She said "No they should be clothed while at the table with guests over."

 

[Hikergirl]

She wasn't super upset and the was not fight between her and BIL. People can have a difference of opinion with it being a fight. Dinner went along just fine.

Interestingly enough, I posed the question to DSIL (DH's Brother wife) last night as it was a family birthday, would she be upset I or DH requested one of her kids to put pants/ skirt for dinner? She said "No they should be clothed while at the table with guests over."

Probably should have posed that question to your sister

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

She wasn't super upset and the was not fight between her and BIL. People can have a difference of opinion with it being a fight. Dinner went along just fine.

Interestingly enough, I posed the question to DSIL (DH's Brother wife) last night as it was a family birthday, would she be upset I or DH requested one of her kids to put pants/ skirt for dinner? She said "No they should be clothed while at the table with guests over."

With all due respect I don't really think that's interesting. You posting that doesn't make your actions/point any more valid. People differ on all sorts of topics--as this thread and countless others have shown. I'm sure you differ on things from your sister (well clearly you do).

 

[BLAZEY]

With all due respect I don't really think that's interesting. You posting that doesn't make your actions/point any more valid. People differ on all sorts of topics--as this thread and countless others have shown. I'm sure you differ on things from your sister (well clearly you do).

I posed the question to someone I am less close with, but still family and a mother of children of similar age. She agreed it was was a simple request like asking the kids to wash there hands or take something to the table
And you and a couple of other posters are blowing it WAY out of proportion, and seem to have MORE of an issue with it than even MY SISTER DID. THERE was NO fight between her and her husband. She and I cleared the table that evening and served dessert. I watched her daughter while the other afternoon. Just a difference of opinion. Dinner this Sunday went just fine, AND everyone was wearing bottoms.

 

[ShayBells]

There’s so many different cultures and regions, etc. on these boards. What’s socially acceptable in one area might not be socially acceptable in another. I don’t think this should be a battle of who is right and wrong. No one here is right and no one here is wrong. We’re all just very opinionated people. Whether we think the OP shouldn’t of said or should have said or whether we think pants are important we should probably all just remember that. I agree with another poster. For a while I was enjoying reading others opinions and seeing how different people lived from me. Now it seems to gotten out of hand with the attacking. But ya know that’s just my opinion.

 

[Minnesota!]

My older son would get to wherever we were going, turn around and ask "Mom, can I take my pants off here?". He HATED pants, shorts, anything outside a diaper, pull up, or underwear.

I would have GLADLY let him strip down to what he was comfy with at a family member's home (and did). I had a niece who did the same thing.

We do NOT step on parents toes in our circle - if the parent is there, the parent is the one correcting/questioning behavior. I would have had words with YOU way before I had words with my son, to be honest..

Does him not wearing pants detract from the dinner? No. Food would have tasted the same, weather would have been as nice, conversation as kind .... no matter what was covering his body.

 

[BLAZEY]

My older son would get to wherever we were going, turn around and ask "Mom, can I take my pants off here?". He HATED pants, shorts, anything outside a diaper, pull up, or underwear.

I would have GLADLY let him strip down to what he was comfy with at a family member's home (and did). I had a niece who did the same thing.

We do NOT step on parents toes in our circle - if the parent is there, the parent is the one correcting/questioning behavior. I would have had words with YOU way before I had words with my son, to be honest..

Does him not wearing pants detract from the dinner? No. Food would have tasted the same, weather would have been as nice, conversation as kind .... no matter what was covering his body.

And that works in your circle /family and that's fine IF everyone was fine with it. Being bottomless is not considered appropriate in ours at this type of gathering. DSis has in the past made similar requests of our child while at family gatherings, not a big deal. It works both ways. She can't make the same requests of our child and not expect it to work in reverse.

 

[Southernmiss]

There’s absolutely nothing in law about taking a picture of male children without a shirt. Swim team pictures are a great example. Maybe individual studios don’t want to take certain pictures but a topless boy is never considered pornography (and again you can run down any street in America for a jog without a shirt as a male)

Depends on where you are... and where photos are being developed.

A couple of instances where pictures of their own young child got someone in trouble.

https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/when-getting-photos-developed-leads-trouble-law-n135981
A Peoria, Arizona, couple sued Walmart in 2009 after bath time pictures taken of their infant daughters led the retail giant to call police for alleged child pornography. The couple claimed customers weren’t properly informed about Walmart’s print policy. But a federal judge ruled in favor of the retailer, citing state statutes that protect employees from liability in such situations. The couple, who temporarily lost their kids, has filed an appeal.


I've not had any such pictures developed since 2002, but I do hear of situations like above where the developer will refuse to develop pictures or worse, turn someone in.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I posed the question to someone I am less close with, but still family and a mother of children of similar age. She agreed it was was a simple request like asking the kids to wash there hands or take something to the table
And you and a couple of other posters are blowing it WAY out of proportion, and seem to have MORE of an issue with it than even MY SISTER DID. THERE was NO fight between her and her husband. She and I cleared the table that evening and served dessert. I watched her daughter while the other afternoon. Just a difference of opinion. Dinner this Sunday went just fine, AND everyone was wearing bottoms.

The only person your question really matters is your sister. Asking around to other people doesn't make her viewpoint on the matter any less valid nor does it make yours more valid. People are bound to have differing opinions. I just don't see the point in saying "see I found someone else who was on my side" because your husband's brother's wife isn't the mother nor the father to the child your OP is even about. How my aunt raised my cousin isn't the same way that my uncle (who is my aunt's brother) raise my other cousin so me posing the question to another family member doesn't mean much at all.

I'm not even speaking about your sister being ok and done with the what occurred. I'm glad dinner went fine this Sunday but I didn't ask about the dinner. I spoke to your comments only. If you had said "She wasn't super upset and the was not fight between her and BIL. People can have a difference of opinion with it being a fight. Dinner went along just fine." and left it at that I wouldn't have even commented.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

Depends on where you are... and where photos are being developed.

A couple of instances where pictures of their own young child got someone in trouble.

https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/when-getting-photos-developed-leads-trouble-law-n135981
A Peoria, Arizona, couple sued Walmart in 2009 after bath time pictures taken of their infant daughters led the retail giant to call police for alleged child pornography. The couple claimed customers weren’t properly informed about Walmart’s print policy. But a federal judge ruled in favor of the retailer, citing state statutes that protect employees from liability in such situations. The couple, who temporarily lost their kids, has filed an appeal.


I've not had any such pictures developed, but I do hear of situations like above where the developer will refuse to develop pictures or worse, turn someone in.

I hadn't heard of that case. So if you printed them at home on your own photo paper is that an issue? Is it just when someone else develops it or is it the picture in general. I know FB has had some issues in the past because of people posting photos of their kids in bathtubs and whatnot for example.

 

[Southernmiss]

.

 

[BLAZEY]

If you had said "She wasn't super upset and the was not fight between her and BIL. People can have a difference of opinion with it being a fight.

And I have said that almost exact thing, after she had a chance to reflect. In the moment she had probably just wanted to sit down to dinner, not enforce something that her son had been requested to do by multiple people including the dinner host (on previous occasions) and his father in addition to us. One of the other posters seemed to infer that there was a fight between DSIS and DBIL. Difference of opinion YES, fight NO.

 

[ShayBells]

I hadn't heard of that case. So if you printed them at home on your own photo paper is that an issue? Is it just when someone else develops it or is it the picture in general. I know FB has had some issues in the past because of people posting photos of their kids in bathtubs and whatnot for example.

I remember one of those based on true events lifetime movies like this. The pictures were developed of her when she was getting dressed and the kid was too and someone snapped a picture of them dancing and having fun. She got her kids taken from her and it was a whole court case but at the end the judge decided in favor of the mom.

The FB thing interests me cause I am constantly seeing in my newsfeed kids in baths underwear naked etc. I wonder if they ever get flagged.

 

[smiths02]

Depends on where you are... and where photos are being developed.

A couple of instances where pictures of their own young child got someone in trouble.

https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/when-getting-photos-developed-leads-trouble-law-n135981
A Peoria, Arizona, couple sued Walmart in 2009 after bath time pictures taken of their infant daughters led the retail giant to call police for alleged child pornography. The couple claimed customers weren’t properly informed about Walmart’s print policy. But a federal judge ruled in favor of the retailer, citing state statutes that protect employees from liability in such situations. The couple, who temporarily lost their kids, has filed an appeal.


I've not had any such pictures developed, but I do hear of situations like above where the developer will refuse to develop pictures or worse, turn someone in.

The pictures described in both those cases apparently involve actual private parts, not just shirtless.

While investigations have occurred, it is also not clear that those people did in fact break the law.

I can see private photographers having policies that they don't take any pictures of anyone under 18 unless fully clothed for their own protection, but it is not against the law to take a picture of a boy without a shirt on.

 

[BLAZEY]

How my aunt raised my cousin isn't the same way that my uncle (who is my aunt's brother) raise my other cousin so me posing the question to another family member doesn't mean much at all.

I asked my SIL as she also has a nephew ( her sister son age 2), and is the children similar ages. As parents we do ask each other questions like this to get opinions on how someone else would handle a situation. It helps to get a different point of view or a new idea to try if you're having a problem with something, to find out what works for others. Do you have children? Have you ever posed a parenting question to another parent for advice?

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I remember one of those based on true events lifetime movies like this. The pictures were developed of her when she was getting dressed and the kid was too and someone snapped a picture of them dancing and having fun. She got her kids taken from her and it was a whole court case but at the end the judge decided in favor of the mom.

Oh yikes!

The FB thing interests me cause I am constantly seeing in my newsfeed kids in baths underwear naked etc. I wonder if they ever get flagged.

Some for sure do. I have seen more and more things people have added later on to cover up stuff like I saw one time a starfish covering up a girl and then a smilie face one time covering up a boy.

 

[BLAZEY]

I hadn't heard of that case. So if you printed them at home on your own photo paper is that an issue? Is it just when someone else develops it or is it the picture in general. I know FB has had some issues in the past because of people posting photos of their kids in bathtubs and whatnot for example.

I think it mostly an issue if you take them to be printed because at that point you don't have control over who has access to the picture. Some unscrupulous employee could make extra copies and use them without you permission. Printed at home you have the only copies. Same with social media, you can control the setting on who can see what you post.

 

[Southernmiss]

The pictures described in both those cases apparently involve actual private parts, not just shirtless.

While investigations have occurred, it is also not clear that those people did in fact break the law.

I can see private photographers having policies that they don't take any pictures of anyone under 18 unless fully clothed for their own protection, but it is not against the law to take a picture of a boy without a shirt on.

Really doesn't matter to me. I was just responding to an earlier post that things have changed for child protection especially since 2002 and that I could easily see some pictures of children be refused to be developed. And then I gave examples of where that had happened.

Not interested in continuing down this line...

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I asked my SIL as she also has a nephew ( her sister son age 2), and is the children similar ages. As parents we do ask each other questions like this to get opinions on how someone else would handle a situation. It helps to get a different point of view or a new idea to try if you're having a problem with something, to find out what works for others. Do you have children? Have you ever posed a parenting question to another parent for advice?

You said "Interestingly enough" in your first comment about it. I said "with all due respect I didn't find it interesting" I expect people to have differences of opinion. When I go asking my mom a question about something my husband did it's not interesting to me at least if she comes back with an opinion that matches mine. And as my mom will remind me if my husband and I have a difference of opinion on something even as trivial as how to load the dishes or fold the towels what my mom's opinion of the situation doesn't matter much in the end. She can give me advice on how to handle something but if her opinion matches mine it doesn't make my husband's opinion any less valid. So to me asking your husband's brother's wife last night on what she thought didn't seem like it was necessary. You said it yourself multiple times the issue with your sister and done and over with. Things are back to normal which is a good thing