babysitting conflict. am i being unreasonable?

[disney world dreamer]

popcorn time cuz i've got to be done with this

 

[Kaytie]

btw you don't mention that my sister who is a mother herself has no common sense. only me even though we are watching the baby together other than yesterday.

Your sister isn't posting here as king if she's being unreasonable.

I'm glad the baby is doing well and happier when fed more. It's hard to gauge a BF baby sometimes and know how much they really are drinking.

OP - I had no idea you have a vision issue. Not sure how that impacts the discussion? Did I miss that in a previous post?

It doesn't. Vision isn't a prerequisite of parenting.

 

[TheIncredibles!]

i think she makes her self pretty clear in that statement whether it was in response to someone else or not.

She does. She clearly states she wouldn't want somebody with a visual impairment to watch her baby ALONE. Quite frankly I'd agree. My kids are older but I wouldn't have left them in the care of a person with a disability that could hamper their ability to care for and protect my child. I would think about the safety of my child in a situation where their ONLY caregiver was physically disabled in some way. We all think worst case scenario and if somebody's disability is a concern to us then it's a concern and there's not one thing wrong with that.

Moving forward, if you want honest opinions don't start a thread where the tone basically begins as a mom bash, especially when you are not a mom. That will never, EVER, go over well. Had you stated you were having difficulties learning how to calm a baby, explained without judgment that a pacifier was out of the question without any negative spin on it, then things would be different. You started this to bash the mom and get some sort of justification for your negative opinion regarding her stance. When a thread starts negative you can't get upset when it continues negative.

 

[declansdad]

It doesn't. Vision isn't a prerequisite of parenting.

It isn't but given what the OP has posted in other threads about the assistance she needs it was a legitimate question.

 

[Poohforyou]

Your sister isn't posting here as king if she's being unreasonable.

It doesn't. Vision isn't a prerequisite of parenting.

But we aren't talking about vision in the context of parenting but rather watching some else's child. It isn't an arrangement I would have been comfortable with when my daughter was a baby.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

Do you not see that your OP set the tone? You were adamant that any baby being babysat should have a pacifier, and that's what most posters reacted to initially. You taking posters comments out of context, or completely misreading them, didn't help the continued conversation, either. You are acting like everyone is against you but you are taking no blame for your part.

Honestly, it appears to me that the OPs prior posts set the tone of the thread. It's quite obvious that some people have a negative opinion of her & any thread she created would be met with similar ire from them. IMHO, there have been too many references to past posts to think otherwise. What she has posted previously had nothing to do with this thread, but some brought it up to use against her anyway. To me, that's a shame & one of the few things that are negative about the DIS community.

I'm sure many of us don't agree that all babies need a pacifier, but some of the beyond hateful replies are mind boggling for a mere difference of opinion.

 

[CarolAnn856]

Honestly, it appears to me that the OPs prior posts set the tone of the thread. It's quite obvious that some people have a negative opinion of her & any thread she created would be met with similar ire from them. IMHO, there have been too many references to past posts to think otherwise. What she has posted previously had nothing to do with this thread, but some brought it up to use against her anyway. To me, that's a shame & one of the few things that are negative about the DIS community.

I'm sure many of us don't agree that all babies need a pacifier, but some of the beyond hateful replies are mind boggling for a mere difference of opinion.

I am not familiar with the OP's prior posts, one of my children did use a pacifier, and I think the OP set her tone herself.

 

[MariMama]

Your sister isn't posting here as king if she's being unreasonable.

It doesn't. Vision isn't a prerequisite of parenting.

OP has often posted about all the assistance she needs on a daily basis and all the things she can't do alone due to her disability, so yes, it is a legitimate concern with her watching a newborn. My guess is her sister is watching the baby and she is there as a last resort back up.

 

[mom2rtk]

Honestly, it appears to me that the OPs prior posts set the tone of the thread. It's quite obvious that some people have a negative opinion of her & any thread she created would be met with similar ire from them. IMHO, there have been too many references to past posts to think otherwise. What she has posted previously had nothing to do with this thread, but some brought it up to use against her anyway. To me, that's a shame & one of the few things that are negative about the DIS community.

I'm sure many of us don't agree that all babies need a pacifier, but some of the beyond hateful replies are mind boggling for a mere difference of opinion.

Well, I'm not sure what to think. I knew I had seen a thread of hers before describing her frustrations working out because of her knee issues. And when I asked about walking the baby and whether her knee was recovered enough to do that, she seemed annoyed that I wasn't up to date on her other posts about how the knee was better now. Does she want people remembering her other posts or doesn't she?

 

[tarheelmjfan]

Well, I'm not sure what to think. I knew I had seen a thread of hers before describing her frustrations working out because of her knee issues. And when I asked about walking the baby and whether her knee was recovered enough to do that, she seemed annoyed that I wasn't up to date on her other posts about how the knee was better now. Does she want people remembering her other posts or doesn't she?

There's a difference in remembering posts & using them against someone. I personally think anyone with an objective opinion would think some of the posts are mean spirits & weren't meant to help in any way. I knew nothing about the OP until this thread, but I seem to know all of her negative traits now. To me, that's unnecessary & counter-productive in what is supposed to be a friendly community.

As for you personally, at this point I'm not sure if your posts read that way or not. I don't make an attempt to remember exactly who says what. I find that's the best way to prevent forming personal opinions about people based on isolated incidents.

 

[kashzan]

History of past posts have everything to do with this thread. It isn't a Dis thing, it is a universal message board thing. You don't start with a clean slate with every new post. Everyone has a history that people remember. That is exactly what makes it a community. When you meet your neighbors for a drink, do you automatically forget everything they've ever told you or forget anything you know about them?

Just looked back at some of your other posts, and many of them are mean spirited, and argumentative. why post mean things like your above post where you called her a last resort. Have regard for other peoples feelings.

 

[BadgerGirl84]

Honestly, it appears to me that the OPs prior posts set the tone of the thread. It's quite obvious that some people have a negative opinion of her & any thread she created would be met with similar ire from them. IMHO, there have been too many references to past posts to think otherwise. What she has posted previously had nothing to do with this thread, but some brought it up to use against her anyway. To me, that's a shame & one of the few things that are negative about the DIS community.

I'm sure many of us don't agree that all babies need a pacifier, but some of the beyond hateful replies are mind boggling for a mere difference of opinion.

I agree.

And wow, I sure missed a lot taking a day off the DIS.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

When the thread started, I didn't have a clue about a knee issue or a disability.

And I still called her out on her attitude. And I told her that I wouldn't want her watching a baby of mine.

 

[MariMama]

Just looked back at some of your other posts, and many of them are mean spirited, and argumentative. why post mean things like your above post where you called her a last resort. Have regard for other peoples feelings.

Many people choose to read them that way since I don't use smileys. I have no control over how people choose to read my posts, since there is no tone online.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

I am not familiar with the OP's prior posts, one of my children did use a pacifier, and I think the OP set her tone herself.

I just don't seen anything in the OP that would cause the obvious anger & hatefulness in this thread, unless of course one of you are the baby's mother.

History of past posts have everything to do with this thread. It isn't a Dis thing, it is a universal message board thing. You don't start with a clean slate with every new post. Everyone has a history that people remember. That is exactly what makes it a community. When you meet your neighbors for a drink, do you automatically forget everything they've ever told you or forget anything you know about them?

There's no comparison in the two relationships. Your neighbor is someone you deal with in real life & someone who can truly make an impact in your life. If you spoke to someone face to face the way some people have spoken to the OP, you wouldn't have to worry about being neighborly any longer. Soon no one would speak to you. OTOH, to be so blatantly hateful to someone you know very little about & will never encounter face to face is ridiculous & shouldn't be allowed here. Nothing good can come from that.

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

Many people choose to read them that way since I don't use smileys. I have no control over how people choose to read my posts, since there is no tone online.

You remind me of someone. I get all deja vu when I read your posts. It's kinda freaking me out a bit.

 

[CarolAnn856]

I just don't seen anything in the OP that would cause the obvious anger & hatefulness in this thread, unless of course one of you are the baby's mother.

Honestly, there were a couple of things. Her stance that the mother was wrong, instead of simply having a different opinion, was very off-putting. She accused the mom of not giving the no-pacifier information to the new sitter. (Granted, she didn't give it to the OP, but (1) a lot of people don't use pacifiers so it probably didn't occur to the mom to do so and (2) now that she knows that some people are rigid in their insistence I'm betting that was one of the first things she talked about with the new sitter.) The OP not only said that she couldn't watch the baby without a pacifier, but that nobody should be expected to watch a baby without one. That's just ridiculous. I can see where posters would react rather strongly to her posts.

 

[cabanafrau]

Yes, I think you're being unreasonable. I say that because you feel that the solution is a pacifier, end of story, and will not listen to reason(s) why that isn't correct. The fact that you are not a parent yourself, haven't stated you have education or particular experience in childcare or child development, and use an extreme anecdotal example about your sister's thumbsucking as the basis for your hard and fast opinion doesn't bolster your opinion to me -- quite the opposite in fact.

My opinion based on this thread is that you are looking for the solution that fits your needs and purposes. That's all well and fine when you are the primary consideration. When kids enter the picture and you are in a position of caring for their wellbeing their needs supersede your needs and purposes. Your insistence that a pacifier is a must have speaks volumes to me about your capacity to care for a child. I am a mom of two and am not anti pacifier despite neither of my children having used them. We tried that as one of many solutions with our oldest, but she just wasn't having it. Our youngest never seemed to have the need so we never tried.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

first i'd like to say that i respect the parent's wishes although i do not agree.

my sister's friend recently had a baby and after visiting a couple day cares would prefer to not place her in one at least not at this young age.
so she asked my sister if we could watch her a couple times a week for the duration of the summer and then also wanted to know if i would watch her a couple times per week after that.
we agreed to watch her for the summer at least and i had not even met the newborn at that point so i said i'd have to get to know her a bit before giving my answer.

we've watched her 4 times now.

i can say that i'd consider watching her beyond the summer but there is one major deal breaker for me....
she has not introduced a pacifier and does not plan to.

her reason is due to breastfeeding.
she read somewhere that if you introduce a paci "too soon" they may not take the breast.
now i can understand that if she was purely taking milk from the breast.
but she's been drinking breast milk from a bottle during the day and the breast at night and has no issue.

i do not want to give her a paci to "shut her up" or anything but i can tell that when she has been fed, changed, and is not tired and just cries that its because she wants to sooth suck.
at home apparently she does so on the breast but obviously thats not an option for me.
she has been finding her hands but not for long enough to be able to calm herself down.
and when we mentioned that sucking on her hands could turn into a terrible habit to break and result in needing braces we got a shocking response that they don't mind paying for braces.
one thing they fail to realize is that its easy to take a paci away at a certain age but you can't just take a thumb away.
my sister knows this all too well since she sucked her thumb from the time she was in the womb and was still sucking it when she got braces at 16.

we have not mentioned it since and we have just dealt with it by tag teaming when she cries.
when she is crying due to wanting to sooth suck the only thing that calms her is constant bouncing motion so we do get tired after a little while.

she's now planning on having someone else watch her since i said no paci is a deal breaker.
i get the feeling she has not told that person about not using a paci.
personally i don't really think its fair to have anyone watch a baby without the option of a paci.

am i being unreasonable that i would not consider watching her for 8hrs per day by myself without a paci?

Nope. Not unreasonable at all unless you two are having hard feelings about it. The hard feelings would be a bit unreasonable. Freedom of choice. You choose whether or not you're going to use a pacifier and she can choose whether or not to take her baby elsewhere. Should be no hard feelings either way.

 

[cabanafrau]

Your first post shows your rigid stance on pacifiers. Nobody made that up. You have said you feel it's not FAIR for a caregiver to not have the option of using a pacifier and it's a deal breaker for you. That's pretty darn rigid IMO.

Exactly the thoughts OP expressed with no education or personal experience to back them up that screams rigid opinion to me.

I don't accept the suggestion that disagreeing connotes any negativity towards anybody. Apart from this thread I can't really tell you anything about OP or most of the people in the thread. off the top of my head I don't personally retain enough information to associate very many posters with very much info from thread to thread very well. It's a discussion board. People have different opinions. Frankly it helps to make discussion much more interesting. Nothing negative about disagreeing about things.