Beware of Perverts - Unfortunately, even at the happiest place on earth

[theresak]

How long do you protect? Are you going to be a "helicopter mom" who hovers over their college age kids?

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=helicopter+mom

It's a tough thing to decide.

For us, as teens the boys will get slowly doled out measures of independence. You can't hold their hands forever, but before the age of 12 is too soon to start letting them try their wings.

 

[mrsltg]

The problem is that people get ridiculous, and yes, I am a mother. No, I will not raise my daughters with the belief that their lives are under constant surveillance and some boogey man is just waiting to prey upon them. I judge every situation accordingly and do not make one hard and fast rule about anything. I let my kids run around in our backyard while I'm inside, I let them play out front while I watch them. I let my older daughter have some measure of freedom when we go to the store. Sometimes she is allowed in the next aisle over, sometimes not. I look around and judge the situation. I also don't sleep with a gun under my pillow in the same room as them just waiting for that monster who has been looking for them. I mean, I guess I should, afterall people on this thread come up with examples of news-making crimes (here's a hint, if it hits the news, it doesn't happen with great regularity - hence, calling it, "news"). Polly Klaas, Danielle Van Dam, and Jessica Lunsford were kidnapped from their bedrooms. I guess I'm just lazy and don't really love my kids .

Pedophiles don't hang out in old age homes. They go where there is access to children.

 

[BCDisneyFanatic]

Yes, there is that VERY SMALL risk. That can also happen in the playground of my chidren's school. It can happen when my back is turned in the parking lot at the mall. It can happen when I'm distracted talking to the cashier at the supermarket.

I just refuse to live in the constant fear that this is going to happen.

 

[DarthDuck]

I have not read through this entire thread, but if I had caught him, the old man wouldn't have walked out of those woods... I mean that literally, he may still be alive, he just would have had to at the very least been carried out on a stretcher. These people should be tried, convicted, then executed as they leave the courtroom.

Just my opinion...

 

[earthfaries]

Too much work for most pedophiles. Criminals go for weaker prey. If a kid resists too much, they will go to easier pickings. The snatching/abducting type pedophile doesn't happen much. The more common type seduces the child in.



How long do you protect? Are you going to be a "helicopter mom" who hovers over their college age kids?

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=helicopter+mom

It's a tough thing to decide.

I am glad you posted this link. It seems to me that these anti-smothering , let your kid learn and live posters on here have us stereotyped. Now I see what they think we do and it is totally incorrect. We don't smother our kids, we don't do their stuff for them, what is this? That definition is for some crazy obsessed mom on TV or something, not us. We just love our kids and don't want to take the slightest chance of them getting abused or abducted because we love them. How can we be smothering our kids by having them go to the bathroom with us, and not letting them ride around the neighborhood without us? From what I have noticed parents need to spend more time with their children anyway! You don't see them all day at school, then they come home and you don't go play with them in the back yard, or go bike riding with them, but let them go alone, maybe never to be seen again. I don't supervise my children in a smothering way. Talk about exageration! We do things together because it is fun and I love them and love being with them and in return I get to keep my eye on them like all good parents should I personally think. You know this might be awful, but when I see pregnant women smoking, kids not wearing seatbelts or kids 40-80 pounds not in a booster seat(you probably don't think they need those either) and kids roaming the neighborhood and stores alone, I think how can these kids parents love them? You don't do things to hurt them if you love them. It is your job to protect them, if you are not there you can not protect them. All you can do is hope everything you taught them keeps them safe and that they are not the 1 in 1000 that gets molested or abducted. That is not good enough for me, I will be there to protect if need be, I love my children to take any chances. I am a good parent because I watch my children, not smother them . It is just common sense.(I thought!)

 

[kakiegirl]

I think we need to remember that it is the predators that are the bad guys or women if the case may be. Not us parents who all obviously love our children very much even if we naturally have different parenting styles. While I am a very protective mother I do realize there has to be a balance for your children to grow and be happy and be a well rounded child.

 

[nosnobunny2006]

That was certainly uncalled for. People can have a difference of opinion without having to resort to name calling. I don't recall reading anyone suggesting they were a better parent than the next person. We all want to keep our children (or grandchildren in my case) safe. It's how we get there where we don't all agree. There's nothing wrong with a healthy discussion.

Beth

 

[ladyjayhawk]

When I am twenty feet away in a nearby aisle (within shouting distance), on a quiet shopping day (as in, the store isn't a madhouse) and my children are holding hands, together, and they are only out of my eyestight for a short period of time (less than five minutes...probably more like three), then yes, I feel like it is a REASONABLY controlled situation.

Well your Walmart must be different than the ones I have ever been in. Usually the grocery areas and the toy sections are in opposite parts of the store, much more than 20 feet away. A quiet shopping day and your kids holding hands wouldn't make one bit of difference if your kids were being targeted. Five minutes, even three minutes, is a long time. Not a risk I would be willing to take.

 

[BCDisneyFanatic]

In my store, the toy section and the groceries are right next to each other, with aisles matching up - so if my kids are in the "right" toy aisle, I can see them from the grocery aisle.

When I get to the end of the aisle, I can do a quick glance in either row (there are only four toy aisles - it's a small store LOL), and spot the kids.

I certainly wouldn't let them go to the other side of the store unattended at the age of 8. Probably would at 12 though. Just being honest.

 

[perdidochas]

I am glad you posted this link. It seems to me that these anti-smothering , let your kid learn and live posters on here have us stereotyped. Now I see what they think we do and it is totally incorrect. We don't smother our kids, we don't do their stuff for them, what is this? That definition is for some crazy obsessed mom on TV or something, not us. We just love our kids and don't want to take the slightest chance of them getting abused or abducted because we love them. How can we be smothering our kids by having them go to the bathroom with us, and not letting them ride around the neighborhood without us? From what I have noticed parents need to spend more time with their children anyway! You don't see them all day at school, then they come home and you don't go play with them in the back yard, or go bike riding with them, but let them go alone, maybe never to be seen again. I don't supervise my children in a smothering way. Talk about exageration! We do things together because it is fun and I love them and love being with them and in return I get to keep my eye on them like all good parents should I personally think. You know this might be awful, but when I see pregnant women smoking, kids not wearing seatbelts or kids 40-80 pounds not in a booster seat(you probably don't think they need those either) and kids roaming the neighborhood and stores alone, I think how can these kids parents love them? You don't do things to hurt them if you love them. It is your job to protect them, if you are not there you can not protect them. All you can do is hope everything you taught them keeps them safe and that they are not the 1 in 1000 that gets molested or abducted. That is not good enough for me, I will be there to protect if need be, I love my children to take any chances. I am a good parent because I watch my children, not smother them . It is just common sense.(I thought!)

Well, a policeman friend told my wife to stop using booster seats with my kids. They were getting too tall for them. Seatbelts are a necessity for any in a vehicle with me, no matter the age (and that's been my rule since before it was the law).

I'm just afraid that we are going to be raising a generation with two types of kids--the ones that are allowed to run wild, and the ones that are protected too much. I aim in between. Compared to the way I grew up, I'm smothering my kids. Compared to some, I let my kids run wild. I'm 41. When I was my boy's age, I would play most of the afternoons in the woods far out of my parents' sight. Now, I would never allow my boys to do that, and it's sad. Kids don't get much time out in the outdoors without major supervision.

Kids need time on their own. They need time to stretch their wings, even in 1st and second grades as my two sons are. Now, that stretching involves riding around the block on their bikes or walking the dog around the block, in my fairly limited traffic residential neighborhood, while my wife or I are in the front yard


My worry isn't the violent abductor driving the van through the neighborhood snatching kids off of bikes--they are rare to the point of nonexistence. My worry is about the male neighbor with the trampoline and who always has a coke in the fridge for the boys..... That is more realistic, and easier to defend against.

Also, in this argument, both sides are engaging in stereotyping. My link was just a response to an earlier post.

 

[G8RFAN]

I think there needs to be a healthy balance. I am very protective of my son and will not let him out of my sight in places like Chuck E Cheeses. That being said, my DW is much worse and that has me very concerned about his growing up with a "normal" life. I am almost ashamed to say but he sleeps with us and he will be 6 in less than 3 months. DW's biggest fear is that someone will snatch him away while we are asleep. We have hurricane impact windows and a good alarm system, but that still does not give her a level of comfort. When I demanded that he start sleeping in his own room, she would sleep in a cot next to him. We had neighbors that felt safe enough to let their kids play outside unsupervised and one is about the same age and the other is a little older. While I would never consider that the baseline norm, I have to say, their kids are much more self sufficient than our son and advantages do show in school. I can't blame DW, because that is how her mom raised her and my MIL plays a big role in my son's upbringing. The good thing is she knows she is being a bit unreasonable and we are working it out together. BTW, it doesn't help when you see all the real life horror and realize that parents of every victim all thought it would never impact them.

I would recommend reading John E. Douglas' books Mind Hunter and Obsession. Although it was more fuel to the fire for my DW, it definitely helps you get some insight into how a predator's mind works and when never to let your guard down.

 

[BCDisneyFanatic]

Well, a policeman friend told my wife to stop using booster seats with my kids. They were getting too tall for them. Seatbelts are a necessity for any in a vehicle with me, no matter the age (and that's been my rule since before it was the law).

I'm just afraid that we are going to be raising a generation with two types of kids--the ones that are allowed to run wild, and the ones that are protected too much. I aim in between. Compared to the way I grew up, I'm smothering my kids. Compared to some, I let my kids run wild. I'm 41. When I was my boy's age, I would play most of the afternoons in the woods far out of my parents' sight. Now, I would never allow my boys to do that, and it's sad. Kids don't get much time out in the outdoors without major supervision.

Kids need time on their own. They need time to stretch their wings, even in 1st and second grades as my two sons are. Now, that stretching involves riding around the block on their bikes or walking the dog around the block, in my fairly limited traffic residential neighborhood, while my wife or I are in the front yard


My worry isn't the violent abductor driving the van through the neighborhood snatching kids off of bikes--they are rare to the point of nonexistence. My worry is about the male neighbor with the trampoline and who always has a coke in the fridge for the boys..... That is more realistic, and easier to defend against.

I agree with you totally. Compared to my own childhood, I certainly smother my own kids as well. I just wonder whether people really are aware that it is not the amount of violence against children that has changed since we were children, but the perceptions of risk.

 

[earthfaries]

Well, a policeman friend told my wife to stop using booster seats with my kids. They were getting too tall for them. Seatbelts are a necessity for any in a vehicle with me, no matter the age (and that's been my rule since before it was the law).

I'm just afraid that we are going to be raising a generation with two types of kids--the ones that are allowed to run wild, and the ones that are protected too much. I aim in between. Compared to the way I grew up, I'm smothering my kids. Compared to some, I let my kids run wild. I'm 41. When I was my boy's age, I would play most of the afternoons in the woods far out of my parents' sight. Now, I would never allow my boys to do that, and it's sad. Kids don't get much time out in the outdoors without major supervision.

Kids need time on their own. They need time to stretch their wings, even in 1st and second grades as my two sons are. Now, that stretching involves riding around the block on their bikes or walking the dog around the block, in my fairly limited traffic residential neighborhood, while my wife or I are in the front yard


My worry isn't the violent abductor driving the van through the neighborhood snatching kids off of bikes--they are rare to the point of nonexistence. My worry is about the male neighbor with the trampoline and who always has a coke in the fridge for the boys..... That is more realistic, and easier to defend against.

http://www.boosterseat.gov/

There is the government website on booster seats in case you want to know. I hope you reasearched it and didn't just listen to your policeman friend. An aquaintances son died from organ damage caused by the seatbelt from not being in a booster seat and he was 6. Seat belts hurt kids if they are not the correct weight and height, so I would check into it if I were you.

 

[perdidochas]

http://www.boosterseat.gov/

There is the government website on booster seats in case you want to know. I hope you reasearched it and didn't just listen to your policeman friend. An aquaintances son died from organ damage caused by the seatbelt from not being in a booster seat and he was 6. Seat belts hurt kids if they are not the correct weight and height, so I would check into it if I were you.

I trust him. We were rear-ended at a traffic light on 192 just outside of Disney. No problems.

 

[earthfaries]

That sucks. I hope it didn't ruin your vacation. I always think how crappy it would be to be in a fender bender on vacation. Thank god everyone was ok

 

[perdidochas]

That sucks. I hope it didn't ruin your vacation. I always think how crappy it would be to be in a fender bender on vacation. Thank god everyone was ok

It was our first day. Thankfully, no injuries, our car was drivable, and the guy had good insurance. The only thing it caused was for us to get on Soaring later than we had planned

 

[BCDisneyFanatic]

I think we need to remember that it is the predators that are the bad guys or women if the case may be. Not us parents who all obviously love our children very much even if we naturally have different parenting styles. While I am a very protective mother I do realize there has to be a balance for your children to grow and be happy and be a well rounded child.

Very good point. It is sad that these predators have not only stolen the innocence of the children they've attacked, but also that of parents everywhere. Let us all hold our children a little tighter tonight and give thanks to God/the universe/fate that they are with us, and even more so if they are happy and healthy.

 

[makinorlando]

This is a very sad situation, and when I saw it on the news yesterday, I know I would find a thread just like this on the DIS. In fact, after thinking to myself - how awful - that was my next thought.

I totally agree that the "lazy" statement is a bit harsh. We all have different parenting styles and we each know what we are comfortable with in our own environments.

Like so many of the other "parenting skill" threads - there is no right or wrong answer, and we have no right to label others whose parenting methods are different than ours as wrong (or in this case lazy).

We each need to do what is right for our families/children, and as long as we can look ourselves in the mirror each day and know that we did the best that we could that is all that should matter!

I am not lazy, I'm a single mom working full time (40+ hours a week) fortunatly from home, but just because I'm not outside playing with my child on the weekends or right now(when she is playing with her friends) does not mean that I don't spend enough time with her! When her friends are not around we are TOGETHER - at Disney, Sea World, the beach, movies or just at home!

Don't you think that's a little harsh?


I certainly don't consider myself lazy in allowing my children a measure of freedom from constant surveillance. I believe, as a parent, I can monitor a situation and make reasonable assumptions of the risks involved.

That being said, I agree that WDW would not be the place to test this out. Certainly, if there are family washrooms nearby, this would be the optimum solution. However, for those that are agonizing over where their child is going to go to the washroom three months before they go on holiday, I don't think this is a particularly healthy attitude either.

I allow my child to ride a bike, despite the risks of her falling off and getting serious injuries. However, I mitigate these risks by making sure she wears a helmut, knows the rules of the road, only rides on very quiet streets or bike paths, etc. If I truly wanted to avoid all risks, she wouldn't be able to ride her bike at all. However, I don't think that that is in her best interests.

Every time I take my daughters in the car with me, I take the risk that we will be struck by a drunk driver. The risk of this occurring is much greater than the risk of my daughters getting kidnapped and murdered by a stranger in wal-mart (particularly when they are there together, holding hands). And yet, we still go out on the roads. I accept these risks because I think it is better for my children and I to go out into the world rather than stay home avoiding every potential risk.

I also feel that the value of children learning some measure of independence in reasonably controlled situations also outweighs what I perceive are the minimal risks.

It's not that I don't worry about these things - I am human after all, and trust me - despite comments on this board, I doubt that any parent could love their child any more than I love mine (certainly as much though ). However, I refuse to my life (and have my children live their lives) in constant fear. We are all aware of the risks, do what we can to minimize them within reason , and pray to a higher power that we manage to avoid what we can't control.

As a previous poster mentioned, parenting is about balance. Balancing the risks vs. developing a healthy sense of independence. While I can certainly see how parents can become obsessed with keeping their kids safe by avoiding all risk, I just tend to think that as a society, our risk-taking is all out of whack. The same parent that won't let their child go to the bathroom alone, may let their child ride in the front seat of the car, or feed them a high fat diet that may lead to serious health complications (certainly not referring to the OP, just in general!). None of us can avoid every risk in life.

To be honest, when I made my original post, I didn't really mean to stir up so much controversy. It's just that the seemingly constant posts about NEVER letting children out of parents' eyesight is a sad commentary on our perception of society as a whole.

 

[kelma]

I haven't been able to read all of the posts yet, but I want to encourage everyone to read the book, "Protecting the Gift". It is a great book that encourages parents to trust their instincts and shows ways to keep your kids safe without making them afraid of everyone. I know that Disney may be different, but one of the biggest things I took from the book is to tell your children, should they ever get lost, to go to find a Mom with a child (or grandma) and ask her for help. Some famous security guards (who look an awful lot like a police officer to a small child) have been the Son of Sam killer, the assassin of John Lennon, the Hillside Strangler and lots of other nice folks (please, please don't get mad if you or dh are security guards, I'm not saying all security guards are bad, just giving some info). A Mom will most likely take the child to the front desk AND wait with them until help arrives. She will become invested with making sure that child gets to his/her parents and she also doesn't have keys to back rooms like someone who works there would.

I worked in DA's office for a while and I saw firsthand the evil that is out there. My kids have been very sheltered in lots of ways, but they do know to scream and yell if someone grabs them. I KNOW, however, that this is not always effective (Some people did a study recently where they filmed a little girl screaming this very thing while an "abductor" tried to take her. Adult, after adult walked on without doing anything . Finally a couple of young men without kids of their own stepped in. In a real circumstance that little girl would have been gone). It is my job right now to do the protecting for them. I won't always have the power to do that. One day they'll be going out with their friends alone, or getting in a car without me or going off to college, but right now, I DO have that power and I want to protect my gifts. Horrible things can happen no matter how vigilant we are. The only things in life that you can control are your own choices and I want to make ones that I can live with

 

[earthfaries]

I haven't been able to read all of the posts yet, but I want to encourage everyone to read the book, "Protecting the Gift". It is a great book that encourages parents to trust their instincts and shows ways to keep your kids safe without making them afraid of everyone. I know that Disney may be different, but one of the biggest things I took from the book is to tell your children, should they ever get lost, to go to find a Mom with a child (or grandma) and ask her for help. Some famous security guards (who look an awful lot like a police officer to a small child) have been the Son of Sam killer, the assassin of John Lennon, the Hillside Strangler and lots of other nice folks (please, please don't get mad if you or dh are security guards, I'm not saying all security guards are bad, just giving some info). A Mom will most likely take the child to the front desk AND wait with them until help arrives. She will become invested with making sure that child gets to his/her parents and she also doesn't have keys to back rooms like someone who works there would.

I worked in DA's office for a while and I saw firsthand the evil that is out there. My kids have been very sheltered in lots of ways, but they do know to scream and yell if someone grabs them. I KNOW, however, that this is not always effective (Some people did a study recently where they filmed a little girl screaming this very thing while an "abductor" tried to take her. Adult, after adult walked on without doing anything . Finally a couple of young men without kids of their own stepped in. In a real circumstance that little girl would have been gone).

It is my job right now to do the protecting for them. I won't always have the power to do that. One day they'll be going out with their friends alone, or getting in a car without me or going off to college, but right now, I DO have that power and I want to protect my gifts. Horrible things can happen no matter how vigilant we are. The only things in life that you can control are your own choices and I want to make ones that I can live with

I am so glad to see someone who feels the exact same way as I do. I try not to worry about the future, all the things that can happen, because then I would go crazy and it would not be healthy. But right now I can and will protect my children because that is what I feel is right, and the only way I can live. It is just me. I just couldn't let him go free in a store, even if everyone else, including my dad thinks he is old enough. I wouldn't personally be comfortable and could never live with myself knowing I could have been watching him if something were to happen while he was away from me, his mom whose job it is to protect him! I love my kids more than anything in the whole world and do everything possible to keep them safe.
And yes, you could probably call him a mammas boy, but we think that is a good thing. He loves his mamma and to us a mammas boy is someone who loves and cares about their mamma and who is a sweet boy and there is nothing wrong with that. I am blessed to have two extra sweet independant smart creative boys who love me, and will always be mammas boys!!!