College financial aid/divorced family/adoption?

[Poohforyou]

I guess this is part of my question. He adopted her when he and mom got married. Now he and mom are divorcing. Daughter is 18 and is changing her name back to what it was before mom and he were married. It just seems awkward that a child can be adopted by a non-related adult because of the bio-parent marrying said adult, but when the marriage ends the adoption still stands, even though the adoptive parent is gone, gone, gone. He adopted her because he married her mother, not because he was looking to become a father, and now the marriage is over- therefore it seems weird that the adoption stands even though the marriage no longer exists… so I was wondering how college financial aid would view the situation.

I don't understand why you're having such difficulty with this. It doesn't matter when the adoption was done. That man is her father and will be forever regardless of the parent's marital status. Her bio-dad would have had his parental rights terminated before the adoption. An adoption isn't something to be taken lightly because it lasts forever unless it is terminated by the courts.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Here is something that can help you with "lifting the clouds" on the situation in your mind....

Let's just pretend that the child in question is on the health insurance of the father as an example.

Would it be fair that the insurance company stated, you are divorcing so your rights as an adoptive father are over and you can no longer get insurance for your adoptive child.

The fact that the father has legally adopted the child affords the child rights beyond the divorce.

 

[Patience]

Geez, Louise, why is that so hard to grasp for some people?!?!?! He's her FATHER. End of story. It does not matter one bit WHY he chose to adopt her. He adopted her. He is her father. Forever. Do people just not comprehend what adoption is and what it does? I pray such people never adopt a child. He is her REAL father and her LEGAL father.

The divorce means NOTHING. You divorce SPOUSES. You do not divorce your CHILDREN. It truly is just that simple.

This. Becoming a parent by adoption has the exact same legal effect as becoming a parent through biology. Implying it doesn't is insulting to adoptive families.

By the way, I am the mother of two children, one of whom my husband and I adopted and one of whom was born to us. I am their mother and my husband is their father. Forever. Period.

 

[SC Minnie]

I'm with everyone else, if the soon to be ex legally adopted the girl he is her legal father. The spousal divorce has no binding on the adoption so matter the reason for the adoption.

I have a coworker who was adopted by her mom's second husband when she was 6 or 7. Her bio father was still living but not in the picture. The mom and adoptive dad divorced when coworker was a late teen. She is now in her 30's and her mom's second husband is still her dad.

 

[mom2rtk]

My guess is that the OP's friend knows all of this. She is probably letting their desire to not have dad's income considered for financial aid cloud her judgment.

 

[kmb584]

A stepparent adoption is a binding legal contract. Even though they're divorcing he is still considered to be her father, and her changing her last name to her mom's has no significance.

 

[leebee]

My guess is that the OP's friend knows all of this. She is probably letting their desire to not have dad's income considered for financial aid cloud her judgment.

That is quite possible, although the ex was the one who started the conversation about not providing financial assistance for college as the marriage is now over and "she's really legally YOUR daughter." He claims he is getting some kind of hassle from his health insurer, also, about keeping the daughter on his health insurance. My friend suspects this is just the ex not wanting to have to pay for anything that he can get away with NOT paying, legal or otherwise, in both instances.

I'm sorry so many people are ticked off about what I thought was an innocent question. I'd try to clarify but really am not up for another discourse on how ignorant I must be. I just won't ask adoption questions again (even though I thought it was a financial aid question). Thanks, BTW, to the few posters who chose to answer the questions I asked and not just stand aghast at my query.

 

[jrmasm]

That is quite possible, although the ex was the one who started the conversation about not providing financial assistance for college as the marriage is now over and "she's really legally YOUR daughter." He claims he is getting some kind of hassle from his health insurer, also, about keeping the daughter on his health insurance. My friend suspects this is just the ex not wanting to have to pay for anything that he can get away with NOT paying, legal or otherwise, in both instances.

I'm sorry so many people are ticked off about what I thought was an innocent question. I'd try to clarify but really am not up for another discourse on how ignorant I must be. I just won't ask adoption questions again (even though I thought it was a financial aid question). Thanks, BTW, to the few posters who chose to answer the questions I asked and not just stand aghast at my query.

Plenty of non custodial parents don't provide support for college but that has nothing to do with adoption.

 

[Happy Snowman]

That is quite possible, although the ex was the one who started the conversation about not providing financial assistance for college as the marriage is now over and "she's really legally YOUR daughter." He claims he is getting some kind of hassle from his health insurer, also, about keeping the daughter on his health insurance. My friend suspects this is just the ex not wanting to have to pay for anything that he can get away with NOT paying, legal or otherwise, in both instances.

I'm sorry so many people are ticked off about what I thought was an innocent question. I'd try to clarify but really am not up for another discourse on how ignorant I must be. I just won't ask adoption questions again (even though I thought it was a financial aid question). Thanks, BTW, to the few posters who chose to answer the questions I asked and not just stand aghast at my query.

If that is the case she needs to make sure that the kid/kids are covered until they are 26 under his insurance plan--or have access to being covered under his plan if needed in the divorce decree.

As for college funding---it could benefit the kids if he does not pay---IF and that is a big IF they are going to schools that only take the FAFSA. If she goes to a profile school (CSS) that requires non-custodial parent income and bases her aid off of that and he doesn't pony up his share....that can really hurt. I have a friend who's daughter is in that situation, she's taking loans to the tune of $20,000/year to get her DD through school. Now, her daughter is likely to end up in a career where having $80,000 in loans isn't going to be a challenge to pay off, but still, it's a LOT of money.

Do you know where she is going to apply or is going to school?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

That is quite possible, although the ex was the one who started the conversation about not providing financial assistance for college as the marriage is now over and "she's really legally YOUR daughter." He claims he is getting some kind of hassle from his health insurer, also, about keeping the daughter on his health insurance. My friend suspects this is just the ex not wanting to have to pay for anything that he can get away with NOT paying, legal or otherwise, in both instances.

I'm sorry so many people are ticked off about what I thought was an innocent question. I'd try to clarify but really am not up for another discourse on how ignorant I must be. I just won't ask adoption questions again (even though I thought it was a financial aid question). Thanks, BTW, to the few posters who chose to answer the questions I asked and not just stand aghast at my query.

He can say whatever he wants but it does not make it true.

It is up to the OP to speak through her attorney to make sure her soon to be ex does not do anything funky.

If he is saying these things, I would make sure my attorney knows he is threatening to take his child off of his health insurance.

The agreements with keeping the child over 18 on his health insurance will come with the divorce decree.

Does she have a separation agreement yet?

 

[Robinrs]

If he legally adopted the child, he is the father, PERIOD. If parents get divorced, it does not change the legality of the parent/child relationship any more than it would if the daughter was his bio child. That's what adoption means.

I am beyond horrified that this is even a question.
Once the adoption was finalized he became her father. Forever and ever. Period. The end.

He is her father. Period. It might have happened at the same time the mom married him, but it doesn't end just because the marriage does.

Her questions might be complicated because of the divorce. But he's her father, so it's not complicated because of the adoption.

If they wanted a relationship where things ended when the marriage ended, mom should have settled for him being a step-parent.

This. Becoming a parent by adoption has the exact same legal effect as becoming a parent through biology. Implying it doesn't is insulting to adoptive families.

By the way, I am the mother of two children, one of whom my husband and I adopted and one of whom was born to us. I am their mother and my husband is their father. Forever. Period.

Lots of PERIODS on this thread...figuratively and literally!

 

[Poohforyou]

That is quite possible, although the ex was the one who started the conversation about not providing financial assistance for college as the marriage is now over and "she's really legally YOUR daughter." He claims he is getting some kind of hassle from his health insurer, also, about keeping the daughter on his health insurance. My friend suspects this is just the ex not wanting to have to pay for anything that he can get away with NOT paying, legal or otherwise, in both instances.

I'm sorry so many people are ticked off about what I thought was an innocent question. I'd try to clarify but really am not up for another discourse on how ignorant I must be. I just won't ask adoption questions again (even though I thought it was a financial aid question). Thanks, BTW, to the few posters who chose to answer the questions I asked and not just stand aghast at my query.

Sounds like this man doesn't get that adoption is forever. Was there actually a legal adoption certified and filed with a court?

 

[Darcy03231]

I'm not going to comment on the adoption issue.

I have lots of experience in filling out the FAFSA forms. 4 kids and divorced.

In the case of divorce, FAFSA only takes into consideration the income of the parent the child lives with. If the divorce is final in January 2015 when they fill out the FAFSA and the child has lived full time with her mother, then they use Mom's income. If the divorce isn't final, both parents will have to provide their income.

In my case I share custody with my ex-husband on a 50/50 basis per our divorce decree. Either one of us can fill out the forms. He does it because his income is less than mine.

 

[barkley]

there's an easy way for the mom to get information-call the fafsa hotline (it's listed on the website). while a college/university financial aid office may not have time right now to provide answers for a student who isn't even admitted (and won't begin attendance for over a year)-the fafsa staff can and do answer questions. the university dd attends can't even answer questions a year into the future for on-going admitted students-rules change, formulas change and they can only answer for the here and now.

we had a weird income question that I thought I had found the answer to in the on-line college financial aide administrator's handbook that fafsa issues each year, but I went ahead and called the hotline one morning. the person I talked to had to research it a bit (kept me on hold), and confirm it with a supervisor but ultimately confirmed the information I had found was correct. I noted the time/date/representative's id # and filed it away w/ dd's financial aid information so that when I applied the rule if a question came up with her university's financial aid office about it I could provide them with the source.

 

[Buckalew11]

His attitude does not surprise me (and this is not man bashing, if it were the other way around I'd say the same thing)-- my BIL had 4 kids and does not want to help with college. He does though, in the end, after a lot of hassle and grumbling. But he is not under no obligation to help. No parent ever has to pay for college.

Parents divorce each other but often they end up "divorcing" their kids too. So sad and tragic. All I can believe is that they'll answer for that one day...
So his attitude, again, is not shocking me.

You're a good friend, leebee. Divorce is horrible thing and your friend NEEDS a friend I am sure. We're 5 years out with my sister and she still needs a friend. To say it has been anything less than a trip to hell on earth would be an understatement.

I hope your friend's daughter can have a good college experience. My nephew ended up quitting 1/2 through his JR year because of dad's tuition games.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

His attitude does not surprise me (and this is not man bashing, if it were the other way around I'd say the same thing)-- my BIL had 4 kids and does not want to help with college. He does though, in the end, after a lot of hassle and grumbling. But he is not under no obligation to help. No parent ever has to pay for college.

Parents divorce each other but often they end up "divorcing" their kids too. So sad and tragic. All I can believe is that they'll answer for that one day...
So his attitude, again, is not shocking me.

You're a good friend, leebee. Divorce is horrible thing and your friend NEEDS a friend I am sure. We're 5 years out with my sister and she still needs a friend. To say it has been anything less than a trip to hell on earth would be an understatement.

I hope your friend's daughter can have a good college experience. My nephew ended up quitting 1/2 through his JR year because of dad's tuition games.

As I understand it, while that may be the case, legally they must supply their financial information for the FAFSA unless the child can prove they are legally emancipated. (If I'm wrong someone will jump all over me to tell me so).

 

[barkley]

As I understand it, while that may be the case, legally they must supply their financial information for the FAFSA unless the child can prove they are legally emancipated. (If I'm wrong someone will jump all over me to tell me so).

no jumping on you, but there's no legal requirement (it's a condition of application, but a student can't take legal action to force their parent), and there's a mechanism within the fafsa process in the event a parent will not provide the information for their child. this is not as uncommon an occurrence as some may think-in some cases parents simply don't want their kids to be privy to all their financial information, and in others the kids have taken the "I'm an adult, you can't tell me what to do, I'm living on my own,..." mindset, and the parents have taken the stance that the kids can navigate the college financial aid process on their own.

I personally think that in the case of parents who are concerned about their kids knowing every iota of their financial situation it would go a long way getting past this if the parents could enter that information on the fafsa but keep it password protected from anyone other than themselves/financial aid administrators. the way it works now is anyone with the password can see every bit of entered information-and I know some parents very uncomfortable with that.

 

[cleverclovers]

I filled out the FAFSA for my daughter. Been divorced and custodial parwent since daughter was in pre-school. He was not about to help out with college (wouldn't even pay basic child support, but that's another issue). At the time, he was moving and I had no info on what his address was, so I just left him off the form - name and all.

 

[*pixie*dust*]

I am beyond horrified that this is even a question.
Once the adoption was finalized he became her father. Forever and ever. Period. The end.

ITA.... Op, I seriously hope you are kidding. As an adoptive parent I am offended by your assumptions, if you are being serious.

 

[Mom21]

I filled out the FAFSA for my daughter. Been divorced and custodial parwent since daughter was in pre-school. He was not about to help out with college (wouldn't even pay basic child support, but that's another issue). At the time, he was moving and I had no info on what his address was, so I just left him off the form - name and all.

I know it was a typo, but I love the Big Bang Theory. Not sure if you watch it but I said "parwent" in a Kripke voice. I couldn't help myself. It just came out like that in my head.


With that said. I am divorced. Her father makes about $200,000/year but refuses to contribute to my 17yo going to college next week. He is her biological father, but an ***. I just left him off the FAFSA. No biggie. Should he help? Sure. Will he? Nope.

He wouldn't have provided the info even if I had ask.