Debt Dumpers 2024

[trenty]

Thank you. And yes, I realize we could've put lots of money towards this or possibly even paid it off. Trust me, I've wanted to. But every time I present that option, it gets shot down. And I'd never go behind her back. She works at the bank and knows immediately anytime I use my card (she gets a ding on her phone) becuase she has fraud protection set up so gets notifications.

As far as helping, I'd never, ever, ever let anyone help. She got us into this, so we're going to have to figure a way out. I'm trying. But as I said, every time she's been against paying more on it. And when we do get our tax return (we just filed Saturday, so it'll probably be 6 weeks before we get the check), I'm going to push to pay that off. I know I"m going to put my half on it. Not sure what she'll do with her portion.

I am not going to say much, because others have already given great advice. I do not agree with everything Dave Ramsey preaches, but I think you and your wife should read TOTAL MONEY MAKEOVER and follow the plan exactly as he lays out.

 

[slightly_obsessed]

We have so much china. Our wedding china, which my mom insisted we register for, my mom's china (she got it well after she and my dad married) and now my in laws wedding china.

I have tried so many times to sell my mom's since I ended up with it. My little brother was stilli in college when she passed so I stored it in case he and his partner wanted it when they got married. She did not.... so I still have it. No one seems to want china and I couldn't bring myself to give it away yet.

We actually plan to use my in laws china in our RV. I thought my husband was nuts when he suggested it... I hate hand washing dishes, so we rarely use ours, but since we have to hand wash anything we use in the RV anyway it doesn't seem so bad. I am sure it will break at some point but at least it gets used. I am sure it hadn't been used since at least 2006 when my MIL died.

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

I am not going to say much, because others have already given great advice. I do not agree with everything Dave Ramsey preaches, but I think you and your wife should read TOTAL MONEY MAKEOVER and follow the plan exactly as he lays out.

I don't either but I did follow Baby Steps 1-3, especially Step 2, and it worked so well. Prior to that, I struggled for years putting little bits of extra here and there. I was too disorganized. DR taught me step by step where to start and why, and how to pick one debt and attack it like a rabid pit bull.

With a detailed budget I could see how easy it is for example, instead of sending $25 to Sears, and $45 to our Amazon card, once paid off, I could instead pay $65 to our Kohls card PLUS the regular payment to the Kohls card, all without "feeling" any difference. Simply a matter of watching where it goes.

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

This might be helpful.
https://www.free-online-calculator-use.com/rapid-debt-reduction-calculator.html

 

[huggybuff]

We have to book so far in advance because we play little by little. We're not like most that can just plop $2k down and book a trip next week. We also buy a $25 gift card every time we get paid. We do live pay check to pay check like so many others. And we have been making minimum payments. I just simply missed 1 month. But it was only 1 of 3 cards. We'll continue to pay the minimum each month, like we're supposed to do, on those 3 cards until we get them paid off. The good thing is we haven't used any of the 3 a single time this year. So, the balance has been going down little by little. But the goal is to pay most, if not all, of that big loan down or off. Just depends on what she wants to do with her half of the refund. I'm going to put all of my half on it.

I've been following along all day and I just want to implore you to follow through and look at your credit card statements. The Consumer Protection Bureau mandated that all credit card statements tell you how much you're going to pay over the life of the debt if you only pay the minimum payment over time. It is very clear and in big print. You will save thousands if you make it your mission to start tackling these now - after the loan shark loan of course.

Also, I realize that I've still got some credit card debt that I'm in the process of paying off, so I don't want to be a hypocrite here and cause you to dismiss what I'm saying. I just want you to know that I lived in denial for years regarding my finances. I racked up over 60K in credit card debt that I couldn't pay the minimums on and was under crazy amounts of stress because of living that way. I was spending and spending money I didn't have because I was miserable on the inside and thought that buying things and taking trips would somehow fill up all of the empty places. Guess what? It never worked. Shocker!

To my ear, I'm hearing the same thing in your situation. From what you've said about your wife either shutting down conversations or taking out a secret loan with no explanation I have questions about how happy either of you are with yourselves as individuals or as a couple. I was suffering for years until I confronted my issues in therapy. Once I got my head on straight I was able to move forward financially with the help of my husband. He has put his foot down in a couple of financial areas and I'm grateful that he did so. Maybe your wife needs you to be a bit firmer in this area?

Good luck to you.

 

[princesscinderella]

I think this is how all of us on this thread feel right now.

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

The whole point of cutting back spending on some things, is to free up money to pay EXTRA toward the debt, not to just keep making minimum payments for the next 10 years. This isn't rocket science. You can make more than one payment each month. When I was paying down debt, if I had a leftover $5 the day before payday, I'd schedule it as a extra payment. You need to keep better recordkeeping. You need to create a detailed budget to SEE where your money needs to go for each paycheck. Maybe all of your cutbacks on eating out are still not even enough that you can cover the rent and minimum payments. You wouldn't know for sure unless you create a budget.

Why did your mortgage go from $700/month to $2000/month? Do you have a mortgage AND pay rent?

Get material possessions out of your mind; you don't need to have anything "to show for it." What you have to show for it is food and a roof over your head. Privacy in bed and the ability to flush. This is life as an independent adult.
The "reward" comes when you log into whatever bill you're paying off and see a much lower balance. It's progress toward a goal. Then someday when debt is gone, all that "leftover" money goes into savings which can be for fun stuff.

All of these peeps talking about planning vacations are doing that after busting their a$$es for months or years and needing a tiny break. You are barely getting started, have not yet paid off a single debt or started an EF, and you want a break/reward already.

You say you're following DR but you're not at all. You have no gazelle intensity. You seem just fine with paying minimum monthly payments but that is insane and will drag it all out for YEARS longer than it has to. We didn't all follow his exact advice about what to cut out of our budget but really the only thing people have said to do differently is to put the loan shark loan at the top of your list only because it's such an outrageous interest rate. If you follow this intently, your debt would shrink.

You have been given A LOT of good advice but you making this frustrating AF.

You just had TWO trips to WDW in 2023 with the last one just in December! What the fark!
That was only 2 months ago!!
Tell her you don't WANT to go. Would she go alone? You are enabling her by being so passive. Tell her the trip will be the reward once you pay off your debt so you could actually save $ toward a trip or whatever else you enjoy doing.

She "won't let you" create a budget.
She "won't let you" pay off the loan shark loan.
She won't tell you what the loan shark loan was for and you don't demand an answer.
Dude, does your wife keep your cojones in her purse? She is like a brick wall to any progress you might make.

Now I'm cursing like a trucker. I can't take it.

You are my hero.
Also, did anyone else pick up on the fact he says she works for a BANK?

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

You are my hero.
Also, did anyone else pick up on the fact he says she works for a BANK?

Yes. SHE knows where the money is going.
That's my guess. I hope I'm wrong.

 

[Bellex917]

My biggest fear for WDWFanInTexas is he will just get frustrated with all of the replies and go back to what he was doing. If you read this, I think it's really important to know people care bc what you've shared truly shows an amount of needing support, and people want to help.

The only thing I'd really suggest is see if your church, which you seem very tied to, offers financial classes. I know Dave Ramsey's program is big in the church circles, so they may even offer Financial Peace or be willing to bring it in if you show interest. I'd also really suggest counseling with your wife, even if it's through the church. You have to get on the same page with money. You have to have common goals. NONE of this matters until you do.

 

[focusondisney]

I have no idea what we're paying. I just get an email that says our payment is due and to pay x amount. So I do. But I will definitely start. I think, though, it's like 25% a year. So maybe 2% a month, which breaks down to like $8. But I will start looking for sure. I did pay extra last month.

No, it’s 25% a month. Nobody has paid 2% a month on a credit card in the 45 years I’ve been married. How in the world can you have any idea what you owe when you never look at a statement. You’re fooling yourself with all the excuses. Coz everyone else posting here sees right thru them.

 

[barkley]

You are my hero.
Also, did anyone else pick up on the fact he says she works for a BANK?

i did. all i could think was she better hope her employer does'nt see the late payments on the credit report b/c most if not all financial institutions have a provision of employment that allow them to monitor all employees to keep an eye out for fianancial issues that can endanger their bonding and insurance ratings. repeated events of 'fiscal irresponsibility' can result in an employee's termination.

 

[focusondisney]

The whole point of cutting back spending on some things, is to free up money to pay EXTRA toward the debt, not to just keep making minimum payments for the next 10 years. This isn't rocket science. You can make more than one payment each month. When I was paying down debt, if I had a leftover $5 the day before payday, I'd schedule it as a extra payment. You need to keep better recordkeeping. You need to create a detailed budget to SEE where your money needs to go for each paycheck. Maybe all of your cutbacks on eating out are still not even enough that you can cover the rent and minimum payments. You wouldn't know for sure unless you create a budget.

Why did your mortgage go from $700/month to $2000/month? Do you have a mortgage AND pay rent?

Get material possessions out of your mind; you don't need to have anything "to show for it." What you have to show for it is food and a roof over your head. Privacy in bed and the ability to flush. This is life as an independent adult.
The "reward" comes when you log into whatever bill you're paying off and see a much lower balance. It's progress toward a goal. Then someday when debt is gone, all that "leftover" money goes into savings which can be for fun stuff.

All of these peeps talking about planning vacations are doing that after busting their a$$es for months or years and needing a tiny break. You are barely getting started, have not yet paid off a single debt or started an EF, and you want a break/reward already.

You say you're following DR but you're not at all. You have no gazelle intensity. You seem just fine with paying minimum monthly payments but that is insane and will drag it all out for YEARS longer than it has to. We didn't all follow his exact advice about what to cut out of our budget but really the only thing people have said to do differently is to put the loan shark loan at the top of your list only because it's such an outrageous interest rate. If you follow this intently, your debt would shrink.

You have been given A LOT of good advice but you making this frustrating AF.

You just had TWO trips to WDW in 2023 with the last one just in December! What the fark!
That was only 2 months ago!!
Tell her you don't WANT to go. Would she go alone? You are enabling her by being so passive. Tell her the trip will be the reward once you pay off your debt so you could actually save $ toward a trip or whatever else you enjoy doing.

She "won't let you" create a budget.
She "won't let you" pay off the loan shark loan.
She won't tell you what the loan shark loan was for and you don't demand an answer.
Dude, does your wife keep your cojones in her purse? She is like a brick wall to any progress you might make.

Now I'm cursing like a trucker. I can't take it.

 

[StitchesGr8Fan]

My biggest fear for WDWFanInTexas is he will just get frustrated with all of the replies and go back to what he was doing. If you read this, I think it's really important to know people care bc what you've shared truly shows an amount of needing support, and people want to help.

The only thing I'd really suggest is see if your church, which you seem very tied to, offers financial classes. I know Dave Ramsey's program is big in the church circles, so they may even offer Financial Peace or be willing to bring it in if you show interest. I'd also really suggest counseling with your wife, even if it's through the church. You have to get on the same page with money. You have to have common goals. NONE of this matters until you do.

I don’t think anyone is trying to be mean or discouraging. They are trying to get him to pull his head out of the sand on his situation. His family has been living beyond their means and struggling since 2018 and he is in denial about how dire his situation is. He and his wife both need to commit to becoming financially literate, make true behavior changes, stop with the “I deserve this” attitude, and dig themselves out of this hole before they end up senior citizens without enough money to survive and no ability to use debt to stay afloat.

And the whole “my wife won’t let me” excuse is a cop out. Either she is financially abusive and he needs to leave, or he’s making it sound worse than it is because he doesn’t want to make the real sacrifices to get out of debt.

A lot of people are spending time giving sound advice and every time someone says OP and wife need to do the hard thing, he provides an excuse why he can’t. Yes, people can scroll on by. But well-intentioned people who haven’t read the pages of ignored advice are investing their time trying to help someone who doesn’t seem to truly want it when they could be helping someone who would appreciate it.

 

[Tygerlilly]

i did. all i could think was she better hope her employer does'nt see the late payments on the credit report b/c most if not all financial institutions have a provision of employment that allow them to monitor all employees to keep an eye out for fianancial issues that can endanger their bonding and insurance ratings. repeated events of 'fiscal irresponsibility' can result in an employee's termination.

I'd wager some money that the credit cards aren't in her name so she thinks she's safe. Especially if she has no issue letting his credit get drug thru the mud.

 

[barkley]

I'd wager some money that the credit cards aren't in her name so she thinks she's safe. Especially if she has no issue letting his credit get drug thru the mud.

good point but i think he said she got the loan sharky loan behind his back (and he does'nt know what the money went to).

 

[CGB]

Hang in there, WDW_fan_in_TX. You're getting some tough love but great advice in this thread.

It was this forum, the Budget Board, that helped direct me towards our own financial awakening back around 2007. The best advice I read was to track your income and spending. After a month, I realized we didn't need additional income but needed to make smarter choices with what we had. I kept reading the threads here and kept trying new strategies over the years. It takes time, focus, commitment... and sacrifice. We wouldn't be completely debt-free until 2021, but wow... I can't tell you how good it felt to make that last payment to the mortgage company.

Keep trying. Perhaps your church could sponsor a financial peace university course that you and your wife could both attend. Maybe with that type of support it could help the two of you get on the same page with your financial goals.

 

[WDW_fan_in_TX]

To answer a few questions ...

The credit cards and the one car we're paying for is in my name as are the house, electric bill, cable bill, which we're trying to cut as I speak, and cell phones. The sharky loan is in her name. That's all she has in her name as of right now.

And yes, I'm frustrated with all of this. I'm not trying to make excuses. And I promise, all the advice is helping me want to tackle this even more. The advice isn't making me frustrated. What's making me frustrated is that I've let it get like this for us as a couple and frustrated I don't make enough to just get everything paid off at once and be done with debt.

By the way, we're not doing a trip anytime soon. I've already told her no trips this year of any kind except going home to see family. Not until we get this under control. She doesn't care because it's not affecting her credit. But we have to get it under control, and I'm glad I have the help of this board to push and give advice. Period.

First object is to pay off that sharky loan. Somehow. I'd like to pay it off with our tax refund as I've said. I plan on putting my half of the tax refund on it, and that'll knock out about 75% of it. Next object is to create some type of emergency fund. Maybe $100/check ($200/month) into that so we're at least getting it started then I want to be able to put anything else toward the 3 CCs. Hard to do all that, I know with no more than we make (about $5,200/month combined). Heck, maybe we can take that extra $175 we'll have every 2 weeks for not having to pay that sharky loan and put that towards something. May $75 into the EF and $100 on to CCs.

To answer another question, we were paying $700 for our mortgage up until summer 2022 when we moved from East Texas to the DFW area for me to take a new job. Once we got to DFW, our rent is now $1,950/month. We tried for 2 months to find an apartment, but we kept getting turned down because of my credit score. I was able to up it quite a bit. But still needing more work. And that's part of the reason I'm wanting to get our finances in line.

As far as paying CC, I see someone say they paid $5 sometimes when they have extra. I don't see the point in that when you're charged a $5 fee for paying online. It basically wipes out the payment. So I'm just curious about that. But I do like the idea of making an extra payment, even if it's like $20/week or something.

To answer one final question, we are a happy couple. We are stressed over finances like everyone else. But together, we're happy. That won't change. To take that further, we share 1 bank account with an extra checking account that we use as a defacto savings (move money between the 2 when need be, put the extra there for rent, etc).

I believe I've answered everything for now.

I'd wager some money that the credit cards aren't in her name so she thinks she's safe. Especially if she has no issue letting his credit get drug thru the mud.

 

[barkley]

As far as paying CC, I see someone say they paid $5 sometimes when they have extra. I don't see the point in that when you're charged a $5 fee for paying online. It basically wipes out the payment. So I'm just curious about that. But I do like the idea of making an extra payment, even if it's like $20/week or something.

is it maybe some convenience app your credit card has that's charging you for paying online? i pay mine over the phone (automated systems)-never a fee.

btw-even $5 extra on a debt can make a huge difference. we literaly paid off our home years early by throwing every few extra dollars we got, saved on our grocery budget, collected in the loose change jar...i would toss it in the checking account and then do a transfer to the payment.

just for the heck of it i pulled up a credit card calculator on the internet and played with the numbers-

a balance of $8000/interest of 24% with a $200 monthly payment-takes 6 years/10 months to pay off (interest will be $8254.79)

same balance/interest with just $10 more added to the payment ($210)-takes 6 years/1 month (interest will be $7218.57)

bump it up to an extra $20 per month ($220)-takes 5 years/6 months (interest will be $6434.56).

so that little $5 per week ($20 per month) knocks over a year of payments off and close to $1800 in interest.

every little bit does truly help.

 

[trenty]

As far as paying CC, I see someone say they paid $5 sometimes when they have extra. I don't see the point in that when you're charged a $5 fee for paying online. It basically wipes out the payment.

I pay my CCs online weekly and have never paid a fee to do so.

 

[ruadisneyfan2]

First object is to pay off that sharky loan. Somehow. I'd like to pay it off with our tax refund as I've said. I plan on putting my half of the tax refund on it, and that'll knock out about 75% of it. Next object is to create some type of emergency fund. Maybe $100/check ($200/month) into that so we're at least getting it started then I want to be able to put anything else toward the 3 CCs. Hard to do all that, I know with no more than we make (about $5,200/month combined). Heck, maybe we can take that extra $175 we'll have every 2 weeks for not having to pay that sharky loan and put that towards something. May $75 into the EF and $100 on to CCs.

No maybes. You are guessing. You need a budget. You don't need to occasionally throw some extra to the rent fund and some extra to the credit card, here & there. You need some visual plan because you're not seeing the whole picture. It's not about income level; it's about living within your means. You need to determine IN ADVANCE exactly how much extra you SHOULD have leftover to be able to put toward debt. Unexpected problems come up so it can't always go according to plan but you need to have a plan.
Ask your wife WHY on God's green earth she doesn't want to create a budget? I can't wrap my head around this.

By the way, we're not doing a trip anytime soon. I've already told her no trips this year of any kind except going home to see family. Not until we get this under control. She doesn't care because it's not affecting her credit. But we have to get it under control, and I'm glad I have the help of this board to push and give advice. Period.

But you're still planning for 2025, right? Maybe you will be debt free by then. Maybe you'll feel like you'll need a break by then. At least wait and see if they're offering special deals. That should be at the bottom of the list of goals for even $5 to go into. It can always sit there in your mind but it shouldn't yet be in your financial plans. Face time your family unless someone is in the hospital or dying. Seriously.

She doesn't care because it's not affecting her credit.

This is a sad, selfish mindset. The fact that you are her husband and she doesn't care about YOUR credit score says it all. How are you not furious? or at the very least hurt? How can you be so accepting of that mentality? People who care and love each other don't treat each other this way.


My credit card is with Chase so I log into Chase.com and pay it from there with never a fee. I can make 3 payments per day online. I never pay fees for any banking/bill paying. Come to think of it, the only fees I have paid in the last several years was to Ticketmaster, which is also highway robbery!, but I have no alternative if I want to attend a concert.
With banking there are MANY alternatives. Find a bank that has no fees. If there isn't a local one, use an online bank such as Ally. They only charge a fee if you're overdrawn. Their savings accounts are currently earning 4.35%. You can create multiple savings accounts all under one log-in and it's easy to give each one a nick name and transfer money from their website to/from other banks. You can name one savings account "RENT" so if it takes multiple paychecks to be able to make that monthly payment, (which is FINE, same with our mortgage) you can separate it from other funds so you don't accidentally spend it. Also so you don't have some illusion that you actually have money to blow because all of the rent payment is just sitting there. Keeping everything separated helps to keep it all organized.