it's easier for me to write my fears and misery than to speak (where crying often gets in the way) so I got more relief from this board than anywhere else.
Thank you all so much for your condolences. Hospice was wonderful, in the short time we were there, they did everything possible for Jim, his parents and me. His last couple of days were difficult to watch, he was in pain and very fretful. During my last hours with him, he woke off and on but for the most part slept peacefully.
Everyone deals with loss in a different manner; Jim's parents chose not to go and see him after we got the calls that he was gone. I went, and I will forever be grateful that I did - every stress line, pain line, every muscle distortion from the disease was gone from his face and body - he looked like my Jim again. I hope that he knew a moment of this release before he died. When I saw that, I felt half of my stress just drain away.
I will love him greatly and miss him terribly until the day I die, and afterwards. I am very, very sad but grateful that his suffering is over. I am also unbelievably physically tired now that the need for my care is gone. I was told that this is normal and that I need to pay attention to my body while it recovers. I'd have been able to keep going as long as needed but the longer the work, the longer my recovery would be. Whatever, I am just grateful that I had the strength and training to see this journey to the end. And all through it, every Saturday after we married, Jim wished me happy anniversary, and he thanked me several times a day for my care. I cannot believe how unbelievably lucky I was to have him.
We're going to take a couples of week's to pull our lives back together before we do a memorial service for him. This is his daughter's first major loss; she's still trying to process it, living several states away and feeling bad that she didn't get down to see him more often. She was planning to come in another two weeks; we thought we'd have him for another month or two but it wasn't to be.
I want this to be what she wants it to be because I had my closure by seeing his face, and I've started healing. I want to make sure that she gets the closure she needs, and my daughter, too. Jim was a father figure to her.
Thank you all for your encouragement and compliments, too.
I'm grateful to you all, and for this board, and for life in general!
Love,
Susan
Thank you all so much for your condolences. Hospice was wonderful, in the short time we were there, they did everything possible for Jim, his parents and me. His last couple of days were difficult to watch, he was in pain and very fretful. During my last hours with him, he woke off and on but for the most part slept peacefully.
Everyone deals with loss in a different manner; Jim's parents chose not to go and see him after we got the calls that he was gone. I went, and I will forever be grateful that I did - every stress line, pain line, every muscle distortion from the disease was gone from his face and body - he looked like my Jim again. I hope that he knew a moment of this release before he died. When I saw that, I felt half of my stress just drain away.
I will love him greatly and miss him terribly until the day I die, and afterwards. I am very, very sad but grateful that his suffering is over. I am also unbelievably physically tired now that the need for my care is gone. I was told that this is normal and that I need to pay attention to my body while it recovers. I'd have been able to keep going as long as needed but the longer the work, the longer my recovery would be. Whatever, I am just grateful that I had the strength and training to see this journey to the end. And all through it, every Saturday after we married, Jim wished me happy anniversary, and he thanked me several times a day for my care. I cannot believe how unbelievably lucky I was to have him.
We're going to take a couples of week's to pull our lives back together before we do a memorial service for him. This is his daughter's first major loss; she's still trying to process it, living several states away and feeling bad that she didn't get down to see him more often. She was planning to come in another two weeks; we thought we'd have him for another month or two but it wasn't to be.
I want this to be what she wants it to be because I had my closure by seeing his face, and I've started healing. I want to make sure that she gets the closure she needs, and my daughter, too. Jim was a father figure to her.
Thank you all for your encouragement and compliments, too.
In a couple of months, I think I may sign on with Hospice as a volunteer - I'm confident in my caregiving skills and after this experience, I certainly have some idea of what could be helpful for families.
I'm grateful to you all, and for this board, and for life in general!
Love,
Susan
