I will admit that I am always curious how someone died, especially if they died young or seemed perfectly healthy.This is another “As seen on Facebook” thread that I thought might make for interesting discussion here.
I have seen it happen a few times where someone will post an In Memoriam type of post about a deceased friend and other people, hearing for the first time that their mutual friend has died, will ask what happened. I’ve also, as a complete outsider, read online conversations people have had about how inappropriate they believe it is to ask about one’s cause of death online.
I watched this play out again last week as a former coworker of mine died. (Just for the record, she was not someone I ever knew well and it’s been so long since I worked with her that I barely even recognized her in the photos being posted, so I was not personally involved in any of this.) Other former coworkers of mine, some who had very close relationships with the deceased, took to Facebook to express their grief, shock, condolences, etc. And, of course, other people startedI will to ask what happened. (The deceased was only in her thirties and her death was seemingly completely unexpected by those who knew her.) One woman in particular, who had also worked with the deceased coworker at some point, seemed very upset about the news. She posted multiple times on multiple people’s threads asking what happened, becoming increasingly more distressed sounding the longer she didn’t get an answer. And ignored she was. Not a single person “in the know” would tell her what happened to cause the sudden death of this woman, even after returning to their posts to thank people for their condolences, etc. The only direct response I saw given to her question of what happened was when one person responded with “X passed away last night.” Well, no kidding.
I think wanting to know the cause of death is a normal human response upon hearing this kind of news. Perhaps it brings a sense of closure or understanding, and I think it was kind of cruel for everyone to withhold that information from her. I have a hard time imagining they would shut her down like that face-to-face. On the other hand, I understand family members wanting to privately grieve and not all details are fit for public consumption. But then I think, maybe you wouldn’t be publicly announcing someone’s death on social media if you were all that concerned for the family’s privacy in the first place.
What do you guys think? Is it appropriate to disclose the cause of death in a public, or semi-public, setting? Does the way in which one died affect that?
Let me put it another way. Many FB friends are in other states. We, personally, have moved a lot and lived in 3 states. Last move was 18 months ago. We saw on FB a memorandum for our 2 DDs' old travel softball coach that they had a few years back. He was about 48. My DH was an assistant coach with him. Even after DDs switched to another team/coach, we still were in the same circle with this guy as his DDs also played (and all played HS ball too). So we are quite startled and wanted to know what happened. Had seen him about 10 months prior and all seemed well. His eldest and our 2 were in college. He was also coaching his younger DD's HS team. It was like...what the heck. Luckily, we talked regularly to folks who'd know and we knew what happened pretty quickly through word of mouth (it was cancer). But we had moved so it's not as easy to know what's going on with folks. And we have friends all over. My sorority big sister lived several states away when she passed at 37 during childbirth. I didn't know for a few years, until a special memorandum page popped up on the FB feed. That was quite a shock. I could see on the page that she died in childbirth but when I first saw the memorandum it was like 'what, how, why...she was only 37 and had 2 little kids???". Her people, at the time she died, were different people than I knew when we were in college together. We both went to different states and married and had new friends. I had no way of knowing through word of mouth.
The most common cause of early death is by auto accident or heart attacks. Almost everyone has an automobile and, except for politicians, also have a heart, but, not all people are drug addicts. It happens with alarming regularity, but, it wouldn't be the first thought I would have.
This is another “As seen on Facebook” thread that I thought might make for interesting discussion here.
I have seen it happen a few times where someone will post an In Memoriam type of post about a deceased friend and other people, hearing for the first time that their mutual friend has died, will ask what happened. I’ve also, as a complete outsider, read online conversations people have had about how inappropriate they believe it is to ask about one’s cause of death online.
I watched this play out again last week as a former coworker of mine died. (Just for the record, she was not someone I ever knew well and it’s been so long since I worked with her that I barely even recognized her in the photos being posted, so I was not personally involved in any of this.) Other former coworkers of mine, some who had very close relationships with the deceased, took to Facebook to express their grief, shock, condolences, etc. And, of course, other people started to ask what happened. (The deceased was only in her thirties and her death was seemingly completely unexpected by those who knew her.) One woman in particular, who had also worked with the deceased coworker at some point, seemed very upset about the news. She posted multiple times on multiple people’s threads asking what happened, becoming increasingly more distressed sounding the longer she didn’t get an answer. And ignored she was. Not a single person “in the know” would tell her what happened to cause the sudden death of this woman, even after returning to their posts to thank people for their condolences, etc. The only direct response I saw given to her question of what happened was when one person responded with “X passed away last night.” Well, no kidding.
I think wanting to know the cause of death is a normal human response upon hearing this kind of news. Perhaps it brings a sense of closure or understanding, and I think it was kind of cruel for everyone to withhold that information from her. I have a hard time imagining they would shut her down like that face-to-face. On the other hand, I understand family members wanting to privately grieve and not all details are fit for public consumption. But then I think, maybe you wouldn’t be publicly announcing someone’s death on social media if you were all that concerned for the family’s privacy in the first place.
What do you guys think? Is it appropriate to disclose the cause of death in a public, or semi-public, setting? Does the way in which one died affect that?
Like i said, the problem could be because of the people I am acquanted with. But I've known far more people who "died suddenly" due to drug overdose than people who have died in car accidents
At this point, when I read that in an obituary I just assume OD. My ex-husband was a recovering drug addict, so I am acquanted with many, many drug addicts in all stages of recovery.
