Disney Wedding Never Happening?

[Goldeelox9]

Oh I am so sorry!

 

[farjojo]

Hello,
I figured I'd update everyone and let you know the DIS wedding really is never happening. My boyfriend and future fiance of 5 years has been cheating on me. His excuse was that he got scared when I brought up the fact I might wanna have kids. I am completely shocked and devastated. It has been going on for over a month. I found out from a neighbor whose friend worked with the girl. I dont know how to get over this. I havent eaten in days, Im constantly naucious and my heart has been pounding a mile a minute since i found out. I never in a million years could have imagined this

I just had to reply to you as I really feel for you Brooke. I am a straight talking Brit so I will apologise in advance if I offend....but to blame his infidelity on you is DISGRACEFUL!!! What a pig!!! I am 37 and I would expect a teenage boy to act in this way, not a man close to my age.

I do not have any miracle cure to help you through this...but you WILL get through this!! Hold your head up high...aim a swift kick up his ****....and don't give him a backward glance!

I was with someone for 7 years from 18 to 25 yrs old and he was an prize idiot. At the time, I could never imagine being without him, even though he didn't treat me right. I eventually realised that I had to break up with him for my own sanity...and it was the best thing I had ever done! When I think back now, it makes me shudder to think of him...yuk!! Nowadays, I would never allow someone to treat me in a bad way.

Stay true to yourself and someone will come into your life who shares the same dreams as you (kids etc)...I know it feels like your world is ending now but please believe me, the pain will fade and you will get through this as a stronger person.

Take care xxx

 

[Ember]

Having children alters everything in life as you know it to today. Children alter your pocketbook--(you can not feed 4 for the price of 2), alters your body (enough said on that), Your time is altered (how moms work and care for a household is sure a mystery to me), and it will most importantly alter ALONE time with you and husband.

Not sure if Patty has kids but this is VERY insulting to me.
Towards what is says in this quote I personally think that is you have kids
you might as well write "I personally wish mine were never born" cause I think to any other mother out on this board everything you wrote on that is false!!

I don't think you should be offended. What Patty said is true, children take time, money and effort. Having children with change your life and alter the dynamics of a marriage. They take a level of commitment that not everyone is willing to make. The fact the some people make that commitment with an open heart is what makes them good parents - like you.

But I don't think taking time to consider the emotional and financial impact of children is the same as wishing them of out existence. It's being responsible. Not everyone is a good parent, and people have children for a great many reasons. I actually wish more people would take the time to think about the impact having a child has, rather then just having them. As a teacher, I see a great many children who suffer because of parents who aren't willing to put them first, which is where they should be.

OP, I think children are a make it or break it type issue. If you know in your heart you'd like to be a mother then you'll grow resentful that the person you're with isn't allowing you to be one. And if you have a baby when he isn't fully committed then he'll grow to resent you for forcing it on him. I am so sorry you have to face this. Perhaps you could go to a marriage therapist with your partner. They might be able to help you both work out how you're feeling and how to best deal with the situation.

 

[DisneyBrideToni]

Im confused. An Ashley started the tread but a Brooke gave an update? Did you change your name? I am just trying to catch up.

 

[*Valdez*]

Im confused. An Ashley started the tread but a Brooke gave an update? Did you change your name? I am just trying to catch up.

I was actually thinking the same thing when I first read it today.

 

[DisneyDmbNut]

i don't want to feed it..but that isn't the only inconsistency

 

[disneychickforever]

I'm confused too...why update under another name though? That doesn't make sense.

Anywho. I agree with Ember, it's a make it or break it issue. Even if he did agree with you to have children later, he might get resentful of you, and that might reflect onto the children. I've seen it happen with friends I grew up with. Mom wanted the kid, dad didn't. Dad was a nice guy, but resented the children. So they ended up being abused....

Now I'm NOT saying your DBF is going to be abusive, So please don't take it that way, however, it doesn't sound like a good idea to stay with him if he is giving you this kind of ultimatum NOW. What if he doesn't agree with a big issue later, like money or where you live? He's not going to be willing to compromise then either probably.

However, the choice is ultimately yours. I hope you pick what's right for you. Keep us updated.

 

[Ember]

Im confused. An Ashley started the tread but a Brooke gave an update? Did you change your name? I am just trying to catch up.

Oh dear, I didn't even notice that! For some reason I didn't associate the update with the OP because I tend to watch the names... That's very odd.

 

[PEANUT1]

well I was going to say......"why not postpone the wedding until you get your feelings sorted out" but now I'll say "I'm sorry for your pain". He sounds to be very immature and a coward. I am glad you found out sooner than later.

 

[faeriegrl]

As a mom now and past Disney bride, I can tell you that if you feel like you may want children one day, don't marry someone that doesn't.

Children are life-changing and a huge commitment. I am a firm believer that if someone doesn't want children, they shouldn't have them. Kids aren't for everyone. They change your life in ways you can never imagine until you are a parent.

I'm sorry you're facing this but it's better now than after a wedding.

 

[dalepool]

Oh my word child you are so very wrong about me . Take a moment and let me take you back 30 years ago. I had been on fertility drugs for about 3 years at that time. Husband and I were offered to be put on the "Test Tube Baby List" ( now called invitro). We needed if I remember correct 15k to start the process then additional if funds should first time not take. Oh wait inbetween that I had 4 major surgery that included having a tube and ovary removed to give better chance of conceiving. All that seemed to work In 83 at the age of 32 we had a healty baby girl. Oh, wait let me add even being older I wanted 4 - 5 kids. Sweet, 2 years later I get pregnant again to miscarry at 6 months. And again to give us a better chance to have another child I again had surgery to remove a cyst. I woke up to find out I had ovarian cancer and would never have another child. Why on Gods green earth would you form an opinion about Me--- this poor girl asked for a few thoughts. Would I loved to have had more children you bet-- I request that you do not judge me for you know nothing about me.

Not sure if Patty has kids but this is VERY insulting to me.
Towards what is says in this quote I personally think that is you have kids
you might as well write "I personally wish mine were never born" cause I think to any other mother out on this board everything you wrote on that is false!!


As a mother I would not change it for the world Everyone is different and has different feeling on this topic. I can tell you that at the age of 23 I did not want kids. As a matter of fact everything else in the world was way more important to even think about kids. I come from a big family and I realized at about 25 that I was starting to have maternal instincts. I would look at kids very different. I did not plan to get pregnant at 26 but would never change the life I have now for what I had before. If you feel like you are starting to get maternal than nothing is going to change that. You both are on different paths in your lives. What are you going to do if you get pregnant like I did "not planned" and he then tells you to choose between the baby or him, then what? Look what I am trying to say is that if he loves you with or without the kids he is going to love you. Also about the age things my mother had me at 36 and my daddy was 44 and he was a daddy like any other daddy. So to be honest this is going to be a hard choice for you. Think about it before it is to late cause I also think he is being a little selfish not thinking about your feelings towards such an important matter.

Hope everything works out for you my heart goes out to you. Your heart will lead you to a correct choice...

 

[Ember]

Oh my word child you are so very wrong about me . .... Would I loved to have had more children you bet-- I request that you do not judge me for you know nothing about me.

 

[SandraVB79]

Aww..first of all, *hugs* for being in that difficult situation. My story was kind of opposite. When DF and I met I was anti-kids, anti-marriage, etc. My mother has been married/divorced 4 times, and she's only 44. I didnt want to go down that road. And I was at a point in my life, at 20 yrs old, that I didnt want to settle down, have heavy responsibility (like kids), and give up MY life for anyone else (kids, husband, etc). I wanted to be that head-strong indipendant travelling woman that wound up taking pictures for national geographic while living in South America somewhere. (I STILL dream about picking up and moving to Ecuador someday lol...I tell DF about it all the time. We've since compromised and decided we'll move from Florida to Europe when our future-children are grown..maybe England or Spain) But when I fell in love with him my mind absolutely changed. I couldnt WAIT to get married! And over time, my baby-clock started ticking..I realized I DID want children. I've since decided that I want to have 1 or 2, but to fulfill my giving-back-and-living-with-the-world-peace-corp mentality, I also want to adopt in the future. Anyhow, thats my story. It was compromise, on both of our parts. DF wanted marriage, and a family, I wanted independance and adventure...we realize we can have both in one lifetime...each decade can bring a new chapter to our story..and we can share what we BOTH want as individuals TOGETHER. Love is compromise. It always will be. I wish there was some way to make your DBF understand this. I can only imagine the pain you must be in to have to make a decision like this. But you have to be a bit selfish here...think about what YOU want. Talk openly with your DBF about ALL the possibilities. Would he be open to adopting an older child in the future? Would you be willing to wait 5-10 years to start a family so he can have his Non-Dad time? If there can be no compromise...you will have to go with your heart. You will always go through pangs of wanting children, then there will be weeks in a row where you swear you'll never have them! lol If you decide to leave your DBF, what will the future hold there? I don't believe in just ONE person for everyone. I really don't believe in 'made for each other' either. I think successful marriages realize that two people randomly meet and just love each other's faults, but that there is no such thing as 'in the stars'....marriage wouldnt be WORK if there were such a thing as soul mates. So maybe someone else is out there for you. I also believe we meet every person in our lives for a reason. Some are meant to be in our lives forever, and some are meant to teach us something about ourselves and then fade out of our lives. We've all been through long relationships with who we thought was 'the ONE'...only to marry someone else 5 years later. Go with your heart, don't worry about what anyone else thinks, and appreciate his honesty...even though it hurts.

I couldn't have said it any better.
Good luck with whatever you decide

 

[PEANUT1]

I think that as women it is very taboo to talk about the struggles of motherhood. YES it's hard and its ok to say it is. It doesn't mean you value your children or your life any less. Sorry to get off topic.

 

[ashley389]

Thanks for all the support. Sorry for the confusion, I didnt log my sister out, and log in on my own before updating everyone. She was the one who suggested I post this thread in the 1st place in the first place.

 

[disprincessatheart]

Best of luck to you - there's nothing more I can say that others haven't, but when you find the right one, you'll be so happy that you didn't waste any more time with the wrong one!

 

[Wild4Walt]

This is a difficult one, and one I understand completely.

I was married to someone who never wanted kids also. I was also OK with that. Our marriage ended for reasons other than the children issue.

I later became involved with a man 15 years old than I am and I can say he is totally the love of my life. We have been together for 7 years and it has been wonderful. At the beginning of our relationship we again had that discussion and since he has 3 grown children did not want to have more. At was still OK with this. About 3 years ago, the clock went off ( I am currently 38 ).

It was a very difficult time for me. I think I woke up and realized this is it. My odds of having a baby decreased each year. We discussed it together and decided it wasn't what we wanted to do.

The point is, you are going to have to communicate with him some of your doubts. See if you can come together and make that decision together. Don't expect him to change his mind down the line. It's not fair to him or the relationship. If after you talk, you want one thing and he wants another, then you have your answer.

 

[Disneyaddict1973]

Ugh, what a sin. Clearly, better things lie ahead for you my dear. Nobody deserves to be lied to, cheated on, and blamed for it.