I’m not new here but since this is a very personal post, I created a new profile. For people who have gone through a separation and divorce..how did you know your marriage was over? Was it a lot of little things or big things? My husband and I have been married 28 years. He suffers from depression and has since we were dating. He does take medication but nothing he’s taken seems to help. For the past year or so, he goes to work during the week and then sleeps the entire weekend. I am so alone. I’ve started dreading the weekends because of it. I will make suggestions for activities but he’s never interested. A year ago, I started going to the gym and it has made me feel so much better. He’s not interested. I’ve started dreading coming home, it’s like going from sunlight into darkness because of his mood. My birthday was in October and at the end of the day he handed me a bag from CVS with a birthday card. It didn’t have my name on it, no written message, just blank. We never exchange gifts but my heart broke. I felt like I didn’t matter enough to write any type of message. I’ve spent 28 years doing all the housework, shopping, cooking etc and I’m so tired. The thought of spending 20 or more years like this is unimaginable. I’m at the point I’d rather do stuff by myself. Our children are adults and I know they would be shocked if we divorced but not really. Does that make sense? They grew up with their dad’s depression and his temper. We’ve all walked on eggshells for years. I feel like I’m done.
For those that have been through this, how did you know that you needed to call it quits?
Your situation is a lot like mine was except it was my wife that had the depression (and more) and luckily it didn't start until we hit about 7 years in. At that time it was on and off, but as the years past it continued to progress until life felt awful. I often describe it as walking on eggs many, many times.
It got worse when my daughters went to college and by graduation they had acquired boyfriends that then over the next few years they both married. About 3 months after our youngest got married one day, out of the blue, I got home from work to find a note on the kitchen counter that just said "I have gone!" I checked and all her clothes were gone and I quickly went to the bank and saw that she had thankfully only taken 50% of our money out.
That was 29 years into our marriage. I am ashamed to say that I felt the weight of the world come off my shoulders and although I was angry that she would treat me like that after I spent so much money and my time trying to help her, I was relieved. I didn't know what was going to be next for me, I suspected that it wasn't that last I was going to hear from her and I was right. In a few days she came back to pick up a few things that she had forgotten and asked when I was going to sell the house so she could get her half. Since we had two mortgages on it due to a loan for her business that had to be closed and because she no longer wanted it there wasn't going to be a ton of money to get, but I told her that I wasn't sure yet what to do with the house yet. That made her angry and she came back to the house and took a few other items that weren't technically hers when I was at work, but if that was all it took I was OK with that.
Later my daughters informed me that she had told them that ' She just no longer wanted to be married. No other reason. It did take me awhile to get over the hurt and anger, but before long I found myself so much happier, my BP returned to normal and I started enjoying life. The fact of the matter was that I had been thinking about initiating a divorcing myself, she just beat me to it. Saved me a lot of guilt. But either way let me tell you, as far as we know, we only go around this planet once and to live in unhappiness and stress is no way to spend the only life we have.
I've had an opportunity to marry again, but I do not want to do that. I was 52 when she left and I am now 75 and do not regret how it turned out. Unfortunately she passed away about 8 years ago after having a stroke. Many times I have regretted not making the move myself when I was younger, but you can't go back in time so I'm just happy the the split happened and I'm sure in her way she was happier too. Mental illness is a very tough thing to deal with, but there is just so much you can do for someone that doesn't appear that they want to do anything about it, as was her case. You will find that it isn't all that terrible if the marriage no longer exists. For what time I have left I intend to enjoy my children and grandchildren and since 3 of them are at an age to make me the worlds youngest (in my mind) great-grandfather who knows it might even extend another generation while I'm still around. My point is that there are somethings that you cannot fix but you can let yourself enjoy what is left of your life, guilt free and happy. If there is no way to fix it, then move on.
's I really do not have any advice other than I would take a step, hopefully with your husband, with a therapist. You both may find it enlightening and helpful. I do wish you, and him, the best on this journey. 
