Do I invite the in-laws?

[SLThomas318]

So we did the obligatory grandparent trip with both sets of our parents. Both of our parents expressed wanting to "take the grandkids to Disney." We had already been going and owned DVC, so it was more of them coming along with us. Both trips had a lot of extra stress. My husband has already requested that our next few trips are just us and as the planner I agree! If this was something they were saying they were interested in doing then I'd say suck it up and go for it, but it doesn't sound like this is even on their radar? Add in the extra costs even with you gifting the room and it sounds like a recipe for disaster.

 

[Jack Kerouac]

So we did the obligatory grandparent trip with both sets of our parents. Both of our parents expressed wanting to "take the grandkids to Disney." We had already been going and owned DVC, so it was more of them coming along with us. Both trips had a lot of extra stress. My husband has already requested that our next few trips are just us and as the planner I agree! If this was something they were saying they were interested in doing then I'd say suck it up and go for it, but it doesn't sound like this is even on their radar? Add in the extra costs even with you gifting the room and it sounds like a recipe for disaster.

Knowing their personalities, it may very well not be on their radar. Knowing the relatively modest means, it was likely never a possibility. Growing up, they would take my wife and her brother to a hotel somewhere like Arizona and they just swam in the pool. Nothing fancy. So sometimes it’s difficult to separate the idea they did those vacations due to their desire to just relax and do nothing, or if a lack of money was the primary reason for the modest vacations.

 

[DonMacGregor]

I learned about 30 years ago not to spend any measurable time (like longer than an afternoon) with my MIL, in any environment other than her house or ours, or even better one of my sister's in law's houses. The ability to separate, immediately, is key...LOL As they say, distance makes the heart grow fonder. . Otherwise, she'd get cranky, making the DW cranky, and I'd be stuck dealing with both of them. If there were grandparent things to be done, we let the grands figure it out and plan it on their terms. She's 88 now and still loves me more than any of her other sons in law, so it must have been the right approach.

 

[CT Yankee]

This would be a hard pass for me. It really looks like they would not enjoy themselves and everyone would be miserable. Even getting around the resort can take some walking. Look for other opportunities for your kids to spend with their grandparents, or take a very short trip at another time after you have had the chance to get familiar with your DVC purchase.

 

[TiggerBouncy]

It’s a very personal question. I bought DVC because although it was easy for me to experience Disney, it was not easy for friends and family who would never have that kind of money. I bought DVC not for my memories, but so that I could give my family the kinds of memories you’re talking about… grandma and grandpa with their grandkids.

it can be difficult. My MIL was a heavy smoker and just wanted to go from smoking spot to smoking spot. Did few rides. Was unpleasant. But I grit my teeth and smiled knowing it was her one trip to Disney, but for me it was one of MANY.

In the end, did I enjoy it? Not really. But she still got her one time to see Disney (even if she complained, I still know it mattered), and the rest of the family appreciated their time with her before she passed away, so I have no doubt it was the right thing.

but again, that was why I bought DVC and I went into the trip knowing that.

 

[Jack Kerouac]

It’s a very personal question. I bought DVC because although it was easy for me to experience Disney, it was not easy for friends and family who would never have that kind of money. I bought DVC not for my memories, but so that I could give my family the kinds of memories you’re talking about… grandma and grandpa with their grandkids.

it can be difficult. My MIL was a heavy smoker and just wanted to go from smoking spot to smoking spot. Did few rides. Was unpleasant. But I grit my teeth and smiled knowing it was her one trip to Disney, but for me it was one of MANY.

In the end, did I enjoy it? Not really. But she still got her one time to see Disney (even if she complained, I still know it mattered), and the rest of the family appreciated their time with her before she passed away, so I have no doubt it was the right thing.

but again, that was why I bought DVC and I went into the trip knowing that.

I think that’s where my wife is at. This would be just the one time. I hesitate for many reasons to invite them on the first trip, mainly the fact this will be our first time going and we basically let my parents lead the trip in April. But I know we don’t have a lot of time left where they might be able to go with us.

 

[Jack Kerouac]

I learned about 30 years ago not to spend any measurable time (like longer than an afternoon) with my MIL, in any environment other than her house or ours, or even better one of my sister's in law's houses. The ability to separate, immediately, is key...LOL As they say, distance makes the heart grow fonder. . Otherwise, she'd get cranky, making the DW cranky, and I'd be stuck dealing with both of them. If there were grandparent things to be done, we let the grands figure it out and plan it on their terms. She's 88 now and still loves me more than any of her other sons in law, so it must have been the right approach.

My BIL likes to say distance makes the heart grow fonder for someone else.

 

[DaveNan]

If you ask them along, I think the partial stay approach makes sense. You can extend your stay a little while you shorten theirs. You could pre-plan 1-2 park days with them and 1-2 resort days with them. That way your kids and in-laws can have some relaxing pool time together. A Monorail resort loop, pool time, Disney Springs, maybe an ADR at another resort can fill up 2-3 days and is much easier with mobility issues. You can share with them that you want to spend some time with them, but also plan on at it pretty hard most days, so it might not be a longer vacation they would enjoy. A shorter stay for them, with some relaxing planned into their stay, is something they might enjoy more. You could have common travel plans with them on the front of back of the stay, so they would only be "traveling alone" one of the two legs. They still might decline, but this may keep peace in the family either way.

 

[_auroraborealis_]

It was a little more than five years ago for my oldest boy’s birthday. We went to the John Deere pavillion so he could climb on combines. That’s about all there is now.

Okay, understandable in that sense. Otherwise, I just cannot think of Moline as a destination, you know?

I went to a weird funeral there once.

 

[Jack Kerouac]

If you ask them along, I think the partial stay approach makes sense. You can extend your stay a little while you shorten theirs. You could pre-plan 1-2 park days with them and 1-2 resort days with them. That way your kids and in-laws can have some relaxing pool time together. A Monorail resort loop, pool time, Disney Springs, maybe an ADR at another resort can fill up 2-3 days and is much easier with mobility issues. You can share with them that you want to spend some time with them, but also plan on at it pretty hard most days, so it might not be a longer vacation they would enjoy. A shorter stay for them, with some relaxing planned into their stay, is something they might enjoy more. You could have common travel plans with them on the front of back of the stay, so they would only be "traveling alone" one of the two legs. They still might decline, but this may keep peace in the family either way.

I think that’s the way to go if we do invite them. Thanks!

 

[Jack Kerouac]

Okay, understandable in that sense. Otherwise, I just cannot think of Moline as a destination, you know?

I went to a weird funeral there once.

Yeah, it was fine for a two year old. His birthday is in February, so some combines and a indoor pool sufficed. We’ve never been back.

 

[nw6675]

It was a little more than five years ago for my oldest boy’s birthday. We went to the John Deere pavillion so he could climb on combines. That’s about all there is now.

As one whose family were farmers originating from and living in Bloomington, Clinton, and Heyworth, IL...I can completely relate to this. Don't let the naysayers laugh ....even though I did laugh at the "Oh my god" post...

 

[Jack Kerouac]

As one whose family were farmers originating from and living in Bloomington, Clinton, and Heyworth, IL...I can completely relate to this. Don't let the naysayers laugh ....even though I did laugh at the "Oh my god" post...

Before they closed it, my BIL did a lot of JD tractor restorations for the JD museum in Moline and major collectors around the US. That’s how I first came to find out about Moline.

 

[SleeplessInTO]

This is tricky. It’s not really about your in laws. It’s about your wife and her feelings.

I think if you can get her to come to the realization (on her own - this part is key) that this is a terrible idea, then that would be the best outcome. To that end perhaps do an outing like to the zoo or a local amusement park with the in laws?

If she still maintains that she wants to do this, then I would personally go along with it. Extend the invite, grit your teeth, remember to smile for the photo pass photographers, and just remind yourself “this is cheaper than marital counseling” for the duration of the trip.

Sounds like this will be a one and done. Do everything you can to make it a wonderful trip with your wife’s parents, for the sake of your spouse and your kids and the memories that everyone will cherish and selectively recall in future years.

 

[Jack Kerouac]

This is tricky. It’s not really about your in laws. It’s about your wife and her feelings.

I think if you can get her to come to the realization (on her own - this part is key) that this is a terrible idea, then that would be the best outcome. To that end perhaps do an outing like to the zoo or a local amusement park with the in laws?

If she still maintains that she wants to do this, then I would personally go along with it. Extend the invite, grit your teeth, remember to smile for the photo pass photographers, and just remind yourself “this is cheaper than marital counseling” for the duration of the trip.

Sounds like this will be a one and done. Do everything you can to make it a wonderful trip with your wife’s parents, for the sake of your spouse and your kids and the memories that everyone will cherish and selectively recall in future years.

You nailed it!

 

[joyjoy]

My MIL passed on every soccer game my middle son (he's five) had this past spring because she was sure the walk from the parking lot to the field would be too much for her.

So basically, she MIGHT make it from Tokelau to the bus stop. If you stop for a break.

Don't do it, man.

 

[Jack Kerouac]

So basically, she MIGHT make it from Tokelau to the bus stop. If you stop for a break.

Don't do it, man.

I’m laughing so hard at that!

 

[we"reofftoneverland]

My parents always invited their parents on vacation with us. I hated it when I was young and I hated it as an older kid. My parents hated it, although they “wanted” to ask them. My parents didn’t say they hated it, but I could tell. The problem was my parents were focused on their parents for my entire childhood. They never focused on us (the kids), and they never focused on each other. It was like my parents never grew up.

I vowed as a child that when I grew up, there would be no multigenerational family vacations. And I’ve stuck to that vow— we have the best vacations ever. Multigenerational Christmas, fine. Day trips, fine. Museum trips, shopping trips, fine. But there is nothing more miserable than an extended family at wdw or on a cruise or at a national park. I see those people all the time. And the parents are focused on the wrong generation. Focus on your wife and kids on vacation, not on your parents or her parents.

Sorry to all you multigenerational family vacationers out there, but it’s the truth. And deep down you all know it.

 

[Jack Kerouac]

My parents always invited their parents on vacation with us. I hated it when I was young and I hated it as an older kid. My parents hated it, although they “wanted” to ask them. My parents didn’t say they hated it, but I could tell. The problem was my parents were focused on their parents for my entire childhood. They never focused on us (the kids), and they never focused on each other. It was like my parents never grew up.

I vowed as a child that when I grew up, there would be no multigenerational family vacations. And I’ve stuck to that vow— we have the best vacations ever. Multigenerational Christmas, fine. Day trips, fine. Museum trips, shopping trips, fine. But there is nothing more miserable than an extended family at wdw or on a cruise or at a national park. I see those people all the time. And the parents are focused on the wrong generation. Focus on your wife and kids on vacation, not on your parents or her parents.

Sorry to all you multigenerational family vacationers out there, but it’s the truth. And deep down you all know it.

We did a lot of vacations with my dad’s parents. WDW, visits to Naples, things like that. They were wonderful people and it was a lot of fun. On my mom’s side, I hated vacations with her mom and step-dad. Mainly because my mom’s mom was very selfish and not very warm towards us grandkids.

While our trip in April with my parents was nearly free and they helped a lot at the parks with the boys, when we were at the resort, it seemed my dad often worked or went off by himself. I work with him, my brothers, and a couple of other people. He basically told my brothers and coworkers I would be available to work if needed and I would just have to leave the park and go to the resort to work. Staying at OKW made that a bit frustrating logistically. Thankfully my coworkers and brothers made an effort to leave me alone mostly.

One weird interaction was when we didn’t reserve Space Mountain correctly (my oldest son has ADHD so we can wait in lines via the app) my dad just walked away from us and rode Peoplemover alone. But he was happy to ride SM with us a half hour later. I did just hear from my sister this weekend that he did the same kind of things when they were taken by my parents.

Since April, my parents and I have agreed that now that my wife and I bought DVC, any future trips will be parallel trips, maybe meeting for a meal or a day at a park where we can see each other without feeling forced to be together the entire time.

 

[matt and beth]

My wife and I just closed on our first DVC contract yesterday and we are planning on staying at Poly for between six and nine nights in September 2023. My wife recently brought up the idea of inviting her parents along and provide them with a studio next to ours. We have more than enough points to stay in a lake view studio for nine nights during this time, but if we invite her parents, we would have to go for a week and stay in standard view studios. This would likely mean more park days and fewer resort days overall, which I'm not crazy about due to wanting to provide my three boys with plenty of time to swim, explore, and get rest from time to time. My parents took us this past April, so the boys have had a WDW experience with their other grandparents. My parents were a huge help on the trip, as my mom did a lot of the planning and she and my dad are active and healthy. I'm just concerned that my in-laws will make the trip more stressful and less fun than if we just went by ourselves. My MIL has mobility issues, neither FIL nor MIL want to go anywhere that is expensive or crowded (and they'll verbally complain about these things), neither are planners, and they prefer to turn in by 4pm to watch tv by themselves. I read a different post where she said her in-laws would just look at her in the parks, wondering what was next and never knowing where things were located because they didn't want to help plan anything prior to the trip. This would happen to me and my wife. I know my wife wants our boys to have memories with their grandpa and grandma, but I just have a difficult time seeing them coming away from a WDW vacation happy they went, and in turn, us happy they joined us. We would only provide the room, so they would have to pay for their plane tickets, park tickets, and food. Part of me thinks we should invite them knowing they are likely to decline due to the costs, walking, and crowds. In the past, we have done quieter weekend trips to places like Door County, WI and Moline, IL with them and they were usually ready to be left alone by day two. Is the magic of Disney powerful enough to overcome these travel differences? I don't want my wife thinking I'm unwilling to invite her parents to WDW, but I think shorter, closer trips would be easier with them. Anyone else travel to WDW with similar companions and have it work out well? Or never again? Thanks!

We did it with almost identical circumstances. Either offer “hey our first trip with DVC let’s do it just us.” Or suck it up let your wife and boys have the memories with their other grandparents too.