For those who remember Tinkerbell and eeyor update

[Wendy1985]

first red flag I saw was after pumpkin died my therapist said mom wanted me to venture out into the world

He hated the fact I was not home 24/7 the why did not make sense to me because we were always on two different ends of the house watching our own thing so I don’t see how that affected him

Just 20/20

When I stoped being so afraid and more independent he anger grew

I am not going to stop growing this dependent woman he has a crush on I wish her the best

 

[DisneyHardin]

No but I feel like it is very simple

YOU HAVE TO TELL HIM!!!!!

It sounds like your reasons for the separation are very well thought through and very valid reasons - no one on this thread seems to think that you should stay with him, but have to tell him that you are separating. You said you've been together 16 years - you owe him the courtesy of a conversation about what is happening. If you are afraid of how he will react, then have someone there with you, but you have to stop sneaking around behind his back making plans for his life without telling him what is going on.

 

[BlueStarryHat]

It doesn't seem to me...from OP's posts...that he is abusive physically, which often has the abuser isolating the person they're abusing, keeping them from friends and family, controlling their movements, etc. Verbal abuse can be terrible too, and it sounds like she's trying to get away from that aspect of their relationship more than the 'affair,' which seems to be not a physical one, and maybe not even reciprocated by the person her husband is interested in. I think leaving is a good idea. I also think that uprooting someone without their knowledge or consent, especially if he has a developmental disability, is a bad idea. He needs to be told, especially as it seems to me that *his* family knows what's going on and aren't saying anything to him, either. If that's true that's a massive betrayal on their part.

 

[disneychrista]

No but I feel like it is very simple maybe we are different then most couples we don’t have shared belongings
And things like a tv I believe either he is getting the living room one

Dining room table we are getting him one


Our bed can go from a king to a single because two different farm and mattress

So he has no clue that any of this is happening? He still thinks you are in a relationship? You are basically “ghosting” him. You owe him the decency of telling him that you no longer want to be in a relationship. You really need to sit down with him like an adult and tell him.

Everything you own, bought or were given as a couple is shared. Even if you can say you get this, I get that. All marital assets are shared.

 

[TheIncredibles!]

So he has no clue that any of this is happening? He still thinks you are in a relationship? You are basically “ghosting” him. You owe him the decency of telling him that you no longer want to be in a relationship. You really need to sit down with him like an adult and tell him.

Everything you own, bought or were given as a couple is shared. Even if you can say you get this, I get that. All marital assets are shared.

Marital assets will be few and far between as disabled individuals that are receiving support are not allowed to be worth anything beyond $2000 if they are with DDD and receiving any form of SSI.

Insert massive EYE ROLL for our government here....@@@@@@@@

 

[Sweetpancake]

I do remember you well! I know there will be better days ahead for you. Always listen to your heart but don't ignore your mind. You're taking care of yourself and that's what's important.

 

[SirDuff]

So he has no clue that any of this is happening? He still thinks you are in a relationship? You are basically “ghosting” him. You owe him the decency of telling him that you no longer want to be in a relationship. You really need to sit down with him like an adult and tell him.

Everything you own, bought or were given as a couple is shared. Even if you can say you get this, I get that. All marital assets are shared.

But they aren't actually married (not sure if "common law marriage" is a thing in her state - or any state), so not sure that applies?

Seems the thread is veering from providing advice about potential legal pitfalls into providing advice on morality/ethics (not quite sure what the right word is).

 

[Marrila]

But they aren't actually married (not sure if "common law marriage" is a thing in her state - or any state), so not sure that applies?

Seems the thread is veering from providing advice about potential legal pitfalls into providing advice on morality/ethics (not quite sure what the right word is).

It's not really a "morality" or "ethics" question when someone conspires to remove an adult from their home without their knowledge. This behavior can have real legal consequences.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

or any state)

It is in my state but I've already explained their mental disabilities would call into question the legality of it for my particular state as per state law it requires "both parties must have the capacity to marry, meaning that there's no legal impediment, or bar, to the marriage. This essentially means that the spouses can't be closely related, can't be married to someone else, must be old enough to marry, and must have the mental and physical ability to marry." (bolding mine).

While I have known individuals who have cognitive disabilities get married (my aunt being one of them who is autistic) and in my state it was a marriage with a license and not a common law so I'm not sure how that would even be handled.

However, under normal circumstances in my state a common law marriage is a legal marriage and would require a legal divorce and as such division of assets work the same as a traditional licensed marriage at least in my state.

I don't know if we all here remember what state the poster is located in but there are currently 15 states that recognize common law marriage in addition to D.C. however some states have stipulations on either when this occurred, what it applies to and other such things and may also have exceptions to the recognition with respects to mental capacity. Regardless of common law or not the OP should discuss legalities because this would still be an individual who has resided at the home.

 

[SirDuff]

It's not really a "morality" or "ethics" question when someone conspires to remove an adult from their home without their knowledge. This behavior can have real legal consequences.

Read what I quoted. No mention of legality (which has been covered). Only mentions of "ghosting" and "decency" and "being an adult".

 

[Marrila]

Read what I quoted. No mention of legality (which has been covered). Only mentions of "ghosting" and "decency" and "being an adult".

Well, it probably is adult behavior when one chooses to make legally responsible decisions.

 

[SirDuff]

It is in my state but I've already explained their mental disabilities would call into question the legality of it for my particular state as per state law it requires "both parties must have the capacity to marry, meaning that there's no legal impediment, or bar, to the marriage. This essentially means that the spouses can't be closely related, can't be married to someone else, must be old enough to marry, and must have the mental and physical ability to marry." (bolding mine).

While I have known individuals who have cognitive disabilities get married (my aunt being one of them who is autistic) and in my state it was a marriage with a license and not a common law so I'm not sure how that would even be handled.

However, under normal circumstances in my state a common law marriage is a legal marriage and would require a legal divorce and as such division of assets work the same as a traditional licensed marriage at least in my state.

I don't know if we all here remember what state the poster is located in but there are currently 15 states that recognize common law marriage in addition to D.C. however some states have stipulations on either when this occurred, what it applies to and other such things and may also have exceptions to the recognition with respects to mental capacity. Regardless of common law or not the OP should discuss legalities because this would still be an individual who has resided at the home.

I think Florida?

True, but what I quoted (and what I was responding to), specifically refers to martial assets. I was questioning (because I don't know the rules there - I had thought that the idea of common law marriage was less common in the US than Canada), whether the marital assets rule would come into play here. Or is it just "room mate"/"cohabitant" type rules (which, of course, still prevent the OP from just locking her partner out of the house).

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I think Florida?

True, but what I quoted (and what I was responding to), specifically refers to martial assets. I was questioning (because I don't know the rules there - I had thought that the idea of common law marriage was less common in the US than Canada), whether the marital assets rule would come into play here. Or is it just "room mate"/"cohabitant" type rules (which, of course, still prevent the OP from just locking her partner out of the house).

In my state marital assets are treated the same regardless of common law or license marriage, it's a legal marriage and requires a legal divorce. You have the same rights in that respects. It does depend on state law just what is and isn't common law for the states that recognize it, what protections are there, what qualifications, etc. I want to say my state is one of the very few that don't put as much restrictions on it. My best friend's mother was in a common law marriage, I've known another couple although very casually that is in one but by in large it's not all too common probably.

I don't believe common law is recognized in FL if that's the state the OP is in. But I get the topic of conversation there however moot it probably is. Even then though with talking about cohabitation there would be shared belongings that the OP couldn't just unilaterally decide to keep and just unilaterally decide what is only the ex's and take that stuff elsewhere that could amount to theft of belongings. That sort of stuff could easily end up in civil court or depending on the items and laws criminal court. Like let's say they both chipped in for a couch the OP may not be able to just say "that's mine" if purchased by both people for shared purposes.

IDK lots of this depends on even the county/city one is in. I agree with you about the marital assets talk in the sense of thinking about it from a divorce standpoint but I don't also know how shared possessions would work here in so much as to determine who has the "right" to what items.

 

[disneychrista]

Read what I quoted. No mention of legality (which has been covered). Only mentions of "ghosting" and "decency" and "being an adult".

And I stand by comments. It is wrong to end a marriage/committed relationship by moving out or moving the person out without even discussing it with said person.

 

[Wendy1985]

Thanks all for the support everything went smoothly

 

[BlueStarryHat]

Thanks all for the support everything went smoothly

What went smoothly?

 

[Wendy1985]

What went smoothly?

Phase one moving him to a temporary home he took it better than anybody thought he won’t mind partly better than I thought he would

 

[BlueStarryHat]

Phase one moving him to a temporary home he took it better than anybody thought he won’t mind partly better than I thought he would

So it was a complete surprise to him, then.

 

[Wendy1985]

So it was a complete surprise to him, then.

I get that 1. My communication skills suck
2. You guys are not with me all the time like my offline friends are

It took me longer then it should have to figure out what makes him angry it is not s natural reason to get made at someone

The more I grew as a person the anger he got I get we both have disabilities but what normal person gets angry at a persons growth

he even stated that he caused my night terrors because every time I would grow he would get angry

It is not that I neglected him he just saw that I no longer needed a care giver I am fine with that and when she grows up like I did I wish her the best of luck. Ex dh did not want a relationship and once I started growing and making offline friends he got insure

 

[Wendy1985]

Btw you guys are the only one Les that se me as a villain so that tells me my communication skills need work

You guys just care about hus rights not my safety