flyingdumbo127
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Sep 9, 2014
We are indeed here for you Rodeo. Thank you for allowing us to be. Hug and God Bless you and your family.
Lol, Snowflakey! I know what you mean. I sort of feel like it's the end of the story too. Kind of in my real world too. I have this sense of 'ok, now what?' I want to keep posting because I found a lot of support here but really, how much do people really want to hear about me trying to learn what pool chemicals are needed, how the house purge is going (not too quickly for sure!), if my kids earn any credits this semester and whether or not we prevail on the bank insurance issue. As IRL, people move on, as they should, because life does.
Your DIS friends are always here to listen.
Rodeo, continuing to send prayers to you all. I also hope this thread will give you some comfort. Things have happened so quickly & I am sure you are in shock. Having this thread as a timeline might help you later as you process everything you all went thru.
I've been reflecting on something all day, and I hope it's OK to share. Since Rodeo first posted, countless people have come together on this thread. We don't the color of each other's skin, how we vote, who we sleep with, what God we worship, etc. And it hasn't mattered -- at all -- because we have been united in our shared compassion, our empathy, our humanity. How amazing that such beauty can be found even in tragedy.
Rodeo, I see this thread as a powerful tribute to your husband, to you, to your family and to the love that will live on. Continued prayers for peace and comfort.
I think everyone in attendance - we ended up with just over 80 who came, felt that it was completely in keeping with DH's personality and what he would have wanted. The morning was a little chaotic, with neither of the kids helping out with the chores I'd asked them to do. I had to stop getting ready midway through to vacuum the house because DD took three hours to get herself ready. DS eventually got up and did the main floor bathroom as asked but it was kind of a half @ssed job. I had to do another once over when we got back and before people started arriving. So, we started the day out bickering. Once we arrived, though everything was fine.
DD started crying when I got up to announce the tribute dance to our wedding song. I couldn't look at her once I saw her starting or I wouldn't have made it through what I wanted to say. The dance was just beautiful. I can't remember if I mentioned it but our first dance was to Frank Sinatra's "Fly Me to the Moon". A good friend of DS's who he competes with and his partner did the tribute. He wore black costuming and her gown was white with some blue and purple detailing. They looked like a bride and groom and their dance was just such a lovely foxtrot. They're very high level competitors and it matched - or actually beat anything you'd see on DWTS! I was so happy with it! I wish I'd taken my phone up to the podium but I forgot and DD was still crying so no one filmed it. I think my brother may have filmed some clips but he hasn't sent them to me yet.
My brother then started the ball for anyone who wanted to get up and say a few words and we had about five people who chose to do so - funny stories and one both funny and touching.
DS decided he wasn't going to dance. He almost did. His friend who danced walked over to him as one of his school friends was asking him to and heard DS say sure - give me $5 and I'll dance. His dance buddy said I'll give you $20. It became a thing and more and more people upped the $$ value and DS got more and more reluctant. In the end he said he just wasn't up for it. He had been crying earlier while watching the photo slideshow and I think that just set his tone for no. He said later he wanted to but just didn't feel in the right frame of mind. He did however, when most of the guests had left, take his girlfriend up to try and teach her salsa.
Afterwards, we packed up the leftover sandwiches (all the pizza and sliders went quickly - the pizza being another thing that DH had insisted on for the midnight table at our reception.) We took it all back to my house and some of my closer friends came back for drinks and leftovers. DS's dance partner and her parents were there and came back. DS had a large group of friends come also and then after a while, they all wanted to go to the coffee shop where they normally hang out, so she asked to go too. I was happy to see that as she will be staying with us for a week in August before a big comp. Her family will spend the summer on the east coast and she is coming back to stay with us so they can practice before we travel to the comp. She'll be staying in our room so I was glad to see it evolving to a friendship as well as partnership. She gets along with DD also which is great! The last of our friends left at about midnight, so it was a long and tiring day, but it gave me what I needed. Well almost - aside from having him back.
Good plan - it's good to move slow(ish) and take things a little at a time because you never know how or when your feelings might evolve to send you in a slightly different direction. As to the reno v.s. house value, I'd urge you to talk to a realtor and see if you might just get as much for it as-is as you would after you put a bunch of money and work into it. It sometimes goes that way especially if a market is cooling.This is so true, focusondisney! I reread the thread today because I was forgetting when certain things happened. Now I'm glad I posted it for more that the original reason. I'm really happy to have that reference now when I start looking back at it all. Every post took me right back to the day I wrote it and actually this helps me process it all.
This also struck me again today as it did then. Also true - none of the differences people normally find to bicker about matter. It didn't matter as everyone was being so supportive and that drives home how it really doesn't matter at all. In the end we will all have gone through similar struggles whether early or later in life, losing parents, siblings, spouse, children. Everyone will have their own journey with grief and it's so heartwarming to see the compassion and care shown here - to me, to excited family and everyone who shared their own stories of loss.
OK - I appreciate those still following along. When I think about it, I actually don't really want to let this thread die. It's been a lot of things to me. Sanity, dumping ground, grief counselling, support and now a link to DH and my last weeks with him. So I guess now planner, journal? I don't know what to call it now, but it remains really helpful and important to me.
One of my dad's cousins brought a thumb drive with video clips from our wedding to the Celebration. He is a semi professional videographer - although I never knew he took video that day - and I'm looking forward to watching it. When I have a strong day.
My SIL helped me before they left by "basement shopping." Their kids are about a decade younger than mine. For this trip up they flew to Buffalo and rented a vehicle large enough to take some things back home with them so they spent a day going through all of those boxes my kids never unpacked once we moved in here. They loaded that SUV right up and that was a little kick start to me to get going. Not that I have yet - but I'm somewhat more motivated to do so now. They are coming back in August and she said she will take the whole week they are here and help me with the purge, so that will help me push on through also. My current plan is to have the house purged by the end of the year. In the new year we'll move over to my parent's house (they live right behind and over one house with a gate between our yards) and I'll start the prep for showing the house. Paint, bathroom remodel and the basement needs new carpet and lighting. Hopefully we can be ready to list it around March or April and hopefully the housing prices don't drop too much between now and then. Our area has had huge gains in housing prices over the past few years but in the last year or so it has cooled somewhat. Our area and street/location on the street (last house on a dead end next to a forest) is still quite desirable so I'm hoping that holds for another year!!
I agree 100% with speaking to a realtor! A neighbor of mine just spoke to one about selling her house which is right on a lake. She discussed the updates she wanted to do and the realtor told her not to do any of it. Save yourself the time and money if you can!Good plan - it's good to move slow(ish) and take things a little at a time because you never know how or when your feelings might evolve to send you in a slightly different direction. As to the reno v.s. house value, I'd urge you to talk to a realtor and see if you might just get as much for it as-is as you would after you put a bunch of money and work into it. It sometimes goes that way especially if a market is cooling.