How much influence did you have on your child’s college choice?

[PollyannaMom]

We've definitely been part of the process - I helped DS filter the mail that came in, research a bit, and narrow the choices down. Then he pared them down further after visiting some and talking with his current teachers. Once acceptances and financial offers came, we talked with him about options/what we can afford, but the final decision is his.

Technically, he's narrowed it down to two, but I think he's really pretty sure about one - just officially waiting until he sees it one more time at Accepted Students' Day this weekend. I was really quite happy with either of his top two choices (for different reasons) but I'm still kind of glad the decision process is almost over.

 

[mnrose]

The choice of college was left to my kids....although I probably would have exercised "veto" authority had they chosen wildly inappropriate colleges (either bad reputation, or cost). The way it worked here was we told them exactly how much we were willing to contribute to their college education, and said "anything beyond that number is on YOU...so choose wisely." Together, we filled out many many "net cost calculator" things on college websites, basically any school in which they were remotely interested. That helped them narrow down the options pretty quickly to affordable choices. And, from there, they toured a few. I did not steer them to any particular schools. They both chose schools appropriate for their interests and majors. They both made a SINGLE application. They both were accepted before Thanksgiving their senior years. No muss. No drama. No fuss. Seriously, it CAN be done.

ETA: I saw no reason to have my kids apply to school beyond our ability to pay. Our financial position is such that they do not qualify for one dime of "needs based" aid....anywhere. Not.one.dime. Yet, there is no way we could "afford" the pricier options (even though the FAFSA people *think* we can....LOL). I shared that opinion with them freely....they could apply, but it would have cost them enormously in terms of loans. As it is, both my kids will graduate with zero debt.

 

[elphaba91]

We provided very little input with our oldest three. We supported their right to make the decision and kept what we thought to ourselves.

Our dd (15) is a high school sophomore and ready to verbally commit to a college. My husband and I and her coaches think it's too early to make a decision. Finances don't come into play because the school has offered her a full scholarship. The coach has given her only a day to decide, which is putting a tremendous amount of pressure on her. Initially, she wanted to keep her choice a secret from us and we'd find out when she signed her NLI in September. I was fine with this at first, but I'm really not happy with how this school is going about recruiting her. Lots of red flags. She's in way over her head (heck I feel like I'm in over my head too, thus the question) and now I'm questioning at what level we intervene. She's also got several other good colleges that were going to meet with her at the end of the month at her next tournament. I think the hard part is that the school is everything she wants, but again, she's only a sophomore and still has time to make thoughtful decisions. Any advice?

I’m only really familiar with the rules for NCAA gymnastics, so it may be different for her sport, but I thought that colleges weren’t allowed to actively recruit athletes with phone calls, official visits, etc. from their junior year and that the NLI isn’t signed until senior year.

 

[slpeters]

I don't really recall my parents being involved. I mean I knew they were not in a position to contribute much, but beyond that I was pretty much left to make my own decisions. I applied to four schools: Harvard, Yale, Princeton and Brown. My Mother read my application essays and helped me prep for all the interviews but beyond that kept her opinions to herself. In retrospect, looking at the schools I applied to the more cynical part of me wonders if they figured I wouldn't get into any of them so there was no point crushing my dreams early. LOL. But I like to think that if they thought my application choices would leave me without anywhere to go at all they would have said something. I guess I'll never know their thought process at this point beyond supporting my decisions. It all worked out so I guess there's that...

 

[lifesavacation]

I’m only really familiar with the rules for NCAA gymnastics, so it may be different for her sport, but I thought that colleges weren’t allowed to actively recruit athletes with phone calls, official visits, etc. from their junior year and that the NLI isn’t signed until senior year.

We made an unofficial visit and participated in a “clinic” which is how the school circumvented the ncaa rules. They can’t contact her directly until 9/1 of her junior year. All contact has been through her coach except on the day of the clinic. Thus the less than 24 hours we were given. This whole thing is very confusing because of the recruiting rules.

 

[aejammers]

We made an unofficial visit and participated in a “clinic” which is how the school circumvented the ncaa rules. They can’t contact her directly until 9/1 of her junior year. All contact has been through her coach except on the day of the clinic. Thus the less than 24 hours we were given. This whole thing is very confusing because of the recruiting rules.

Dont commit to anything yet. If one school is doing such a hard sell now, when they really aren't supposed to, dont you think there will be many more schools interested next year when they are "legally" allowed? Why would you not wait to see what other offers might be forthcoming during junior and senior year?

 

[lifesavacation]

Dont commit to anything yet. If one school is doing such a hard sell now, when they really aren't supposed to, dont you think there will be many more schools interested next year when they are "legally" allowed? Why would you not wait to see what other offers might be forthcoming during junior and senior year?

Agree with every word and we’ve told her so. My daughter, however, is ready to commit tonight. My husband is going to lose his mind if she does. We both feel it’s a big mistake, as does her current coach. She’s not listening to any of us. So do we back off and let her make her own college choice, do we intervene, can we even intervene? I’m looking for some advice. I have no idea how to handle this one.

 

[wenrob]

Agree with every word and we’ve told her so. My daughter, however, is ready to commit tonight. My husband is going to lose his mind if she does. We both feel it’s a big mistake, as does her current coach. She’s not listening to any of us. So do we back off, do we intervene, can we even intervene? I’m looking for some advice. I have no idea how to handle this one.

She’s 15, I would think you’d have to agree for her to commit. From what I’m reading a verbal commitment is not binding for her OR the school making the offer. If that coach leaves the school she would be SOL. As her parent you have every right to intervene. It’s your job to guide her. You and your DH don’t feel right about it, her coach doesn’t feel right about it. You are all adults who have experience developing an instinct about things, she doesn’t. If she were 17-18 I’d say mind your own but she’s not, she’s 15.

 

[tvguy]

Both my kids got the final say.
DD is 4 years younger than her brother. He looked at 4 Colleges, and made his choice after a lot of going back and forth.
She looked at 3. Funny thing is, she did a whole lot more homework on Colleges than her brother, and her first choice was NOT as advertised or as it seemed before she got there. It was a California State University. She came back on her Easter break with a game plan to come back home the next year for Community College, transfer to the local California State University, spend one year in England going to school. We understood what a mess her first California State University was, when she tried to get credit at the second California State University for the classes she took at the first. She had a very good counselor at the second University, but she was honest, she had no idea what some of those classes were, let along where to try and get credit for them.

 

[aejammers]

Agree with every word and we’ve told her so. My daughter, however, is ready to commit tonight. My husband is going to lose his mind if she does. We both feel it’s a big mistake, as does her current coach. She’s not listening to any of us. So do we back off and let her make her own college choice, do we intervene, can we even intervene? I’m looking for some advice. I have no idea how to handle this one.

You have to explain to her that if one college is interested this year, there will be many more interested junior and senior year. And this particular college will still be interested too. In fact, they will probably be more interested once there is competition. Tell her not to settle. Unless this is her dream school, there is no reason to commit to anyone 3 years early.

 

[Poohforyou]

We were pretty upfront with our daughter on how much we could/would spend on college. She knew if she wanted to go to a private college she'd have to choose ones that would give her new merit scholarships.

Besides that we were a sounding board but let her decide.

 

[DISNEY1975]

Pretty much it was my choice. Thy picked 5 schools, I picked "the one" Luckily neither son wanted to move too far, so I didnt have to insist on staying local (though we are from MA with tons of great schools). Then it came down to which school offered the right courses with the right financial plan. Since I was paying, I feel I had the right to decide on how much (or what school was worth what). Both went to a private high school. Although I cringed at the tuition cost, it actually saved me in the end because both ended up with good sized grants and scholarship funding for college. Both graduated debt free. Both have jobs. My youngest bought a car and a house within 2 years of graduating. My oldest...just a car He, a teacher, is still home with me but saving his $$ and will be fine. I work with some "kids" fresh from college who basically give their paychecks to the government each month. It will take 10+ years to pay it off. I guess Im fortunate to be able to pay (thus the 4 years of no vacation in between my 2011 and 2015 Disney trips!!), but I strongly encourage anyone without ability to pay while going to school to really consider the lowest cost option.

 

[lovin'fl]

Probably a lot. My twin DDs were playing a competitive sport, going to college camps and showcases. We were also about to move down south so they did camps down south and those coaches weren't too interested nor were my DDs very stoked about those schools. So we also did regular tours at schools they were interested in (in the south). They did like some. But were wishy washy about picking where they liked (like sometimes they said they liked one and sometimes they said they didn't like that same one and one DD loved one that was way out of our price range so we told her a flat no to that one).

Meanwhile their team was doing showcases up north (as we lived up north at the time) and they got recruited by a northern college. They didn't really like it. But DH and FIL had their hearts set on them continuing their sport. I just told DDs that they may regret not playing in college. That they needed to really think about it and if they knew they didn't care to play anymore and really wanted a college that they wouldn't play to chose that and not worry what their dad felt (he'd get over it). I think they chose the school out of guilt anyway. But didn't really want to go there or even play ball anymore. They quit the team after the 1st year.

I had in my mind that they could transfer if they didn't like it. They didn't like it pretty much right away and I would remind them they could transfer. One DD got involved with Firefighting and that became a second family to her and she loved it (and is now also doing EMT). She had a scary roommate at first and hated that but once she was free of that roommate and then heavily involved at the firehouse then she was happy there and still is (end of 2nd year now, really 2.5 years because they graduate a semester early). Other DD wanted to transfer down near where we live now. She began the transfer but just didn't follow through. SHe is still kind of miserable (hates her roommates, hates her adviser, hates the cold snowy weather, hates the food, hates some classes and professors...). But she's going for teaching and now has 2.5 years under her belt and much of it won't transfer as teaching classes are based by state (different laws and policies and what not????)> That's what she tells me.

We are paying so we did need to have some input but I wish we didn't influence so heavily. I wish we stood back a little more and let them truly decide what they wanted. Though they usually have no problem clearly and assertively stating their wishes (or wants) to us so I really don't think they knew decisively what they wanted.

 

[Skippy918]

My parents had some input. They, especially my mom didn’t want me going too far away. My mom thought 3 hours by car was far. They took me to college visits and then helped with narrowing down based on the aid packages.
I am sure I will have some input when my kids start applying. Cost will likely be a big factor.

 

[design_mom]

My oldest is a senior this year, so we're going through the college selection process right now. We have been pretty fortunate that we've been able to talk things through with minimal drama. He of course had lots of input about what he wanted to study, what else he was looking for in his college experience. We had some frank discussions about cost vs. benefit and what we could afford to contribute, suggestions on things to consider when making the decision, and a couple of "have you considered XYZ's program?," etc. We ended up with 4 mutually acceptable options. The final decision among those options is his alone.

I would also be very leery of having a sophomore commit to anything college-wise. Even if it was her "dream school" and she thought she knew what she wanted to study, etc. I'd still be leery.

 

[SteveH]

I have 2 boys, the first we didn't give much influence over after he picked his top three. Our youngest had his first choice and we exercised our veto power after some of the BS the college pulled dealing with a Veterans Day event. We told him he could go, but our portion of the funds we would help with would be eliminated. After he did some more research in to the college he agreed and changed his to another university. I hated to veto it, but I just could not knowingly support that college. Three years later now we had to bring him home after 2 years, he completing his work at our community college and looking to transfer back to a University, he's doing a lot more research this go around and his top 3 are all good with us.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

If our childred wanted to go somewhere that was just too incredibly expensive, we would have said so. Besides that, we let them pick their colleges. We helped them with questions and provided advice and stuff, but it was their choice.

 

[goofy4tink]

My dd graduated college in '16. When she was looking at schools, we went with her. We talked about each school and what it had to offer as well as cost. She looked at in-state colleges, as well as some private ones. When it came down to the nitty gritty, we told her that if she chose a state college, we would foot the bill. But if she chose a private college, we would pay what the state school cost and she would have to be responsible for the rest. We wanted her to have a great college experience, so she needed to be happy with her choice. She chose a private college, where she had a wonderful four years. BUT..she now has student debt! When she got to her senior year, she told me that she probably should have gone to the state college!!!!

 

[MGMmjl]

Back when I started college in 2002, there was only one school in my state that offered an undergraduate degree in the major I was interested in (meteorology). I wanted to stay in-state, so that made the choice pretty easy for me. My parents let me know how much they could provide financially. I did start out with 2 years at a community college to get the basics out of the way, and I had a full scholarship there, so that helped out a lot financially.

My wife and I have a one year old son, so it will be a while before he is in college. I know we will discuss his choice of colleges with him (and any future kids) when the time comes. But I think we will try to be more of an influence on the choice of a major. I am very lucky and blessed to have a job in my field. Of the 13 students I graduated with, only 1 or maybe 2 others have a job in the meteorology field that I know of. I think we'll try to steer our kids toward majors that have a lot of job potential. There was a study that was released right after I graduated, and it said there are somewhere around 200 entry level meteorology jobs in the US and around 2000 graduates in a given year. Not the best odds.

 

[soccerdad72]

From what I’m reading a verbal commitment is not binding for her OR the school making the offer. If that coach leaves the school she would be SOL.

NLI's are not binding in any direction - my older son has a classmate who 'committed' to a particular school for football, but ended up with a knee injury in one of the last games of the season. The school he had committed to pulled the scholarship offer, so he ended up signing a second NLI to another school that had recruited him as well.