I ahve a 12 yr old step-daughter. She has been asking to live with us forever. We were going to deal with things in the spring when we had the money mroe available but things happened and we had to do it now to make life easier on her. (There goes the rest of our money for Christmas plus more that we didn't have right now)]made an appt wiht a lawyer to amke evrything legal and then my DH talked to hi Ex. She said if she says it to her face then she will let her come live with us, easier than we thought.
We talked to the lawyer and then DH went to DD's house and talked with her where she told her mom she wanted to move. Her mom then proceeded to freak out on her telling her if things were so horrible and she was unhappy she should have told her. She was screaming and crying and such that my DH took DD out of the house to talk with her. It was decided that on December 26th, she would move in with us. Now coming to today, DH went to Exes house to get her to sign the papers to let her move and Ex tells us DD has changed her mind. She is no longer moving in with us.
Now we did not do this on a whim. DD ahs told us for at least the last 7 months that she wants to move. Apparently, she has been telling her mom all along how unhappy she is when she is here. I have no dount she has been telling her mom this but doubt the truth behind it. her mom is a very manipulitive person and I believe that DD is telling her what she wants to hear. Ex has personally told my DH that she wonders what it would be like for them to be back together and we know she is so upset becasue he did so well in life after the divorce and she is doing very poorly.
Ex feels like we should be buyig clothes for DD for her house and we already bring and pay for all medical stuff. her Dr's are up near us since Ex won't take her. We pay all the co-pays and for everything else she needs. The last pair of new glasses DD has needed was the first time we got Ex to pay for anythn and then she paid half but wouldn't take DD to pick them up so they could be fitted to her face. they sat for 2 weeks waiting. meanwhile DD had been having headaches for months since her glasses were not working for her.
We have had many issues over the years with how Ex treats DD at ehr house and also how we are treated whenever we want to take her when we want her more than just the weekend, especially in the summer. If we ask, Ex says they have something planned but then DD just ends up sitting at home and doing nothing. She tells us about it when she comes the next weekend. Along wiht being left home alone since she was 9 yrs old (she lives in a city where it is not safe to do that nevermind against the law). There have been many more personal things that are just wrong in our eyes. is not allowed to do after school activities and is not allowed anywhere but school and home during the week. Mom doesn't want to pick her up afterwards although she is home anyways.
okay, so now thT ex has said the DD has changed her mind, she is not moving Dh is veyr upset. he thinks that DD ahs played him and is just trying to manipulate him when she tells us stories about Exes house. I try talking to him about it cuz even though it's his DD it's all of our lives that this is gong to mess up. I think that he should just continues wiht the lawyer and go for DD to live with us. I think Ex had a lot of influence since Tuesday on changing DD mind and that DD's decision was just one of the factors in deciding to take EX to court and we shouldn't give up. DH is upset and DD and now at me cuz I want to talk about it and still do it. There is no convincing him of anything though. Now he is mad at me for suggesting anything and I am upset with him for giving up so easily and refusing to even discuss it. I ahte being mad at him and now I am mad at DD for doing this to him.don't even want her in my house if she is going to be like this. I am supposed to be taking both of the girls to see tha Cheetah girls tonight but I don't want to be around SDD at all!
If anything Ex said about ehr saying things to her mom about this house, then on't want he at my house evere again. If she hates it so much then oh well!, she doesn't have to come here anymore.t is, if i believe Ex, who is not known for telling the truth. SDD stays with her mom, she is going to end up just like her.h already sees it in her and that lifew will not be good for DD. At 12, SDD is known for explosive crying fits to try to get what she wants or sympathy from us if she does something she is not supposed to do. She is sucha sweet girl for the most part and just wants a happy life where she can join Girl Scouts and do after-school activities.
Am I wrong to be pushing this with my DH?? he is not a talker but I think he is giving up too easliy. I ahve no doubt that if SDD were asked again this weekend that ehr mind would change yet again, nevermind all of the things in her life that would change for the better if she lived here.
Oh, and in case you think that she changed her mind just so she wouldn't have to leave her school friends and stuff, Ex is moving anyways so SDD has to do that all anyways. I know Ex has been saying how she'll never get to see her mom if she lives here but Ex would ahve half of all vacations and every other weekend. SDD said she wants to live with her mom for the school year but live with us for the summer. I said no way!! It's either all or it continues like it is. She either wants to live here or she doesn't. In the summer, it would be just me and all 4 kids and I dont' want to be a round SDD who tells her mother how rotten I am and that she hates her brothers and even our dogs.
What would you do???
(Sorry this got so long!)