Just back from alimony court and owe husband

[Pop Daddy]

This is such a double standard!

your right, it is with me, but Im old school. I feel even with are "equal society", a man still has to be a man, and he isnt being one.

 

[RealMickeysGirl]

I would contact the worker's comp company and let them know what you know about the things your husband is doing. I would also hire a very good P.I. to catch him doing these things. Refile and take the footage in front of the judge.

I bet that if she contacted the worker's comp people, they would investigate him (pi and all) and she wouldn't have to spend the money on an investigator. Same with the ssi office - they have people on the payroll to investigate people like him.

 

[barkley]

the thing that bothers me so is that he CHOSES to follow thru with workers comp suit..........He CHOSE to not let it go (it is NOT like he lost a limb or 50% disability)........and re-train himself and try to work and earn $$$ for the family. Son at home at time of injury. He never liked to work. He will and can mow the lawn, move things out of garage to paint.......do stuff in the back yard but will hide so no one can catch him. I am sick of that......I had to leave , I could not live like that or with him anymore. And because of this injury he cannot work now for rest of life full time? he cannot do SOMETHING fulltime........He ChOSES to try and get disability. not work as much as possible. He NEVER liked to work.
I was married to him for 26 years, I think I know him.
I am sorry, as I said, this is too fresh and I am very bitter.
Thank you so much for allowing me to vent here. This is all I want and need is to vent. No judging .......no cures..........just tips on how to budge my $$$ hahahahha Make $200 turn into $400, you know....magic!! pixie dust!!!!!

i suspect he is not going to get his social security. that 15% disability figure was probably the determinination of the qme for worker's comp and won't play any part in his ss app. to get ss disability you have to be totaly disabled. it does'nt matter if you used to be able to work at a much higher paying job and now your disability only permits you to work at a lower pay-the bottom line is your inability to work in ANY profession. ss will let you earn a small amount each month once granted but that's a tool they use to see if someone can work and they will evaluate the fact that he's apparantly been doing some kind of payed work since his 'disability' commenced.

there are lots of people who get worker's comp and then when it runs out california state disability insurance-but then when they apply for ss they find themselves totaly locked out.

op-one thing you need to do is contact the social security administration and advise them of the existence of your son (if he's a minor) and that he resides with you. if your ex has enough quarters in the ss system and he somehow gets granted straight social security disability (vs. ssi) you son would receive a portion of his father's allotment each month (and if your ex has appealed, and wins-your son would get retroactive payments from the date of the original application that was appealed).

 

[maelstrom]

I think alimony is a dumb thing to start with. I can see paying child support; those are your children no matter what and you should help pay for them to be raised. However, your spouse isn't your spouse anymore once you get divorced, so I don't see why it's your problem.

 

[PaulaSB12]

Using that logic women who are 100% capable of working but haven't because they've stayed home with their children shouldn't be able to "milk the system," and be supported by their ex-husbands at all after a divorce.

Equal rights go both ways if the law says that the husband is due the money why shouldn't he get it? If a divorced wife is due the money they have the same legal rights to it.

 

[Amlee]

I bet that if she contacted the worker's comp people, they would investigate him (pi and all) and she wouldn't have to spend the money on an investigator. Same with the ssi office - they have people on the payroll to investigate people like him.

I'm sure they would. But the resason I suggested she hire one, is just in case the WC people wouldn't let her use their tape.

Also if I was a judge in this case and someone brought proof that the spouse was able to do things he or she was claiming not to be able to do, then I would take that under major consideration in my ruling. Even if the WC people didn't do something.

 

[Mayl]

If you owe, you owe

Not about gender and there should not be a double standard in place due to this..

Sorry, but I do not have sympathy because the OP was a female..

If it was a male that posted the exact same story, nobody would break out the hankies and virtual hugs..

Again, you owe, you owe..

 

[Tiggerlover91]

yep, you saw right....just got back from Family court.....divorce is pending due to lack of funds.....husband took me to court today for alimony.......he is working part time, due to 2yr++ old workers comp.......while applying for Social security disability he must earn no more than $900/mth.....he will know in 30 days the social security court findings on what he will get or NOT!!!!
the mediator we were going thru calculated $368 I would pay him.........he was off!!!! went to court............the volunteer attny calculated $619 . I almost fell.. .......I did not agree.........went back in front of judge and he put it at $544 and I flipping owe for May!!! effective July 1, $50/mth.............
I moved out earlier in May....to my own apartment.........I came home crying.
I think I have it out of my system (cry) and will now budget my money....
$785 rent.....$544 alimony....etc. I will be eating popcorn or whatever I can get tips from the Budget board............
really need some hugs.........

 

[Hermosa11]

I am at work and cannot respond to some great opinions.
I appreicate everyone's opinions. True, you only are hearing my side, but I feel I am providing the basics and not really painting a picture.

This is his second worker's comp case. First one was about 18yrs ago.
I honestly believe he was playing basketball and hurt his back, but the next day he filed workers comp at Home Depot. He was throwing a baseball at end of bed into pillows to help hurt him! Dont think that was therapy! trust me. He put hole into wall.

He is bitter, I realize that too. I left him. I am not paying for house anymore....He puts all the foreclosure issues on my shoulders because I pay the bills (well, I did). I needed to move. I could not possibly live under same roof for indifinte time . He was NOT willing or able or whatever to move. He could ask parents to help but maybe they said no. I dont know. I have no family to help.

I wish I could hire a lawyer, P.I. etc, but I have nothing. No more. $ gone.
I will call SS and just see what I can provide. I have no physical evidence (photos, so doubt my word will be of any use). I am not an outside party by any means.

Son does not live with me. He is in Air Force now. Bless his heart, he offered to send me $100/mth. bless his heart. Thank you, I am extremely proud of him. Tech school is tough, so I cross my fingers during each test week for him.

I realize peoples opinions on spousal support....if you owe, you owe....I respect that........but due to 15% disability I owe now for 13 years? and If My income goes up now , I have to pay more? (if he takes me to court to prove my increased income). I dont get that.
If and when we ever finalize the divorce, my employer (state of CA) requires I take him off the medical. but , BUT if the court requires me to continue health care, I would have to pay COBRA $440 (appx as of now) month for him. If that be the case down the line, I may consider just moving to another state and saying F this , and just get piddle *** job. that is rediculous.

Honest, I am appreciating my fellow DISrs and their opinions....You all are doing this respectfully, which I like and appreciate.

OF COURSE I am here to get hugs and love....This just happened yesterday and I was a mess!!! a mess!!!! I am being honest. heee

 

[Disney Doll]

If you owe, you owe

Not about gender and there should not be a double standard in place due to this..

Sorry, but I do not have sympathy because the OP was a female..

If it was a male that posted the exact same story, nobody would break out the hankies and virtual hugs..

Again, you owe, you owe..

Again....you all seem to be missing the disability fraud issue that the OP posted about.

The issue is that the man is claiming he cannot work at all, when he is clearly capable of working to some dgeree based on his other activities like mowing the lawn, painting etc. He is choosing not to work, choosing to try and go for disability and using this supposed "disability" to get alimony because he supposedly "can't work".

The issue isn't equality...the issue is fraud.

FWIW, I know a female doctor who got divorced and has been paying her ex-H alimony for 2 years because he did not have her same earning capacity...totally fair in my book, no issue with it at all. He's working, he just doesn't earn as much as she does, so he got some alimony for a while. Similar to the reverse where the wife gets alimony for a couple of years to get her act together. No problem with either scenario.

But there is a big problem with fraud.

 

[Handbag Lady]

You are not alone.

One of the things that worry ladies in my circle of friends is that some make more than their husbands. Some have horrible husbands and they are concerned that if they leave, they'll get stuck due to having deadbeat husbands.

One friend paid $500 a month to the husband, had full custody of the kids, and had to pay child support TO HER EX-HUSBAND for when he had visitation. The limit was set at four years, half the length of the marriage.

I would normally not have a problem if the husband was a stay-at home dad and had full custody, of course she would have to pay spousal and child-support. But in her case, the husband preferred to stay home and smoke pot and pop pills and flat out refused to get a job. The courts knew he was a druggie, so they knew he wouldn't be able to pay for weekend visits and to cover food and shelter for the kids. So, they stuck her with the bill for it. The courts also said that the kids needed to see their father regularly.

It sucks. It isn't a role-reversal at all. A role-reversal would paint the males as care-givers, home-makers, and they'd have full custody of the kids, thus making them unable to work. I don't see this in either case.

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

You are not alone.

One of the things that worry ladies in my circle of friends is that some make more than their husbands. Some have horrible husbands and they are concerned that if they leave, they'll get stuck due to having deadbeat husbands.

One friend paid $500 a month to the husband, had full custody of the kids, and had to pay child support TO HER EX-HUSBAND for when he had visitation. The limit was set at four years, half the length of the marriage.

I would normally not have a problem if the husband was a stay-at home dad and had full custody, of course she would have to pay spousal and child-support. But in her case, the husband preferred to stay home and smoke pot and pop pills and flat out refused to get a job. The courts knew he was a druggie, so they knew he wouldn't be able to pay for weekend visits and to cover food and shelter for the kids. So, they stuck her with the bill for it. The courts also said that the kids needed to see their father regularly.

This is pretty screwed up. She has custody but pays child support or is it alimony? I'd be mad if it were child support but not so much if it were alimony; I think every one of us knows someone who was a pretty poor, lazy, uninvolved mom who did the bare minimum yet stayed home to "raise her kids." That mother would get alimony even if she were lazy and refused to get a job. It goes both ways.

As far as the OP goes...I'm a sporadic DISer who doesn't read everything but what I do know (and this is not said to disparage the OP) is that what we read here on the DIS is only the poster's version of events. There's a whole other side we never hear so I take everything on the DIS with a grain of salt.

 

[Mayl]

The OP admits having no evidence of this disability.

How could the courts rule otherwise then? If you are the judge and workers comp has already awarded partial disablility and the OP can not back up her claims (not saying she is lying mind you) then he/she really has nothing to fall back onto.


Sort of OT, but sorry,


Handbag says in her post:

~~~It sucks. It isn't a role-reversal at all. A role-reversal would paint the males as care-givers, home-makers, and they'd have full custody of the kids, thus making them unable to work. I don't see this in either case.~~~~~

I am sorry, but it is role reversal. Your mention that the husbands are lazy, smoking pot, not getting jobs etc.

How many women have done and continue to do the same things to their hard working husbands? Again, it is not about gender, it is a case by case issue that is dependent on the relationship.

 

[Handbag Lady]

This is pretty screwed up. She has custody but pays child support or is it alimony? I'd be mad if it were child support but not so much if it were alimony; I think every one of us knows someone who was a pretty poor, lazy, uninvolved mom who did the bare minimum yet stayed home to "raise her kids." That mother would get alimony even if she were lazy and refused to get a job. It goes both ways.

She had to pay alimony, plus child support for the days he got visitation. They calculated it at five days a month times whatever rate they felt was sufficient. This was only for the four years, though. It ended last Winter and she was SO relieved. She wasn't making enough to make ends meet so she had to rely on her parents for childcare while she worked two jobs.

I would see your point on it going both ways, but the husband in my friend's case didn't even try to "stay home to raise the kids." He made her do all of that AND work to support them.

We just chalk it up to a poor decision on her part to marry him in the first place and she ended up with the best part: her kids.

 

[ilovejack02]

never mind

 

[aprincessmom]

Well, that happened to me over 7 years ago. I had full custody of daughter, my ex had always choosen to work in a job that didn't pay much and wasn't a full time job. When we divorced, I had to buy him out for part of the house (paid for entirely by me and documented that it was paid for soley by me), give him half of my 401(k) (he had refused to have an IRA for our entire marriage or enter into the 401(k) at his work), and I owed him alimony for 5 years.

He hadn't asked for it but he was entitled to it by law. The calculations are gender blind so I owed about $500/month for the next 5 years and he owed me $43/month in child support for the next 12 years. It was a real joke. But we were able to work it out between us. He doesn't pay me the child support and I didn't pay him the alimony and we both signed a paper privately that we both hold copies of saying neither of us would go after the other for the money because it was a personal matter.

It stinks but it is what it is. The law is there to protect all divorce victims, not just women. If you make more money than the spouse you are divorcing and your state requires you to support that spouse because of it, you are stuck. Very few states have unlimited alimony any more so I would check with your lawyer to see how long you are required to pay for. Some put a specific limit, some state it's a certain percentage of the amount of time married, others put economic limits on it. It's best to know what those are going in so you can negotiate from a position of strength. Unfortunately you didn't so find out all you can now and see if you can strike a deal with him directly.