Loosing hope about having children

[Lemonademouth]

Oh, good luck to you!

As an IVFer with unexplained infertility - well they "think" it may have been due to endometriosis covering the outside of the fallopian tubes, but not sure.

Have twin boys that are because of the wonders of IVF. I think the progesterone shots for 3 months after helped them *stick*, but for some doctors, there is not hard fast evidence on this. My infertility doc felt that if the evidence was mixed, no reason not to do them. (Still, ouch! - but I'd do it again.)

Good luck to you and prayng for a "sticky bean"! (That's what we called the boys - beans this early on.)

Thank you very much!! I will have to remember that. It's cute.

 

[WDW Obsessed]

We are seeing a fertility doc. Today was actually our third IUI, so all fingers and toes are crossed. We have not done any IVF's yet, but we will if we have to. Doctor said everything looked perfect this cycle. I have lost 45lbs. 5 since the new year. Hoping and praying this is our time!!!

Good luck!

Weight loss is always a good thing in most cases. Good news is you are doing IUI's, which means your husbands sperm samples are good(unless you insurance is making you do 3 cycles of IUI before IVF). Well if you need anything just holla!

 

[starsweeper]

I am so sorry you are dealing with infertility. It is very hard and people in our lives don't always comprehend what we are going through.

I knew before I married my DH I may have fertility problems, they are common in my family. We tried the mandatory 1 year without interventions, then began seeing an RE. Over 4 years, we tried Clomid 3 times, IUI twice and IVF twice with no luck. Our RE told us the entire practice reviewed our case (also unexplained) and couldn't determine why I wasn't pregnant as a 31yo. The next steps involved talks of 2-3 more IVFs with genetic testing, possible surrogacy since they wondered if I couldn't keep a pregnancy (I had an initial positive test on Clomid and IVF once each).

I told my DH I was done and didn't have much faith that anything would work, and they were offering very expensive options. We chose to adopt. We have two beautiful, precious 6yos (1 boy, 1 girl) from Guatemala that came home to us at 9mos and 6.5 mos. We can't imagine our lives without them.

My DH traveled internationally and I had no help, so we moved near my family in 2009. I was so much more relaxed as my parents are very hands on with the kids (their only grandchildren). In 2010, at the age of 35 I learned I was 10.5 weeks pregnant after feeling off for weeks and finally taking a test (I always had irregular cycles). YDS was born and very healthy. I knew I wanted a 4th child, so we took advantage of high fertility after giving birth. I was pregnant by March and delivered a healthy YDD 362 days after YDS.

Miracles do happen, so don't give up.

 

[It'sWDW4me]

I'm so very sorry. I can't imagine the frustration and heartache you've gone through. The only thing I can say is - don't give up hope but do accept the possibility that you may not carry a child. They seem like contradictory terms but not really. Keep hope alive but don't let it consume you. Try to envision a life with a child (I'm sure you already have) but also try to envision a full life without a child.

My neighbor and her DH tried for YEARS to get pregnant. Unfortunately, they split and she found someone else. About 2 years with the new guy, still not pregnant, she FINALLY accepted that she would probably never have a child. Went in for some sort of procedure when the doctor needed to be sure she wasn't preggo beforehand and guess what? Her sweet son was born this past June.

On the flip side, unfortunately, my ex-SIL never did have a baby. She tried and tried but it just never happened for her. Her second husband had a grown child from a previous marriage so she's now enjoying her grandkids.

Stay strong, OP. I so hope the stars align for you.

 

[quandrea]

I know this is not as terrible as what some of you are going through, and I'm sorry for everyone's loss and bad ills. I just have no where else to turn. I don't have many friends, and none of my family is there for me.

DH and I have been trying for seven years to have a baby. We have been pregnant three times and lost each one by week 8. We were seeing a fertility doctor about three years ago who did nothing but give us medicines. My grandfather passed so we put everything on hold. We are on our fourth month of seeing a new doctor, I had been battling a thyroid disorder I had no clue about and for the last year has been on track through help of synthroid. I have lost 40lbs since January. I was just told that there really is no explanation as too why I cannot get pregnant, or then maintain a pregnancy. I have went from thisreason to that reason to now it is unexplained. I feel like it is never going to happen for us.

I not a doctor but have hope. I had four miscarriages after my first child and now I have three year old twins, conceived naturally. My on said if I had enough resolve I would eventually carry to term. I did take progesterone and baby aspirin. Ask your doctor. And be well. I won't tell you to relax because I used to hate that. Keep trying.

 

[DonaldDuck80]

I know this is not as terrible as what some of you are going through, and I'm sorry for everyone's loss and bad ills. I just have no where else to turn. I don't have many friends, and none of my family is there for me.

DH and I have been trying for seven years to have a baby. We have been pregnant three times and lost each one by week 8. We were seeing a fertility doctor about three years ago who did nothing but give us medicines. My grandfather passed so we put everything on hold. We are on our fourth month of seeing a new doctor, I had been battling a thyroid disorder I had no clue about and for the last year has been on track through help of synthroid. I have lost 40lbs since January. I was just told that there really is no explanation as too why I cannot get pregnant, or then maintain a pregnancy. I have went from thisreason to that reason to now it is unexplained. I feel like it is never going to happen for us.

I feel your pain. We tr for seven years before we got pregnant, with one miscarriage the year before the pregnancy that stuck. My wife had to be a walking pharmacy to ensure our son made it. Femara is the drug that helped us get pregnant and then my wife had to stay on her thyroid medication as well as metformin to keep everything ok. There were a few other drugs in there I think but Femara and Metformin were the two that helped conception and making sure he stayed and grew healthy. Don't give up, my wife and I are proof it can happen! Our thoughts and prayers are with you that one day you'll hold a sweet little angel in your arms to love for the rest of your life.

 

[Lemonademouth]

I feel your pain. We tr for seven years before we got pregnant, with one miscarriage the year before the pregnancy that stuck. My wife had to be a walking pharmacy to ensure our son made it. Femara is the drug that helped us get pregnant and then my wife had to stay on her thyroid medication as well as metformin to keep everything ok. There were a few other drugs in there I think but Femara and Metformin were the two that helped conception and making sure he stayed and grew healthy. Don't give up, my wife and I are proof it can happen! Our thoughts and prayers are with you that one day you'll hold a sweet little angel in your arms to love for the rest of your life.

I appreciate your prayers, And I love hearing stories of people with the same issues having succeeded. I am currently on metformin 5 years, synthroid 1 year baby aspirin 3 months. Femara-3rd month pregnyl-1st month. Prayers-6 1/2 years!!! Hoping this is our year. My team is finally in the Super Bowl so, I feel it is our year for many splendid things!!!

 

[DonaldDuck80]

Niners or Ravens?

 

[Lemonademouth]

Niners or Ravens?

Ravens. Every year at the beginning of football season I tell everyone, this is our year. We are going back!! This year it finally happened.

 

[DonaldDuck80]

Niners fan here! We haven't been since '94! Though the Ravens are my AFC team...... I like them mostly because of Dennis Pitta, he attended the college I root for. So even losing won't be too disappointing.....but still want my Niners to come away with #6!

 

[JoJoFromNY]

Glad to hear you have lost weight but too bad you are celiac. Our youngest has celiac as well. WDW is the only place we vacation that takes extra good care of keeping our daughter's diet on track.

As for getting pregnant...try waiting a little later in the month to conceive. We tried faithfully every month on day 9, 11, 13 etc. with no luck. The one month we just started trying on day 19, 21, etc. was when it happened for us. Just a thought and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Keep us posted!

 

[stargazertechie]

I know what you're going through. I'd recommend adoption but only International Adoption. I'd avoid US adoptions. My brother and sister in law tried US adoption and had 3 different mothers give birth and then decide to keep the baby before my in-laws wised up and went international. US adoptions are a scam. You pay for all of these fees to the adoption agency, you pay for all of the medical care for the woman, and then she changes her mind and keeps the baby and you are out all of the money. There are no refunds, it's just "too bad, let's try to find you another woman to adopt from, btw that'll be another 10k processing fee to get you started". And that doesn't even count the emotional damage this does to you when your dream of becoming a family is snatched away from you at the very last moment. (Yes, I'm sure there are people who have had successful US adoptions, but do you really want to take this risk?)

Please don't paint all domestic adoptions in the same light. YES, there are disrupted adoptions. YES, biological parents sometimes change their minds. That's why I think it is important to work with a highly recommended and ethical agency. The agencies that I have looked into do not expect prospective adoptive parents to pay ANY of the expectant woman's medical expenses- the agency covers that cost, and then is "recouped" through the placement fee after a successful placement, or through the generosity of donors.

And not all domestic adoptions= infant adoption. It is *nearly* free to adopt from foster care, and there are currently over 100,000 children in the US whose parents have had their rights terminated and are legally free to be adopted. No risk, and you can be matched within WEEKS with a placement which is almost guaranteed to NOT be disrupted.

International adoption comes with risks too- you never know the issues a child may be presenting with until you get home in some cases, programs close all of the time (look at what just happened with Russia, with families in process) and not all international governments are ethically upright. I also know of a family who was in the process of adopting from China, they had received a referral, and they were getting ready to travel, and they received a call that the child they had matched with had unfortunately and unexpectedly passed away.

I think a major benefit of a domestic adoption is the OPENNESS you can have with the family of origin. I was raised in a closed adoption, but just this past year reunited with my biological mother and her second husband, and her children (my siblings) from her first and second marriage. Having that sort of connection to your roots is much more rare in international adoption.


Just my .02

 

[Lemonademouth]

Please don't paint all domestic adoptions in the same light. YES, there are disrupted adoptions. YES, biological parents sometimes change their minds. That's why I think it is important to work with a highly recommended and ethical agency. The agencies that I have looked into do not expect prospective adoptive parents to pay ANY of the expectant woman's medical expenses- the agency covers that cost, and then is "recouped" through the placement fee after a successful placement, or through the generosity of donors.

And not all domestic adoptions= infant adoption. It is *nearly* free to adopt from foster care, and there are currently over 100,000 children in the US whose parents have had their rights terminated and are legally free to be adopted. No risk, and you can be matched within WEEKS with a placement which is almost guaranteed to NOT be disrupted.

International adoption comes with risks too- you never know the issues a child may be presenting with until you get home in some cases, programs close all of the time (look at what just happened with Russia, with families in process) and not all international governments are ethically upright. I also know of a family who was in the process of adopting from China, they had received a referral, and they were getting ready to travel, and they received a call that the child they had matched with had unfortunately and unexpectedly passed away.

I think a major benefit of a domestic adoption is the OPENNESS you can have with the family of origin. I was raised in a closed adoption, but just this past year reunited with my biological mother and her second husband, and her children (my siblings) from her first and second marriage. Having that sort of connection to your roots is much more rare in international adoption.

Just my .02

I was going to go through an American adoption agency if we go that route. We've waited seven years, what's a few more if it gets us an infant.

 

[shell8558]

My thought sand prayers are with you. A good friend of mine tried for 8 years to have a baby wiht no luck. Then they started to look into adoption through our local FosterCare system. After they started the program and certifications, they finally learned they were pregnant. The doctor had no explanations. They finally delivered a baby girl and 6 months later were pregnant again. So they ended up with 2 kids in 2 years. Doctor said that somethimes your body needs a jump start. Good luck! My prayers are with you!

 

[Disneylover99]

It took years for me to get pregnant.
Someone suggested I drink Nettle tea (because it helps to open up your cervix) and eat a lot of black licorice a couple of days before ovulation (I could only stomach red licorice) so I did.
I got pregnant right away.
Maybe it was all just a coincidence...But hey, it might be worth a shot!
Don't give up yet!
Good luck!

 

[ChipnDale79]

Keep up the hope, I know its hard but hopefully things work out.

My wife and I tried for 2 years after we got married and decided to seek help from an RE, my wife has PCOS. The RE advised it would be difficult for us to get pregnant but we could, and even if we did get pregnant there was a higher risk of losing the baby than normal. After our second IUI we found out we were had a "little bean" on the way. When our son was 4 months old my wife found out that she was pregnant with our second son.

We now have a 19 month old son and a 6 month old son.

On a side note, my parents tried for 10 years before my sister was born, I was born 20 months after her.

Good things can happen.

 

[Lemonademouth]

Feeling rather nervous as at my menses check they found a cyst just under the 5cm mark. No treatment this cycle . Worried because my cysts always have a tendency to grow not shrink. I have had 2 lap's in the past for cyst removal, and I'm worried because I have had a dermoid for the last year that has been bothering the doc just not enough. I'm worried this new growth may tip the scales towards another lap which will do one of two things; delay our April Disney trip, or put TTC on hold for a few months. I am hoping I am just worrying over nothing.

 

[CaLuCa]

I don't get a chance to post much, but I wanted to share our infertility story with you as another source of hope.

After our DD turned 3.5, DH decided we should have another. We went through a year "on our own", followed by 7 IUIs (3 clomids and 4 injectables). I produced nice sized, multiple eggs each times. No success. First IVF cycle produced 8 or 10 usable eggs, with 6 or 8 fertilizing, but only 2 good enough for transfer. (I produce fewer eggs because I only have one ovary and tube due to a ovarian cyst torsion-twisting and killing off my ovary...this happened prior to DD). Cycle didn't work. Second IVF cycle meds were adjusted. Produced roughly the same amount of eggs, but 3 were much higher quality. Transferred two and put the 3rd to grow for a couple of more days (didn't get far enough to put on ice though).

Cycle worked. Had lovely high hcg numbers. Went off to Disney with DD who was now 6.5. Did no rides more interesting than IASW! Killed me because I really love Splash M and hadn't been on the new Everest. But wasn't risking a thing! Came home from WDW and 3 days later heard the most wonderful words I will ever hear in my life.

From the doctor doing the ultrasound:
Yes, I see two heartbeats.

Now are twins are facing their 3rd birthday and planning a trip to celebrate, which was delayed due to the birth of their brother! Yes, we got an unplanned, surprise baby! Who we didn't have to pay for! I made DH take the money we "saved" on this baby and we went on a Disney cruise last summer. We'll also celebrate our last night of three under 3 while at WDW.

Maintain hope. I know it's challenging when family doesn't understand. Ours was not involved either. Infertility is very hard...almost ended our marriage. Be kind to yourself.

 

[Deesknee]

Prayers for your family. And remember just because it is the 2 of you for now, you are still a family. I began reading this and was not going to share my story. I remember during my 8 years of infertility hearing every story told. I remember thinking, yeah, but that's not me. But, as a pp stated, the importance of hope should not be overlooked. Please though at the same time there is much to be said for acceptance when the time is right for you ... if it comes to that.
We went from thinking "when God thinks it is right it will happen", to well maybe a little help, (I think that was called clomid), to switching doctors, to finding a "reproductive endocronoligist (sp?)" We had false urine pregnancy tests (several of them actually) and even a false blood pregnancy test (which I swear must have been some other womans. Whom I hope didn't go out to drink her sorrows away if she in fact got my test results). We tried an "identified adoption" which led to us having the baby for 1 night, then the birth mother taking him back. Long before this I had started doubting my faith. Why me? And reading all those stories about parents that do horrible things to their own children. WHY?
Finally we called an adoption agency and made an appointment. 2 days before that appointment I found out I was pregnant. We did not cancel the appointment we did postpone it. We talked and decided maybe that is why. We are meant to give a child that may not ordinarily have the love we could give. So, we intended to adopt as well as have our own child. Then the day before our new scheduled appointment I began to bleed. Thinking we were loosing our baby we drove to the hospital, had an "internal ultra sound" and found we were having 3!!! 3 babies. I was told my infertility was do to me having an excessive amount of male hormones. However after reading this thread I wonder if it isn't due to my clotting disorder. I was told the chances I would ever become spontanously pregnant are slim to none. Fast forward to 11 years later. I am 39 years old. DH & I are sitting down with our triplet 11 year olds telling them they are going to have a baby brother or sister.
I now say all my children are surprise miracles. We never did adopt. But, I no longer wonder why. I beleive we were meant for something very special, and certainly something we were not capable of caring for properly at the young age when we decided to start "trying" to have a baby.

BTW, we tried all the little "tricks". We even bought a book on it. Some of those were just plain CRAZY. Someday, although it isn't funny now for you, someday you will laugh at the things you thought and did to make your miracle happen. Good Luck and God Bless.

 

[ZellyB]

Please don't paint all domestic adoptions in the same light. YES, there are disrupted adoptions. YES, biological parents sometimes change their minds. That's why I think it is important to work with a highly recommended and ethical agency. The agencies that I have looked into do not expect prospective adoptive parents to pay ANY of the expectant woman's medical expenses- the agency covers that cost, and then is "recouped" through the placement fee after a successful placement, or through the generosity of donors.

And not all domestic adoptions= infant adoption. It is *nearly* free to adopt from foster care, and there are currently over 100,000 children in the US whose parents have had their rights terminated and are legally free to be adopted. No risk, and you can be matched within WEEKS with a placement which is almost guaranteed to NOT be disrupted.

International adoption comes with risks too- you never know the issues a child may be presenting with until you get home in some cases, programs close all of the time (look at what just happened with Russia, with families in process) and not all international governments are ethically upright. I also know of a family who was in the process of adopting from China, they had received a referral, and they were getting ready to travel, and they received a call that the child they had matched with had unfortunately and unexpectedly passed away.

I think a major benefit of a domestic adoption is the OPENNESS you can have with the family of origin. I was raised in a closed adoption, but just this past year reunited with my biological mother and her second husband, and her children (my siblings) from her first and second marriage. Having that sort of connection to your roots is much more rare in international adoption.


Just my .02

I just wanted to second this wonderful post. There is no perfect answer that fits everyone and that's why really doing good research and figuring out what works best for you and your situation is key. We did a domestic infant adoption through a private agency 15 years ago and had a wonderful experience. We have a fully open relationship with my son's birthmother and it has been such a blessing for all of us. We did eventually also do IVF and were blessed with healthy twin daughters who are 9 years old now. Infertility is so difficult and so hard for others to understand. OP, I wish you peace and luck as you navigate this journey. But, don't give up hope. There are many possibilities out there just try to stay positive and continue to look for the right option for you.