Loosing hope about having children

[Aliceacc]

Just got out of the hospital. Turns out it was a chemical pregnancy. An ultrasound showed no gestational sac and my hcg levels dropped to 22. I'm beyond devastated and do not know what to do with myself. I cannot seem to stop crying. Everytime I'm lucky enough to fall asleep I wake up crying.

I'm so very sorry.

 

[Lemonademouth]

Are you eating right? Pray for your baby and prepare for your baby by eating like you should when you get a baby - only healthy foods. Fresh fruits, veggies, only organic meats and dairy. Limited grains if prepared properly. No white sugar. Cut out table salt (and limit your sea salt). Google getting pregnant diet - may come up with more info (make sure the source is credible). I saw you were loosing weight - Is that 'cause you started doing some of this already? Practice eating healthy, getting all the nutrients your baby will need.

I have been, I'm on the blood sugar solutions diet where I eat only whole foods. I'm allergic to wheat and gluten so that makes it a little easier.

 

[kellyjeanie]

Just got out of the hospital. Turns out it was a chemical pregnancy. An ultrasound showed no gestational sac and my hcg levels dropped to 22. I'm beyond devastated and do not know what to do with myself. I cannot seem to stop crying. Everytime I'm lucky enough to fall asleep I wake up crying.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

 

[Deesknee]

I too am so sorry for your loss.

 

[Mickey'sApprentice]

So sorry.

 

[mommasita]

I'm so sorry..

 

[starsweeper]

I'm sorry you are dealing with infertility and for so long. We tried for 5 years with 2 fertility doctors and were "unexplained." We were pregnant once with an empty sac on Clomid and had a positive test after IVF #1 that turned out to be a false positive. We stopped when the RE suggested a series of 2-3 IVFs to test for genetic irregularities, determine if I just couldn't hold a pregnancy and/or use a surrogate.

We chose to adopt a boy and girl from Guatemala who came home at nearly 9 months and 6.5 months. We went on with our lives and moved near my parents 2 years later, so my parents could see the kids more and help out. A year later I learned I was nearly 11 weeks pregnant with YDS. Three months after YDS was born we purposely tried for YDD when we knew I would be most fertile. The odd thing is I now have completely regular cycles.

Maybe you need to step away from TTC and reevaluate what you want to do, ie keep TTC, adopt, foster to adopt, etc. I fully believe stress was a major component that kept me from conceiving. I conceived YDS a month after developing high blood pressure and weighing my highest weight, but I wasn't stressed living near my parents who helped when my DH traveled and I wasn't thinking about babies anymore.

 

[Deesknee]

Just to let you know. You are still in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[coffeecassie]

Don't give up, you are going to be a great Mommy someday. Hugs.

 

[Lemonademouth]

Just to let you know. You are still in my thoughts and prayers.

I appreciate it very much.

 

[Lemonademouth]

Don't give up, you are going to be a great Mommy someday. Hugs.

I hope so!

 

[bc133]

I read somewhere that it happens to about 4% of adoptive parents, but apparently we're in that 4% and I've met quite a lot of people in there too.

(According to Parents Magazine, it's about 5%: Myth 5: Once a couple adopts a child, the woman will become pregnant.

This particular myth is not only painful for infertile couples to hear, but it's also untrue. First of all, it suggests that adoption is simply a means to an end (a pregnancy), and not, in and of itself, a valid and wonderful way to form a family. Secondly, only about 5 percent of couples who do adopt later become pregnant. This success rate is the same for couples who don't adopt and become pregnant without further treatment.)

OP and others, just don't wait too long to start the adoption process. At some point, you start to age out of some of the programs.

I love what Aliceacc said!! Adoption to us is such a joy & when people act like it was our last option it's hurtful.

DH & I went through this same thing. The chemical pregnancies or false positives as I would call them were the worse. You are in my prayers. I had bad side effects from the clomid, gonalF & other medications causing hyper stimulation which caused us to evaluate our plan-only option left was IVF. We decided that my body had had enough & adoption was the right choice for us. We researched adoption agencies, domestic & international, and went domestic. Best decision ever!! Like everything else, it's choosing the right company. Ours protected us. If the BM changed her mom, we didn't loose our money.

I know that you are no where near looking into that but if/when you are you can PM me & I'll be more than happy to answer any questions.

 

[tlkscott]

Just wanted to let you know that I have been thinking about you a lot today. Today is the EDD of my first loss. You never forget.

 

[Mickey'sApprentice]

My husband and I have really been going through it over the last couple of days. We have been considering international adoption for awhile. Our hopes were to have a relatively healthy 3 year old in 3 years. China is out with us because I am significantly overweight. Our situation is further complicated because I'm 44 and hubby is 47.

We were seriously considering Bulgaria...but 2 programs have now told us that they are now adopting 7 year olds and children with moderate to severe special needs.

We seem to be back at square one. We are concerned that we wouldn't be picked by a birth Mom back here in the states. We may go with the child welfare system but was reluctant before now because it is also older children or special need. Hubby hasn't wanted a new born because well...he's 47. I've always said I would prefer an infant over disabled.

We just don't know where to turn now. I refuse to give up.

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

 

[MistressMerryweather]

HUGS We had 5 miscarriages until they finally found out that I had a septate uterus. A septum that grew where it shouldn't and right where the egg would come down and attach, and not be able to grow past 8 weeks.
After 4 years, and finally finding out, I had surgery to have it removed. Got pregnant, and miscarried again. I was so devastated. They told us we had to wait 3 months to try again, to let the body recuperate and to have a few cycles. We didn't, and I was pregnant again, 2 week later.
He will be 10 years old in July.
Keep trying, don't give up hope.

 

[Brandee987]

My husband and I have really been going through it over the last couple of days. We have been considering international adoption for awhile. Our hopes were to have a relatively healthy 3 year old in 3 years. China is out with us because I am significantly overweight. Our situation is further complicated because I'm 44 and hubby is 47.

We were seriously considering Bulgaria...but 2 programs have now told us that they are now adopting 7 year olds and children with moderate to severe special needs.

We seem to be back at square one. We are concerned that we wouldn't be picked by a birth Mom back here in the states. We may go with the child welfare system but was reluctant before now because it is also older children or special need. Hubby hasn't wanted a new born because well...he's 47. I've always said I would prefer an infant over disabled.

We just don't know where to turn now. I refuse to give up.

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

Please don't count out China as an option! They do give waivers and rules are not set in stone except that you must be 30. My daughter on left of my profile pic is from China. We adopted her as a 6 year old. The special need program is great and you can travel to bring your child home in about a year. We are in process to adopt another daughter from China. She is going to be 5 at adoption. I have to say that older child adoption rocks!!! Message me anytime for China Adoption info

 

[Lemonademouth]

So, I know I should be a bigger person and not let this get me upset but its very hard. An acquaintance of mine is 20 weeks pregnant with a child by a man she hasn't yet known for a year. She has been known to tell me to let god worry about it and for me to stop. And that obviously god doesn't want/think I'm ready for children for whatever reason. And that she hates kids and would stop hanging out with me if I did end up pregnant, and if she ever became pregnant she would have an abortion, and just hurtful things whenever kids came up. She told me via the rest of her world through Facebook, even though she knows my struggles, and has still not even said hi to me since the announcement until yesterday when I get an email from her for my address for the baby shower, including an 'update' on everything up until that point, including how/when said child was conceived. That they are getting married this month(because you know as long as they are married BEFORE it arrives its no longer a sin?). And that I'm not invited to that but a reception will be held in September, thank goodness ill be in Disney for two weeks and will have a legit excuse instead of 'oh I have a headache'. Another thing that struck my nerve is her girls name is our boys name. That made me cry considering it took me years to come up with one I liked. The worst part of this whole story is we were out of touch for over a year, because dh and I stopped drinking and going out because fertility treatments cost a lot of money, and drinking just seems pointless while taking fertility meds so she stopped enjoying our company and used my birthday party 'she wasn't invited to' as an excuse as to why it was my fault. It was a surprise party I had nor been aware of. My husband showed me days of calls he made to her, plus many text messages and Facebook messages she chose to ignore. All coming back to me about two weeks after this years birthday saying she's a changed person. I feel like it has been all a rouse to wrangle an extra present or two from me. Last year she was my only friend, at least this year I have a few more.

 

[JandJ]

I'm sorry, but I just had to reply to this because I've been there.

It doesn't sound like that girl is any kind of friend. If I were you, I would not go to the baby shower and not send a gift. You haven't been in touch with this girl for a year - you owe her nothing. She is obviously oblivious to your feelings so, IMO, why should you care about her feelings?

I was kind of in the same place a few years ago. DH and I struggled with infertility for a loooog time. IUI's, IVF's, miscarriage after miscariage, and a failed FET, then a failed domestic adoption (the BM changed her mind), and a failed international adoption (the US State Dept closed with that country 1 month before our match was official). Long story short, I had a supposed "best friend" for 12 years. She was with me through a lot - my mom's passing, my wedding, my daddy's passing, my moving a couple of times, etc. etc. - but she was never there for me with infertility. She was married during one of my IVF's and was mad at me for missing part of the reception because I had to go up to my hotel room and give myself a shot. It wasn't like I missed the cake cutting or the bouquet toss or anything important. So sorry I inconvenienced you!

Anyway, after we stopped TTC and went to adoption I started a private blog of our adoption journey. It was free and easy to sign up - even my DH's grandma who is not computer savvy signed up - but my supposed best friend couldn't find the time. She kept saying "can't you just make it public so I don't have to get a gmail account?" What? Hello! No! She ignored one of the most important things I've ever gone through. Then, on my birthday, which was 4 days before our international adoption home study - she came to my party and got drunk (nothing new, she got drunk all the time) and HIT ME Who does that? She gave me a lame attempt at an apology the next day, but I couldn't forgive her because she called it an "accident" which it 100% was not an accident. My DH and her's saw the whole thing and they both saw it was no accident.

The hitting thing was bad enough, but it just made me see how insensitive she really was. She never cared how important our TTC/adoption journey was. She never really cared about me. It was hard, after 12 years, to realize that and let her go, but as soon as I did, and I cried about it, I felt like a lead weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

Sounds like this so-called friend of yours does not know or care about what's important to you at all. Let her go. You have new friends and you don't need her drama.

ETA: Three of my true friends have gotten pregnant and had beautiful children since we stopped TTC. I cannot say I never felt a tiny bit jealous at first, but I can say that after I "digested it" I was so happy for them. They were very supportive of me and DH through the rough years and that meant the world to me. That's when you know you have true friends. You will find true friends!

 

[Lemonademouth]

I'm sorry, but I just had to reply to this because I've been there.

It doesn't sound like that girl is any kind of friend. If I were you, I would not go to the baby shower and not send a gift. You haven't been in touch with this girl for a year - you owe her nothing. She is obviously oblivious to your feelings so, IMO, why should you care about her feelings?

I was kind of in the same place a few years ago. DH and I struggled with infertility for a loooog time. IUI's, IVF's, miscarriage after miscariage, and a failed FET, then a failed domestic adoption (the BM changed her mind), and a failed international adoption (the US State Dept closed with that country 1 month before our match was official). Long story short, I had a supposed "best friend" for 12 years. She was with me through a lot - my mom's passing, my wedding, my daddy's passing, my moving a couple of times, etc. etc. - but she was never there for me with infertility. She was married during one of my IVF's and was mad at me for missing part of the reception because I had to go up to my hotel room and give myself a shot. It wasn't like I missed the cake cutting or the bouquet toss or anything important. So sorry I inconvenienced you!

Anyway, after we stopped TTC and went to adoption I started a private blog of our adoption journey. It was free and easy to sign up - even my DH's grandma who is not computer savvy signed up - but my supposed best friend couldn't find the time. She kept saying "can't you just make it public so I don't have to get a gmail account?" What? Hello! No! She ignored one of the most important things I've ever gone through. Then, on my birthday, which was 4 days before our international adoption home study - she came to my party and got drunk (nothing new, she got drunk all the time) and HIT ME Who does that? She gave me a lame attempt at an apology the next day, but I couldn't forgive her because she called it an "accident" which it 100% was not an accident. My DH and her's saw the whole thing and they both saw it was no accident.

The hitting thing was bad enough, but it just made me see how insensitive she really was. She never cared how important our TTC/adoption journey was. She never really cared about me. It was hard, after 12 years, to realize that and let her go, but as soon as I did, and I cried about it, I felt like a lead weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

Sounds like this so-called friend of yours does not know or care about what's important to you at all. Let her go. You have new friends and you don't need her drama.

ETA: Three of my true friends have gotten pregnant and had beautiful children since we stopped TTC. I cannot say I never felt a tiny bit jealous at first, but I can say that after I "digested it" I was so happy for them. They were very supportive of me and DH through the rough years and that meant the world to me. That's when you know you have true friends. You will find true friends!

I just noticed your reply, and I'm so sorry you had to go through the insensitivity as well. It's a shame really how people who are so close to you can be so mean. I deleted her from Facebook last Sunday because she posted a picture of Cory Monteith with the caption 'wasn't he a favorite of yours?' Which caused me to flip out while riding with my husband who told me just delete her. Thankfully I have a true friend now. She was there for me for my last miscarriage, we went to see the movie the interns, and she told me several times that this girl was a dreadful human being and she would beat her up for me. My husband and I both still feel that she only reconnected for gifting purposes, but like you pointed out, I owe her nothing. If she ever tries to reconcile again, I will do my best to put aside my nice nature and remember that she is so mean.

 

[Lisa71]

Our kids are adopted internationally and do not overlook domestic adoption or the state. I know families formed all of those ways and lots of cute babies.