Mother forces son to drink hot sauce as punishment

[MELSMICE]

Really? The only thing? I guess I need to unlearn some of the other things that it taught me.

Thanks for the heads-up.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I assume you were hit/spanked as a child. This has taught you that it is OK to hit/spank your child, right?

Unless your child breaks the cycle, it is teaching your child that it is ok to hit/spank their children.

What else did it teach you?

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

...What else did it teach you?

Spanking was a single tool, and an extremely effective one. No single tool can be given credit for who I became, but each played a part. So, everything? How to decide?

 

[MELSMICE]

Spanking was a single tool, and an extremely effective one. No single tool can be given credit for who I became, but each played a part. So, everything? How to decide?

I agree that no one single tool makes us the person that we become. It's a combination of how we are raised. We just chose to raise our children without hitting or spanking.

It would seem to me that it being hit has taught you it's OK to hit your children. Again, correct me if I'm wrong.

Combined with other tools, what does it teach?

Taking all the tools into consideration, individually, what else has hitting taught you and/or your children?

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

...Taking all the tools into consideration, individually, what else has hitting taught you and/or your children?

Spanking was used by me in the same way that it was used by my parents - to grab my attention when nothing else worked. I used the same tool with my children when they were toddlers. I never used it in anger, and I stopped when other tools became as effective.

I do not remember ever being spanked, nor do my children. I was never beaten or abused, nor were my children. Spanking does not equate to hitting except in the minds of non-spankers. It is an attention grab - nothing more.

In the end, if you choose to leave this tool on the bench, that is your choice. But there are many other tools used by parents that are far more detrimental to their development - and that leave much deeper scars.

 

[bunkkinsmom]

Spanking was used by me in the same way that it was used by my parents - to grab my attention when nothing else worked. I used the same tool with my children when they were toddlers. I never used it in anger, and I stopped when other tools became as effective.

I do not remember ever being spanked, nor do my children. I was never beaten or abused, nor were my children. Spanking does not equate to hitting except in the minds of non-spankers. It is an attention grab - nothing more.

In the end, if you choose to leave this tool on the bench, that is your choice. But there are many other tools used by parents that are far more detrimental to their development - and that leave much deeper scars.

THIS!

 

[The Pink Cupcake]

I do not remember ever being spanked, nor do my children.

An 8 year old will remember.

Spanking does not equate to hitting except in the minds of non-spankers. It is an attention grab - nothing more.

Spanking IS hitting. That is a fact. Nothing less.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

...Spanking IS hitting. That is a fact. Nothing less.

No - it is so much more, but I don't expect you to even try to understand.

 

[Brooknwdw]

OMG just watched the video and my opinion is YES its abuse. Wow. I can't believe she could do that to her own child.

Are there degrees of abuse..yes but it doesn't make this any less wrong and she was rightly charged.

I was spanked, if you want to call it that, as a child and had my mouth "washed out with soap" on numerous occasions for lying or whatever.
These types of punishments instill fear of a parent, not love or trust in a parent. And fear of a parent is the number one reason kids lie to their parents..fear of "getting in trouble"...so its a vicious cycle.

As a result of this and other factors I decided early on that I would not spank my children or do any of these various other "punishments". There are plenty of other calm, rational, and non-violent ways to discipline. I've never regretted the decision.
This is just my opinion of course!

 

[WeLoveLilo05]

Yeah...and Supernanny doesn't hit lol
she manages to get thru.

 

[bunkkinsmom]

Uh, I think we've come to an agreement to disagree.
I'm sure we all know kids that are great that got spanked and know kids that are great that didn't. And the same for those who weren't.

Either way, I think the main point was that THIS particular instance is abuse.

 

[disfan07]

I have the same question that a PP had. So you spank at home...what happens at school, preschool or daycare, etc?

At preschool and daycare we managed to get the kids to listen to us and to behave without every laying a hand on them. And we KNOW that some of the kids were spanked at home but they listened to us at school.

But we also managed to get some "picky" kids eat fruits and vegetables at school that their parents swore they wouldn't eat. So maybe it was just us...I don't know.

If 2 of us can discipline 12 3 year olds without being physical, I dont get why it can't be done at home. We were with these kids 8 hours/5 days week, I was hit, bit, kicked, screamed at, etc by children while working at daycare. NOT ONCE did it occur to me that spanking would be of any use. Even if it wasnt against the rules of discipline at preschool, it never would have crossed my mind.

 

[penn19]

I love coming to the DIS. Where else can I find out what a bad parent I am?

 

[MELSMICE]

I was spanked, if you want to call it that, as a child and had my mouth "washed out with soap" on numerous occasions for lying or whatever. These types of punishments instill fear of a parent, not love or trust in a parent. And fear of a parent is the number one reason kids lie to their parents..fear of "getting in trouble"...so its a vicious cycle.

As a result of this and other factors I decided early on that I would not spank my children or do any of these various other "punishments". There are plenty of other calm, rational, and non-violent ways to discipline. I've never regretted the decision.
This is just my opinion of course!

I completely agree with this.

I have the same question that a PP had. So you spank at home...what happens at school, preschool or daycare, etc?

At preschool and daycare we managed to get the kids to listen to us and to behave without every laying a hand on them. And we KNOW that some of the kids were spanked at home but they listened to us at school.

But we also managed to get some "picky" kids eat fruits and vegetables at school that their parents swore they wouldn't eat. So maybe it was just us...I don't know.

If 2 of us can discipline 12 3 year olds without being physical, I dont get why it can't be done at home. We were with these kids 8 hours/5 days week, I was hit, bit, kicked, screamed at, etc by children while working at daycare. NOT ONCE did it occur to me that spanking would be of any use. Even if it wasnt against the rules of discipline at preschool, it never would have crossed my mind.

Same here. I work with preschool aged children on a weekly basis at my dance school. Some of them misbehave at times. Even if it wasn't again the law, I wouldn't consider spanking or hitting them.

Fear of the time out chair is more than enough to make them behave.

This is just my experience. I've just never had a need to hit or spank any child.

 

[jodifla]

As I've said before, I think spanking is taking the low road of parenting. I spanked my child once as a toddler, a quick swat, and the look of betrayal on his face was just something I NEVER wanted to see again. I knew in the instant I saw his expression I had made a bad choice.

It's more challenging, but I've worked to find BETTER ways to discipline. If you study any psychology at all, it's really not that hard, with MOST kids.

My father, as old school as he was, World War II Marine Corps. and all, was a firm believer in NO spanking. He told me, "If I can't parent without spanking, then I'm just not doing my job very well."

And I figure if my father with his powderkeg temper can figure out how to raise a child sans spanking, then I sure can.

HOWEVER, to the "pro" side of spanking -- Most DISboarders who say they are "pro" spanking aren't using spanking the way those studies define them.

Dig deeper into those studies, and you'll often see in the "pro-spanking" households violence is used as a way to control children and plunge them into fear on a daily basis so they "toe the line." The whole household is out of control. Angry adults lead to angry children, who grown into angry adults, and perpetuate the cycle.

It's my bet that most DiSboarders would actually be considered "nonspankers'' by those studies, who are talking about a different level of corporal punishment than most of us would tolerate.


The woman in the OP example should have NEVER been given a child who needs a level of care she's clearly incompetent to provide.

 

[sandramaac]

Ummmm, why was the hot sauce in the bathroom, sitting on the shelf. I would say that the mother has used this numerous times as a source of punishment for this kid--the fact he didn't even react when she did it also says that. And then the stick him in an ice cold shower, and keep looking at him while it is happening, very sad.

 

[MELSMICE]

As I've said before, I think spanking is taking the low road of parenting. I spanked my child once as a toddler, a quick swat, and the look of betrayal on his face was just something I NEVER wanted to see again. I knew in the instant I saw his expression I had made a bad choice.

It's more challenging, but I've worked to find BETTER ways to discipline. If you study any psychology at all, it's really not that hard, with MOST kids.

My father, as old school as he was, World War II Marine Corps. and all, was a firm believer in NO spanking. He told me, "If I can't parent without spanking, then I'm just not doing my job very well."

And I figure if my father with his powderkeg temper can figure out how to raise a child sans spanking, then I sure can.

HOWEVER, to the "pro" side of spanking -- Most DISboarders who say they are "pro" spanking aren't using spanking the way those studies define them.

Dig deeper into those studies, and you'll often see in the "pro-spanking" households violence is used as a way to control children and plunge them into fear on a daily basis so they "toe the line." The whole household is out of control. Angry adults lead to angry children, who grown into angry adults, and perpetuate the cycle.

It's my bet that most DiSboarders would actually be considered "nonspankers'' by those studies, who are talking about a different level of corporal punishment than most of us would tolerate.


The woman in the OP example should have NEVER been given a child who needs a level of care she's clearly incompetent to provide.

Very well said.

 

[CathrynRose]

And something else to keep in mind.....


She asked her 10 y/o to tape this, with intention of sending this into Dr Phil.

For all we know, she was "controlling" herself for the camera. This boy was clearly terrified.

Sick *****. I hope she rots in hell.

 

[jekajekalynn]

I love coming to the DIS. Where else can I find out what a bad parent I am?

I prefer to think of it more as people trying to vie for the "I'm a MUCH better parent then you will EVER be !!" award..The prize is a golden statue of a woman with two children standing beside them wearing 50s style clothing and their noses up in the air.

 

[msjprincess]

I have the same question that a PP had. So you spank at home...what happens at school, preschool or daycare, etc?

At preschool and daycare we managed to get the kids to listen to us and to behave without every laying a hand on them. And we KNOW that some of the kids were spanked at home but they listened to us at school.

But we also managed to get some "picky" kids eat fruits and vegetables at school that their parents swore they wouldn't eat. So maybe it was just us...I don't know.

If 2 of us can discipline 12 3 year olds without being physical, I dont get why it can't be done at home. We were with these kids 8 hours/5 days week, I was hit, bit, kicked, screamed at, etc by children while working at daycare. NOT ONCE did it occur to me that spanking would be of any use. Even if it wasnt against the rules of discipline at preschool, it never would have crossed my mind.

Do you really think kids have act the same way that they act at home? You really can't compare the two situations.

You don't have kids do you?

 

[Mrs. Darcy]

And something else to keep in mind.....


She asked her 10 y/o to tape this, with intention of sending this into Dr Phil.

For all we know, she was "controlling" herself for the camera. This boy was clearly terrified.

Sick *****. I hope she rots in hell.

My heart breaks for that little boy.

I've seen parents swat their kids and although I don't agree with any hitting at all, I don't really consider that as spanking. To me, spanking is when you hit hard enough to cause pain to the child. Like a few times I've seen parents hit their child and leave hand marks on the child's legs or arms. I can never do that to my child, I know I can't. There HAS to be another way.