VandVsmama
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Mar 28, 2011
Alcoholism and prescription drug addiction stole my best friend. Her sister didn't speak to her for 3 years before my friend died. I cut off ties with my friend about a year and a half before she died. It was pretty horrible and a very gut-wrenching decision, but I am content with my decision. At my friend's funeral, I learned from her immediate family and from her other friends that they all had gradually made the same decision that I did.
You are totally justified in cutting ties with your brother until he is clean & sober for a period of time. I told my friend to not call me until she'd been clean and sober for 6 months. Well, that never happened. A year and a half later, she died because she had a loser friend pick her up from her sober living house and take her out drinking. She chose to go back to the sober living house drunk. She was then kicked out of the sober living house...and had an epic temper tantrum about it.
Her parents had previously told her that this sober living house was it...and they would not be helping her out any further and to not call them asking for money or a place to stay if she got kicked out for using alcohol and/or drugs.
She disappeared for 2 weeks. Her sister and her parents went out casing the streets looking for her. 2 weeks after her disappearance, her body was found in a local park by a homeless man. She'd been dead for awhile when she had been found. There was alcohol and illegal drugs in her system at the time of death.
It was horrible and tragic. There were SO many people at her funeral. I love her dearly. I miss her. When she got sick with this, I missed my friend. I missed the original version of who she really was. There were glimpses into that when she was sober. But those moments came less and less frequently over time.
It really is a disease. My friend also had bipolar disorder, which certainly didn't help her situation very much. It made it that much harder. When someone you love has a disease, you know that it's not something that YOU can cure them of. Treatment is available, but that person has to choose to seek out treatment. The treatment is hard work. You cannot do the hard work for them. The person has to do it for him/herself.
What led me to cut ties from my friend was when she told me that she'd been arrested for drunk driving...and admitted that she had lied to me many many times before....and then admitted that she was drinking alcohol before going to work AND during her work day as an elementary school teacher...and then admitted to driving many times while under the influence of alcohol. I told her that she had a serious medical problem that she needed to address and that I could no longer trust her until she got treatment and that while it's fine if you choose to mess up your own life this way, it is NOT ok to put other people's lives and safety in danger, too. She eventually was rightfully stripped of her teaching credential. And when she WAS sober, she was a phenomenal teacher. She was an amazing and caring & loving person. But not when she was drunk or high.
Your brother is on the merry-go-round of alcoholism hell. Make sure that you get off that merry-go-round so you don't get dragged into his mess. Having healthy personal boundaries is a GOOD THING.
You are totally justified in cutting ties with your brother until he is clean & sober for a period of time. I told my friend to not call me until she'd been clean and sober for 6 months. Well, that never happened. A year and a half later, she died because she had a loser friend pick her up from her sober living house and take her out drinking. She chose to go back to the sober living house drunk. She was then kicked out of the sober living house...and had an epic temper tantrum about it.
Her parents had previously told her that this sober living house was it...and they would not be helping her out any further and to not call them asking for money or a place to stay if she got kicked out for using alcohol and/or drugs.
She disappeared for 2 weeks. Her sister and her parents went out casing the streets looking for her. 2 weeks after her disappearance, her body was found in a local park by a homeless man. She'd been dead for awhile when she had been found. There was alcohol and illegal drugs in her system at the time of death.
It was horrible and tragic. There were SO many people at her funeral. I love her dearly. I miss her. When she got sick with this, I missed my friend. I missed the original version of who she really was. There were glimpses into that when she was sober. But those moments came less and less frequently over time.
It really is a disease. My friend also had bipolar disorder, which certainly didn't help her situation very much. It made it that much harder. When someone you love has a disease, you know that it's not something that YOU can cure them of. Treatment is available, but that person has to choose to seek out treatment. The treatment is hard work. You cannot do the hard work for them. The person has to do it for him/herself.
What led me to cut ties from my friend was when she told me that she'd been arrested for drunk driving...and admitted that she had lied to me many many times before....and then admitted that she was drinking alcohol before going to work AND during her work day as an elementary school teacher...and then admitted to driving many times while under the influence of alcohol. I told her that she had a serious medical problem that she needed to address and that I could no longer trust her until she got treatment and that while it's fine if you choose to mess up your own life this way, it is NOT ok to put other people's lives and safety in danger, too. She eventually was rightfully stripped of her teaching credential. And when she WAS sober, she was a phenomenal teacher. She was an amazing and caring & loving person. But not when she was drunk or high.
Your brother is on the merry-go-round of alcoholism hell. Make sure that you get off that merry-go-round so you don't get dragged into his mess. Having healthy personal boundaries is a GOOD THING.