Oddball Wedding Invitation

[LBIJim]

OK...I'm not trying to start anything about proper etiquette or anything. Just an amusing observation. DW received a wedding invitation today. I'm not included by name. The inner envelope says "(Wife's First Name) Plus One."

The wedding is for the daughter of one of wife's friends. I haven't seen this girl in years. But our daughter went to high school with this girl. They were never close friends, but were acquaintances and are now Facebook friends.

An enclosed short handwritten note from the mother apologizes and states that they need to limit the guest list, and that either our daughter OR I can be the "plus one."

I'd rather not go, so hopefully DD will want to. But if she can't or doesn't want to, it looks like I'll be stuck going.

This is a new one for us. We're not offended or anything, but rather amused by it all.

 

[Happy Snowman]

I've never heard of that before and it really is an etiquette question. It's just wrong all the way around . A proper invite should have been sent and then privately the mom should have said that if DD wants to go instead of DH, that is fine....or, if their guest list is so limited, just not sent the invite at all.

 

[Disney Doll]

Seems silly to me. If DD and the girl are acquaintances basically, then the invite should have come to DW and you and leave DD off.

Why oh why don't people throw weddings they can afford???

 

[Happy Snowman]

Seems silly to me. If DD and the girl are acquaintances basically, then the invite should have come to DW and you and leave DD off.

Why oh why don't people throw weddings they can afford???

It might not be a matter of affording vs venue size. They could be hosting 500 people for all we know--but the hall still only holds 500 people

 

[NHdisneylover]

It may not be technically the right thing to do--but I wouldn't have any issue with it. I think it is nice that they took the time to explain, rather than possibly having either OP or OP's DD wonder about why they are not invited along with OP's wife. I think it is nice that they put in enough thought to realize that perhaps OP would not be interested in weddings and the DD might like to come and left it a little more open.

OP, I like your attitude (that is different and chuckle worthy but nothing to get offended about) and agree with it

 

[Kogo Shuko]

Why oh why don't people throw weddings they can afford???

I think by limiting the guest list, they are throwing a wedding they can afford.

Basically, they sent an invite to OP's wife and stated that she's only getting one +1 (which is technically written on the invite), and that if she'd rather bring her daughter than her husband that's fine.

They may have done it awkwardly, but they were also considering that the OP probably doesn't really know the couple getting married while the OP's daughter does.

There is NOTHING WRONG with limiting your guest list to the amount of people YOU want at your wedding.

 

[ronandannette]

It may not be technically the right thing to do--but I wouldn't have any issue with it. I think it is nice that they took the time to explain, rather than possibly having either OP or OP's DD wonder about why they are not invited along with OP's wife. I think it is nice that they put in enough thought to realize that perhaps OP would not be interested in weddings and the DD might like to come and left it a little more open.

OP, I like your attitude (that is different and chuckle worthy but nothing to get offended about) and agree with it

This. Slightly inelegant perhaps, but it got the point across. As for the PP that mentioned "throwing a wedding they can afford" that's exactly what they're doing by limiting the guest list, right?

 

[poohfriend77]

It's not terribly offensive to me. I guess a better way to do it would be to just send the invitation to wife and you. Then in a separate text/conversation/email, the Mother of Bride could say something like, "I know my DH hates going to weddings for people he doesn't know. If your DH is the same way, feel free to bring DD instead." OK, maybe it sounds like she's trying to uninvite you at that point... But it's seems better as a casual comment.

I think the part that rubs the wrong way is that the invitation pointed out they don't have room for both of you.

 

[Aaeolien]

I would have just told my wife "excellent a wedding I can skip, have a great time" lol wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

 

[Ceila]

I usually follow etiquette guidelines closely, but I think this was more just awkward wording rather than an etiquette breach. As others have said, I think it was nice that they offered to let the OP's daughter "sub in" for him. The wording just came across as a bit strange.

 

[LBIJim]

OP back. Thanks for your replies.

I've received invitations that said "Mr. So-and-so and Guest" but never a "Plus One."

I found out that DD does want to go and that she and the bride are actually chummier than I thought. When I went away with a buddy for a weekend in May, DW and DD attended a Ladies Tea at the mother's house and the engaged couple were there.

They may have done it awkwardly, but they were also considering that the OP probably doesn't really know the couple getting married while the OP's daughter does.

That's pretty much what it turns out to be. I've never met the groom and haven't seen the bride in about 10 years. The exact wording on the enclosed handwritten note said:

"Dear (Wife's Name)

(Bride) and I apologize and regret that due to the limited capacity of St. Stephen's hall, we are unable to accommodate both you and Jim AND (daughter and boyfriend). Perhaps (daughter) would like to attend if Jim would feel uncomfortable. Thank you for understanding."

I've never been in this church hall, but I've seen the building from the outside and it does look rather small. They might be able to seat 100, and that would be shoe-horning them in.

It appears they wanted to invite DW and DD only, which is fine, and thought this was the least awkward way to go about it. No big deal to me.

I would have just told my wife "excellent a wedding I can skip, have a great time" lol wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

Unfortunately, it might not be that easy. DD will request the day off from work, but if she can't swing it, DW informed me in no uncertain terms that " AM GOING!!!"

Wedding is at 5pm, with "Reception to follow in Parish Hall." I wonder if the reception is immediately following, or will the guests have to wait around and starve until 9pm while the bridal party takes photos and goes out to get drunk.

 

[JessicaR]

Nope that invite would not fly with me and mine. Not a one of us would be attending. This is just our opinion.

 

[cluvsdisney]

I think it's weird since your DD should receive her own invitation but I get what the bride & her family were doing and agree with everyone else saying it's a bit awkward but not the worst thing in the world.

OP, yay for being off the hook!

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

I have seen a plus one invite. But usually they go out to someone you know is single and will want to bring someone but you haven't a clue who that someone is. I have never seen a plus one go out to one member of a family.

 

[ronandannette]

Nope that invite would not fly with me and mine. Not a one of us would be attending. This is just our opinion.

What would you need to be OK with it? Two separate invitations for yourself and your daughter? This would preclude your husband altogether. Or would you expect your husband to be invited along with you regardless of him not knowing the couple and thereby precluding your daughter with whom they are acquainted? Or are you saying that if the couple wasn't choosing to invite all of you that none of you would go?

 

[JoeA]

I would have just told my wife "excellent a wedding I can skip, have a great time" lol wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

I was thinking the same thing. I'd make my DD go, and if she didn't I'd tell my wife I am too offended to go!

Either way, I'd work this to my advantage!

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Since none of you are terribly close to the bride or groom, I'd just decline. Definitely a weird one to me, but I wouldn't be offended.

 

[Disneylover99]

It seems tacky to me.

 

[LBIJim]

Since none of you are terribly close to the bride or groom, I'd just decline. Definitely a weird one to me, but I wouldn't be offended.

DW is very close to the mother of the bride, and has known the bride since bride was a kid. I thought DD and the bride were mere acquaintances and FB friends, but I found out today that they became chummy over the past year or so.

I'm not sure how I would handle it if I wanted to invite only half of a married couple and their single daughter. Usually a spouse is automatically included, and a single adult often receives a separate "plus guest" invite. I'm pretty friendly with the mother. She's here often enough and guessed correctly that I wouldn't be offended. I'm quite sure if the venue was larger both me and DD's boyfriend would have been invited.

Whatever. All is well. It looks like it will work out better for me this way.

 

[ksjayhawks]

It is very wrong etiquette wise. You and dw are a social unit, so both of you should be invited. DD and her bf should be receiving their own invitation due to her age and not living with you anymore. If dd is as "chummy" with bride as you wrote, you would think she would definitely be getting an invitation.

You don't write a note like mob did and enclose it. Talk about making you or dd a "b-list guest"! MOB and bride should have picked which pair of you got the invite and been done with it and not said anything about space, etc.