And I think this is true today, in addition to the helicoptering. I do think the kids today are way more tolerant of those who differ from them.
Parenting trends you dislike?
- Thread starter reecejackox
- Start date
Lol, me too. And in a football stadium (hand pump), and the back of a taxi once. No one even noticed.
Yes, the middle of the night feedings were def a factor for me. Being able to roll over and grab them and nurse in bed vs getting up to make a bottle... Tho that was largely off set by the pain in the butt of pumping at work. But I had a hands free bra and could mostly still work while I was doing it.
The polar opposite of helicopter parenting. I aim to be somewhere in between the 2. Sometimes I fail miserably lol
I do think that bf advocates forget to tell moms how HARD it is and how much time you'll spend pumping if you work. They fail to tell you that you might really struggle to make enough milk. While its pushed to bf, peds don't check for tongue ties and lip ties that can make it incredibly painful for mom and inhibit proper latching and milk production. My youngest had a tongue tie and I had to throw a fit to get it checked and cut. So just like the PP said that there isn't full disclosure about the benefits of bf over formula, there also isn't full disclosure about how hard it is. They make it seem like you'll just pop a baby out and nature will take over and everything will be fine. Not going to lie, with my 1st I only planned to bf until I went back to work. Before he was born some jerk at work told me I'd never be able to do it bc his wife couldn't and she essentially was better than me. Well that made my stubborn nature kick in lol. There were prob 100 times I wanted to quit in those 1st weeks. When my milk didn't come in for 3 days, when I was bleeding and sore, when he was attached to me what felt like 24/7.... But I didn't bc of that one comment lol. Then it was well I made it this far, lets try for 6 months. Ended up making it about 15 months. Pumping was a nightmare bc I barely made enough for him for the next day at daycare, but we made it. DS2, well, he had the painful tongue tie. But we got it cut at 3 weeks and it was smooth sailing after that. But everyones experience is different and for anyone to say "everyone can bf" is ridiculous. I absolutely encourage people to try, but I also know it's not everyones cup of tea.
PollyannaMom
I was a click-clack champ!!
- Joined
- May 16, 2006
Free Range Kids Website
Things like -
Giving kids some of the freedoms that were considered age-appropriate years ago (like walking home from school) but that are discouraged/made more difficult by various policies now.
Sending them outside to play with the neighbor kids instead of signing them up for organized sports...
luvsvacation
Mouseketeer
- Joined
- May 25, 2014
It’s funny that free range parenting would be thought of as a new parenting trend. Basically as someone else said it’s how almost all kids were raised prior to the 90s. Since that time parents have become so incredibly over protective and fearful that they have significantly reduced the experiences their children are allowed to have. Free range parenting came about in the early 2000s as a way of parents saying this is nuts we’re going back to the old way. My kids were born in 2002 and 2003 and I used free range parenting. I think I first heard of it as an official thing when they were maybe 5/6??
Starting with the 24/7 news cycles in the 90s parents began to hear horror stories of remote isolated incidents happening to children and became irrationally fearful of what if it were my kid. Suddenly kids couldn’t play outside by themselves for fear of abduction. Overwhelming fear of every extreme thing that had the smallest most remote chance of actually happening began to be seen as a real threat lurking right outside their own door waiting for their child. Rational thinking and good risk assessment went out the door and was replaced by the overwhelming emotion of but what if it was my kid, how could I ever live with myself if it was my kid. As a result over the past 30 years or so many children have grown up severely stunted by never being allowed the freedom to gain some confidence by being allowed any responsibility. Parents have taken over every activity that should be child led. Kids don’t learn how to problem solve, the parents or other adults are always overseeing every activity and serving as referee solving all problems.
Free range kids is parents who give their kids more freedom and responsibility. Responsibility is key. I have know a few completely disinterested parents who don’t know or care what their kids are doing and the kids just run wild. That is not free range parenting.
Pea-n-Me
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Jul 18, 2004
I did read all the posts here.
And no, I didn’t mean anyone else being comfortable with that. (I don’t think it’s their business.)
I edited my post to better reflect what I meant:
I believe you are a corrections officer from other posts I’ve seen of yours. Little doubt you are a tough cookie. That’s great.
I am a nurse who takes care of people for a living, and I can tell you that many people are quite modest when it comes to bodily issues. And that’s not a criticism, it’s just a fact. So not only might they not only not be comfortable breast feeding in public, especially in a work environment like the one you described (!), they might not be comfortable breast feeding at all. And I don’t just mean out in public, I mean, at all. Because - like it or not - they may not be comfortable with another human being feeding at their breast. Not only may this be a modesty issue, there can be a lot of pain involved, as well, and many people are very aversed to pain! So there can be a lot of issues with those types of things and that’s something I respect and would never force anyone to go against their instincts on. Sure, I’d give information for all types of feeding methods, including that on the benefits of colostrum and breast milk, but I’d support them in whatever decision they made. (I do not work in Women’s Health so you don’t have to worry about my patients in that regard! I do know there has been a big push in hospitals, with funding - or not - involved for those institutions who almost insist on breastfeeding, and that’s something I’m glad I’m not involved in.)
Again, not every Mom is comfortable with things like this. I had a friend who had a newborn a couple of days old when she texted me to say she was walking past Small World at WDW breastfeeding her daughter. We laughed about it, because I knew that’s the way she was, yet at the same time, I knew that that wouldn’t be something I’d have ever been able to do (twins aside).
It’s funny, because when I was growing up, the Women’s Movement, which I was completely in favor of, was about women being able to make choices for themselves, and those choices being respected. I hope that is still the case today.
I think I've said multiple times that it's not for everyone and that eveyone has a different comfort level. So I'm not sure why you are asking me if I'm aware that not everyone is comfortable with it. I never said I did it so everyone else should too.I did read all the posts here.
And no, I didn’t mean anyone else being comfortable with that. (I don’t think it’s their business.)
I edited my post to better reflect what I meant:
I believe you are a corrections officer from other posts I’ve seen of yours. Little doubt you are a tough cookie. That’s great.
I am a nurse who takes care of people for a living, and I can tell you that many people are quite modest when it comes to bodily issues. And that’s not a criticism, it’s just a fact. So not only might they not only not be comfortable breast feeding in public, especially in a work environment like the one you described (!), they might not be comfortable breast feeding at all. And I don’t just mean out in public, I mean, at all. Because - like it or not - they may not be comfortable with another human being feeding at their breast. Not only may this be a modesty issue, there can be a lot of pain involved, as well, and many people are very aversed to pain! So there can be a lot of issues with those types of things and that’s something I respect and would never force anyone to go against their instincts on. Sure, I’d give information for all types of feeding methods, including that on the benefits of colostrum and breast milk, but I’d support them in whatever decision they made. (I do not work in Women’s Health so you don’t have to worry about my patients in that regard! I do know there has been a big push in hospitals, with funding - or not - involved for those institutions who almost insist on breastfeeding, and that’s something I’m glad I’m not involved in.)
Again, not every Mom is comfortable with things like this. I had a friend who had a newborn a couple of days old when she texted me to say she was walking past Small World at WDW breastfeeding her daughter. We laughed about it, because I knew that’s the way she was, yet at the same time, I knew that that wouldn’t be something I’d have ever been able to do (twins aside).
It’s funny, because when I was growing up, the Women’s Movement, which I was completely in favor of, was about women being able to make choices for themselves, and those choices being respected. I hope that is still the case today.
Pea-n-Me
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Jul 18, 2004
Oh, sorry. I thought we were repeating things over and over again on this thread for kicks and giggles.
DisneyJamieCA
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Jun 21, 2007
DisneyJamieCA
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Jun 21, 2007
GuiltyOh, sorry. I thought we were repeating things over and over again on this thread for kicks and giggles.
Orion Nebula
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Jun 2, 2020
I think being health concious is great, but I never really cared for the "banning" of many things related to treats. Limits sure, but I knew several during my life who never allowed their kids to eat candy or drink soda. Not to mention the same parents like to only allow juices. So their kids are sitting there downing juice boxes.
Funny story; When I was 12 I met a kid who's parents had the no soda rule, they never once allowed him to have one. We went out to the convenience store and I saw this kid buy two Mr. Dews and shotgun them. Like he legit poked a hole in the side and chugged 2 in 5 seconds. I don't think the "banning" idea works as kids rebel against everything. And now I am sure he is living on the streets surrounded by empty cans of Mt. Dew.
Funny story; When I was 12 I met a kid who's parents had the no soda rule, they never once allowed him to have one. We went out to the convenience store and I saw this kid buy two Mr. Dews and shotgun them. Like he legit poked a hole in the side and chugged 2 in 5 seconds. I don't think the "banning" idea works as kids rebel against everything. And now I am sure he is living on the streets surrounded by empty cans of Mt. Dew.
TipsyTraveler
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Jan 9, 2014
My oldest nursed 14-18 hours a day for the first few months. I didn’t pump at all (didn’t even own a pump), because the last thing I wanted to do after hours of nursing was hook a machine to me and do it some more. Of course, this meant that my husband couldn’t help with feedings so a disproportionate share of the childcare fell to me and I could never be away from my baby for more than an hour or so his first year of life.
Quick science lesson for anyone who needs a refresher: The hormone that aides in lactation, prolactin, also suppresses other hormones like estrogen and progesterone. Hormones play a role in just about everything your body does, so having them out of whack can cause a whole host of issues. I was a mental and physical disaster while breastfeeding. I was riddled with anxiety 24/7, I had electrical shock sensations shooting through my body, constant muscle spasms and twitches, and chronic joint pain so severe that some days trying to hold a coffee cup would put me into tears. (This is the abbreviated list of symptoms because we don’t have all day.) I had mastitis 19 times. Have you ever tried to take care of a two week old newborn by yourself (husband at work, no other family) while delirious with a 104.6* fever? Not fun. The breastfeeding suppressed my hormones to the point that my cycles didn’t return for more than a year and a half postpartum, which is kind of a problem when you were hoping to have another kid soon after the first.
At least my son got the benefits of breastfeeding though, right? Sure, there’s that, but I also think it had some downsides for him, too. Namely, he became the world’s clingiest baby. Some of that could just be his natural personality, but I have to believe having me be his one and only food source, his sole means of survival, had to have played a part in creating that. The only place he was ever content was in my arms. Not in the same room, not sitting next to me — in my arms. Which, again, put a disproportionate amount of the childcare onto one person. I had to hold him while he slept, I had to hold him while I cooked, while I cleaned, I took him into the shower with me… He had absolutely no ability to be independent for even a few seconds without panicking. It was relentless. I always say I’m surprised he ever learned to walk with as little as his feet ever touched the ground for the first year and a half. If that’s the “bonding” that comes from breastfeeding then I wouldn’t say it’s a healthy bond. He was bonded with his father, as in, this is a guy I like to be around. I existed more as a pair of boobs to him, though. His relationship with me was one of need and he was terrified if his lifeline was ever out of reach.
He nursed for 2 years and 7 months, mostly because I didn’t know how to make it stop.
He was very attached to nursing and I didn’t want to abruptly cut him off and turn it into some traumatizing event for him, so it went on way longer than I ever intended. By the time he was two I was so over it. It finally stopped when my milk dried up during my pregnancy with his younger brother.
So what did I do five months later when the next one was born? Well, I nursed him too, but I took a different approach. I supplemented with formula 50% of the time in the hopes that reducing the amount of breastfeeding would help my hormones stabilize better. It made a world of difference. I wasn’t consumed by pain and anxiety. I only had mastitis once. He self-weaned at four months in favor of the bottle and I was perfectly fine with that. My husband was able to be more hands-on which took a lot of the load off of me. My second son was so much less demanding and more independent. Again, I know personality plays a role, but not having to keep a constant eye on his sole food source probably helped him feel calmer, too.
So, why does no one ever talk about the negative aspects of breastfeeding? This is what irritates me about these hardcore breastfeeding advocates. They pretend to be all about educating women but they conveniently only focus on the (sometimes dubious) benefits that it provides to the child. They conveniently ignore the drawbacks and the mother’s wellbeing is absent from the conversation all together. Why aren’t they upfront about the connection between breastfeeding and PPD/PPA and all the other awful symptoms that hormone imbalances can cause? At least I knew what was happening to me because I’d dealt with hormonal issues before. My heart breaks when I think about how many women struggle with postpartum depression, possibly as a danger to themselves or their baby, and are given pills to alter their brain chemistry yet no one bothers to say “Hey, you might want to reconsider breastfeeding. There’s a link here.”
I’d have a lot more respect for the breastfeeding advocates if they advocated in an honest way and took a moderate approach, educating women on the big picture and telling them it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Instead, they talk about “nipple confusion” and act like a single bottle of formula is going to send your child down a degenerate life path. Yes, you must nurse day and night at the expense of everything else, for at least the first year, in a society that doesn’t even offer the minimal support of paid maternity leave. And if you can’t, well that’s your choice and I’m sorry you don’t love your baby enough to do what’s best for them. Hopefully they won’t be too sickly.
Quick science lesson for anyone who needs a refresher: The hormone that aides in lactation, prolactin, also suppresses other hormones like estrogen and progesterone. Hormones play a role in just about everything your body does, so having them out of whack can cause a whole host of issues. I was a mental and physical disaster while breastfeeding. I was riddled with anxiety 24/7, I had electrical shock sensations shooting through my body, constant muscle spasms and twitches, and chronic joint pain so severe that some days trying to hold a coffee cup would put me into tears. (This is the abbreviated list of symptoms because we don’t have all day.) I had mastitis 19 times. Have you ever tried to take care of a two week old newborn by yourself (husband at work, no other family) while delirious with a 104.6* fever? Not fun. The breastfeeding suppressed my hormones to the point that my cycles didn’t return for more than a year and a half postpartum, which is kind of a problem when you were hoping to have another kid soon after the first.
At least my son got the benefits of breastfeeding though, right? Sure, there’s that, but I also think it had some downsides for him, too. Namely, he became the world’s clingiest baby. Some of that could just be his natural personality, but I have to believe having me be his one and only food source, his sole means of survival, had to have played a part in creating that. The only place he was ever content was in my arms. Not in the same room, not sitting next to me — in my arms. Which, again, put a disproportionate amount of the childcare onto one person. I had to hold him while he slept, I had to hold him while I cooked, while I cleaned, I took him into the shower with me… He had absolutely no ability to be independent for even a few seconds without panicking. It was relentless. I always say I’m surprised he ever learned to walk with as little as his feet ever touched the ground for the first year and a half. If that’s the “bonding” that comes from breastfeeding then I wouldn’t say it’s a healthy bond. He was bonded with his father, as in, this is a guy I like to be around. I existed more as a pair of boobs to him, though. His relationship with me was one of need and he was terrified if his lifeline was ever out of reach.
He nursed for 2 years and 7 months, mostly because I didn’t know how to make it stop.
He was very attached to nursing and I didn’t want to abruptly cut him off and turn it into some traumatizing event for him, so it went on way longer than I ever intended. By the time he was two I was so over it. It finally stopped when my milk dried up during my pregnancy with his younger brother.So what did I do five months later when the next one was born? Well, I nursed him too, but I took a different approach. I supplemented with formula 50% of the time in the hopes that reducing the amount of breastfeeding would help my hormones stabilize better. It made a world of difference. I wasn’t consumed by pain and anxiety. I only had mastitis once. He self-weaned at four months in favor of the bottle and I was perfectly fine with that. My husband was able to be more hands-on which took a lot of the load off of me. My second son was so much less demanding and more independent. Again, I know personality plays a role, but not having to keep a constant eye on his sole food source probably helped him feel calmer, too.
So, why does no one ever talk about the negative aspects of breastfeeding? This is what irritates me about these hardcore breastfeeding advocates. They pretend to be all about educating women but they conveniently only focus on the (sometimes dubious) benefits that it provides to the child. They conveniently ignore the drawbacks and the mother’s wellbeing is absent from the conversation all together. Why aren’t they upfront about the connection between breastfeeding and PPD/PPA and all the other awful symptoms that hormone imbalances can cause? At least I knew what was happening to me because I’d dealt with hormonal issues before. My heart breaks when I think about how many women struggle with postpartum depression, possibly as a danger to themselves or their baby, and are given pills to alter their brain chemistry yet no one bothers to say “Hey, you might want to reconsider breastfeeding. There’s a link here.”
I’d have a lot more respect for the breastfeeding advocates if they advocated in an honest way and took a moderate approach, educating women on the big picture and telling them it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Instead, they talk about “nipple confusion” and act like a single bottle of formula is going to send your child down a degenerate life path. Yes, you must nurse day and night at the expense of everything else, for at least the first year, in a society that doesn’t even offer the minimal support of paid maternity leave. And if you can’t, well that’s your choice and I’m sorry you don’t love your baby enough to do what’s best for them. Hopefully they won’t be too sickly.
Last edited:
Pea-n-Me
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Jul 18, 2004
I was just kidding around, lol.Guilty
My oldest nursed 14-18 hours a day for the first few months. I didn’t pump at all (didn’t even own a pump), because the last thing I wanted to do after hours of nursing was hook a machine to me and do it some more. Of course, this meant that my husband couldn’t help with feedings so a disproportionate share of the childcare fell to me and I could never be away from my baby for more than an hour or so his first year of life.
Quick science lesson for anyone who needs a refresher: The hormone that aides in lactation, prolactin, also suppresses other hormones like estrogen and progesterone. Hormones play a role in just about everything your body does, so having them out of whack can cause a whole host of issues. I was a mental and physical disaster while breastfeeding. I was riddled with anxiety 24/7, I had electrical shock sensations shooting through my body, constant muscle spasms and twitches, and chronic joint pain so severe that some days trying to hold a coffee cup would put me into tears. (This is the abbreviated list of symptoms because we don’t have all day.) I had mastitis 19 times. Have you ever tried to take care of a two week old newborn by yourself (husband at work, no other family) while delirious with a 104.6* fever? Not fun. The breastfeeding suppressed my hormones to the point that my cycles didn’t return for more than a year and a half postpartum, which is kind of a problem when you were hoping to have another kid soon after the first.
At least my son got the benefits of breastfeeding though, right? Sure, there’s that, but I also think it had some downsides for him, too. Namely, he became the world’s clingiest baby. Some of that could just be his natural personality, but I have to believe having me be his one and only food source, his sole means of survival, had to have played a part in creating that. The only place he was ever content was in my arms. Not in the same room, not sitting next to me — in my arms. Which, again, put a disproportionate amount of the childcare onto one person. I had to hold him while he slept, I had to hold him while I cooked, while I cleaned, I took him into the shower with me… He had absolutely no ability to be independent for even a few seconds without panicking. It was relentless. I always say I’m surprised he ever learned to walk with as little as his feet ever touched the ground for the first year and a half. If that’s the “bonding” that comes from breastfeeding then I wouldn’t say it’s a healthy bond. He was bonded with his father, as in, this is a guy I like to be around. I existed more as a pair of boobs to him, though. His relationship with me was one of need and he was terrified if his lifeline was ever out of reach.
He nursed for 2 years and 7 months, mostly because I didn’t know how to make it stop.
So what did I do five months later when the next one was born? Well, I nursed him too, but I took a different approach. I supplemented with formula 50% of the time in the hopes that reducing the amount of breastfeeding would help my hormones stabilize better. It made a world of difference. I wasn’t consumed by pain and anxiety. I only had mastitis once. He self-weaned at four months in favor of the bottle and I was perfectly fine with that. My husband was able to be more hands-on which took a lot of the load off of me. My second son was so much less demanding and more independent. Again, I know personality plays a role, but not having to keep a constant eye on his sole food source probably helped him feel calmer, too.
So, why does no one ever talk about the negative aspects of breastfeeding? This is what irritates me about these hardcore breastfeeding advocates. They pretend to be all about educating women but they conveniently only focus on the (sometimes dubious) benefits that it provides to the child. They conveniently ignore the drawbacks and the mother’s wellbeing is absent from the conversation all together. Why aren’t they upfront about the connection between breastfeeding and PPD/PPA and all the other awful symptoms that hormone imbalances can cause? At least I knew what was happening to me because I’d dealt with hormonal issues before. My heart breaks when I think about how many women struggle with postpartum depression, possibly as a danger to themselves or their baby, and are given pills to alter their brain chemistry yet no one bothers to say “Hey, you might want to reconsider breastfeeding. There’s a link here.”
I’d have a lot more respect for the breastfeeding advocates if they advocated in an honest way and took a moderate approach, educating women on the big picture and telling them it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Instead, they talk about “nipple confusion” and act like a single bottle of formula is going to send your child down a degenerate life path. Yes, you must nurse day and night at the expense of everything else, for at least the first year, in a society that doesn’t even offer the minimal support of paid maternity leave. And if you can’t, well that’s your choice and I’m sorry you don’t love your baby enough to do what’s best for them. Hopefully they won’t be too sickly.
Amen!
I always chuckle over the bonding argument for BF. My oldest son didn't bond with ANYONE as a baby. He was holding his own bottle by 2 months old (full of milk I was CONSTANTLY pumping for him until I gave up at 4 months due to exhaustion). We used to joke that he was born a 40 year old man. He couldn't be bothered with us or anyone else. Everything else in a room was more interesting to him than our faces. When he learned to crawl at 5 months, the first thing he did was crawl away from us and into his room where he shut the door. Amused, I walked in a couple minutes later and he was sitting by his bookshelf paging through The Very Busy Spider and he looked up at me like "what are you doing in here?"
By the time he was 9 months old, I knew in my heart he was autistic and made peace with the fact that he didn't want to hang out with me anymore.
As an 18 year old, he's still the same. Can't be bothered by most people. He is most closely bonded to his (autistic) brother. They get each other. The younger one was a clingy mama's boy who loved eating as a baby, regardless of where the food came from. He still likes to cuddle at 15. He breastfed like a champ but was never satisfied so we had to supplement right off the bat with formula which he would down right after each BF session, so I got to do double the work.
I learned recently after my first mammogram that one of my breasts (ironically, the larger one) has almost NO glandular tissue and that explained my supply issues and why my younger son was never satisfied after a feeding. It would have saved me a lot of heartache to know that at the time. I felt like something was wrong with me that I couldn't provide enough milk for my BF son and had to ALSO give him formula. A lot of times women struggle with supply issues and are fed all kinds of pills and told to eat certain foods , but at the end of the day, it's often a physical problem that can't be resolved that way.
Pea-n-Me
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Jul 18, 2004
Wow, excellent post! Thank you for taking the time to share all that.My oldest nursed 14-18 hours a day for the first few months. I didn’t pump at all (didn’t even own a pump), because the last thing I wanted to do after hours of nursing was hook a machine to me and do it some more. Of course, this meant that my husband couldn’t help with feedings so a disproportionate share of the childcare fell to me and I could never be away from my baby for more than an hour or so his first year of life.
Quick science lesson for anyone who needs a refresher: The hormone that aides in lactation, prolactin, also suppresses other hormones like estrogen and progesterone. Hormones play a role in just about everything your body does, so having them out of whack can cause a whole host of issues. I was a mental and physical disaster while breastfeeding. I was riddled with anxiety 24/7, I had electrical shock sensations shooting through my body, constant muscle spasms and twitches, and chronic joint pain so severe that some days trying to hold a coffee cup would put me into tears. (This is the abbreviated list of symptoms because we don’t have all day.) I had mastitis 19 times. Have you ever tried to take care of a two week old newborn by yourself (husband at work, no other family) while delirious with a 104.6* fever? Not fun. The breastfeeding suppressed my hormones to the point that my cycles didn’t return for more than a year and a half postpartum, which is kind of a problem when you were hoping to have another kid soon after the first.
At least my son got the benefits of breastfeeding though, right? Sure, there’s that, but I also think it had some downsides for him, too. Namely, he became the world’s clingiest baby. Some of that could just be his natural personality, but I have to believe having me be his one and only food source, his sole means of survival, had to have played a part in creating that. The only place he was ever content was in my arms. Not in the same room, not sitting next to me — in my arms. Which, again, put a disproportionate amount of the childcare onto one person. I had to hold him while he slept, I had to hold him while I cooked, while I cleaned, I took him into the shower with me… He had absolutely no ability to be independent for even a few seconds without panicking. It was relentless. I always say I’m surprised he ever learned to walk with as little as his feet ever touched the ground for the first year and a half. If that’s the “bonding” that comes from breastfeeding then I wouldn’t say it’s a healthy bond. He was bonded with his father, as in, this is a guy I like to be around. I existed more as a pair of boobs to him, though. His relationship with me was one of need and he was terrified if his lifeline was ever out of reach.
He nursed for 2 years and 7 months, mostly because I didn’t know how to make it stop.
So what did I do five months later when the next one was born? Well, I nursed him too, but I took a different approach. I supplemented with formula 50% of the time in the hopes that reducing the amount of breastfeeding would help my hormones stabilize better. It made a world of difference. I wasn’t consumed by pain and anxiety. I only had mastitis once. He self-weaned at four months in favor of the bottle and I was perfectly fine with that. My husband was able to be more hands-on which took a lot of the load off of me. My second son was so much less demanding and more independent. Again, I know personality plays a role, but not having to keep a constant eye on his sole food source probably helped him feel calmer, too.
So, why does no one ever talk about the negative aspects of breastfeeding? This is what irritates me about these hardcore breastfeeding advocates. They pretend to be all about educating women but they conveniently only focus on the (sometimes dubious) benefits that it provides to the child. They conveniently ignore the drawbacks and the mother’s wellbeing is absent from the conversation all together. Why aren’t they upfront about the connection between breastfeeding and PPD/PPA and all the other awful symptoms that hormone imbalances can cause? At least I knew what was happening to me because I’d dealt with hormonal issues before. My heart breaks when I think about how many women struggle with postpartum depression, possibly as a danger to themselves or their baby, and are given pills to alter their brain chemistry yet no one bothers to say “Hey, you might want to reconsider breastfeeding. There’s a link here.”
I’d have a lot more respect for the breastfeeding advocates if they advocated in an honest way and took a moderate approach, educating women on the big picture and telling them it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. Instead, they talk about “nipple confusion” and act like a single bottle of formula is going to send your child down a degenerate life path. Yes, you must nurse day and night at the expense of everything else, for at least the first year, in a society that doesn’t even offer the minimal support of paid maternity leave. And if you can’t, well that’s your choice and I’m sorry you don’t love your baby enough to do what’s best for them. Hopefully they won’t be too sickly.
This!!! It never occured to me until a couple of years ago that BF and my PPD might be linked. Of course it didn't help that my dr blew me off with "it's just hormones. it'll go away" So I just spent that 1st year thinking I sucked at being a mom and everything else. 2nd kid was a totally different experience which was both awesome and sad. I was so happy that I didn't experince PPD that go around, but sad bc I'd had my tubes tied when he was born. I was willing to go thru all of that twice but not 3 times. Had I known it wasn't normal to feel like that, I might not have gotten my tubes tied. But I was 35 by then so idk if I'd have gone for a 3rd anyway. I wish mr dr had taken me seriously when I said what was going on. I'd cry every single time I nursed him for the 1st month. There wasn't any thing I was upset about, just a sudden feeling of doom like "I can't possibly take care of this child" And even that was blown off.
When my first was born my milk didn't come in for a few days and I really wasn't sure I was feeding her enough. She screamed so much. I was such a mess trying to take care of her "the right way". The lactation consultant (who the hospital provided to all mothers regardless of never requesting one) had drilled into my head that if I gave her a bottle then she'd never nurse and how horrible that would be because breast milk is best. Once you say those words "yes I'd like to breast feed" to them then that is all that matters in their eyes. They won't tell you that it's OK if it doesn't work, they tell you you have to keep at it because it's the best thing for your baby and you. I think she came in 100 times in the hospital room those 2 days to make sure I was doing what I had "promised" to do. I don't think they cared one bit about the baby, it felt like they were just happy to have another recruit for their BF advocacy army. But I digress......
She was my first baby, going home as a new inexperienced mom was stressful enough but the added worry of not feeding her enough but if I chose to give her a bottle to ensure she wasn't starving I'd be dooming her to a lifetime of health issues was just too much. Thankfully I had my MIL (and of course dh LOL) to let me know that no matter what I chose it would all be all right.
I am all for women breast feeding their babies, I had 2 others that I nursed.
But never will I advocate for that over formula feeding, ever.
I will always advocate for feeding your child however you as their mother see's fit, whether it's breast milk or formula.
She was my first baby, going home as a new inexperienced mom was stressful enough but the added worry of not feeding her enough but if I chose to give her a bottle to ensure she wasn't starving I'd be dooming her to a lifetime of health issues was just too much. Thankfully I had my MIL (and of course dh LOL) to let me know that no matter what I chose it would all be all right.
I am all for women breast feeding their babies, I had 2 others that I nursed.
But never will I advocate for that over formula feeding, ever.
I will always advocate for feeding your child however you as their mother see's fit, whether it's breast milk or formula.
TipsyTraveler
DIS Veteran
- Joined
- Jan 9, 2014
That’s called Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex and I’m sorry this stranger on the internet knows it better than the doctor who could have actually helped you when you needed it.
Thank you. Me too. I did eventually learn that it had a name a few years later. But at the time, it was just another thing that made me feel like a failure. Like "why are you sad, whats wrong with you? don't you know how blessed you are to have this baby?"That’s called Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex and I’m sorry this stranger on the internet knows it better than the doctor who could have actually helped you when you needed it.
HopperFan
"It's a bug-eat-bug world out there, princess."
- Joined
- Sep 6, 2003
I still use a sippy cup and I am 70; it's called a Yeti, LOL!
(just trying for a little humor here)
I was going to say Tervis, Yeti, Starbucks cups ….adults use sippy cups more than children.
Remember all the drama when Disney wanted to remove cup lids. The adults went nuts because they couldn’t carry them.
I think a lot of parents do use it as their immediate go-to response. What I was specifically talking about is parents who automatically just yell "because I said so" at their kid (in front of other people). I have witnessed this many times throughout the years. There are definitely adults (including parents and teachers) who speak to kids in a completely disrespectful manner and some who believe in complete obedience without any logical reason for their demands.
Using those two phrases are absolutely not necessary to establish boundaries. We have always had very clear expectations for behavior in our home and no hesitation about addressing tough situations or topics directly (both with children and other adults). And we have never said either of those phrases.
I think we completely agree on the bolded statement, but our "foundation" may be different. To me, the foundation to my children respecting me as they got to been teens and adults was teaching them how to address a conflict in a respectful manner and having them trust that my judgement is logical and fair. Our kids respect us because they feel that they are respected. If my kids were obedient simply "because I said so", I would not view that as "respect". I would see it as them complying out of obligation.
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