Parents of College kids

[TwoMisfits]

He felt that all his previous classes were engineering so if he were to switch majors, he would virtually be starting over. He said he regretted his major at the end of sophomore year. I believe it was partly due to his roommates being in majors that had very little work and studying compared to him. Maybe a little fomo on his part. I think he is just overwhelmed at this point because he did express he liked his major just regretting not picking a major with less demand. I think the outlook of making lots of money as an engineer kept him going but now at the finish line with no hope for a job is killing his mojo and crushing his self esteem. I am trying to tell him to finish strong and worry about the job after graduation.

Has he worked any summer jobs or is his resume devoid of all work experience, not just internships?

I ask b/c it's REALLY hard to get a company to bite on a new college grad who also has never worked at a job. Usually, those 1st jobs for young people come with a lot of growing pains and life experience, and FT computer engineering firms would probably not want to be in the posture of hiring those "yet to work" students unless they were absolute all stars...and maybe not even then.

 

[mom2rtk]

I don’t have first hand knowledge, but one of my best friends has a son who graduated in December with a degree in computer science or something like that. He didn’t do an internship. He took a job at Amazon unloading planes with the hope it might open up a job in IT at some point.

I have talked about my son and his journey to get a job in the national park system. His university really was no help. He has worked at small local and state park properties and just kept applying. He has a seasonal job at a national historic site, so things are finally starting to happen.

Your son may want to apply to a school district. Lots of computer work in schools today.

Just curious, why would sophomore year be too late to change majors? I imagine he has been miserable if he has been working on a degree that he feels is a bad fit.

Keep in mind sophomore year for a student graduating in 2023 was likely at the height of the pandemic, so accessing the resources they needed was probably harder than in normal times.

 

[ShirikiUtundu]

The federal government loves to hire engineers in my experience.
usajobs.gov & click on the recent graduates box or type "pathways" in the search bar.
or do a google search on the government contracting companies that are hiring in the locations he wouldn't mind working, and start scouring their websites.

 

[dreamer17555]

My first concern is his mental health. Is he just sad and overwhelmed or is it something more serious? A girl my DD knows just took her own life last night so I might be overly sensitive but before worrying about grades, graduation, jobs I worry about how your son is coping. Transition times are hard on even the most prepared and it sounds like he has a bit of a rocky path.

If he picked engineering mostly because of potential salary, I could see how disheartened he must feel. You spoke about him maybe having FOMO but from his perspective he really might have missed out on some core experiences for something that isn’t paying off the way he hoped.

First priority is his mental health. Next is finding him a path forward- graduation is great if he can but if not what are the other options? Can he move home for a bit to regroup if necessary while working (anywhere- not necessarily in his field or a career job)? Has he spoken to his advisor all along about lack of internships etc? Does he have a professor that he is close to that he can speak to for guidance? Does he have good friends where he is that know what is happening and can offer him moral support?

Keep the focus on him- not the outcome. Graduation and jobs can be sorted out later if need be. The main thing is that he is ok and knows you have his back no matter what.

 

[design_mom]

I don't have any job-search advice. But I have a college senior and a college freshman. My freshman is struggling. It's really hard to watch your kids struggle... so hugs from me.

 

[flyingdumbo127]

Not a parent just wanted to offer you an extra Please do make sure your son is taking care of himself! Dreamer17575, to your family and of course the family who lost a loved one. Heartbreaking. Reminder to tell someone you love that you do. Today.

Thank you to all of you parents for making a loving and kind difference to your children. Best to all of you, too!

 

[cmlnkb]

Has he worked any summer jobs or is his resume devoid of all work experience, not just internships?

I ask b/c it's REALLY hard to get a company to bite on a new college grad who also has never worked at a job. Usually, those 1st jobs for young people come with a lot of growing pains and life experience, and FT computer engineering firms would probably not want to be in the posture of hiring those "yet to work" students unless they were absolute all stars...and maybe not even then.

He has been working since he was 16..........fast food and bank jobs.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

I thought having a diploma from BU was a shoe in to finding a job but apparently not.

Was this repeated to your son and often enough? That could be part of why he's so defeated not that it's your fault, it's kinda an assumption but it's why many of us ended up disillusioned with college degrees, we had been told by our parents get a degree you'll get a job and make more money. Unfortunately over time that is just not enough nor a given. I graduated in 2010 and it was ridiculously hard to get a job due to the Recession, the job effects were still present then.

Now on the other hand some places may be more suited for certain industries. In my area there are some options for aerospace engineering degree that my husband graduated with but more than likely had he stayed in that particular field he would have had to move, not completely out of state but it def. could have been. The engineering company he worked for had encouraged him to interview at other places too so he could get that experience and understand if that's what he wanted to do. I think he just interviewed for Cessna.

But mechanical, design and construction engineering jobs are a lot more prevalent here

His is disappointed in his GPA at this point

Yeah GPA can mean a lot although I'm not sure what the expectations are for computer engineering. I know for aerospace the GPA should be high although that program could be done in 5 years or an aggressive credit hour schedule in 4 years (my husband did his in 4 years).

He was not able to get an internship, he applied to over 100 but never got an offer . He has attended both career fairs and got an interview but that is as far as it went. The more he gets rejected the worse he feels. I am so sad.

This is probably the main thing for me. Depending on the area internships may be crucial to getting experience, exposure and a job offer. But the truth is only getting an internship for engineering this far into college is a problem. I know I know the pandemic and all but was there any consideration to him doing it right after high school before he got to college (this would have been before the pandemic happened).

My husband did his engineering internship at age 17 the summer between his senior year of high school and freshman year of college. He was going for aerospace engineering for college but the company would have had him doing mechanical. He was asked to stay on and work during his college years and by junior year was offered a full time position once he graduated. Because he was going for aerospace they had him do some bridge courses that would provide him more mechanical experience. The engineering company he worked for did a lot of internships out of high school. I wonder if your son had done that if it would have helped him with understanding was it truly what he wanted to go into. Maybe a tech firm of some sort?

My husband recently did a career fair for his current company that does airline fueling systems. He did it at his alma mater and he came back saying that absolutely for sure the pandemic has had an effect on this college kids. Many of them really didn't do well with interviews. I've wondered what jobs if any some of these kids had. One kid was bordering on sexual harassments towards the female coworker that went with my husband

 

[cmlnkb]

My first concern is his mental health. Is he just sad and overwhelmed or is it something more serious? A girl my DD knows just took her own life last night so I might be overly sensitive but before worrying about grades, graduation, jobs I worry about how your son is coping. Transition times are hard on even the most prepared and it sounds like he has a bit of a rocky path.

If he picked engineering mostly because of potential salary, I could see how disheartened he must feel. You spoke about him maybe having FOMO but from his perspective he really might have missed out on some core experiences for something that isn’t paying off the way he hoped.

First priority is his mental health. Next is finding him a path forward- graduation is great if he can but if not what are the other options? Can he move home for a bit to regroup if necessary while working (anywhere- not necessarily in his field or a career job)? Has he spoken to his advisor all along about lack of internships etc? Does he have a professor that he is close to that he can speak to for guidance? Does he have good friends where he is that know what is happening and can offer him moral support?

Keep the focus on him- not the outcome. Graduation and jobs can be sorted out later if need be. The main thing is that he is ok and knows you have his back no matter what.

THis worries me too.....he has depression as well. He doesn't think his mental health counselor helps and its his second one. I don't know what else to do.

 

[Magical2017]

I work at a university and know students can feel very stressed this time of year. Trying to set small goals might be helpful. Is he good at organizing and time management? When is spring break?

It is also okay to find a different career path than what you majored in--I would definitely agree with pp idea of working on interview skills and using any tutoring centers to help with grades. Hugs to you, mama.

 

[dcassetta]

The federal government loves to hire engineers in my experience.
usajobs.gov & click on the recent graduates box or type "pathways" in the search bar.
or do a google search on the government contracting companies that are hiring in the locations he wouldn't mind working, and start scouring their websites.

I’m going to recommend the same program because it’s what my nephew did upon graduation with an engineering degree. He applied to a number of jobs and had interviews, but they never seem to progress. He went through USA jobs and got a position that was dedicated to recent grads. He now has a job he loves with a company he loves. He was also rather discouraged in the time following graduation concernEd he would never find a job he liked.

 

[mjkacmom]

I work at a university and know students can feel very stressed this time of year. Trying to set small goals might be helpful. Is he good at organizing and time management? When is spring break?

It is also okay to find a different career path than what you majored in--I would definitely agree with pp idea of working on interview skills and using any tutoring centers to help with grades. Hugs to you, mama.

Break just ended.

 

[mjkacmom]

THis worries me too.....he has depression as well. He doesn't think his mental health counselor helps and its his second one. I don't know what else to do.

Does he have a therapist at home? Psychiatrist? From what I’ve heard, mental health services aren’t the best.

 

[cmlnkb]

I work at a university and know students can feel very stressed this time of year. Trying to set small goals might be helpful. Is he good at organizing and time management? When is spring break?

It is also okay to find a different career path than what you majored in--I would definitely agree with pp idea of working on interview skills and using any tutoring centers to help with grades. Hugs to you, mama.

He just got back from a great spring break trip which I also think is part of the problem. A little taste of freedom then to come back to hard core work.

 

[unrequited23]

Is it too late for him to withdraw passing from a class or two and take them during the summer semester? This might throw off his timeline, but lighten his load. Completing his degree will open up a bunch of opportunities beyond his field of study--it literally is the foot in the door at the beginning of your career.

I'm not familiar with CE, but DH has degree in CS and is a lead systems architect for a major hospital system. Looking back, he wished he had pursued more certifications. That might be an option to bulk up his resume.

 

[dreamer17555]

THis worries me too.....he has depression as well. He doesn't think his mental health counselor helps and its his second one. I don't know what else to do.

As someone who has suffered and even been hospitalized with depression, you cannot always see when health care professionals are actually helping when you are in the thick of it.

Make sure he knows you love him- no matter what. That he can come home- with or without a degree or a job plan and you will make him his favorite food and figure it out together because you are on his team. That if he got this far and figured out it’s not for him? Okay well now he knows it doesn’t work so he learned that and as a team you will help him find what does work. Progress isn’t linear. Stumbling blocks can help us find better paths.

How far away are you? Make a plan for something, anything that is not about graduation and schedule it with him- if you are close a new restaurant to try together, if you are far a night to stream a movie online together. I know when I was at my lowest I still didn’t want to do anything that would disappoint people by missing a scheduled event.

I am not trying to be alarmist but if your gut is telling you to be worried- be worried. Do you know his friends? If so, do not ask them to break confidences but you can share that you are worried about him.

Tell him often something you adore about him (no one makes me laugh like you do, no one makes a better grilled cheese) so he can be reminded often his absence would leave a void.

And if all else fails and you are really worried- get him help even if he doesn’t want it at the moment. I had helped that I did not want at the moment thrust on me and while I hated it then it is why I am still here today.

Sending you huge hugs and tons of support. Also feel free to reach out via PM if you need to talk. While it is hard on him, it is hard on you too.

 

[Claire&TheBoys]

Echoing the posts about checking out USAJOBS. My husband works for a military base as a civilian and there are internships and job opportunities for recent grads. He is a computer scientist by degree but is now a manager and goes on recruiting trips and hires kids for first jobs. He tells them that the starting pay may not be what the big-name companies are offering, but after a trial period, you have tremendous job security. You can also transition to other positions that may be more to your liking.

On a personal note, I feel for your son. I graduated from a regionally well-known private university with a degree in engineering and was incredibly burned out by the time I graduated. I never worked a day as an engineer. I found my calling as an accountant and worked in that field for 20+ years, and still peripherally do, although it's not my primary task anymore. I don't really have regrets about the path I took, though. I think my life would be very different had I pursued that career, and I'm not sure for the better.

 

[HeatherC]

My son is a Senior in the College of Engineering at Boston University and this last semester is pushing him over the edge. He is struggling to get through it even though he is at the finish line. He has regretted his major since the end of sophomore year but it was too late at that point to switch majors. He is extremely discouraged because he cannot find a job, he has had several interviews but never makes it past that first interview. I feel so bad for him as he tells me he feels numb. I don't know what to do say other than to encourage him to keep swimming but I think he is running out of gas. He is so close I cannot imagine him losing control now. I thought having a diploma from BU was a shoe in to finding a job but apparently not. His is disappointed in his GPA at this point and scared it will end worse. The department isn't very helpful, and his mental health counselor doesn't help either according to him. Thanks for listening and any advice is greatly appreciated! He has put so much hard work into his major only to be let down and feel it was all for nothing. BTW he is a Computer Engineer not sure what opportunities are available to him after this without experience. He also feels inferior to his peers which makes me so sad. Thanks for listening

I am so sorry he is feeling this way. It is sooo hard to watch our kids struggle. My advice at this point (if it were my kid) would be to remind them that they only have X amount of weeks left and then they are free! Free to do whatever he wants in life! . I would encourage him to really just plan to take some time to relax and regroup after graduation and maybe put the engineering field on hold for a few months or just keep applying and try not to stress. A few months of downtime might be just what he needs to re assess. Just remind him you love him and a job does not define who he is. I wish you both the best and send hugs to you!

 

[holden]

I'm sorry your son is going through this.

My DD20 took a gap year after graduating high school. It was scary because we were not sure she would actually go to college after her gap year. I would have been happy with any education - trade school, college, etc.

She decided to attend college and is now thriving. She's a 20yo freshman who is currently in Ireland for a spring break study abroad program. I never would have thought she'd do that. She really needed that year to regroup.

I also have a friend whose son is a junior year engineering major (not sure what kind) and hates his major. He is struggling with whether or not to return to school next year.

I realize it's too late for a gap year after high school, but I would focus on what's best for your son's mental health. If he needs to walk away, is that ok? Maybe he needs a semester to breathe and regroup? Or time off to consider changing his major?

Kids his age are feeling the effects of the pandemic. Both of my girls are feeling it for sure. I try to keep that in mind when it comes to school.

 

[mom2rtk]

Was this repeated to your son and often enough? That could be part of why he's so defeated not that it's your fault, it's kinda an assumption but it's why many of us ended up disillusioned with college degrees, we had been told by our parents get a degree you'll get a job and make more money. Unfortunately over time that is just not enough nor a given. I graduated in 2010 and it was ridiculously hard to get a job due to the Recession, the job effects were still present then.

Now on the other hand some places may be more suited for certain industries. In my area there are some options for aerospace engineering degree that my husband graduated with but more than likely had he stayed in that particular field he would have had to move, not completely out of state but it def. could have been. The engineering company he worked for had encouraged him to interview at other places too so he could get that experience and understand if that's what he wanted to do. I think he just interviewed for Cessna.

But mechanical, design and construction engineering jobs are a lot more prevalent here

Yeah GPA can mean a lot although I'm not sure what the expectations are for computer engineering. I know for aerospace the GPA should be high although that program could be done in 5 years or an aggressive credit hour schedule in 4 years (my husband did his in 4 years).

This is probably the main thing for me. Depending on the area internships may be crucial to getting experience, exposure and a job offer. But the truth is only getting an internship for engineering this far into college is a problem. I know I know the pandemic and all but was there any consideration to him doing it right after high school before he got to college (this would have been before the pandemic happened).

My husband did his engineering internship at age 17 the summer between his senior year of high school and freshman year of college. He was going for aerospace engineering for college but the company would have had him doing mechanical. He was asked to stay on and work during his college years and by junior year was offered a full time position once he graduated. Because he was going for aerospace they had him do some bridge courses that would provide him more mechanical experience. The engineering company he worked for did a lot of internships out of high school. I wonder if your son had done that if it would have helped him with understanding was it truly what he wanted to go into. Maybe a tech firm of some sort?

My husband recently did a career fair for his current company that does airline fueling systems. He did it at his alma mater and he came back saying that absolutely for sure the pandemic has had an effect on this college kids. Many of them really didn't do well with interviews. I've wondered what jobs if any some of these kids had. One kid was bordering on sexual harassments towards the female coworker that went with my husband

The pandemic wouldn't have been a consideration before starting freshman year. They wouldn't have even considered that a possibility. There was no reason to anticipate that they couldn't do an internship after freshman or sophomore year like normal.

But the pandemic was a very real issue for students once it happened. Many administrative staff were working from home, and getting return communication was challenging. You couldn't just stop by on your way home from class to get help with your issues. Students were doing good to get enrolled in the right classes.