Promposals....

[Hikergirl]

I've never heard it called "the prom" and I'm 34. It's just Prom.

Way back in my day (I'm 43) it was "the prom"

 

[mi*vida*loca]

Way back in my day (I'm 43) it was "the prom"

Maybe regional? lol

 

[Vijoge]

Way back in my day (I'm 43) it was "the prom"

lol I'm 66. It was "the prom" in 1968, too.

 

[msjprincess]

I graduated HS in 1983, it was "the prom" back then and it's still "the prom" for my kids.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

So it's silly hyperbole to condone my daughter doing a promposal? But interestingly the opinions of those who admit promposals aren't a thing where they live have a more valid insight into the trend because they get their info from? Online? The news? Those sources of information are going to feature the OTT. That becomes the stick they measure it all against. That's neither valid or reality in my experience. Neither is the desperate grab for attention or an attempt to make their friends or peers feel inferior in some kind of twisted competition.

I've "condoned" my daughter's behavior of making her boyfriend special Valentine's treats, Christmas gifts and other fun and silly things as well. It's harmless fun. I assume you tag that "making a big deal" of that as well. As far as getting upset -- I think a couple posters in this thread might need to be checked on for how tight they're clutching those pearls in fear that this plague will come to their town. Then there's the "think of the children" brigade who are gushing with the gratitude theirs are too young for this and desperately hoping it won't happen when their moppets reach the age for prom.

I've asked repeatedly, but none of the critics seem to want to answer it directly -- if promposals are happening and you don't see, hear or pay for it, why does it bother you? Don't resort to the kneejerk response involving OTT promposals. What's the harm in a simple promposal between two people wanting to go to prom, whether they're an existing couple or someone simply has the desire to ask someone else to go to prom? Why does it matter to you how they did it? Silly hyperbole by some -- ya think?

Where did I say you were condoning anything? I said some of you were supporting your kid, which is what parents do. That's perfectly understandable. It's great you enjoyed the experience with them. OTOH, I can see where those against it are coming from as well. Where did I claim to have insight into promposals? I don't personally know anyone who has done it. I also don't follow social media that goes viral. Again, where did I say anyone was desperate for attention? I was responding to the notion that you need to do something more than just asking or discussing it as a couple w/o formally asking, before you go out & buy an expensive dress. History has shown that's not true. Kids can do what they want, but it's not necessary.

You're adding your own words to make what was posted by others sound worse than what was actually said. Your reply to my post is a prime example. I'm not even sure you were replying to what I typed. I didn't say anything your response to me would suggest. It's obvious you're reading the posts defensively & reading much more into them than what has actually been posted. I can see why a few of the posts would have upset the people in favor of promposals, but the majority of the posts are being translated with emotion to make them much worse than they are.

As for your last paragraph, I don't think promposals are necessary, but I also don't care if someone makes a simple gesture, when asking someone. FWIW, I don't think the large majority of people are talking about simple gestures. It's the over the top promposals that cause eye rolls.

 

[Vijoge]

My granddaughter, 16, went to prom last year with her then-boyfriend. She knew for months they were going, had her dress, shoes, had hair, makeup, and nail appointments all made, etc but still expected the requisite promposal. And made it clear if the promposal wasn't forthcoming she wouldn't be going. And yes, at her school there is a pretty big assumption that bigger is better, and boys are definitely being judged on their creativity, or lack thereof. He doesn't have to spend a lot, but it had better be cool, or he's sending a message to the entire school that he's just not into her. KWIM?

 

[luvsJack]

Where did I say you were condoning anything? I said some of you were supporting your kid, which is what parents do. That's perfectly understandable. It's great you enjoyed the experience with them. OTOH, I can see where those against it are coming from as well. Where did I claim to have insight into promposals? I don't personally know anyone who has done it. I also don't follow social media that goes viral. Again, where did I say anyone was desperate for attention? I was responding to the notion that you need to do something more than just asking or discussing it as a couple w/o formally asking, before you go out & buy an expensive dress. History has shown that's not true. Kids can do what they want, but it's not necessary.

You're adding your own words to make what was posted by others sound worse than what was actually said. Your reply to my post is a prime example. I'm not even sure you were replying to what I typed. I didn't say anything your response to me would suggest. It's obvious you're reading the posts defensively & reading much more into them than what has actually been posted. I can see why a few of the posts would have upset the people in favor of promposals, but the majority of the posts are being translated with emotion to make them much worse than they are.

As for your last paragraph, I don't think promposals are necessary, but I also don't care if someone makes a simple gesture, when asking someone. FWIW, I don't think the large majority of people are talking about simple gestures, it's the over the top promposals that cause eye rolls.

I am the one that said something about being asked or asking someone before buying the expensive dress. I didn't mean a promposal has to be done. I meant someone should ask the other before it is just assumed that they will be going together. I would have been one little mad hen if my hs boyfriend had just assumed we were going together. Its nice to be asked.

 

[cabanafrau]

Where did I say you were condoning anything? I said some of you were supporting your kid, which is what parents do. That's perfectly understandable. It's great you enjoyed the experience with them. OTOH, I can see where those against it are coming from as well. Where did I claim to have insight into promposals? I don't personally know anyone who has done it. I also don't follow social media that goes viral. Again, where did I say anyone was desperate for attention? I was responding to the notion that you need to do something more than just asking or discussing it as a couple w/o formally asking, before you go out & buy an expensive dress. History has shown that's not true. Kids can do what they want, but it's not necessary.

You're adding your own words to make what was posted by others sound worse than what was actually said. Your reply to my post is a prime example. I'm not even sure you were replying to what I typed. I didn't say anything your response to me would suggest. It's obvious you're reading the posts defensively & reading much more into them than what has actually been posted. I can see why a few of the posts would have upset the people in favor of promposals, but the majority of the posts are being translated with emotion to make them much worse than they are.

As for your last paragraph, I don't think promposals are necessary, but I also don't care if someone makes a simple gesture, when asking someone. FWIW, I don't think the large majority of people are talking about simple gestures, it's the over the top promposals that cause eye rolls.

Maybe it would be helpful if you looked back at what you wrote that I responded to. You related how you went to many proms simply by being asked, nothing else needed, generations have been going to dances without anything except being asked, etc., etc. Implication, anything beyond simply asking someone to prom or any HS dance is completely unnecessary, and therefore presumed frowned upon.

And as for enjoying the experience with my daughter? She came home with a posterboard, told me her intentions, I saw the resulting "periodic table" she created. I was so very much a part of the experience I guess. I'm sure the, that's cute, I think he'll like it means I was overly involved. FTR, I thought it was cute & fun -- for them. I certainly wasn't there, nor did I feel any need to be.

I at least have personal experience with someone involved in two promposals. I think it's beyond ridiculous for those who say they're not even a thing in their area to invest their time in getting all anxious about something they have zero personal experience of, let alone think they are in any position to judge it at all objectively based on promposals gone viral. Seriously, does anybody think airport experiences gone viral are representative of most or all airport experiences?

I didn't say promposals were necessary. I said they are simple fun that I have no qualms about my daughter participating in. She harmed no one. She certainly didn't break the bank. She wasn't trying to one up anybody or compete with anybody. She simply tried to be thoughtful about how she invited her boyfriend to her prom since he was thoughtful about how he invited her to his. She shared the two photos from his promposal on her Facebook. Clearly she was attention seeking. I'm sure if I was on Facebook I'd never see a single photo from any of my adult friends sharing a picture of their kids, their new dog, a vacation photo, the arrangement they created for the flower show or anything attention seeking like that. I actually wouldn't know, I'm not on Facebook. I think the whole tirade against promposals is just another way for grumpy older people with nothing better to do to dump all over younger people, making assumptions about how they ALL behave, as if it's some collective with a single mind.

 

[cabanafrau]

My granddaughter, 16, went to prom last year with her then-boyfriend. She knew for months they were going, had her dress, shoes, had hair, makeup, and nail appointments all made, etc but still expected the requisite promposal. And made it clear if the promposal wasn't forthcoming she wouldn't be going. And yes, at her school there is a pretty big assumption that bigger is better, and boys are definitely being judged on their creativity, or lack thereof. He doesn't have to spend a lot, but it had better be cool, or he's sending a message to the entire school that he's just not into her. KWIM?

That's not much like my daughter's experience. They'd been dating a year and a half and she suspected he would take her to his prom, but she wasn't expecting a promposal, even though they were common at the HS they attended. Ironically they had a running gag the following year when he kept teasing her about promposing to him for her prom. He even told her at one point he knew she would do it at Science Olympiad (it's where they met).

She did get her hair done and had mani and pedi done. Photos were by dad. He takes incredible pictures. My older daughter says friends still comment about the pics he took of them for their prom -- and occasionally some still throw them up on Facebook from time to time as their profile pics because they were so well done. (Incidentally, older daughter and her friends were promposal-less. Same HS, wasn't a thing there when they graduated. By three years later, it was.)

 

[cabanafrau]

So I guess people don't just ask someone to prom? Or invite them?

Now they propose?

Like I said, stuff like that used to be reserved for weddings.

No, they prompose. In our area proposals are reserved for marriage.

Can't see what the big objection is to silly terminology -- or the need to try to make it something it's not.

Most of those kids today probably take cell phones with them to prom. We didn't do that in my day.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

I am the one that said something about being asked or asking someone before buying the expensive dress. I didn't mean a promposal has to be done. I meant someone should ask the other before it is just assumed that they will be going together. I would have been one little mad hen if my hs boyfriend had just assumed we were going together. Its nice to be asked.

I agree it's nice to be asked. I just didn't see it as being necessary, before buying a dress.

Maybe it would be helpful if you looked back at what you wrote that I responded to. You related how you went to many proms simply by being asked, nothing else needed, generations have been going to dances without anything except being asked, etc., etc. Implication, anything beyond simply asking someone to prom or any HS dance is completely unnecessary, and therefore presumed frowned upon.

And as for enjoying the experience with my daughter? She came home with a posterboard, told me her intentions, I saw the resulting "periodic table" she created. I was so very much a part of the experience I guess. I'm sure the, that's cute, I think he'll like it means I was overly involved. FTR, I thought it was cute & fun -- for them. I certainly wasn't there, nor did I feel any need to be.

I at least have personal experience with someone involved in two promposals. I think it's beyond ridiculous for those who say they're not even a thing in their area to invest their time in getting all anxious about something they have zero personal experience of, let alone think they are in any position to judge it at all objectively based on promposals gone viral. Seriously, does anybody think airport experiences gone viral are representative of most or all airport experiences?

I didn't say promposals were necessary. I said they are simple fun that I have no qualms about my daughter participating in. She harmed no one. She certainly didn't break the bank. She wasn't trying to one up anybody or compete with anybody. She simply tried to be thoughtful about how she invited her boyfriend to her prom since he was thoughtful about how he invited her to his. She shared the two photos from his promposal on her Facebook. Clearly she was attention seeking. I'm sure if I was on Facebook I'd never see a single photo from any of my adult friends sharing a picture of their kids, their new dog, a vacation photo, the arrangement they created for the flower show or anything attention seeking like that. I actually wouldn't know, I'm not on Facebook. I think the whole tirade against promposals is just another way for grumpy older people with nothing better to do to dump all over younger people, making assumptions about how they ALL behave, as if it's some collective with a single mind.

This is yet another example of seeing implications & presumptions where there aren't any. I did go to proms simply by being asked. That's a fact. There's no emotion in that statement at all. Nowhere did I say I frowned upon people who did promposals. I also didn't say anything about you being overly involved. I said parents do & should support their kids. It's good you enjoyed seeing what she made, helping her or doing whatever your involvement was. I would have to think that was being overly involved for me to say that. I don't. That's sharing an experience with your child, which is a good thing. I also didn't say you said promposals are necessary. You're assuming way more than I'm saying & replying to your assumptions rather than what I said. Surely, you can see that. It appears you're choosing inflammatory words from all the posts & responding as if everyone said all of them. I haven't actually said anything you're accusing me of. Honestly, this whole back & forth is totally bizarre.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

My granddaughter, 16, went to prom last year with her then-boyfriend. She knew for months they were going, had her dress, shoes, had hair, makeup, and nail appointments all made, etc but still expected the requisite promposal. And made it clear if the promposal wasn't forthcoming she wouldn't be going. And yes, at her school there is a pretty big assumption that bigger is better, and boys are definitely being judged on their creativity, or lack thereof. He doesn't have to spend a lot, but it had better be cool, or he's sending a message to the entire school that he's just not into her. KWIM?

I think for some this is where the promposal thing gets to be "an issue." When it becomes who is better or more important than the next. I know it's like that around here. It's just a way to show off and one up the next person. Like I said, a common hashtag used is #myboyfriendisbetterthanyours *insert eye roll*

I don't care if kids do them. But I do think the over the top, expensive ones, done to specifically show off and one up everyone else, are a bit much but not my problem at the end of the day. The cute cheesy ones are just that....cute and cheesy.

 

[cabanafrau]

I agree it's nice to be asked. I just didn't see it as being necessary, before buying a dress.



This is yet another example of seeing implications & presumptions where there aren't any. I did go to proms simply by being asked. That's a fact. There's no emotion in that statement at all. Nowhere did I say I frowned upon people who did promposals. I also didn't say anything about you being overly involved. I said parents do & should support their kids. It's good you enjoyed seeing what she made, helping her or doing whatever your involvement was. I would have to think that was being overly involved for me to say that. I don't. That's sharing an experience with your child, which is a good thing. I also didn't say you said promposals are necessary. You're assuming way more than I'm saying & replying to your assumptions rather than what I said. Surely, you can see that. It appears you're choosing inflammatory words from all the posts & responding as if everyone said all of them. I haven't actually said anything you're accusing me of. Honestly, this whole back & forth is totally bizarre.

I quoted and responded to some of your comments, but everything I said was not directed specifically to you. Some of what I had to say is generally responsive to the thread overall, plenty of it has been very tongue in cheek. I have no idea what the relevance of your being asked to several proms with a simple invite was if it wasn't to subtly shade promposals in the thread about promposals. I too was simply asked back in the day, no promposal. They weren't really a thing back then as far as I know. I'm only aware of them the past 3-ish years or so. Doesn't mean times can't change. I don't think with or without is superior to the other.

Remember, it's often hard to gauge things from simply the written word. Maybe the snow is actually falling on both sides of the fence when you say presume, accuse, etc.

 

[Adelle Dazeem]

That's not much like my daughter's experience. They'd been dating a year and a half and she suspected he would take her to his prom,

They had been dating for a year and a half and she SUSPECTED he would take her to his prom? I think that is weird. Who else would he take??

I guess I can kinda get the whole "promposal" if someone is asking some one they don't know very well, bit if you are dating your boyfriend/girlfriend for a year and a half, I think the whole thing is kinda silly.

 

[Vijoge]

They had been dating for a year and a half and she SUSPECTED he would take her to his prom? I think that is weird. Who else would he take??

I guess I can kinda get the whole "promposal" if someone is asking some one they don't know very well, bit if you are dating your boyfriend/girlfriend for a year and a half, I think the whole thing is kinda silly.

I thought the same thing.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

I quoted and responded to some of your comments, but everything I said was not directed specifically to you. Some of what I had to say is generally responsive to the thread overall, plenty of it has been very tongue in cheek. I have no idea what the relevance of your being asked to several proms with a simple invite was if it wasn't to subtly shade promposals in the thread about promposals. I too was simply asked back in the day, no promposal. They weren't really a thing back then as far as I know. I'm only aware of them the past 3-ish years or so. Doesn't mean times can't change. I don't think with or without is superior to the other.

Remember, it's often hard to gauge things from simply the written word. Maybe the snow is actually falling on both sides of the fence when you say presume, accuse, etc.

As I already said, my saying I had been invited to proms simply by being asked was in response to someone saying you needed to receive a more formal invitation, before buying an expensive dress. I was saying that wasn't necessary in the past & isn't completely necessary now. She responded to what I actually said & I replied to her.

The written word is all you can go by. If you start inferring what was posted & filling in the blanks with assumptions, you get into total fiction. That causes people to talk themselves into getting upset over things that haven't been said. Our discussing is a prime example of that. Regardless, I give up. You go ahead making up things I've said, if it suits your narrative. Truthfully, I'm very surprised that you of all people would misconstrue everything I've said & flame me over it. I've always thought you were one of the most levelheaded people on this board. I'm still baffled by the whole thing. I understand the whole mother bear thing. I'm one myself, but this is ridiculous.

 

[cabanafrau]

They had been dating for a year and a half and she SUSPECTED he would take her to his prom? I think that is weird. Who else would he take??

I guess I can kinda get the whole "promposal" if someone is asking some one they don't know very well, bit if you are dating your boyfriend/girlfriend for a year and a half, I think the whole thing is kinda silly.

I thought the same thing.

I wasn't suggesting she thought he would take someone else. She didn't know for certain that he would want to go to prom at all. There is also the possibility he would not have been in town for prom. Our HS traditionally has prom right at the beginning of Memorial Day Weekend, so there have been some who elect not to go because they prefer to do something else for the holiday weekend.

Yep, truly weird, no other way to describe it.

 

[Snap Crackle Pop]

It's not just a present day thing though, my aunt told me she got a promposal in the 1908s, it was pretty awful though. He threw pieces of paper in a black trash bag [filled it with paper trash] and then in the middle in a box it said "here is a white trash way of asking you to go to prom, yes or no? She was livid and so she threw actual trash in a black bag and told him no.

 

[cabanafrau]

It's not just a present day thing though, my aunt told me she got a promposal in the 1908s, it was pretty awful though. He threw pieces of paper in a black trash bag [filled it with paper trash] and then in the middle in a box it said "here is a white trash way of asking you to go to prom, yes or no? She was livid and so she threw actual trash in a black bag and told him no.

Well bless his heart. If that wasn't a cry for an overly involved mama bear or a legit need for Pinterest, I don't know what is.

 

[Hikergirl]

It's not just a present day thing though, my aunt told me she got a promposal in the 1908s, it was pretty awful though. He threw pieces of paper in a black trash bag [filled it with paper trash] and then in the middle in a box it said "here is a white trash way of asking you to go to prom, yes or no? She was livid and so she threw actual trash in a black bag and told him no.

LOL, that would have been something my dh would have done, and I would have accepted because I would have thought it was funny. He probably would have used a white bag though, to go with the whole white trash theme.