Public restroom-be very aware of your surroundings

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

For me.

We know how you feel and I didn't say something was wrong with that. Just clarifying you did indeed say what others should do hence some poster's comments.

 

[mjkacmom]

We know how you feel and I didn't say something was wrong with that. Just clarifying you did indeed say what others should do hence some poster's comments.

Exactly, especially since it’s not a common opinion.

 

[White Cat]

I have a friend that is a in a long term controlling marriage. Things have gotten somewhat better in the last 5 years as she has gotten the nerve to speak up (got her own phone for example and her own bank card...).

To me what you speak of puts out a controlling vibe. I'M NOT SAYING YOU ARE CONTROLLING - before people jump on me. It's the perspective I get.

My friend does not have her license and when I see her the husband always drops her off and picks her up. This is the same type of vibe.

If I was dating someone and they wouldn't leave me alone at a table when out I would run the other way.

Opening doors is very lovely. My husband doesn't do that but it's not something I care about in the least.
I understand it's what you were taught but it's not a common thing. My husband is very lovely - makes and brings me coffee, puts gas in my car, etc. So it's all in the perspective I guess. Do what works best for you as a couple.

I think you had another post directed somewhat at my posts as controlling. I apologize if wrong. I treat my wife the way I feel a lady should be treated. It’s nothing we have ever talked about. She does thank me every time I open the door for her.
My wife travels internationally several times a month, often alone. She started and sold a very very successful company in a very demanding cut throat business for a very handsome sum of money. Easily can live off the Interest. She owns several properties. She’s very unassuming and certainly not controlled. I prefer to treat her like I believe a lady should be treated. It’s just the way I am. I think she appreciates it. But again it’s not talked about or even a big deal.

 

[White Cat]

We know how you feel and I didn't say something was wrong with that. Just clarifying you did indeed say what others should do hence some poster's comments.

I righted my mis understood wrong.

 

[CdnCarrie]

I think you had another post directed somewhat at my posts as controlling. I apologize if wrong. I treat my wife the way I feel a lady should be treated. It’s nothing we have ever talked about. She does thank me every time I open the door for her.
My wife travels internationally several times a month, often alone. She started and sold a very very successful company in a very demanding cut throat business for a very handsome sum of money. Easily can live off the Interest. She owns several properties. She’s very unassuming and certainly not controlled. I prefer to treat her like I believe a lady should be treated. It’s just the way I am. I think she appreciates it. But again it’s not talked about or even a big deal.

I righted my mis understood wrong.

Again I don't think you are. I myself would find it uncomfortable. But sounds like you have a wonderful marriage and have found what works for both of you.

 

[sam_gordon]

Displaying good manners?

You keep bringing this up and I know it slightly rubs me the wrong way. The way this reads to me is you consider it "good manners" to not leave your wife at the table alone and to open the car door. BUT, does that mean someone who DOESN'T do that doesn't have "good manners"?

Again, I don't think that's what you're saying, but it is one way I read it.

And I understand the "manners" with holding the door open is because "the female shouldn't have to put out the effort". I don't get the "don't leave them at the table" though. Is it because they can't entertain themselves? Then you should never leave them alone. Is it because you (general) should be concerned about others approaching them? I get this is just the way you were brought up. And I don't find anything wrong with it (as long as your wife/GF doesn't have a problem with it). I just don't understand the reasoning behind it. That's a society question, not specifically a White Cat decision (if that makes sense).

 

[Karin1984]

You keep bringing this up and I know it slightly rubs me the wrong way. The way this reads to me is you consider it "good manners" to not leave your wife at the table alone and to open the car door. BUT, does that mean someone who DOESN'T do that doesn't have "good manners"?

Again, I don't think that's what you're saying, but it is one way I read it.

And I understand the "manners" with holding the door open is because "the female shouldn't have to put out the effort". I don't get the "don't leave them at the table" though. Is it because they can't entertain themselves? Then you should never leave them alone. Is it because you (general) should be concerned about others approaching them? I get this is just the way you were brought up. And I don't find anything wrong with it (as long as your wife/GF doesn't have a problem with it). I just don't understand the reasoning behind it. That's a society question, not specifically a White Cat decision (if that makes sense).

It probably comes from the time when women were in need of male protection against other men. When women wore corsets and crinolines (so couldn't run away quickly) and only had a fan as a weapon to waive away unwanted attention.

It could be from earlier times, as the bride stands on the left of the groom, so he can hold her with his left arm and has his right arm free to use his sword when another man tries to steal the bride. I can see traditions like this start as early as that.

 

[eandt]

I just wanted to say that I'm sorry that happened to you. I'm always paranoid (and sadly, have come to accept it) that some creepy person has put in a camera in there. You hear stories about that on the news from time to time, so I think it probably happens more than we even know. I don't know if he was after your purse or what, but I think that would've been terrifying and I'm glad you were able to scream to scare him off and get others' attention.

Your paranoia is well served ............. happens way more often than anyone would ever want to believe

 

[White Cat]

You keep bringing this up and I know it slightly rubs me the wrong way. The way this reads to me is you consider it "good manners" to not leave your wife at the table alone and to open the car door. BUT, does that mean someone who DOESN'T do that doesn't have "good manners"?

Again, I don't think that's what you're saying, but it is one way I read it.

And I understand the "manners" with holding the door open is because "the female shouldn't have to put out the effort". I don't get the "don't leave them at the table" though. Is it because they can't entertain themselves? Then you should never leave them alone. Is it because you (general) should be concerned about others approaching them? I get this is just the way you were brought up. And I don't find anything wrong with it (as long as your wife/GF doesn't have a problem with it). I just don't understand the reasoning behind it. That's a society question, not specifically a White Cat decision (if that makes sense).

Not a White Cat thing. I thought it was general knowledge.

I don’t really stop to think much about if the person has good manners or not. I guess if pressed I would say they haven’t been taught. Standing when the lady gets up or comes to sit down at the table? Rarely seen. For me manners in general doesn’t go out of style.

 

[sam_gordon]

Not a White Cat thing. I thought it was general knowledge.

Sorry, I meant what the reason behind it is.

I don’t really stop to think much about if the person has good manners or not. I guess if pressed I would say they haven’t been taught. Standing when the lady gets up or comes to sit down at the table? Rarely seen. For me manners in general doesn’t go out of style.

The bolded is totally true. Personally, I don't follow it, I wasn't really taught it, and I don't think a female is deserving of "extra" respect (I mean, why not stand up/sit down whenever ANYONE leaves or approaches the table). That probably won't come out right, but hopefully someone will understand what I'm trying to say.

 

[seshat0120]

Sorry, I meant what the reason behind it is.

The bolded is totally true. Personally, I don't follow it, I wasn't really taught it, and I don't think a female is deserving of "extra" respect (I mean, why not stand up/sit down whenever ANYONE leaves or approaches the table). That probably won't come out right, but hopefully someone will understand what I'm trying to say.

I think it came out perfectly right and my thinking as well. I really don't understand why anyone would think they have to stand up if I leave or approach a table just because I'm female. Then again, I also don't think I need doors opened for me, a seat given up for me, etc. just because I'm female.

 

[Moliphino]

I think it came out perfectly right and my thinking as well. I really don't understand why anyone would think they have to stand up if I leave or approach a table just because I'm female. Then again, I also don't think I need doors opened for me, a seat given up for me, etc. just because I'm female.

Yeah, why is the standing thing even a thing?
I'll hold doors for anyone in the vicinity when I'm using it myself, that's just polite. Especially if they have their hands full. Nobody needs to go out of their way to open one for me.

 

[CdnCarrie]

Not a White Cat thing. I thought it was general knowledge.

I don’t really stop to think much about if the person has good manners or not. I guess if pressed I would say they haven’t been taught. Standing when the lady gets up or comes to sit down at the table? Rarely seen. For me manners in general doesn’t go out of style.

Not general knowledge here. I'm in my 50s and never heard of such a thing.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

@White Cat I understand what you are trying to say. My father was somewhat like that, too. He would be 104 yrs old this year if he were living, so from a different era altogether. We’ve lost a lot of that as the years have gone on, imo. (Not saying good or bad.) I would say it was just a respect thing. For example, if I called my mother ”she”, look out. To him, she wasn’t a she, she was my mother! It was a big deal to him. (So I would have to say, “Well, Mom said” instead of “Well, she said”, for instance.) Somehow, despite this, I grew up thinking somewhat differently, although I tend to still be respectful of people and certain things. For instance I never call my patients by their first names at first, I call them by their last names, as in Mr, Mrs, Ms, etc. It’s just my way of being respectful. (If someone gives me permission and/or we develop a relationship, then I may call them by their first names.) Maybe I’m not saying this right, lol. Because I’m not in the dark ages and in the era I grew up in, considered myself a feminist (although I feel somewhat differently today.) At any rate, if it works for you and your wife, then more power to you. You also must have a bladder of steele, lol.

This is all I can think of, lol, from A League of Their Own (early 1940s when my parents were coming of age as young adults). Seems so silly today, but that’s how it was then.

 

[Kathryn Merteuil]

I honestly didn't know that being left alone at a table was a thing, my DH has done that and I never gave it a second thought.

 

[indimom]

Jumping in a little late. lol

My husband doesn't make it a habit to stand outside the bathrooms UNLESS we're at the one "sketchy" mall in our area. Sometimes we do shop there out of need and he is a Marine and can't help himself - he's more cautious than most. In areas we consider safer, either one of us might wander off to a restroom alone. If it's a place where we are not sure of the bathroom location/large area/lots of people, we probably would both go to the restroom at the same time just to prevent spending half an hour trying to find each other again via cellphone. (Disney is a good example of this one.)

My husband always offers to hold my purse if we are out; and, I want to stop by the bathroom. I usually take him up on it because I often have a clutch; and, it just makes the process easier. Especially the hand washing part. There usually is no clean/dry location to place it while washing hands, so I'm tucking it under my arm to keep it clean while trying to wash/dry. Cross body bags are easier, but I still don't like taking more than I have to into a germy bathroom.

On the subject of men standing up when women approach the table, etc. Like others, I think this was held over from another era when women wore different clothing. Because it can be difficult to get seated in a chair gracefully with your clothing comfortable/untwisted/tangled when you are wearing longer or fuller skirts. I certainly noticed this when I was in weddings or went to prom as a teen. Getting in and out of the car was also difficult and I appreciated those young boys/men (and the occasional girlfriend) who realized I needed the helping hand. So, if a few men still follow tradition and offer a helping hand, hold a door, pull out a chair, I don't automatically jump to "controlling." I think they just were raised that way and it's a habit. One I find sweet even when its unnecessary.

 

[Colleen27]

disclaimer- i just bought a few loungefly bags for when i do want to use a purse because i like ones that can prompt people to start conversations (helps us shyer folks trying our best to socialize once a year or so)-these are the newest. do they meet the approval of the purse lovers on this thread?

Loungefly bags have almost managed to make me a purse person. And you're right, they're great conversation starters! I have Sailor Moon, Harry Potter, Haunted Mansion, and Rainbow Mickey bags, which is pretty much every purse I own except the red retro-look WDW Coach crossbody from the first round of 50th anniversary merch. And especially when I'm traveling solo, I love how often they're the jumping off point for conversations with total strangers.

I stopped carrying a purse during the pandemic. Just didn't want to worry about wiping the germs off when I got home. Once they decided surface transmission wasn't a thing, I never went back. Phone, wallet, keys. I count to 3 when I leave and that's it.

For me, it was just the opposite - the pandemic got me wearing a purse more than I ever had before, because for a while there I needed to be sure to have our vaccination cards with us and since my state didn't do a digital credential, carrying it in a purse just made more sense. Now I'm mostly back to phone-wallet-keys in my pockets, but I'm more apt than I used to be to grab a purse if I think my day is going to call for a book to pass the time or some other "extra".

Back in 2017 there was a Haunted Mansion wallpaper one I was sooooo close to getting though.

That bag is what started our Loungefly collection. We lucked into being at Disneyland when the Haunted Mansion 50th was happening but didn't care for the 50th Loungefly - neither DD14 nor I like the styles with ears. But one of the shops at Downtown Disney still had the wallpaper style and we both loved it. At the time, I was a little skeptical about DD-then-10 wanting a $75 purse but she still uses it often and it has held up really well. For a minute I thought about getting another, for those times when we both reach for it, but what they're going for since being discontinued is way more than I'd ever spend!

 

[luvthatduke]

... For example, if I called my mother ”she”, look out. To him, she wasn’t a she, she was my mother! It was a big deal to him. (So I would have to say, “Well, Mom said” instead of “Well, she said”, for instance.)...

[MEDIA=youtube]tMI7LNgVjPY[/MEDIA]
[/QUOTE]

I grew up like this, too.
My mom's still here - just turned 84 -
but you better believe my DS & I never called her "she"
no matter where or to whom we were talking.

 

[AustinTink]

Wow. I just read the first couple of pages and skipped to the last one to comment. Only on the Dis would this conversation evolve (devolve) into a debate about chivalry as opposed to the original discussion.

To the OP- just wanted to say sorry this happened to you. When we ate at the Cake Boss restaurant in the Venetian, I saw a bum come in off the street mumbling to himself and head into the ladies room. He was whacked out on something so probably could not discern women’s from men’s rooms anyway. That particular restaurant is by a pretty deserted side entrance to the hotel so I bet it gets a lot of use from the homeless.

I made a note to be aware in the restrooms close to street level entrances in Vegas from that point on. The hotels don’t police anything so best to just be aware.

On the topic of chivalry. I love having the door held for me. Not because I’m a gal but because I’m a germaphobe. If I don’t have to touch a door handle I’m super happy!

 

[Alicefan]

I wish I could get into the backpack thing because I really love most of the Loungefly patterns. Every time I'm at my local Hallmark store I still glance at them just in case.

Back in 2017 there was a Haunted Mansion wallpaper one I was sooooo close to getting though.

I love getting into conversations with people about purses (or shoes lol). It's usually pretty easy too but I also live in the midwest where striking up conversations with people isn't all that abnormal either.

Same here. I love to look at all of the cute backpacks but the idea of having to take that thing off each and every time I sat down on a ride is enough to make me flip out. I wish I had a dollar for every time my best friend and I see someone with a big ol backpack and look at each other and say, "what on earth would you possibly need that badly in a theme park to carry a bag that big?" You'd think some people were going on safari.

Also, I love the Haunted mansion wall paper, so I got the Dooney bag when it came out.