S/O: 18 year olds

[L&Lfan]

With that definition, which btw I agree with, then many folks never become adults.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

My son just turned 18. I told him he's not an adult until he moves out and pays his own bills.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Not sure what your source was for the Middle Ages, but the average life expectancy for a male in the Middle Ages was 33 years old

That average was due to the high infant mortality rate at the time. If people made it past, say, 5, they were probably good until their 60's.

 

[Sleepy425]

I think that keeping it legally at 18 makes sense because many kids are away at college and should be able to make decisions for themselves, without having to wait for mom or dad to give medical clearance or anything like that.
However, as the foster mom to an 18 year old, I can't imagine him on his own in this world making decisions for himself. He has a long way to go before he can be independent. We are trying to teach him, but it is hard to undo a lifetime of bad influences.

 

[Lilacs4Me]

My son will be 18 in June, so he will be a HS graduate at age 17 on May 25th. In a lot of ways, he is mature enough to handle himself in a grown-up world, but he is definitely still in the idealistic "everything-will-be-taken-care-of-by-my-parents-if-I-refuse-to-do-it-myself" mentality of a child.

He is the perfect example of the typical parental lamentation of: "if this kid is so smart, then why....."

The answer is easy. He's 17 (close to 18). His brain is far from being fully developed.

Still enormously frustrating when he won't make himself a sandwich then can't understand why I won't give him $40/week for his school's food-court priced lunches, or when he leaves his disgusting lacrosse equipment all over the couch and stares at me wondering why I am losing my...stuff.

 

[Lilacs4Me]

I think that keeping it legally at 18 makes sense because many kids are away at college and should be able to make decisions for themselves, without having to wait for mom or dad to give medical clearance or anything like that.
However, as the foster mom to an 18 year old, I can't imagine him on his own in this world making decisions for himself. He has a long way to go before he can be independent. We are trying to teach him, but it is hard to undo a lifetime of bad influences.

We are in a similar boat with our nephew whom we took guardianship of 8 months ago, although he is only 11 1/2 right now. Due to many factors, he consistently exhibits the maturity level of an 8 year old, and while I can imagine my own 6th grade son being a typical 18 year old in 6 years, at this point I really do not think that DN11 will be ready to make legal decisions or live on his own. My oldest will be 18 in June so I can see the maturity range where the younger boys *should* when they are that age, and I think DN11 will do much better with a few extra years of guidance and supervision. Hopefully he will prove me wrong, but like you said...trying to undo 11 years of inconsistent parenting (to say the least) and lack of adult investment in this child's life will be a difficult task.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

My son will be 18 in June, so he will be a HS graduate at age 17 on May 25th. In a lot of ways, he is mature enough to handle himself in a grown-up world, but he is definitely still in the idealistic "everything-will-be-taken-care-of-by-my-parents-if-I-refuse-to-do-it-myself" mentality of a child.

He is the perfect example of the typical parental lamentation of: "if this kid is so smart, then why....."

The answer is easy. He's 17 (close to 18). His brain is far from being fully developed.

Still enormously frustrating when he won't make himself a sandwich then can't understand why I won't give him $40/week for his school's food-court priced lunches, or when he leaves his disgusting lacrosse equipment all over the couch and stares at me wondering why I am losing my...stuff.

Very well put. Same with my newly turned 18 year old son.

I had my son when I was 17 years old. Pregnant at 16. I couldn't even fathom my son with a child at this age. Even as a kid I was always a lot more mature just because of my circumstances. But my son is a whole world away.

 

[Lilacs4Me]

Very well put. Same with my newly turned 18 year old son.

I had my son when I was 17 years old. Pregnant at 16. I couldn't even fathom my son with a child at this age. Even as a kid I was always a lot more mature just because of my circumstances. But my son is a whole world away.

Haha, mine has been in a relationship with his girlfriend for less than 2 months, and he is already kind of over worrying and thinking about someone beside himself. I can't imagine him being responsible for a baby anytime in the next decade!

I was responsible for caring for my younger sisters (aged 6 and 4) the majority of the time when my mother walked out when I was 12, and then responsible for my baby brother she had when I was 14 and allowed to come and live with her to "help" with the baby while she worked afternoons. I was essentially a teen mother from that point on - when I got a job at 16, I had to find a babysitter for him and take him to/from the sitter while I worked in addition to the regular stuff - I had to bathe, feed, wash his clothes, clean up after him, put to bed, etc, etc. I raised him during almost all non-school hours, until I turned 18 and moved out. My teenagers can't even imagine doing any of this for each other, and think my mother was crazy (she was!)

And I paid for my own darn school lunches and gas!

 

[RedAngie]

With that definition, which btw I agree with, then many folks never become adults.

I have two cousins in their late 50's/early 60's who never became adults.

 

[robinb]

Well I was 17 and living on my own paying all my own bills so yes by 18 I considered myself an adult.

My son is 18 living on his own, working and paying his own bills so yes I consider him an adult.

I think that is becoming rarer in the US. I don't know of any of my DD's friends from HS (2017 grads) that are living on their own and working. All of them are either living away at college or working while staying at home. Even her ex-BF who makes good money working construction still lives at home to sock away money.

 

[PollyannaMom]

I was going to say this too:

That average was due to the high infant mortality rate at the time. If people made it past, say, 5, they were probably good until their 60's.

But I know what you mean about this part:

I think legally, 18 makes sense because that’s the age at which more children move away to pursue college, trades, employment... I could entertain the argument of making it 21 though.

College "kids" definitely need some legal independence, but I also don't see my 17-year-old being a "completed project" by next year, either. (Though I do get glimpses more and more frequently now. )

And if 21 is the drinking age, why isn't it also the military age? How can we send people off to fight for our country if we don't even think they're responsible enough to have a glass of wine with dinner?

I really don't think there is a magic line where you are a child one day and an adult the next. It's a gradual process, and I wish there was more of an acknowledgement of that.

 

[Cannot_Wait_4Disney]

IMO, not at all. I think that things have changed & adulthood should be 21 for everything including school. I actually think school she be restructured so that kids go longer too maybe another year. Like you pointed out, biologically the brain isn’t even developed.

Three more years of the mind numbing dare to be a dullard curriculum? I know my brain would have popped. The best thing for me was college.

 

[Sleepy425]

We are in a similar boat with our nephew whom we took guardianship of 8 months ago, although he is only 11 1/2 right now. Due to many factors, he consistently exhibits the maturity level of an 8 year old, and while I can imagine my own 6th grade son being a typical 18 year old in 6 years, at this point I really do not think that DN11 will be ready to make legal decisions or live on his own. My oldest will be 18 in June so I can see the maturity range where the younger boys *should* when they are that age, and I think DN11 will do much better with a few extra years of guidance and supervision. Hopefully he will prove me wrong, but like you said...trying to undo 11 years of inconsistent parenting (to say the least) and lack of adult investment in this child's life will be a difficult task.

Good luck! The hardest foster care case we had was a relative (the child wasn't difficult, dealing with the rest of the family who saw us as the bad guys was the hard part). It can really destroy families when you take in a relative's child, even when it the best thing for the child. No amount of foster care training classes prepared us for how insane your own family can become in this situation. On the plus side, I don't have to see my in laws from that side of the family ever again!

 

[Lilacs4Me]

Three more years of the mind numbing dare to be a dullard curriculum? I know my brain would have popped. The best thing for me was college.

Then maybe starting a year later, as most kids in my state do already. My son has a late-June birthday, and will be 17 when he graduates in May. Many of his friends will be turning 19 this summer, same grade, same graduation date. It's not so much that they got an "extra" year, it's that they weren't ready to start Kindergarten at age 5 and waited until age 6. It's so common now that, in our school district at least, it's the majority.

My younger son has a Feb birthday and just turned 12, and he is in the younger-half of kids in his 6th grade class. His best friend, for example, has been 12 since last July.

I would not be opposed to starting kids a year later and having them graduate a year later. It's essentially already being done, and there is a HUGE difference in the maturity level of these older kids throughout their 12 years of schooling.

 

[Lilacs4Me]

Good luck! The hardest foster care case we had was a relative (the child wasn't difficult, dealing with the rest of the family who saw us as the bad guys was the hard part). It can really destroy families when you take in a relative's child, even when it the best thing for the child. No amount of foster care training classes prepared us for how insane your own family can become in this situation. On the plus side, I don't have to see my in laws from that side of the family ever again!

Wow...we are going through a lot of that right now! Awesome and very sweet kid, but he comes with a lot of problems (badly/un-treated, pretty intense ADHD for one) and a lot of bad experiences as he grew up. He personally knows more people who have been in jail than most grownups will know in their whole life, including his own mom and dad, and two of his aunts and his grandfather - whomever decided this was information he needed to know is beyond me! MY kids don't even know this stuff about these people!). And we are definitely the bad guys, because we are the ones holding him to bedtime schedules and doctors visits (and shots! lol), and schoolwork, and behavior expectations. He still sees his mother, and when he is with her on weekends, it's a free for all. Of course every kid wants to be where he is unsupervised and can play video games for 8 hours straight! We are the "jailhouse" in his eyes.

But our goal is to get him to adulthood without dropping out of school, joining the gang that sits outside of the house he was at before us, or going down a path straight to prison like many of his family members. (we are the Great-Aunt and Uncle, so it's DH's brother's grandson that we have guardianship of, and we don't have a lot of contact with that part of DH's family, thank goodness!).

 

[LSUmiss]

Then maybe starting a year later, as most kids in my state do already. My son has a late-June birthday, and will be 17 when he graduates in May. Many of his friends will be turning 19 this summer, same grade, same graduation date. It's not so much that they got an "extra" year, it's that they weren't ready to start Kindergarten at age 5 and waited until age 6. It's so common now that, in our school district at least, it's the majority.

My younger son has a Feb birthday and just turned 12, and he is in the younger-half of kids in his 6th grade class. His best friend, for example, has been 12 since last July.

I would not be opposed to starting kids a year later and having them graduate a year later. It's essentially already being done, and there is a HUGE difference in the maturity level of these older kids throughout their 12 years of schooling.

That’s kind of what I meant. I didn’t really mean more years just that you finish later.

 

[JustCallMeMommy]

I don't have a strong opinion on whether the age should be 18 or 21, but I think it should be consistent. We will let an 18 year old go off to war and fight for our country, but the same young adult can't legally buy a beer. I would like to pick an age and go with it. As the mom of a 15 year old, I can't imagine her being an adult in 3 years, so I'm thinking 21 is more appropriate.

 

[barkley]

We are in a similar boat with our nephew whom we took guardianship of 8 months ago, although he is only 11 1/2 right now. Due to many factors, he consistently exhibits the maturity level of an 8 year old, and while I can imagine my own 6th grade son being a typical 18 year old in 6 years, at this point I really do not think that DN11 will be ready to make legal decisions or live on his own. My oldest will be 18 in June so I can see the maturity range where the younger boys *should* when they are that age, and I think DN11 will do much better with a few extra years of guidance and supervision. Hopefully he will prove me wrong, but like you said...trying to undo 11 years of inconsistent parenting (to say the least) and lack of adult investment in this child's life will be a difficult task.

as our disabled son approached the age of 18 and we had to seek his guardianship we learned that our state's position is that someone the age of 18 or older is deemed as 'incapacitated' (for the purpose of making adult decisions) and eligible for guardianship based on the following criteria:

"has a significant risk of personal or financial harm, a demonstrated inability to manage property or financial affairs or a demonstrated inability to provide or arrange adequately for nutrition, health, housing or physical safety".

when we read that we were struck that a good majority of his peers as well as his sister's (she was just shy of 21 at the time) probably would meet the criteria-while many were about to enter or were in college few if any were ENTIRELY able to make their own financial decisions/arrangements (it was rare that any did the FAFSA on their own or didn't at least get some form of money management assistance from their parents, more than a few had already fallen into predatory contracts for credit based purchases they could in no way afford and would be in default for absent parental bailouts, the bulk perceived their financial emergency plans as calling home...), and while they might not have 'demonstrated' it (thankfully) would likely, if all parental assistance was withdrawn-be unable to arrange for their own adequate nutrition and especially housing (hitting up a friend or a friend's parents to couch surf and provide your housing/safety/meals doesn't count in my book-that's just shifting the responsibility from parents to someone else).

 

[FlightlessDuck]

All I know is that it's weird that the driving age is 16, smoking, voting, and military age is 18, and drinking age is 21.

Seems arbitrary.

 

[luvsJack]

Then maybe starting a year later, as most kids in my state do already. My son has a late-June birthday, and will be 17 when he graduates in May. Many of his friends will be turning 19 this summer, same grade, same graduation date. It's not so much that they got an "extra" year, it's that they weren't ready to start Kindergarten at age 5 and waited until age 6. It's so common now that, in our school district at least, it's the majority.

My younger son has a Feb birthday and just turned 12, and he is in the younger-half of kids in his 6th grade class. His best friend, for example, has been 12 since last July.

I would not be opposed to starting kids a year later and having them graduate a year later. It's essentially already being done, and there is a HUGE difference in the maturity level of these older kids throughout their 12 years of schooling.

Starting a year later would be devastating to working Mom's. Especially single working Mom's.