Holly, I truly do understand how and what you are feeling. All the words and hopes and dreaming will keep your mother's memory with you always. Once you are better able to think more clearly, you will realize that you did more for your mother than you'll ever know.
There are so many emotions and stages we go through in our mourning, cry and yell if you need to - I did and still do. As time goes on, the voices we want to hear will live on in our hearts.
It is nearly 10 months for me now, and not a moment goes by that my heart does not break, as will yours. That is what true love is - but we gather strength in time and the good Lord helps us to bear the sorrow more easily. Peace come to you and your family. You are in my prayers. Caroline